What was your hardest AFC habit/tendency to kick?

[AmIAFC]

What was the hardest chump habit for you to overcome in your evolution from an AFC to a self-aware, confident man? Was it seeking approval from a woman? White-Knighting? Listening to words as opposed to her actions?

For me, the hardest chump habit to overcome was my over-availability. I had always made myself available to the female, even setting aside other things (non work related) to constantly be with them at their behest. Want to talk on the phone for 2 hours in the middle of the AFC Championship Game? No problem! Brunch on the weekend? Sure, I guess I can skip the appointment with my gym buddy today. Movies instead of guys night out? My buddies will understand... :nervous:

I suppose all of that could be blamed on my fear of losing the female, not appearing as if I were losing interest, but it eventually backfired, and I never understood why until I came here all those years ago.

I'm interested in hearing yours.

 

[speed dawg]

Where do I begin?

One big one is that I never had options. I was always trying to make girls my girlfriend, always putting marriage or a long term relationship as the main goal too quickly. This leads to too much availability and in the end one-itis.

Another one was that I was looking to females (and others in general) for my self validation and respect. You become weak, susceptible and very easy to pick on in this state.

All of this is a snowball effect. It starts with the transformation of yourself. But if I'm talking the absolute biggest single AFC trait I had, it's probably the white knight deal. I would stress out over birthdays, Christmas, etc. even with chicks I had only gone out with like twice. I seriously thought all these reamed out single mommies really needed a nice fella like me to come along and cuddle with them and fvck them missionary or some crap like that.

 

[SecondHalf]

Deleted for a more serious answer below.

 

[AmIAFC]

I've suffered my share of symptoms, but I think my worst one is simply holding her attention. I had no problem approaching, but I used to prattle on about sh&t only my male buddies might care about. I don't mean sports necessarily, but anything empirical, logical, or historical - most women just do not give a crap about that kind of stuff. (Or at least it's not part of the attraction-building process for them.) Sometimes I'd tell a story that was totally pointless...or even worse, tell an interesting story but not be invested in it - i.e. I'd appear bored with my own words. I'd ask the perfunctory "what do you do [for a living]?" or "where are you from?" instead of delving deeper. Basically I'd treat them like guys and lose their interest...sometimes they'd just start talking to their friends or walk away and...hey, come back here!

Interesting. So what do you talk to them about now? I could use some pointers in this department...

 

[st_99]

for me i think its the ability to talk to and act the same around HB 8-10 as i would with HB 4-6. Thats definitely the hardest afc trait to overcome. But I think this problem is universal so I guess im not really saying much.

I'm a total pimp with average chicks.

 

[Lexington]

I'd say the hardest thing for me was internalizing the abundance mentality. You read about it here and elsewhere, but it's one thing to know something in an abstract sense and another thing to really feel it.

Our social conditioning teaches us that we should cherish every attractive girl like she's 1 in a million and that fosters a mentality of scarcity. I was scared to screw up. But I soon realized that a girl is just a girl. You screw this one up....so what? It's just one girl out of hundreds of millions of attractive women on this planet.

 

[Jonnybangbang]

Putting women on that damn pedestal. That killed my success rate. Nowadays, I dish out the tests, challenges, screenings to see what this "kinder surprise" of a woman has in store for ME.

I'm still kicking away old afc habits but my recognition and awareness of them is much more precise. good forum.

 

[Greasy Pig]

I was always afraid of offending women.
If they sh1t tested me I'd cave and try to tell them what they wanted to hear.
If I had a girl in my bed, I'd be too scared to make a move because it might offend her.
If a girl said something I didn't agree with, I'd agree with her so I could be seen as a "nice guy".

Since me and my best mate found this site, I've realised the more you try to placate a woman, the more she will despise you.
I spent many, many sleepless nights wondering why these girls would be banging these jerks and then whining to me about it.

Now I would rather be true to myself and risk pissing a girl off than trying to cater to their whims.

Thank you So Suave! I'm now brutally, but diplomatically, honest and I know that if I fvck a woman it's because she really wants to, not out of pity or reward.
It's so damn liberating!

