What now?

[Ragnaroc]

My life is a complete mess at the moment, I'm hoping to get a little advice from some people in my own age group as I really don't have a clue what to do anymore. To cut a long story short (as much as possible) I got married and moved to the UK with my wife about 4 yrs ago. After 2 years she decides she wants a divorce and I am left alone in a strange country with no family, friends or any form of support whatsoever.

My confidence has been shot to sh*t by all the things she has done and accused me of, there seems to be no one I can talk to or just hang with. All i have at the moment is a job I hate and no social life to speak of. The people i work with are either all married, old or not interested in going out and having fun.

About 2 months ago I met who I consider to be the most amazing woman , she unfortunately has just left a relationship of about 14 years and says she is not looking for anything at the moment. The dumb F*ck that i am, i go and fall in love with her.

Guess what, I got the LJBF line, just what i needed.

I realise that i need to LIVE my life and not just let it slip past me, but with zero confidence in anything and zero support, living at the moment just seems impossible- all i do now is survive!!

I know a lot of people will say 'get out and do something', but going out alone just seems soooo wrong.

So can anyone give a little help or guidance as to what I can do?

Living in another country that is not your home really sucks.

Im totally lost.

 

[WestCoaster]

Hints

As for living in another county and not knowing anyone, not sure if I can help you there. I know little about Brit women, I know that I'm not impressed with many U.S. women, but you might not be from the U.S. If living in the U.K. isn't working out, I'd suggest moving to a country that feels more comfortable, perhaps your native country and where you have a family/friend support system.

Despite the proclaimed rugged independence of DJs, one does need a support system, be it family or friends. If the dating different women doesn't work, go find some guys to hang out with and go to sporting events, work out, h it the clubs, whatever.

If you're not totally into the U.K., I'd suggest getting out. If you think it will work out there, stay. I guess a lot also depends on your career. Remember: career first, then women. Any time you reverse the two you'll end up bored, broke, and miserable.

Good luck and hang in there!

* Also, read Rollo's "oneitis" thread that I posted, but no one is responding to most likely because he's spot on or people are afraid of the truth:

http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?threadid=87357

"Oneitis" is a sick disease. You're fairly young, I'd go date as many women as you can. See how many dates you can get with different women. I'm going out with two different women this week, which is good for my psyche as one of them I was starting to get oneitis on. Best to play the field and see what you want before falling in love.

 

[joekerr31]

move back home if you really dont like the UK.

also you pointed out your problem - confidence.

go get some books on confidence.

nothing anyone says here will change anything for you. although hopefully it might spark you to change things yourself.

the only constant in life is that we are all responsible for our own lives. that means fixing them also.

sounds like life is knocking you around pretty badly lately. thats a good thing. we only know, and develop, our inner strength when faced with adversity.

its always been that way and always will.

my advice is to see all this as a test life is throwing at you. a challenge to be surmounted.

J

 

[Un-Aru]

I know how you're feeling. After a 2 year period where I literally didn't know who to trust and where nothing was as it seemed (and no I am not exaggerating) I finally did what I knew I had to do. I used my contacts to get the hell out of a very bad situation. I landed in a foreign country with $500 and a sports bag full of clothes, I was picked up at the airport on the Wednesday by a guy I talked to on the phone for the first time the previous Sunday. No family, no friends, no job prospects. But what I was armed with was a mind sharper than most and the will to succeed. That was a year ago, and was the best move I made in my life.

One of the foremost DJ principles is that of 'indifference' - ie the ability to 'let go'. And, like all DJ principles, this mindset not only applies to women, but to life in general. You hate your job, you're not having any fun, you're merely 'existing.' Ask yourself honestly "why would I want to hold on to a life like this?" It is simply fear of stepping into the unknown, perhaps even fear of cutting the last ties to your marriage.

'Letting go' isn't about avoiding the challenges that you face in life (and there are a lot of people who truly don't understand this concept) it's about recognising an untenable situation, wiping your hands of it and learning from it. It's about seeing the bigger picture and not only recognising opportunities, but if the time is right, running with them.

If you want to take the leap of faith get in touch with your friends back home. True friends will always be there no matter how much time has passed. Set yourself the goal of returning. If you're not ready for that, use your current workmates to forge other contacts. They may be boring but that doesn't mean they don't know people. I'm of the opinion that everyone has the potential to add value to your life whether it be friendship, wisdom or contacts. Do they have mixed (guys and girls) team sports where you are? Fantastic way to socialise.

Joker's spot on - it's all up to you. However know that you aren't the first to be in this situation and you certainly won't be the last.

Kia kaha
Kia toa
Kia manawanui