What should I have done? (long)

[JR2003]

This is a bit long so I'll keep it short.

I went to a works leaving party and there was a few girls that I'd flirted with at work + one that I particularly liked. The night went on and I was getting plenty of attention from most of the girls. 2 in particular: the one I wanted (A) + the one I hadn't flirted with (B).

Now B was very nice. Pretty and a nice girl but I was after A. The problem early on was that B was with me all the time. We were all sitting in groups but I was always away from A and next to B. The only time I really got to speak to A was when she/we were moving on where we'd give each other a hug and a kiss on the cheek.

Things went on and we got more and more drunk. I never felt that I could really try anything with A whilst B was around as she was being very obviously flirtatious towards me - making it clear she was after me.

At the final club we went in and I finally got to chat to A (at bloody last). Everything was going well, we had our arms round each other and were very "close". So I thought I'd go and try and have her. I told her that I fancied her...

(QUESTION 1: Should I have done this or just gone for the kiss? Which would have been best considering if she'd accept/decline with either option.

...she didn't back away and we talked some more on the same theme with me complimenting her. I was pretty pissed and all I could remember was her shaking her head and smiling when I told her she was gorgeous.

Then...

I was tapped on the back by one of my friends and I turned around and talked to him for what seemed just a minute or 2. Girl A walked off to talk to someone else. I continued to talk to my friend and then saw girl A kissing one of my friends! I was a bit shocked as she'd shown such attention to me + then kissed another guy. I continued talking, not really knowing what i should have done about it (she wasn't my gf afterall) and then she walked over to another m8 and kissed him as well!

That seemed to REALLY take the piss. So I finished my conversation, it was quite late and I headed off home saying goodbye to just a few people. I sent a message to the first guy "thanking" him for doing that after he'd earlier told me to go for it. Then sent something similar to the girl.. through a friend (I didn't have her number).

(QUESTION 2: Was that ok? I showed I was obviously pissed off with it all. The girl didn't see that, just got a very short text. Should I have confronted her? (not that I woulda "made-up" after that). Ideas?)

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Anyway a week later (I had no way to contact her directly, although I tried to get people from work out in general to see if I could get her out too - didn't happen)). Girl A left work and went to the pub, I went up there later where there was just girl A + B. We sat and chatted for about 1.5 hrs. During the conversation the subject was brought up.. but not directly.

Basically, she was saying that she could hardly remember what happened (she was REALLY pissed) but was told about it (well the kissing of the two guys). She made it pretty clear she wasn't interested in either of them, and had to avoid one of them at work.

She kept on apologising and saying that she'd been an idiot. Obviously she did remember what happened. She did it indirectly so that "I" wasn't involved. She basically just focused on the kissing of other guys and not what I said. When she went to the toilet girl B asked if I remembered what had happen + I said "yeah, it wasn't great at first, but I got over it" and she went on to say "But you're still going to be friends right?" "Well, I'm here aren't I?"

(QUESTION 3: This statement threw me a little. If girl A had seemingly flirted with me all night, then kissed 2 other guys, then apologised over and over saying she was an idiot, then perhaps she still had an interest. This comment about her staying friends, you think that would mean that she wasn't interested? or that she wanted to be at least friends? etc.)

In the end we walked home (we'd only been out 1.5 hours). We swapped phone numbers (all of us) - although girl A was the one that offered. I mentioned something like "dont worry about Friday" and left it at that. She went off into town + I'm waiting on a call from my m8s to see what I'm doing tonight.

QUESTION 4: Should I have gone up into town with them or had the whole thing concluded? Was I right or, as Pook would say "A Man" by not showing that I was too bothered about the whole thing?

QUESTION 5: What should I do now? She's off to uni and I'm off to uni so I thought it'd been concluded. However, she had offered to a few people from work, including myself, that we should go up and visit her at uni. I would like to know if she was interested in me (for future reference ). Is it a good idea to do that (via text or somethign)? The whole thing could well be closed now. Should I leave it as it is and move on? I'm not really interested in having any long distance relationship - particularly when it had barely started anyway.

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Sorry for this being too long. Since I've been reading the "bible" - I started a few days ago - I've tried to change my thinking and I'm sure it helped as I felt confident going to see a girl I'd told I fancied who went and kissed 2 other guys

I'd really prefer advice on what I should have done rather than criticisms. We're all here to learn afterall. My aim is to learn from the experience and become better than ever at the end of it all.

Thanks for reading and helping.

 

[Ricky]

I really try to not show girls that what they do bothers me, because that can show them I'm very interested in them. It isn't good to let them know that you are too into them.

