So you were a moron and didn't wear a condom, or you feel for a lie that she was on birth control. Maybe it was a skank you hooked up with 2 months ago, maybe its been 5 years and she is just now telling you.... Here's what you need to do:
-Talk to an attorney immediately. As soon as its possible for you to get to one, do so. If she's already had the child, and she's looking for child support, if your name gets entered into the system, you'll be on the hook regardless of whether the child is yours or not. There have been cases of men who have NEVER MET OR HAD SEX with a woman being on the hook AND FORCED TO PAY CHILD SUPPORT to a child that is not thiers, to a woman they have never met. I'd like to say I'm joking but its true.
http://www.wafb.com/global/story.asp?s=12889910
http://reason.com/blog/2010/02/18/st...teal-child-sup - This Nat'l guardsman was apparently 7 years old when he fathered this child...
I'm trying to find the case of a Texas man who was on the hook for child support in California, AND HE HAD NEVER BEEN TO THE STATE OF CALIFORNIA AND THE WOMAN NEVER LEFT THE STATE OF CALIFORNIA. I'll keep looking and see if I can post it.
In some of these cases the men were forced to pay for children that were not genetically theirs, and they have even been jailed if they couldn't or didn't pay.
http://articles.cnn.com/2009-08-11/...ld-support-services-jail-payments?_s=PM:CRIME - This man paid support for almost 13 years, and then found out the child was not his. He was jailed for not continuing payments.
It can take YEARS for you to get off the child support list, and you may not ever get the money back.
If you think I'm joking... you need to wake up. This goes for every single male that reads this in every westernized country. The UK is often times worse, although I must admit I am not as familiar with the laws governing paternity, alimony, and co habitation. I'm sure UK miscers can chime in.
- Schedule paternity testing. ASAP. If she's still pregnant it can be done the day the baby is born. A simple swab test takes about 3 seconds. You don't even have to be present when they are done. Your lawyer can assist in making sure that the female complies. If she's already had the child, its imperative that you get DNA testing before we move to the next point...
- DO NOT SIGN ANYTHING SENT FROM HER, HER ATTORNEYS, OR THE STATE, PERIOD. Your lawyer will be able to assist you in these matters, but as I've stated previously, if your legal name is signed on pretty much anything involving custody or paternity, you are screwed. Don't sign anything at all. Let your lawyer advise you on how to move forward.
You are doing all three of these things to PROTECT YOURSELF FROM ILLEGITIMACY. Not to attack the girl. It should not be an unreasonable request to ask for DNA testing. You should be able to remain calm and civil. I would limit contact with the girl to purely legal matters [or purely from interaction with your attorney] until the child's paternity is established.
------------------------------
Ok, so we've done the tests, and we've got good news. Kid ain't yours! GTFO AND START WEARING CONDOMS. ALWAYS.
------------------------------
Ok, so we've done the tests and we've got bad news. Kid is yours.
You do not have to move in with this woman. No matter what kind of BS she tries to pull, no matter how hot she is, no matter how you think you can "make it work," I will advise AGAINST moving in with her.
You are only financially responsible for the child. You are not responsible for her. The state's already has laws governing child support, and you'll probably already in contact with them soon, as I'm sure the female has made arrangements to garnish your wages.
You do not have to enter a relationship with this woman. I'm saying this again because it needs to be said. 2-3 years later after you've dumped a ton of money into her, and probably dropped out of school, or worked your ass off, you'll be kicking yourself for not listening.
ESPECIALLY, YOU DO NOT HAVE TO MARRY THIS WOMAN. I don't give a damn what she says, what your family says, what your friends say. Don't f*cking do it. NO MATTER HOW HOT SHE IS. YOU ARE NOT OBLIGATED.
This really needs to be hammered into young men's skulls. If you marry this woman, because she has no one to support her, you are now on the hook for TWO people [and maybe three or four if you are an idiot and knock her up again.] If you live in an alimony paying state, whenever she leaves [she will leave] you'll be paying her monthly as well, even if she gets remarried or has a boyfriend. Whatever small amounts of assets you do have will be gone, sold off, etc.
