What is this guy's problem?

[sbonney]

I am fascinated by this forum, its amazing to see how men process some of the things that we do, that we don't even know that we are doing (well for the most part sometimes more often than not it is intentional, i confess)

So here is the bizarre story: My friend set me up on a blind date with this rich successful guy. We were supposed to meet and he never pursued getting my number so I forgot about it. Two months later she calls me and tells me that he wants my number. At this point i had given up on meeting him and actually i was quite annoyed that he waited two months to meet me. Two days later he calls me and we decide to meet, i have no idea where we are going he calls me at one and tells me we are meeting at six, okay then. I show up and i have no clue what the heck he looks like but he saw pictures of me. He was good looking at 45 (i am 37). Anyway we have an intense conversation for three hours about all kinds of personal things. At the end of the date he goes to shake my hand to say "it was nice to meet you". Okay in my history of dating i have NEVER had a guy shake my hand at the end of a date and actually it annoyed me because that is something you do at a business meeting. Anyway i leaned in and gave him a half of a hug.

So i left more confused as ever since he was hard to read and thought "well i guess he did not like me or we don't click". So I get a text about an hour later that said "It was great to meet you, and thank you for a great time, and if we do go out again, i promise not to be so tired". I was surprised and texted back "It was also nice to meet you and i was tired from work also and i would like to see you again if you are open to that" and he responds "yes i am and hopefully we can get together soon".

He tells my friend that he "didn't expect me to be that beautiful" Ok so a week goes by nothing no call, and my friend is yapping in my ear did he call yet? I was just going to let it go but with all the pressure finally i decided to text him about a week and a half after we met. He said he was just thinking about me and that we should get together soon,, as in the next day. Okay then!

The next day he picks me up and stares at me and tells me "I forgot how beautiful you are" and next thing you know we are "stopping by his parent's house" for a moment which turned out to be an hour, parents loved me.

We had a good time he was incredibly nervous. When we got back to my place he asked to use the bathroom and next thing i knew he reached around and kissed me when i was not looking (not very smooth i should add).

I thought he had said we were going to do something that weekend, the weekend rolls around and no call about plans so i text him and he said he is busy working on some bid so i said ok -maybe i just misunderstood, the next day he texts and sets something up for us to do on Wed. He shows up and we head to a restaurant to meet his friends. I have a drink and I am all over him kissing him and he is loving it. We stop by his house on the way back and he starts in on spending the night etc and i told him i did not feel comfortable with him yet. i don't know why the hell i changed my mind i guess i was like what the hell i am 37 lets live life so we got out of the car and headed upstairs...

So he asks me to go away with him for the weekend with his family and then changes his mind. The next thing he is texting me all day and said he is going to leave in the morning and drive straight to my house from nyc and do i want go down to nyc the next weekend with him. I say yes not thinking he was being serious. Well he literally leaves at three am in the morning from nyc and texts me to say he is an hour from my house wtf, i said okay how about if i come to your house, i get there and i am all freaked out and overwhelmed with all of the attention and he gets annoyed because i am not excited to see him...not the case at all.

The next week rolls around and on Wed we play tennis and go over to his parents house and all of that. So he asks about the weekend and i told him there was this party i really wanted to go to badly and he said seems annoyed but says no no go to the party. So i am the party and i get this text that he is at a bar in the town that i live in (he lives 25 mins away) and if i was around to meet him there, i said okay in 30 mins (i was 20mins away he did not know this) and then i get a text that says "Sorry doll we already left next time" Really you couldn't have waited twenty mins and you drive all the way to my town to have a drink? I think this is when the games started.

Now it gets interesting. The next day we had plans to see each other so I get a text in the morning how was the party? "Great it was nice to let loose for a change, text me when you are coming over or i can drive to meet you if its easier". No word for FIVE HOURS. I literally spent the whole day waiting to see what the heck we were doing but i refused to call. He called and said his daughter changed her mind and wanted to spend the night, i was so livid because he had no respect for my time.

The next week he cancelled on me wed and thursday and on friday i get a text he is on his way to my house at six in the morning? I tell him my daughter is with me at home. So later its a bike ride with his brother and gf and dinner with the family. Everything is great.

