what to do with a girl who...

[ink_wizard]

is scared of hurting you?
basically ive been seeing a girl for the last few months, we get along great, lots of chemistry, have the same needs and wants and everything is great.
Were not rushing into a relationship yet, where just taking it slow and seeing how things go.

She confessed to me last night about her ex's and how she had bad break ups and how she hurt one of them in the past, wasnt her intention to but she did and shes scared of getting into a relationship with me because she doesnt ever want to hurt me...

Is this a bad sign?? im over getting hurt by girls and i dont particularly want to get into another relationship if she thinks she might fu** up on me...i dont know what to do???

 

[ink_wizard]

But I know she has high IL because she always tells me how much she likes me and can't wait to be my gf and how she can't wait to do romantic cute couple stuff....she said she just doesn't "wanna screw things up with us or hurt me when we get into a relationship"

 

[JohnChops]

But I know she has high IL because she always tells me how much she likes me and can't wait to be my gf and how she can't wait to do romantic cute couple stuff....she said she just doesn't "wanna screw things up with us or hurt me when we get into a relationship"

key phrase : "she can't wait"

but in reality she CAN wait and then she wont do any of these things. Ink you have made a rookie mistake of listening to what a girl says versus judging her by her actions. ACTIONS OVER WORDS!

Does she make an effort to do all the thing you stated above? If not then her words do not mean sh1t.

That bold part means she actually does NOT want to do any of that stuff with you just string you along as far as she can take it to give that ego a bit of stroking.

Important question: have you had sex yet? You said its been months, if it hasnt happened then her IL if for sure very low.

 

[Harry Wilmington]

Ah, JohnChops is learning! I was going to say most of the stuff he just said, but there it is, plain and simple!

I will add this, though: anytime a girl tells you something that may sound like BS, follow the logic of the statement. She's telling you she's afraid she'll hurt you as a result of past relationships... but by saying this, she's telling you she's been in relationships before. Which means that, prior to you, she had no problem getting into one. Which also means that, on some level, she's hoping to get into something that will be meaningful. Which she will, presumably, do with someone that she's really into since SHE'S DONE IT BEFORE.

Unless she's going to become a nun and swear off men forever, she's going to be in a relationship again at some point in the future. Therefore, what she's feeding you is B.S. - she's not afraid of hurting you; she's afraid her low interest level is going to eventually show through and she's going to feel bad for having to break up with you. It sounds like you're the "stand by" guy - i.e. the guy she goes out with while waiting for a better option to come along. Women (and men) do this from time to time because they'd rather get some kind of attention from someone than to get none.

But, if you want to test this theory out, try this: tell her - or rather, imply - that you have a date with someone else, and see how she reacts. If she gets mad and upset, it means she really likes you and will probably be fine with being your girlfriend; if she's like "oh, well that's cool I guess" and plays it off like she doesn't care... it's because she really doesn't care, and was hoping you'd say something like this so you'd be the one forcing the out, not her.

 

[ink_wizard]

No we haven't had sex but that's because we are sorta long distance. She lives 8 hours away, we met when came down here and we exchanged numbers/facebook...she had a bf at the time though. She always talks about our future and tells me how much she only wants me to herself...we're seeing each other next week for a "movie date"

 

[Harry Wilmington]

OHHHHH, it's long distance?? Wow, you should have mentioned that in the OP. Yeah, definitely not gonna work - she may be actually doing you a favor by giving you the "afraid to hurt you" talk. I'm an odds man, so the odds of long-distance relationships working are very slim. In fact, the only way they work is if one of the parties decides to move closer to the other. Otherwise, it's hard to have consistent dates that don't result in flaking due to distance issues. I wouldn't put her in the "long-term" category. "Bang her when she's in town" category, yes, but unless she's moving closer to you, this thing's already dead in the water.

 

[ink_wizard]

OHHHHH, it's long distance?? Wow, you should have mentioned that in the OP. Yeah, definitely not gonna work - she may be actually doing you a favor by giving you the "afraid to hurt you" talk. I'm an odds man, so the odds of long-distance relationships working are very slim. In fact, the only way they work is if one of the parties decides to move closer to the other. Otherwise, it's hard to have consistent dates that don't result in flaking due to distance issues. I wouldn't put her in the "long-term" category. "Bang her when she's in town" category, yes, but unless she's moving closer to you, this thing's already dead in the water.

Well see the thing is shes planning on moving here soon, shes applying for jobs here. After my past failures with LD im skeptical in getting in to one again. But shes staying at mine for a week so im hoping to close the deal then...i think she wants to wait to till then before we become "official". Ive played with her a few times and told her about other girls here that want me and she got a bit jealous saying she wants me to myself lol...i just dont want to get into another bu11shi1 relationship that lasts only a few months because her interest fades or whatever other bu11sh1t

 

[foreverAFC]

it means she isnt interested in you

 

[Down Low]

+1 on the "can't wait" comment. Hmm. Haven't had sex either? She's "planning on" moving "soon?"

Jesus Christ she's stringing you along. You're her gay/castrated friend who lives for crumbs of promises.

 

[ink_wizard]

so what am i suppose to do with her? lol i told her i was going on another date with a girl and she freaked out and said i was hers and didnt want anyone trying to steal me ? lol

 

[Bokanovsky]

She confessed to me last night about her ex's and how she had bad break ups and how she hurt one of them in the past, wasnt her intention to but she did and shes scared of getting into a relationship with me because she doesnt ever want to hurt me...

A girl that actually likes would never say anything like that. Women are inherently selfish and put their own interests first. She could care less about hurting you. What you are experiencing is classic case of a girl trying to establish a sexless "admirer"-type relationship with a guy she's not romantically interested in. Some women get a real power trip from having a bunch of guys wrapped around their little finger.

 

[Bokanovsky]

so what am i suppose to do with her? lol i told her i was going on another date with a girl and she freaked out and said i was hers and didnt want anyone trying to steal me ? lol

You don't need to "do" anything with her. Drop her like a bad habit and stop wasting your time. Women like that are toxic.

 

[Down Low]

Drop her like a bad habit.

 

[dap]

In this instance, her saying "I'm afraid I'll hurt you" translates to: "I'm looking for a way out and I wonder how you will take it."