You have no, none, ZERO obligation to pay for her. However, you do have a financial obligation to support the child, based on the law, which brings me to my next point, and probably the most controversial one...
You do not have to be in child's life. This is going to be tough, and I'm sure I'll get a bunch of negs from retards and a bunch of flame posts. I'm not saying that should be EVERY case, but there are are circumstances where the man can sign over his rights. Maybe she has a boyfriend, a fiance, a husband [some poor cuckold man] maybe she has a decently well off family, maybe her parents are going to raise the child. I don't know. If the child already has a good support system, you can still pay child support, and not have fatherly rights. It works for some people it works for others. You'll have to decide. This is something that won't be applicable to every case, but its something to think about. Maybe she's batsh!t insane, and the next 18 years of your life will be hell just trying to even see the child, let alone deal with custody battles.
This of course is if the child is already somewhat grown, if she hasn't popped the little squirt out yet you've got two options. The first is abortion and will be a 57 page flame war. Whatever, that's up to you and her to decide. I'd urge that you take some time to think about...
Seriously consider the option of giving the child up for adoption. What will be better? A child with split parents, being raised by two young, poor, and living separate parents? Or finding a nice couple that can't have children, or maybe already have one or two, and have the means to support this child, and give it a good start. You decide, but I think if you can talk her into seriously considering the idea, she'll see it might be the right choice.
My mother became pregnant in her teens, and the man left instantly. There was nothing much for her to do besides go visit "her aunt," [a home were single mothers had the baby] and she gave it up for adoption. My mom eventually had a fantastic life, is a great businesswoman, met my dad and had me. My sister was raised by a loving family, went to college, met a man, and lives in a great home with 3 kids of her own [one of them adopted.] She found us 33 years after she was born, and things couldn't have been better.
-------------------------------
The main thing to remember is that you need to immediate damage control to protect yourself, your assets, your ability to earn an income, and to stay off any legal documents until you are sure the child is yours.
If it is yours, then you can "man up," or whatever these lackeys think that means. Be a father if you can. Be financially supportive of the child. Be in the child's life if the woman is not insane and will let you. But do not give up the rest of your life because she needs money.
-Talk to an attorney immediately. As soon as its possible for you to get to one, do so. If she's already had the child, and she's looking for child support, if your name gets entered into the system, you'll be on the hook regardless of whether the child is yours or not. There have been cases of men who have NEVER MET OR HAD SEX with a woman being on the hook AND FORCED TO PAY CHILD SUPPORT to a child that is not thiers, to a woman they have never met. I'd like to say I'm joking but its true.
http://www.wafb.com/global/story.asp?s=12889910
http://reason.com/blog/2010/02/18/st...teal-child-sup - This Nat'l guardsman was apparently 7 years old when he fathered this child...
I'm trying to find the case of a Texas man who was on the hook for child support in California, AND HE HAD NEVER BEEN TO THE STATE OF CALIFORNIA AND THE WOMAN NEVER LEFT THE STATE OF CALIFORNIA. I'll keep looking and see if I can post it.
In some of these cases the men were forced to pay for children that were not genetically theirs, and they have even been jailed if they couldn't or didn't pay.
http://articles.cnn.com/2009-08-11/...ld-support-services-jail-payments?_s=PM:CRIME - This man paid support for almost 13 years, and then found out the child was not his. He was jailed for not continuing payments.
It can take YEARS for you to get off the child support list, and you may not ever get the money back.
If you think I'm joking... you need to wake up. This goes for every single male that reads this in every westernized country. The UK is often times worse, although I must admit I am not as familiar with the laws governing paternity, alimony, and co habitation. I'm sure UK miscers can chime in.
- Schedule paternity testing. ASAP. If she's still pregnant it can be done the day the baby is born. A simple swab test takes about 3 seconds. You don't even have to be present when they are done. Your lawyer can assist in making sure that the female complies. If she's already had the child, its imperative that you get DNA testing before we move to the next point...