The next weekend i say lets go away together, no word at all from him all week about if we are going or not, so Friday i send him a good morning text and i get "if we are going away this weekend let me know where you want to go. We go to atlantic city, things seemed to go well.

I get a text on Wednesday do you want to do something that day, okay what the hell no advance notice....sure. We go out for dinner and have a terrible time. I hear that he was chasing after some girl about three weeks ago from my friend and i am pissed so i pretty much attack him and his dating history and i know he is not pleased with me however he does not know that i heard he was chasing after some girl. We get home and later he mentions that he thinks "I am nice".

No plans were made for the following week. On Monday afternoon I get a message "Lets have dinner" but i missed his call, i said "i miss you" he says "i miss you too" hopefully we can see each other this week. No phone call at all that week. i decide to wait and see if i do not text him at all to make plans if he would step up and make them. Nope nothing all of the week or weekend no call no text. So i send a text the following monday "are you mad at me" he responds hell no he was working up the courage to call me because he felt embarrassed for not calling me to do something and how he has been disconnected for the past two weeks and we can do whatever i want to do on that Wednesday.

He shows up with a bottle of wine for me looking all harried and crazy and we head to dinner. He said "he just didn't feel like doing anything that past weekend" He mentions that he feels so relaxed around me, I end up having too much to drink and at this point i am feeling insecure with the whole situation. i end up getting all emotional and say "i think i am in love with him, and how is that possible it has only been two months" he gave me a hug and said "he does feel intense love for me at times". So i asked him what he was looking for and he said "he wants to see where it goes" with us.

The next week rolls around and once again no setup to make plans so i text him again on Wednesday and he says yes lets do something that night. I get to his house and he seems happy and i guess i was not all over him as i usually am i was a little worried about what was going on between us so i was distracted and i put my guard up a little.

Well his mood changed I have no idea why and he made a point of telling me that he had to work that weekend so "he was not available" and we ended up going out with his friends which was disaster. There was some sort of tension between us and he was talking to some blonde chick. Its almost like we were around his friends and ignoring each other. i felt so uncomfortable. We went back to his place and i was so annoyed it took about an hour for me to chill out. He texted me that afternoon to say hello and on Saturday i got a good morning two hours later i respond "how is your bid coming along" he goes great and I said "good to hear"....and that was it. We have not spoken in a week and a half.

Seriously I have dated quite a few men in my time and this one is really bizarre.

I have never had a guy introduce me to his family and friends immediately, professes how beautiful i am everytime he sees me, enthralled by my ass etc. Calls last minute to make plans to do something, can never plan anything, doesn't ever call me but sends me business like texts here and there.

So my synapsis is that he is seeing other women or seeing a woman on and off or there is someone in the picture or he is just not interested in me. I am not a chaser by nature so if a guy does not call me i hate rejection so i don't call him i feel that if he wants to see me he will say something. If he doesn't then i just let it go, it hurts but its better than rejection. So i don't know if i was supposed to chase after him and show him attention? He is super rich and successful, maybe he is just used to women throwing themselves at him? I don't know i am successful in shape and attractive myself so i don't really need to throw myself at him, i simply like him.

So any thoughts? I am prepared to hear all of the things i don't want to hear.

 

[foreverAFC]

sounds like he may be seeing other women. either way, he is disrespectful and playing games, you should move on and find a guy who doesnt act so inconsistent, though i suspect this is exactly why you are interested in this guy.

 

[The Gambler]

Wow. Just... wow.

At our age (I'm 41), you have probably outgrown this type of game-playing. Or like foreverAFC said, maybe you haven't. But do you really want this? Aren't two people supposed to act their BEST when they first meet? Good God, ma'am, if this is him on his best behavior, you're gonna have a confusing time ahead of you.

This was honestly one of the most painful reads I've seen in a while. I hope you find what (and who) you're looking for.... and do not settle for less. Thirty-seven is a great age and it sounds like you have much to offer.

It's one in the morning. I'm tired. I will now take my obvious, ubiquitous advice to bed with me. Good night, sbonney, be well.

