playher
Don Juan
I'm quite new to this site. I've been reading the bible and many various posts, getting a vibe and understanding of people in this forum. I dont need people's pity or attention, but something has been bothering me for almost 9 months now and i've just been getting over a case of "oneitis." I've known this girl for roughly 6 years, digging her all my life but not as much till my last year with her at school. I was young and hesitant, but this time i gained the cahunas(sp?) to actually talk to her and i really got to know her. We really clicked, i mean everything was smooth and we had so many things in common. All her negatives I appreciated more and I just started to grow in " love " with her. She just totally changed me from a complete kid with no worries to a person who felt more mature and so happy. Me, im one of the most caring people but im not very patient and it takes a while for me to approve of someone really. And my whole life it was never a problem, but I never really felt so happy and good with myself, but i never was discouraged or felt bad. This girl though, I was patient and she made me look so differently on things. I started to appreciate people and things more often and she made me feel like life was worth something. Well we hook up at the end of the school year and the thing that really held us back was her parents. I KNOW parents aren't a big obstacle there are many ways getting by it; friends and etc. But the problem was she really wanted both of us ( me and her parents ) which is truly understandable, and i have/had NO right to take it away. She tried to talk to her parents and tell them she can still maintain grades,focus,etc but they wouldnt listen. She would call me at 1 in the morning crying worrying about her parents and possibly us breaking and we both still had school the next morning. I thought about talking to the parents, but it wouldnt work - they wouldnt even listen to their own daughter so they sure weren't going to listen to me, basically they were ignorant. Coming from a parent's POV i understand they want their daughter to be successful and they felt i was a block in the way, but inside thats what i wanted. I wasnt their to take away her focus and her dreams, I just wanted the true best of her, I always pray first thing for her and I always supported her. The parents didnt understand, and now we decided at end of the year we wouldnt see each other for a very long time, and talk very little. THe last time i talked to her was on graduation and she told me she was going on a cruise and possibly try to talk to her parents on it again, and we agreed we couldnt talk/see each other and we needed good communication to make this work. We agreed on strong faith and just knowing we couldnt talk. It was months, id read her letters and look at her pictures HOPING she still "loves" me like she said. That was my strength and i would remember the words she would tell me, and the very few occassions we had (because we had to fight for us). Well she calls me Sept 13, out of no where and i havent talked to her for about 2 months. She was at a dance with my close/her best friend and she was on her friend's cell because she doesnt have one, and she tells me " I don't think it will work because of my parents. I'm really sorry" then she gives up the phone and i contemplate to her friend to give it back. I try calling back so many times and i "theatened" to call her house(her parents) but she begged not to(telling her best friend who i was talking to). Now i know that was so juvenile of her and the part that hurt me the most was i thought we had an understanding and she had no REAL reason and she didnt even mention the cruise or really why we ended so abruptly because we agreed on parents before. I was left confused and at the time i was heated of the moment and i flamed her; but i know i was wrong. I didnt want to stoop down to her level so i never called her house to not get her in trouble and i never retaliated except for my childish heat of the moment come backs. But its been about 7 months now and im still hurting deeply and the times I get so emotional because i still care for her. I really meant what i said, and i doubt she will ever know that. Ive talked to my older brothers who are in their mid 20's and given me advice thats shes not worth it and that i need to love myself, but im stuck in a hole. I shouldnt care anymore why we broke up or how but it bothers me deeply that she ended it without enough care to tell me really why. Im the type who puts everyone before me, i care for myself but i love everyone before me, its just who i am. Even though we are "over" with no real reason because ishe never said she doesnt like me or there is someone else, the reason was " her parents. " so im very confused...and I cant stop to think she will turn into those slutty girls that i DONT want her to be or possibly be used by another guy. Im just SO Scared something will happen to her, and I am praying so much she will be safe and take care of herself, because thats what it comes down to with or without her "together" i just want her to be alright, if not better. Now her birthday passed this nov 24 and i dropped off a letter to her best friend to give her who goes same school as her saying happy bday and thanks..never mentioning i love u or anything relating to relationship besides friendship. I dont know if this was right, but i would lie to u guys if i didnt want her back. I tried to use reverse psychology getting her to think im over her and i feel so guilty because im worrying this wont work or that its wrong because its not the true blunt. I dont know what to follow is it my heart or what, i want her back and her to know and myself to know why we ended. I really care about her still even though shes hurt me many times and lied, and i come back to re think things ive down and blame myself. Im sorry guys this is way too long i understand if you dont read it, its just a "stress reliever" to post this. Once again i apologize and i hope u guys can understand, which im sure most of you are with your experience.
P.S. If you can please dont give me feedback on revenge or anything like fuqing other girls. I dont want to stoop down to that level, and dont get me wrong many girls attract me but none as she has so far. Also not to be ****y, getting girls is no problem there are many girls who've shown enough interest in me..and very attracting ones but im still stuck on my ex...she just means so much to me.
P.S. If you can please dont give me feedback on revenge or anything like fuqing other girls. I dont want to stoop down to that level, and dont get me wrong many girls attract me but none as she has so far. Also not to be ****y, getting girls is no problem there are many girls who've shown enough interest in me..and very attracting ones but im still stuck on my ex...she just means so much to me.
