Pathological Lying: A real story
http://lavannya.blogspot.com/2005/05/pathological-lying-real-story.html
I recently discovered that this friend - Mr.A, I had met in Bangalore and have had as a friend for some 3 years now,might just be a Pathological Liar. At least I suspect that he is.
Having interest in medical findings, and having had experienced this state of affair with someone very close to me, I suspect this behavioral disorder.
Mr.A's story:
This friend of mine is a CA and got his degree quite young- at 23 years.
Although he is a CA he runs a Mechanic's shop from the Garage of his house.
He refuses to work for anyone else, and his parents know that he never appeared for 4 papers so he never finished his CA. While he would always tell me that he had finished his CA but because he feared that he'll be forced by his parents to work "under" someone for whatever sort of money, he doesn’t want to tell them the truth.
He would convince me in strange ways that he was filing returns for many friends around him. His friends were always the local shop keepers, some rowdies, some chai-walas or the policemen. I had begun to treat this person as my close friend. I had very often spent quite some time with him talking and discussing his unusual course of life, expressing concern for the odd sort of way he ran his business and life.
“A” had no social life, no apparent friends, and was always owing someone money or had given credit.
“A” would spend a lot of time earning my sympathy (again with the same factors of having spent lakhs on someone etc), then discussing with me his physical interactions with many women around him. Every girl or woman that walked past the shop was apparently attracted to him and would ask him for sexual favors. Not a doubt that this person is quite good looking, tall and has excellent conversational skills. Though I always thought he was much too sweet.
Though i had come close to this person and was comfortable with him in a certain sort of way, i was always in doubt of his character. I usually trust people first and then allow my self to experience to find out if he/she is worth the trust or not. But in “A's” case my instincts forced me to never trust him. Never.
He would go to 3 temples everyday and do puja everyday at home too. I found that very surprising. I used to tell him that if he believed in God he had to be an honest person. (something I had already learnt he wasn’t)
In time i got close to his parents also. Obviously they were keen to know this lady who was spending so much time in their garage. But the minute “A” realized that i had built a rapport with his parents he attempted all ways to keep me away. Including keep me from telling them any of the stories he had ever told me.
As time passed I started to wade away from this person as his stories were becoming more and more strange. He would call every once in a week about some girl (whose name would never be disclosed) and her probable pregnancy due to late periods.
If i asked him "are you responsible", he'd immediately reply "no yaar, just helping a friend". But i had learnt and seen and observed that he never had a social life, and no friends that i had ever seen or met. Except for these Rowdy fellows and shop keepers.
He would request me to lend out my house to him while I was out so that he could have sex with his girlfriend. Either it was her birthday or he just didn’t have a place to do it. Ofcourse that was completely unacceptable to me. And I used to frankly refuse such nonsensical requests. Very outrageous!
One fine day he called in about his 17 year old girlfriend and her chances of being pregnant. I confirmed that late periods dont always mean pregnancy, had a lot to do with situational reasons. Very sedentary life could also be responsible. And their day of intercourse did not meet the dates. This friend insisted that I buy a pregancy test for him and hand it over to his girlfriend. He took me to a medical shop, asked the young girl to come there, used my money to buy the preganancy test and gave it to her. I gave her some intructions and then we left. Upset as i was that my friend was this frivolous with his way of life, i took the opportunity to lecture him all through the way back home. Telling him that this was hopefully a lesson for him forever!
The girl from a very conservative "Marwadi" family and “A” being from a conservative "Punjabi" were never going to have acceptable family relations. And not to forget that the girl was yet not an adult. Getting her pregnant, specially when she has a mother who checks her periods every month, would only lead to trouble. This chap was scared out of his wits that day.
But he decided to take a second opinion from a cousin brother who already has 3 girls. This brother (who i later learnt has no understanding of the matter and that leading to many abortions for his wife) advised my friend that another intercourse would burst the forming foetus!! So our young man went back and had sex with this girl. This time he was successful in making the not-at-all-pregnant under age girl pregnant!
Gyneacs and oral medication helped her abort.
These incidents had left me quite stunned with this friendship of mine. I started to keep away. Lack of loyalty, faithfulness, honesty easily make me withdraw. But the phone calls about late periods and sure pregnancies didnt stop. And i still called "A" everytime my 2 wheeler was in trouble.
One fine day i recieved a lot of calls from this Mr.A's phone. All missed calls so i returned them. When i called back to ask what it was about, i was told about a girlfriend once again. So sure that that was the reason of the call I obviously asked nothing.
A couple of days later when I was at the garage getting some repairs done on my kinetic, "A'"s parents arrive home. “A”, suddenly frantic, tells me that his parents want me to help them buy a property but i shouldnt get involved as he wasn’t for the idea. He obviously didnt discuss the problem much as time didn’t permit. The parents called me i proceeded towards them, and saw that they were a little upset.
They asked me," Lavannya why didnt you return our call?"
I said, "which call aunty?"
"”A “called you so many times the other day and apparently you never replied to the call. We want you to assist us in buying a decent property around your area".
This was much too much for me, so i state "But Aunty, i returned that call and “A” told me something completely else. And right now he tells me i am not supposed to help you buy the property you intend to as he doesnt wish it. I am sorry but i wouldnt want to be involved in a family matter."
Uncle and Aunty initially shocked, regain their composure and request me, "I completely understand Lavannya, try if you can help, if not we understand".
I called them the next day and gave them the phone number of an estate agent. Never interacted personally on this matter.
Then one another day, months and months later, “A'”s parents call me, inform me that they have already bought a property and would like to have me handle the project rather than anyone else. I was flattered and yet unsure of how things would be. As i had a clear idea by now about “A'”s intentions.
By the by “A”, one day on my way home from the market, did tell me that his parents were intending to throw him out and build such a house where he could be separated from them. As usual this sounded like a sympathy earning thing.
I tried delaying the process but the parents were insistent. I finished the design and went over to their residence to discuss the plans. In the process of discussion we got into the matters of the family discussion a probable separation etc.
This is where the parents were surprised, when i told them what their son had informed me. They started discussion how their son seeks everyone's sympathy and asked if agreed with their view. I had incidents to convey myself. One thing led to another, and then third. I expressed a lot of hesistance, didnt want to talk at all, told them their personal life was none of my business etc etc... but they wanted to know how their son was doing: financially and emotionally. I had little idea. I had nothing that I could completely believe and convey, except for the time when he introduced me to this 17 year old girlfriend of his that he was having an affair with and had impregnated. I had a clear idea of how my relationship with “A” was going to go down the drain forever... and i had a clear idea of a chance that the whole thing could turn around and boomerang on me. But somehow my conscience told me to do the right thing. I had observed and known this person for so long that I was sure I wasnt going to say anything wrong.
Again with my previous experiences I had already learnt that he was a pathological liar. The stories told to his parents and those told to me were very different. He had made many attempts to make his parents feel contempt for me, and succeeded many times. At the same time he had expressed great amount of resentment at putting me on the job of designing their house.
The parents were shocked and dumbfounded. I felt horrible for them. Reciting events i cried too. They are such a wonderful set of people, i could never figure out where from they got a son like this. He's the only son and only child. And i've seen them pour out their hearts on him. Both the parents are an ideal couple. Still very much in love and very good friends.
His parents knew i would face a lot of music as i had opened my mouth and so did I, but I did it all the same. I told them all the facts and fables I knew. Told them how to handle the situation and how is a medical problem and nothing else. Shouting and screaming wouldnt solve the problem. With a heavy heart and no conclusion on my design, I returned home.
Later many made me regret my doing. The family's peace (probably) was destroyed. And i was responsible for it.