The Gambler

 

[flashpoint]

sounds like push&pull to me. the result is you are manipulated into thinking you love him. he might not be an apt player (introducing you to his parents etc speaks against it), but seems to have his own sort of game. or he is very unstable emotionalwise. if the gender roles were reversed i am sure you d get a lots BPD diagnoses here. i mean it just sounds unhealthy to me that he would chase you and be so overly eager when you seemingly are not available. guy doesnt know what he wants, and as soon as he gets it, his toy doesnt look that attractive anymore. that is what it looks like.

get out of it. these games wont stop.

 

[backseatjuan]

Let me start out by quoting Naughty Ninja "There's a huge difference between getting tons of one handed compliments, hook ups, attention, dinners, etc. and actually being the type of chick that would make a man want to stay."

Bare this words deep into your mind, as being a 37 year old single chick with luggage puts you in category of women who don't actually understand this simple concept. But it is not my intention to judge you, although since you asked for help, I am going to put you under the microscope. I am going to picture myself in that guy's shoes and give you advice on how to make him happy and wanting to stay with you.

My friend set me up on a blind date with this rich successful guy. We were supposed to meet and he never pursued getting my number so I forgot about it. Two months later she calls me and tells me that he wants my number. At this point i had given up on meeting him and actually i was quite annoyed that he waited two months to meet me.

Let's get our values out of the way. You, a 37 year old woman with luggage. If you don't have cellulitus on your thighs now, it's not far off. He, a rich and accomplished man in his prime 45, he can attract tall beautiful women in their 20s, and 18s. The fact that he never pursued getting your number is a clear indication that this man has a proper understanding of his own worth and potential.

Two days later he calls me and we decide to meet, i have no idea where we are going he calls me at one and tells me we are meeting at six, okay then. I show up and i have no clue what the heck he looks like but he saw pictures of me. He was good looking at 45 (i am 37). Anyway we have an intense conversation for three hours about all kinds of personal things. At the end of the date he goes to shake my hand to say "it was nice to meet you". Okay in my history of dating i have NEVER had a guy shake my hand at the end of a date and actually it annoyed me because that is something you do at a business meeting. Anyway i leaned in and gave him a half of a hug.

You did treat him right by doing what he wanted to do and being available, it shows him your interest. However at the end you only give him half a hug. He took an old school approach by being your friend on first date, nothing more than a hand shake was needed, as you were clearly interested in him.

I was just going to let it go but with all the pressure finally i decided to text him about a week and a half after we met. He said he was just thinking about me and that we should get together soon,, as in the next day. Okay then!

You let it go? Stop flattering yourself. He waited for your call, and he was prepared to let you go if you didn't call.

The next day he picks me up and stares at me and tells me "I forgot how beautiful you are" and next thing you know we are "stopping by his parent's house" for a moment which turned out to be an hour, parents loved me.

Here we have an answer to why he is not with an 18 year old high school beauty queen. His parents. You turned that moment into a hour with his parents.

I thought he had said we were going to do something that weekend, the weekend rolls around and no call about plans so i text him and he said he is busy working on some bid so i said ok -maybe i just misunderstood, the next day he texts and sets something up for us to do on Wed. He shows up and we head to a restaurant to meet his friends. I have a drink and I am all over him kissing him and he is loving it. We stop by his house on the way back and he starts in on spending the night etc and i told him i did not feel comfortable with him yet. i don't know why the hell i changed my mind i guess i was like what the hell i am 37 lets live life so we got out of the car and headed upstairs...

He flaked on you because you didn't give sex when the two of you kissed in your house after meeting with his parents. Again, he knows you have high interest in him. The two of you finally f'ck on 3rd date and he was prepared to let you go, unless you showed interest in him.

he literally leaves at three am in the morning from nyc and texts me to say he is an hour from my house wtf, i said okay how about if i come to your house, i get there and i am all freaked out and overwhelmed with all of the attention and he gets annoyed because i am not excited to see him...not the case at all.

Really? All the way from NYC? He was snorting coke with biggie smalls there?
So you treat him wrong here, you don't want to f'ck where he wants it and when he wants it. If you did f'ck him at his house, I bet it was a lousy f'ck as you were all freaked out and overwhelmed.

The next week rolls around and on Wed we play tennis and go over to his parents house and all of that. So he asks about the weekend and i told him there was this party i really wanted to go to badly and he said seems annoyed but says no no go to the party.