- DO NOT SIGN ANYTHING SENT FROM HER, HER ATTORNEYS, OR THE STATE, PERIOD. Your lawyer will be able to assist you in these matters, but as I've stated previously, if your legal name is signed on pretty much anything involving custody or paternity, you are screwed. Don't sign anything at all. Let your lawyer advise you on how to move forward.
You are doing all three of these things to PROTECT YOURSELF FROM ILLEGITIMACY. Not to attack the girl. It should not be an unreasonable request to ask for DNA testing. You should be able to remain calm and civil. I would limit contact with the girl to purely legal matters [or purely from interaction with your attorney] until the child's paternity is established.
------------------------------
Ok, so we've done the tests, and we've got good news. Kid ain't yours! GTFO AND START WEARING CONDOMS. ALWAYS.
------------------------------
Ok, so we've done the tests and we've got bad news. Kid is yours.
You do not have to move in with this woman. No matter what kind of BS she tries to pull, no matter how hot she is, no matter how you think you can "make it work," I will advise AGAINST moving in with her.
You are only financially responsible for the child. You are not responsible for her. The state's already has laws governing child support, and you'll probably already in contact with them soon, as I'm sure the female has made arrangements to garnish your wages.
You do not have to enter a relationship with this woman. I'm saying this again because it needs to be said. 2-3 years later after you've dumped a ton of money into her, and probably dropped out of school, or worked your ass off, you'll be kicking yourself for not listening.
ESPECIALLY, YOU DO NOT HAVE TO MARRY THIS WOMAN. I don't give a damn what she says, what your family says, what your friends say. Don't f*cking do it. NO MATTER HOW HOT SHE IS. YOU ARE NOT OBLIGATED.
This really needs to be hammered into young men's skulls. If you marry this woman, because she has no one to support her, you are now on the hook for TWO people [and maybe three or four if you are an idiot and knock her up again.] If you live in an alimony paying state, whenever she leaves [she will leave] you'll be paying her monthly as well, even if she gets remarried or has a boyfriend. Whatever small amounts of assets you do have will be gone, sold off, etc.
You have no, none, ZERO obligation to pay for her. However, you do have a financial obligation to support the child, based on the law, which brings me to my next point, and probably the most controversial one...
You do not have to be in child's life. This is going to be tough, and I'm sure I'll get a bunch of negs from retards and a bunch of flame posts. I'm not saying that should be EVERY case, but there are are circumstances where the man can sign over his rights. Maybe she has a boyfriend, a fiance, a husband [some poor cuckold man] maybe she has a decently well off family, maybe her parents are going to raise the child. I don't know. If the child already has a good support system, you can still pay child support, and not have fatherly rights. It works for some people it works for others. You'll have to decide. This is something that won't be applicable to every case, but its something to think about. Maybe she's batsh!t insane, and the next 18 years of your life will be hell just trying to even see the child, let alone deal with custody battles.
This of course is if the child is already somewhat grown, if she hasn't popped the little squirt out yet you've got two options. The first is abortion and will be a 57 page flame war. Whatever, that's up to you and her to decide. I'd urge that you take some time to think about...
Seriously consider the option of giving the child up for adoption. What will be better? A child with split parents, being raised by two young, poor, and living separate parents? Or finding a nice couple that can't have children, or maybe already have one or two, and have the means to support this child, and give it a good start. You decide, but I think if you can talk her into seriously considering the idea, she'll see it might be the right choice.
My mother became pregnant in her teens, and the man left instantly. There was nothing much for her to do besides go visit "her aunt," [a home were single mothers had the baby] and she gave it up for adoption. My mom eventually had a fantastic life, is a great businesswoman, met my dad and had me. My sister was raised by a loving family, went to college, met a man, and lives in a great home with 3 kids of her own [one of them adopted.] She found us 33 years after she was born, and things couldn't have been better.
-------------------------------
The main thing to remember is that you need to immediate damage control to protect yourself, your assets, your ability to earn an income, and to stay off any legal documents until you are sure the child is yours.
If it is yours, then you can "man up," or whatever these lackeys think that means. Be a father if you can. Be financially supportive of the child. Be in the child's life if the woman is not insane and will let you. But do not give up the rest of your life because she needs money.
