What to do when girl you briefly dated says she is seeing someone else?

[Buddhistguy]

Hey guys,

Just trying to work out what to do in a situation that has just come up ...

Been trying the internet dating thing for a while. Some successes, though also a *lot* of timewasters as well ... Met up with a girl three weeks ago who turned out to be pretty hot. The first two dates went quite well. She seemed pretty keen, although I tried to play it cool. She had just broken up from a four year relationship and is relatively new to this country, so I get the feeling she was a little desperate to find someone new. E-mailed her yesterday to see if she wanted to meet up for dinner, and got a response which said:

"I had fun last time too and would like to catch up again. Friday is
probably better for me, as I have Uni on Weds nights.

I did also want to let you know that I have kind of started seeing
someone
that I met on the site and its progressing into something of a
relationship.
Strange how quikly these things can happen!! I don't know whether or
not
this matters at all to you, but I just thought I'd mention it as I
think
honesty is always a good policy. I do think we have a great rapport
and
would like to continure being friends.

Sorry for putting this all to you over email and I would like to grab a
bite
to eat on Friday if you're still up for it.

I hope to hear from you soon.

cheers,
XXXX"

So the questions are how do I respond? Have I been sent to the PJBF zone forever? Should I just next her and move onto the next girl? She is pretty cute, so I don't mind waiting for her although I am *certainly* not going to stop myself trying to meet other women at the same time - I have learnt from bitter experience not to waste time pining after a single girl. If I do continue to see her, should I behave in the same way as I did before? I treated the first two meetings as dates, so I paid for everything (She did offer to pay for dinner but then we found out that the restaurant we went to did not accept credit cards so I ended up forking out for it). Should I tell her I was interested, or should I continue to play it cool, something that I found seemed to increase a lot of girl's interest levels? I get the feeling that she jumped into the relationship pretty quickly, so it may end just as quick. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

 

[christz]

uhhh yeah, you just got a classic LJBF the reason she didn't tell you sooner is because she could find the words..

email and indirect contact though eliminate the awkwardness of conflict SO that's why she chose email as her way of saying LJBF

you only went on two dates, you probably didn't get close to her o apply kino and if you did she seemed like she didn't take it well, if she took it at all.

no offense but i think the second date was more of a not to be a bytch to you, i don't think she's that type of girl nobody wants to hurt anybodys feelings unless they really are a bytch or a dyck so yeah NEXT

 

[Dictatorsaurus]

Do you like being a backup plan?

I would simply respond over the phone and tell her that you appreciate her honesty but would not take second place.

Have some respect for yourself and move on.

 

[bobby87]

I had the same situation, kinda. I just moved on.

 

[Dominant]

Personally I think it was pretty cool of her to be honest with you.

Better than lying to you like a lot of other women would do. Or, more often, having a couple of dates with you and not responding to your calls and emails.

Your decision should be based on what you want.

If you want to have a serious relationship with her, then you should move on.

If you want to bang it, you should have your "bite to eat" and progress it in a sexual direction. She's starting to get serious with someone and STILL willing to see you. The ass is yours for the taking!

-Dominant

 

[Buddhistguy]

Hey guys,

Thanks for all the advice so far ... Just a clarification though - i am not pinning any hopes on having a serious relationship with her any time soon. I am just wondering if I should keep in contact with her to keep the possibility of a fling with her open at some point. I have no issue with being a "back up plan" if it involves just having a casual relationship, as I am certainly not planning to stop dating other women in the mean time. If so, how should I behave if I do see her again? I am thinking that the overt date behaviours should stop to keep it clear in her mind that I will only treat her that well if we are in a relationship of some kind. Or do people think that there is no chance of anything like that happening?

 

[NewMan]

Do you just want to be friends with her? if so do to dinner.

If not, tell her to call you if things with the other guy do not work out.

 

[CraigMack]

What to do when girl you briefly dated says she is seeing someone else?


HUH????

Am I missing something here? Isn't this the site with the boot camp that if one were to follow it, it would lead to


having more than one option of women to date!!!!!!!!

Go get 2 more women man.

 

[Survivor]

Originally posted by Buddhistguy
So the questions are how do I respond?

Do not respond.

Originally posted by Buddhistguy
Have I been sent to the PJBF zone forever?

Yes, you have.

Originally posted by Buddhistguy Should I just next her and move onto the next girl?

Yes, you should.

Originally posted by Buddhistguy She is pretty cute, so I don't mind waiting for her although I am *certainly* not going to stop myself trying to meet other women at the same time - I have learnt from bitter experience not to waste time pining after a single girl.

You are contradicting yourself. Classic oneitis.

Originally posted by Buddhistguy If I do continue to see her, should I behave in the same way as I did before? I treated the first two meetings as dates, so I paid for everything (She did offer to pay for dinner but then we found out that the restaurant we went to did not accept credit cards so I ended up forking out for it). Should I tell her I was interested, or should I continue to play it cool, something that I found seemed to increase a lot of girl's interest levels? I get the feeling that she jumped into the relationship pretty quickly, so it may end just as quick. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

Find places other than the internet to meet women.

You've spent *so* much time and energy weeding through flakes that when you find someone halfway interesting, you latch on, desperately.

Internet dating can be fun but its terribly inefficient. Stick to the real world and use the web only as a supplement.

 

[Buddhistguy]

Hey guys,

Thanks for all your input so far - it has been really useful stuff.

However, I still feel that there is still a little confusion about the question that I am asking. I get the feeling that people think I am suffering from oneitis holding out only for this girl which is not the case - I have a date with a cute doctor on Thursday, and also have a young exchange student that I am working on. Having done the whole pining after a girl after a whole three weeks thing in my youth, I am certainly not interested in doing that again!

My question is looking more at whether I should keep this girl as another option in case she breaks up with the guy or decides that monagomy is not for her. As a previous poster pointed out, the fact that she still wants to go out for dinner even though she has just started a relationship may indicate that there may still be some interest. Bottom line is I wouldn't mind a quick fling as she is quite the hottie, but I am trying to work out whether
looking at her e-mail, whether there is any chance of that happening. From previous experiences, I know that girls who enter into relationships quickly after breaking up from a long-term relationships can often be prone to breaking up just as quickly and junping the next guy around. I also know that, at least for me, treating girls just as friends, particularly those who are feeling a little less certain about their own attractiveness, seems to make them even keener to jump into bed with me. So I guess my question is should I bother to persist with this girl as *one* of my options for a possible fling, or do people think it is a completely lost cause? And if people feel that there may still be chance for sex down the line, should I be open about my intentions the next time I see her (which instinctively to me seems like a bad move) or should I make it clear that her revelation doesn't phase me at all as I have a number of other options?

 

[Buddhistguy]

So any additional responses? or is the general consensus still to move on, and not bother keeping up contact for the purpose of a possible future fling?

 

[Life-Trainee]

I don't know what most of you guys do for a living but I find it a huge strain to date 2 women at once. I just don't have time nor energy to do that.

 

[bman]

i would just tell her "why would that matter? we arent going out we're just dating"

i usually date 2 or 3 girls at the same time.