Instead of complaining about the girl kissing 2 guys. You could have brought it up by making fun of her (teasing her in a ****y and funny manner). "Hey how much were you paying those guys to kiss them, you better be careful you might catch mono!"

Girl B sounded like she was more into you. Normally all things considered, I'd work with the one that shows more interest. You can play the two off each other, which it looks like you did do a bit. Girl B saw you go after Girl A, etc.

But the reason I'd have to go after the one with more interest is the payoff will be quicker (that is if you are looking to score, etc)

 

[DJ_Dork]

1. Never talk to girls that give kisses readily to any random guy.

They can flirt blah blah blah, but not do anything intimate like that crap. Yeah you should say something about it, and then leave that ho.

2. Do not go for girls who work/go to class with you.. wait for a time when you will probably not see each other for awhile.

 

[The Bad Ass Canadian]

you did everything a DJ should up until you told her you fancied her.

After that, the rest of the evening turns into this alternate reality "Twilight Zone" kinda thing.

Why on Earth did you tell her you were into her???????

Things woulda been much different, had you played it cool and made a move. Nothing too intense, but timed right, you coulda gone in for the kiss close.

With what you said, You probably shocked the hell outta her. She probably wasn't expecting to hear such a thing. Not then.

That is why, although stupid of her, she went over and kissed those other guys. In moments of panick (you obviously threw her for a loop and put pressure on her), Women will do strange things to try and deal with it.

The Ball is in her court now, and she knows you're into her. She remembers every moment of that night. Nobody can be that wasted, to not remember those kinds of details.

I fear you've sorta shot yourself in the foot, my friend.

I don't think you'll be able to slip past her defenses as easily, now. She knows she has you, and probably isn't sure she wants you after your AFC side sprung up.


There you have it, Ladies and Gents. Alcohol in excess does not do well with picking up chicks. Your mouth will slip up and spoil the entire game.

The Bad Ass Canadian

 

[MrNiceGuy]

Originally posted by The Bad Ass Canadian
There you have it, Ladies and Gents. Alcohol in excess does not do well with picking up chicks. Your mouth will slip up and spoil the entire game.

Amen to that.. alcohol has led to some stupid, stupid mitakes last night on my part.. hopefully I can still salvage the friendship..

I'll be posting about it all in a seperate thread.. its got me pretty down at the moment.

 

[November1 2005]

JR2003,

Oh man, some people mentioned these things, but yeah, I think you did some things just about opposite of what you wanted to have done.

First, you should have nailed chick B.

Absolutely. This girl was into you, you say? You should have left with her as quickly as it would have been social alright to do so. And you should have made sure chick A saw you guys leaving. That's the most important part. You would have wanted chick A to see you leave with chick B.

Because here's a monster truth: The easiest way to get a girl interested in you, is to HAVE HER SEE THAT OTHER GIRLS ARE INTERESTED IN YOU.

Women are, in this way, just about like monkeys with their intelligence. Jesus it doesn't matter who you are pretty much or what you look like -- if they see a guy that all the girls are into, their thinking SHUTS DOWN and they go into automatic mode.

This is a major, major truth that you have to learn before you can be successful with chicks.

So you should have nailed chick B.

And other part is -- I think you should look at chicks as being more or less replaceable. Don't think about which you "like better" -- as long as they both have kunts that work, nail the one that will spread her legs with minimal work.

That's another truth that people who are unexperienced often miss -- in the end, I think most guys realize the pusssy is pretty much all the care about.

(True, at some point you might want a "wife," to bear children, although I think a lot can be said in argument against our "marriage system" and the idea of nailing one person the rest of your life. But that's a different issue.)

And the other place where you did pretty much the opposite, and others mentioned this as well I remember distinctly, is that you never ever want to tell a girl you are into her. Man that'll send her packing like nothing else. (Even if you're in a serious relationship, it's more effective to SHOW your love, in fact you love a girl, than to TELL about your love.)

And so, yeah, when a girl says she doesn't remember -- she's just trying to avoid an uncomfortable situation.

Also, in terms of chicks you kiss any guy -- true, some might be looking for just attention in public from a guy. But maybe not. The easy way to test is if she lets you kiss her, quickly ask her back to your place. If she demurs, then make a comment like, "Ah, you like to tease with a kiss," and leave. A lot of girls are very sensitive to be seen as "teases," kind of like how they are sensitive to being seen as "sluts," although probably not as severe.

So, JR2003, to recap, I would say you should act differently in the future on the following scores:

1. Nail the chick who is easiest to nail, knowing that will get the other chick whom you "like more" closer to spreading her legs for you.

2. And do not tell a girl that you are into her. Especially jesus before you've banged her. Even after you've banged. Jesus, just don't do it.


--11125