Your interest level in him goes down, since you declined doing whatever he wanted to do and preferred your stupid party and didn't even invite him. How f'cking lame.

So i am the party and i get this text that he is at a bar in the town that i live in (he lives 25 mins away) and if i was around to meet him there, i said okay in 30 mins (i was 20mins away he did not know this) and then i get a text that says "Sorry doll we already left next time" Really you couldn't have waited twenty mins and you drive all the way to my town to have a drink? I think this is when the games started.

Doll, the games started long before you met him. :crackup: You treat him wrong in my previous quote, he did not deserve that. Here he flakes on you. He does what pleases him, he is not waiting for you. Thumbs up to this guy. He is looking for a woman that will please him, not just a piece of meat.

Now it gets interesting. The next day we had plans to see each other so I get a text in the morning how was the party? "Great it was nice to let loose for a change, text me when you are coming over or i can drive to meet you if its easier". No word for FIVE HOURS. I literally spent the whole day waiting to see what the heck we were doing but i refused to call. He called and said his daughter changed her mind and wanted to spend the night, i was so livid because he had no respect for my time.

Why should he have respect for your time?

The next week he cancelled on me wed and thursday and on friday i get a text he is on his way to my house at six in the morning? I tell him my daughter is with me at home. So later its a bike ride with his brother and gf and dinner with the family. Everything is great.

Again you treat the guy wrong by denying sex.

The next weekend i say lets go away together, no word at all from him all week about if we are going or not, so Friday i send him a good morning text and i get "if we are going away this weekend let me know where you want to go. We go to atlantic city, things seemed to go well.

It was good that you initiated the date, but bad that you took him so far away. Why does the guy have to spend money to get f'cked?

I get a text on Wednesday do you want to do something that day, okay what the hell no advance notice....sure. We go out for dinner and have a terrible time. I hear that he was chasing after some girl about three weeks ago from my friend and i am pissed so i pretty much attack him and his dating history and i know he is not pleased with me however he does not know that i heard he was chasing after some girl.

Now you again treat this guy wrong by showing him bad time at the dinner. He can chase for as many plates as he wants, and that's totally fine, because you two are not in a commited relationship. And at this point you are a plate because you are not giving him what he wants in the quantity that he wants it.

No plans were made for the following week. On Monday afternoon I get a message "Lets have dinner" but i missed his call, i said "i miss you" he says "i miss you too" hopefully we can see each other this week. No phone call at all that week. i decide to wait and see if i do not text him at all to make plans if he would step up and make them. Nope nothing all of the week or weekend no call no text. So i send a text the following monday "are you mad at me" he responds hell no he was working up the courage to call me because he felt embarrassed for not calling me to do something and how he has been disconnected for the past two weeks and we can do whatever i want to do on that Wednesday.

Good, why chase you. He knows your value, he knows his value. Plus the last date with you sucked salty gay balls. Only a complete idiot would chase you at this point. But since you initiated contact.....

He shows up with a bottle of wine for me looking all harried and crazy and we head to dinner. He said "he just didn't feel like doing anything that past weekend" He mentions that he feels so relaxed around me, I end up having too much to drink and at this point i am feeling insecure with the whole situation. i end up getting all emotional and say "i think i am in love with him, and how is that possible it has only been two months" he gave me a hug and said "he does feel intense love for me at times". So i asked him what he was looking for and he said "he wants to see where it goes" with us.

Finally you do something right and say the L word!

 

[backseatjuan]

The next week rolls around and once again no setup to make plans so i text him again on Wednesday and he says yes lets do something that night. I get to his house and he seems happy and i guess i was not all over him as i usually am i was a little worried about what was going on between us so i was distracted and i put my guard up a little.

Bad. Now he questions if you meant what you said before.

Well his mood changed I have no idea why and he made a point of telling me that he had to work that weekend so "he was not available" and we ended up going out with his friends which was disaster. There was some sort of tension between us and he was talking to some blonde chick. Its almost like we were around his friends and ignoring each other. i felt so uncomfortable. We went back to his place and i was so annoyed it took about an hour for me to chill out. He texted me that afternoon to say hello and on Saturday i got a good morning two hours later i respond "how is your bid coming along" he goes great and I said "good to hear"....and that was it. We have not spoken in a week and a half.

