What to do about bad reputation/ people trash talking you?

[Firefly]

I do volunteer work with an organisation that meets up with foreign visitors in my city. This has lead to a lot of opportunities to meet attractive young women who are here for a good time. :yes:

Unfortunately, there is also a lot of politics and backstabbing amongst the volunteers. Because I am recognised as the most experienced and recognised volunteer in my region, some of the other volunteers have made a concentrated effort to portray as being a sleazy sexual predator (despite the fact that I meet just as many dudes as girls, and organise get togethers that are open to everyone). They even got together to convince a girl to put a complaint agains me, which fortunately did not go anywhere as she changed her story multiple times. This also backfired on the volunteers as it was later discovered that they had discouraged multiple women from lodging sexual harassment complaints against their friends, and they received formal warnings about their different reaction to harassment complaints when their friends were involved with some even losing their positions as a result.

Unfortunately, this has lead to these volunteers making an even greater effort to attack me. This has lead to some women within the group becoming reluctant to meet me, and many people within the visitor's community being told I prey on women. Last night, I had a guy I met in another social circle tell me he had been told about my "reputation" by another guy who I have never even met.

I was wondering what my response to such behaviour should be? My immediate reaction is to ignore it, and keep in mind that this gossip is stemming mainly from jealousy, both because of my high profile in the group and the fact that those volunteers who do indulge in this gossip are all pretty much unattractive and socially inept (those who are not generally seem to keep out of such politics). Conversely, the attractive young women who actually meet me seem to have no issues with me. At the same time, constantly hearing about this gossip does get irritating, and it is annoying to think that some women have been scared away from meeting me as a result of this talk. Is it a natural part of being a DJ that one attracts such gossip?

 

[backbreaker]

deal with it .

when you are up, people hate on you. when you are down, people despise you. the only thing that changes in life are the people that hate you but people will always hate you.

Dealing with haters is essential to be successful. The more successful you are ESPECIALLY with the opposite sex, the more people will ucking pick your **** apart to try to find a flaw or to try to make themselves feel better. just let it roll off your back like water.

 

[jhl]

Ah...a familiar scenario as this happens in a lot of smaller groups (minority ethnic groups). And this is an area that I commonly encounter in the Asian community.

These are the things you need to do:

1) if questioned, act and talk in a manner with all people that makes it appear you are indifferent and oblivious to the negative things that are being said about you. Never show any emotion about it and don't ever try HARD to defend yourself. The harder you try the more they will question you.

2) if someone asks you a question about these issues then:
a) twist the answer in a manner such that the credibility of the ones who are badmouthing you are put into question
b) (my choice): tell them a scenario that alters the perception of the people who are hearing the rumors.

The important thing here is to be indirect in answering the question. Never give all the details. Give just enough for them to piece together a scenario that works in your favor.

 

[Blackmm]

Look at this way, if you DON'T have people hating or trash talking about you, then you aren't doing enough cool, fly **** in life. Step up your game so you will have haters.

 

[zekko]

I do volunteer work with an organisation that meets up with foreign visitors in my city. This has lead to a lot of opportunities to meet attractive young women who are here for a good time.

You seem to indicate that you are using this organization as a way to pick up women, yet you say you are being wrongly accused. It sounds like you are doing pretty much what you are being accused of. My question is does this organization have some sort of policy against sleeping with "clients" (for want of a better term)? If so, are you really serving the organization or yourself?

Personally, I think such policies are kind of ridiculous. Whenever you get men and women together, there are some sparks that are going to fly, whether they are employees, clients, employers, whatever. Nevertheless, if the organization does have a policy against using the clients as your own personal dating pool, maybe you should at least keep a lower profile about it.

 

[Firefly]

You seem to indicate that you are using this organization as a way to pick up women, yet you say you are being wrongly accused. It sounds like you are doing pretty much what you are being accused of. My question is does this organization have some sort of policy against sleeping with "clients" (for want of a better term)? If so, are you really serving the organization or yourself?

Personally, I think such policies are kind of ridiculous. Whenever you get men and women together, there are some sparks that are going to fly, whether they are employees, clients, employers, whatever. Nevertheless, if the organization does have a policy against using the clients as your own personal dating pool, maybe you should at least keep a lower profile about it.

Fair point, zekko.

The organisation does not have a policy against dating clients as it is entirely voluntary - neither the guides not the people being shown around are paid or pay any money. There have been lots of official statements to that effect (mainly because many of the higher ups have been quite publicly open about dating multiple clients) :yes: , but some of the volunteers in my area still make a big fuss about how volunteers should not be dating clients. In my case, they convinced a young woman to make a complaint that I had made repeated unwanted sexual overtures towards her despite her stating she was not interested (which is something I would not do - I know that no means no). However, as she had changed her story several times (including previously complaining that I had taken advantage of her sexually when drunk, and then changing her story to saying nothing had happened between us and she had not been drunk at all) no weight was placed on her complaint, and I was allowed to keep my position.


As I mentioned earlier, these volunteers are very selective about how they want this policy to be applied (The same volunteers who tried to encourage complaints against me got into a lot of trouble, and one was even dismissed, when it was discovered that they had refused to take a report from a client who accused a friend of theirs of crawling into bed with her after she had passed out from too much alcohol and had even discouraged her from making a report) so it seems to be more a means of attacking people they do not like then a genuine moral position.

As for whether I am serving myself or the organisation, I would say both. People take up jobs or go to activities all the time which increase their chances of meeting women, whether it be working at a bar or gym, or going to church. While (hopefully) meeting women is not the only reason one undertakes such activities, it would also be dishonest to say it is not a perk. In my case, I find volunteering really boosts my social life (which is important as I run a small business and find it hard to meet people otherwise) so I would still volunteer if it was all guys, and I do spend an equal amount of time with male and female clients. That being said, I do appreciate the fact that I do get to meet a lot of attractive young women who are interested in a bit of fun as well. However, keeping a lower profile does seem like a good suggestion, and one I will keep in mind.

 

[zekko]

The organisation does not have a policy against dating clients as it is entirely voluntary - neither the guides not the people being shown around are paid or pay any money. There have been lots of official statements to that effect (mainly because many of the higher ups have been quite publicly open about dating multiple clients)

Well, if that's the case then I agree with the others - sounds like these people are jealous.
Secondly, where can I join this organization? (Lol, just kidding about that part).