 

[SecondHalf]

I want to answer this question again with a little more substance.
I had/have a tendency to put the woman on a pedestal and making sure all her needs were met before anyone else.
Being available for them immediately (texts answered right away ...).
Would change my plans to accommodate them.
Made them the center of my universe rather than an accessory.

Warnings of these tendencies are all here on this site.
Before 2011 I didn't really know them.
My last failure, I had ignored them thinking that I found a non-typical woman.

Biggest lesson - there is no such thing as a non-typical woman.

SH

 

[zekko]

When I see an exceptionally beautiful woman, my tendency is to initially treat her with indifference and barely even give her any notice (funny how this seems to be the opposite of SecondHalf's problem). Especially if we meet in a context where I'm likely to be seeing her fairly often (social circle, work, etc).

Some say this is good strategy for dealing with attractive girls, but as time goes on I realize I'm uncomfortable with this because this is treating them differently based on the way they look. I would rather be treating all girls the same. I think from this point on, I'm nipping this habit in the bud. I would rather transcend the game than play it.

 

[Dust 2 Dust]

1. Not maintaining eye contact

2. DLV'ing myself by bringing up negative issues with my family or some other aspect of my life.

3. Putting all my efforts into 1 basket and having no other options. No options=Desperation.

4. DLV'ing myself by calling and messaging way too much and continuing to call even when they don't return messages.

5. Treating attractive women differently. I would be witty and extremely sarcastic around plain janes, but I would watch my words with attractive women.

 

[timmylivingalie]

Chasing women, putting them on a pedestal and giving up control.

 

[Atom Smasher]

1) Averting my eyes

2) Being afraid to offend them (I'm currently erring on the other extreme lately, just to train myself to not be afraid of that. But now I'm finding the sweet spot)

3) Not being sexual

4) Talking about my feelings and revealing too much

 

[Delly2000]

Pre-teens/ Teens

1) In my teens I can easily say it was putting girls on a pedestal.

If I found a girl attractive I would develop a serious crush on her and dream about her and idolize her etc. I wouldn't make a move. Interesting enough it was always some girl in my class.

I was doomed during this period because I was a fat kid. No chance whatsoever of action there. Though I must admit there were times when I thought I had a chance..by connecting with the girl on an emotional level. Never happened.

Twenties
This is where the dating and fun began. Lost weight and started to date. Lots of trial and error. When I lost the weight the women came so easy. Got a cute girlfriend who was a virgin which leads to my next AFC. A major one.

2) Not letting go of an Ex. And realizing that the past is the past and there is nothing you can do. And not being picky.

Took me ahwile to get over her and in the interim I dated women who I didn't really want (with kids, older,) A shame because they were nice women just wan't right for me...in the end I have to admit I was wrong.There were a few cuties but they didn't last into anything further than a few sexual encounters which leads me to beleive my game needed work.

Thirties

3) Catching feelings for an unsuitable woman. And not pulling the cord.

Girl was very very attractive. Turn heads everywhere I go. But she was crazy. We only dated 5 months but I was crazy to catch feelings because all the signs were there that she was unsuitable. I should have pulled the cord way earlier. But my ego was in the way.

 

[bish0p]

The fact that I still put so much goddamn importance on women. I swear, no matter how hard I try to put them second, or third, or fourth, whatever, they always remain at the forefront of everything I do....like their the main reason behind anything I do in life.

I think I need to become a monk or something and just completely get away from women in order to be able to concentrate on myself.

 

[SecondHalf]

The fact that I still put so much goddamn importance on women. I swear, no matter how hard I try to put them second, or third, or fourth, whatever, they always remain at the forefront of everything I do....like their the main reason behind anything I do in life.

I think I need to become a monk or something and just completely get away from women in order to be able to concentrate on myself.

Good post, a problem I share...

Pook wisdom about this from the DJB

 

[SoldMySoul]

If dating women were like a drag race... I would be solid gold every time!!! Great start, but weak as$ finish!! My biggest AFC moment even still is becoming too needy.... Not sickening needy, but just a bit too much!

No problems pulling women...Just keeping the challenge is problem.