He did give you one last chance. You failed. NEXT.

So my synapsis is that he is seeing other women or seeing a woman on and off or there is someone in the picture or he is just not interested in me.

He is spinning plates and weeding out the bad. He is not interested in you because you are not interested in him as much as he wants you to be. Your IL is 75%, if it was 99% he'd know you're a woman worthy of keeping around and perhaps merrying.

He knows he is a great catch and he's not some sucker motherf'cker to chase after you. He is not going to contact you. If you want him you have to do the chasing and show him that you are extremely interested in him and appologize for things you done wrong to him, as described above. This guy has game, if you are after his money you can quit right now. You can make him yours only by showing genuine interest. In other words, you have to be a right woman for him.

Interest Level Scale
Anti-Dump's Machine

Remember, "there's a huge difference between getting tons of one handed compliments, hook ups, attention, dinners, etc. and actually being the type of chick that would make a man want to stay."

Don't let this go cold, text him and appologize, tell him you realize you're totally in love with him and can't live without him, send your daughter to parents, and invite him. Cook for him, and have lots of great sex, all positions, everything, as dirty as he wants. And be sure to follow this up whenever he wants it, even at 4 am, even if your daughter is home, there is the car. You don't have to go out places and he don't have to pay to have sex with you. Strive for it to be simple and on demand. Better than go to Atlantic city, go fishing, drink some vodka, and have sex out in the nature!

I hope I didn't offend you and you find my advice useful! Keep PIMPING!



P.S. Is he jewish? Jew men only f'ck none jews and never marry, it's for practise. If he is jewish just know that you will never marry him.

 

[VladPatton]

Seems like a scenario where nobody wants to do the chasing. But...backseatjuan dissected this perfectly. This guy is not a manpu$$y and he isn't phuckin around with low interest women, period.

 

[omega05]

seems like he's doing all the things that don juans are suppose to be doing if he has you running to an internet forum asking other guys for help so we should be giving the guy props. And we need pictures of you to see how you look

 

[Purefilth]

backseat juan = openthreadsurgeon
props

 

[5string]

He's a flake who forgot his xanax.

Replace him.

 

[Bible_Belt]

No wonder there's hardly any women who post here. This place is like loveshack to the opposite extreme.

I think the guy sounds like a low self-esteem douche bag. I bet he got his money from Mommy and Daddy, which is why he spends so much time at their house. I just can't view someone who acts so childishly as "successful" just because he has money (which he was probably given).

 

[Droz88]

I don't agree entirely with backseatjuan.

Besides being rich and successful, he did not do anything to really hook this woman. He didn't make her laught of seem like he tried to make her comfortable. From readin her post it doesn't sound like they have good rapport either. In fact it sounds like the only reason she is still contacting this guy is because he is rich and behavious mysteriously and has spiked her curiousity.

But this is all coming from a 24 year old...

 

[HeadLightsOn]

You did say you were prepared to hear things you didn't want to hear?

Well I believe this is a forum for men. Not a forum for men to give advice to women about anything. Not being rude, but I don't believe posting your female troubles here and wanting an answer is - well - appropriate.

There are a ton of girl places to do that online. I'm actually surprised that you got the amount of answers you did.

Let the punches come my way if anyone thinks I am being to un-PC. But that's what I like about this forum.

It's for m e n.

 

[dangdang]

I don't understand you guys giving her advice on how to make herself more appealing to this guy...cooking, sexing, etc... (sure that should be considered as personal integration, but just to "woo" a guy? Come on.)

She'll act the part and everything will go smooth, but it's not who she is. So in two months, things will blow up in both of their faces. (works the same way with manosphere advice around here...huge difference between gaming/pulling a chick, and her seeing your true colors 6 months in)

 

[floydb25]

This guy definitely sounds like a player. Or at least knows the game. Your emotions are all over the place, which is the point. This is the emotional high you get in the beginning. Its how they keep you interested. Theres a lot of push / pull behavior going on, and he doesnt seem as invested emotionally as you. He's also playing it cool when he's with you (actions), then reassuring you otherwise (words). Youre confused because he's playing games and sending mixed signals. He seems so interested (hot) then disappears (cold). Or, he says things, then doesnt escalate. Back and forth it goes. You dont know what the hell is going on, how he feels, what he wants, and what he's going to do. If he broke up, said youre just friends, then start acting touchy feely, got back together, etc, you'd be even more confused.

