What to do, at the end of my tether!

[Gomorra]

Advice needed people. My woman and I have a 6 yr old relationship and everything has been fine, we have had our ups and downs, but basically a solid relationship. However, 4 yrs ago her interest in sex has just waned, gone for bad to worse. I literally have to work hard to get that intimate moment, and it’s began to feel like it’s all a power trip for her. Of course, the lack of good loving makes me cranky, angry at times and my questions to her as to why things are so, why the sex is less frequent then at the beginning of the relationship are met often by I’m tired; not in the mood; I have a headache etc or that that I’m overreacting and love sex way too much, greedy even I’m told. I have been patient, but its wearing quite thin now. What do you guys think? How do I get things back to how they were, rekindle her interest? Or I have left it for too long and the rots settled in?

 

[Crow]

This usually happens in all relationships. Unfortunately, there's no way to get things back usually.

Have you spoken to her about this? There are some things that can aggravate. Is she on birth control?

 

[Gomorra]

yes crow, shes on birthcontrol. No issues there. I have asked and the de faco reply is "I'm tired", obviously a lack of interest?

 

[WaterTiger]

If you can handle it, try this: Go FRIGID...
Don't touch her, don't return her kisses or hugs. Push her away if she tries to cuddle. Don't make any sexual gestures at all. Avoid ANY body contact. Avoid talking about sex and the lack of it. She will notice and wonder what's going on. She might start pushing for sex.

Yeah, this is basic reverse psycology, and she MIGHT catch on, but at least it will shake things up a little. Also never call it SEX, call it "Making Love".

You don't mention ages in your post. But there could be physical reasons for her libido crash too. Would she see a doctor?

 

[Jitterbug]

It's been FOUR YEARS and she hasn't done anything about her dying libido? She sees nothing wrong with not satisfying her boyfriend?

Why are you with such a selfish girlfriend?

How many times in those 4 years that you've done things to please her that you did not really enjoy?

 

[Crow]

Interesting article from the times about this:
http://mobile.nytimes.com/blogs/well/20189

 

[ENIGMA16]

Read IGetIt!'s sig link.

 

[DonGorgon]

Advice needed people. My woman and I have a 6 yr old relationship and everything has been fine, we have had our ups and downs, but basically a solid relationship. However, 4 yrs ago her interest in sex has just waned, gone for bad to worse. I literally have to work hard to get that intimate moment, and it’s began to feel like it’s all a power trip for her. Of course, the lack of good loving makes me cranky, angry at times and my questions to her as to why things are so, why the sex is less frequent then at the beginning of the relationship are met often by I’m tired; not in the mood; I have a headache etc or that that I’m overreacting and love sex way too much, greedy even I’m told. I have been patient, but its wearing quite thin now. What do you guys think? How do I get things back to how they were, rekindle her interest? Or I have left it for too long and the rots settled in?

Ok so here are the cold hard facts:

1. She has cheated and is cheating
2. She is emotionally disconnected from you
3. She only stays with you cause its convenient
4. Your relationship is over

Women are always Fing somebody, if its not you its me, if its not me its him.. move on and get a new woman.

 

[Nutz]

The relationship died long ago. When intimacy stops you're just roommates and you're merely together through force of habit. Time to show this one the door.

Also, give this a read:

http://roissy.wordpress.com/2008/05/01/relationships-kill-sex/

From the comments:

“Young couple thinking of getting married:

Girl: So, what is it that you are wanting and expecting out of marriage?
Guy: Well, one, if you decide to lose weight for our weeding guests, then you can keep that weight off for me. I am more important than they are. And, two, the amount of hair-pulling, ass-spanking, hot monkey sex we have should increase throughout the marriage. It should not decrease. Our love is supposed to grow. You can use c*ck-worshiping bl0wjobs as your basic metric.
Girl: Oh.

The old roles for Husband and Wife are gone. Any young couple that does not talk about exactly what they want out of marriage is playing with fire.”

I love that!

 

[Danton1975]

"I am tired" = I am so disinterested in sex with you that If I move my limbs 1 inch in order to accomodate your penis, that would be wasteful.

 

[DonGorgon]

"I am tired" = I am so disinterested in sex with you that If I move my limbs 1 inch in order to accomodate your penis, that would be wasteful.

"I am tired" also = "I Fed the 3 guys im cheating on you with earlier today so i am really honestly tired"

 

[Asteconn]

You could try being spontaneous.

I mean not full on hardcore sex.

For example: Randomly, when she's not expecting it, grab her firmly and kiss her hard. Keep doing random things like this to keep her on her toes.

 

[abcd_z]

You're still with her because you want to "work things out".

It doesn't work like that. She knows she has you. She knows you won't walk. So there is no motivation for her to work to improve herself. Talking with her about it won't work, you have to show her that you're willing to walk away.

Go out and meet more women. You don't have to sleep with them, but at least get good at attracting them and leading them where you want them to go.

Then, when you're nice and good at this, take your gf aside, and tell her that you're just not feeling it any more, and that it's time you took a break.

This will be the hardest thing you have ever done. It will hurt like a môtherfücker. It will feel like your insides are torn up and your gf is the only person that can make it right.
Stay strong.

Do not call her. Do not text her or email her. Rename her number in your cell phone as "ignore delete", because if she calls, you should ignore, and if she texts you should delete. Cut her out of your life, 100%. Maybe in a few months you can safely contact her, but that's ONLY after you've already gotten over her and found (MINIMUM) three other women who are all-around better than she was.

Because, honestly? The only other option you have is to stay in the relationship like a püssified little bîtch, getting no sex, no intimacy, and no attraction.

Really, it's your call. :rock:

 

[sodbuster]

My EX-WIFE had the same problem. I stuck around for 3 years to get the boys old enough to have their say in court. Whats holding you up? You want the sexless life of a monk-join a monastary. Go out and do another woman, keep doing it, IF she wants to break up-let her. IF she wants to work it out, don't stop dating the other girls and make her earn it back. IN FACT, tell her so[if she asks you to give them up].