It sounds like youre on the emotional rollercoaster, and getting quite the rush from it. He has all the control, of course, and is keeping you in pursuit mode. He shows interest in you to get you interested in him - then backs off and blah blah. Thats a huge part of the player's game, and bad boys excell at it. I already know what youre going through, and how it feels. Just be prepared for the crash - after he's done toying with you.

But, youll tell yourself he's not that bad, hes not a player, doesnt really chase after other women, isnt into games, etc etc. And thats how they keep low self esteem women hooked. They keep giving chances, believe its going to get better, if only you love and push harder. And thats when they gain total control, and start neglecting you - once you are caught. He also likely has some psychological issues, which you should not sympathize with or try to fix. Coming on super strong then backing off and coming back is very common with crazy people. :crackup:

Regardless, this isnt normal or healthy - but is chaotic and exciting. You shouldnt have all these ups and downs, emotions going haywire, constant confusion, etc. Probably need to look at your self esteem, cause only low self esteem tolerate or stay involved in this crap.

Men date these same kind of women, by the way. Its why all these guys are here. Theyre all crazy from this crap, and ask similar questions to yours. "WHY ARE THESECRAZY PEOPLE SO CRAZY. I DUN GETS IT GUYS. :nervous:

Bottom line: you wouldnt be feeling this way or asking these questions if something wasnt terribly wrong. You just cant pinpoint it, which is also how players operate. Theres nothing thats actually bad; mean or hurtful. It doesnt make any sense, right? Of course not. Its not supposed to. But you might be crazy and like the rush. He might also be crazy, and doing this unintentionally. Who knows. Still not normal.

This is when youre supposed to detach yourself. Or stick along for the ride and get burned. There probably are other women in his life.

 

[sbonney]

Wow, first off backseat Juan i really appreciate your full honesty. I needed to see it like it is. I would have never thought that he would have interpreted what i did that way, but you are right. Honestly, all of the stuff i did was not intentional, i think men get defensive and think us women are evil (some of us are) but half the time we are trying to process how we feel, we get overwhelmed we are questioning whether we are making the right decisions, what we should be doing not what we want to be doing. All women are like this. This is why we are so wishy washy.

I have to say that i don't know what makes a guy tick, i think us women have been ingrained to think that we need to play hard to get to feel out what men are truly after. A guy who is into us for just sex isn't going to wait around to get to know me and that's how we weed out the bad ones. And while we are waiting we analyze your qualities your habits your mentality, your personality, and test you. According to your post we shouldn't do that because a man will run away if he does not think your interest level is high and makes men say "next". I see hundreds of posts here about men trying to raise our interest level and most are confused because we have mixed interest levels (playing hard to get) so clearly it seems to work. And so i am confused.

Actually i will post a pic of me and you guys can tell me an honest opinion, how do i do this?

And i agree with the other readers, i am intrigued by his behavior and fascinated by his intelligence. I don't necessarily need his money i am a comptroller, but yes i admit his success is attractive to me. I don't chase and he isn't chasing so no one is giving in.

Also yes he can act like ultimate don juan because if he can't get a woman's love on his own he can always buy it, there are lots of gold diggers who will gladly throw themselves at his feet so they don't have to lift a finger to actually work, that's easier. And I am sure he is willing to pony up the dough. Yes his money was handed down from mommy and daddy, and he has carried on the business so correct he can afford to play hard ball because if i don't give it up someone else will. I also think he is spoilt and is used to getting his way, but at the same time he doesn't act like he is above anyone else. He is actually quite down to earth.

He did say something interesting to me he said "that sex is sex its the connection that matters".

Anyway to make a long story short, i texted him because of you, i was scared as ****, but i said "hi" and i got a warm immediate response, i mentioned that i missed him over the last couple of weeks, he made a joke, and we set up tentative plans for next wednesday.

The thing is fine i don't mind giving in and pleasing him and actually showing interest because i do genuinely like him, but is that what he is looking for or is he just using me to spin a plate. Whats the point of doing this if he's not really genuinely interested in me.

 

[sbonney]

Ok here is the link to see what i look like:

http://www.facebook.com/fried.fish.52

 

[sbonney]

This guy definitely sounds like a player. Or at least knows the game. Your emotions are all over the place, which is the point. This is the emotional high you get in the beginning. Its how they keep you interested. Theres a lot of push / pull behavior going on, and he doesnt seem as invested emotionally as you. He's also playing it cool when he's with you (actions), then reassuring you otherwise (words). Youre confused because he's playing games and sending mixed signals. He seems so interested (hot) then disappears (cold). Or, he says things, then doesnt escalate. Back and forth it goes. You dont know what the hell is going on, how he feels, what he wants, and what he's going to do. If he broke up, said youre just friends, then start acting touchy feely, got back together, etc, you'd be even more confused.

It sounds like youre on the emotional rollercoaster, and getting quite the rush from it. He has all the control, of course, and is keeping you in pursuit mode. He shows interest in you to get you interested in him - then backs off and blah blah. Thats a huge part of the player's game, and bad boys excell at it. I already know what youre going through, and how it feels. Just be prepared for the crash - after he's done toying with you.

But, youll tell yourself he's not that bad, hes not a player, doesnt really chase after other women, isnt into games, etc etc. And thats how they keep low self esteem women hooked. They keep giving chances, believe its going to get better, if only you love and push harder. And thats when they gain total control, and start neglecting you - once you are caught. He also likely has some psychological issues, which you should not sympathize with or try to fix. Coming on super strong then backing off and coming back is very common with crazy people. :crackup:

Regardless, this isnt normal or healthy - but is chaotic and exciting. You shouldnt have all these ups and downs, emotions going haywire, constant confusion, etc. Probably need to look at your self esteem, cause only low self esteem tolerate or stay involved in this crap.

Men date these same kind of women, by the way. Its why all these guys are here. Theyre all crazy from this crap, and ask similar questions to yours. "WHY ARE THESECRAZY PEOPLE SO CRAZY. I DUN GETS IT GUYS. :nervous:

Bottom line: you wouldnt be feeling this way or asking these questions if something wasnt terribly wrong. You just cant pinpoint it, which is also how players operate. Theres nothing thats actually bad; mean or hurtful. It doesnt make any sense, right? Of course not. Its not supposed to. But you might be crazy and like the rush. He might also be crazy, and doing this unintentionally. Who knows. Still not normal.

This is when youre supposed to detach yourself. Or stick along for the ride and get burned. There probably are other women in his life.

Okay so this is how the original side of me feels about this whole situation...................why should i put up with his nonsense, i deserve better. Should i call him out on his game? or is that going to piss him off?

 

[sbonney]

http://www.facebook.com/fried.fish.52

Here is the link to those who are so curious to see what i look like, i must be crazy to be analyzing this crap here.

 

[backseatjuan]

Actually i will post a pic of me and you guys can tell me an honest opinion

Don't. HB rate yourself by searching this forum for hot babe scale. I bet you're a 6 or 7.

He did say something interesting to me he said "that sex is sex its the connection that matters".

Sex with a low IL woman is borring and lame. Only a highly enthusiastic and exciting woman can give mind blowing orgasms.

Anyway to make a long story short, i texted him because of you, i was scared as ****, but i said "hi" and i got a warm immediate response, i mentioned that i missed him over the last couple of weeks, he made a joke, and we set up tentative plans for next wednesday.

Sex by the sea side in the car sounds great. You could sit on passenger's seat with your butt out, and he could choke you with a seatbelt and stick it in your ass. Now that's some high IL!

The thing is fine i don't mind giving in and pleasing him and actually showing interest because i do genuinely like him, but is that what he is looking for or is he just using me to spin a plate. Whats the point of doing this if he's not really genuinely interested in me.

Frankly your princess buy before you try mentality kicks in and prevents you from landing a man of your wildest wet dream. You two should have great fun and enjoy life for at least half a year before any serious commitment. Don't build a relationship with this guy, you can't build a relationship. Offer him plenty in excess until he buys into you. Read anti-dump's machine.

Gradually cut him out from competition by making him want to spend more and more time together. Move in at the first opportunity. And most important, what all you western femenists are missing, cook and clean!