What is this guy's intentions? I need help from the experts.

[thewarrior]

GF of 4 months is away for three months in California on an internship.
I'm in Pennsylvania.
GF is also studying for MCATS (hard ass medical school exam).
With these two things going, GF shouldn't have too much free time for hanging out.

She was living with me for a bit and used my computer to check email.
Yesterday, I used Google Chrome by mistake (normally use Firefox) to check my email and her account came up (she saved the login details in the browser.
I see an email from a guy asking what she and her roommates are doing because he's tired of staying in his room.
She replied back saying "going to the store".
He replies back a little later saying "ok I'm in da room".

After I saw his first email, I called her to see what's up.
Before she left 5 days ago, we had a long discussion and decided to stay committed and not **** around when we're apart.
I asked her last night if she still feels the same and is there anything I need to know.
She says "I'm only interested in you and nothing is up".

But the quesion remains. Why did she give him her email? Why is he asking what she's up to? Why does it seem like he's already trying to get with her?

Was she just being friendly and gave her email to all the interns, or did they have a personal conversation and she gave it to him?

Oh we skyped last night for about 2 hours when the second email came through and she fell asleep while we talking. So I don't think anything happened.

Will I be played by this girl?

 

[Bible_Belt]

Yes, the guy is obviously trying to fvck her. That's what guys do. Fortunately, most guys are horrible at seduction.

I wouldn't worry about him having her email. Maybe he got it under a school pretense, or maybe he got it with a canned David D opener. It doesn't matter. It sounds like she has no interest in him. He sounds like a beta male orbiter anyway.

You have to ease up on the jealousy, though. There will always be guys going after your girl. That just means you have an attractive girlfriend, good for you. Women will typically be polite in their rejection of guys that they have to see again. Don't confuse polite rejection on her part with actual interest. If her interest level in you remains high, that is all you need. Acting jealous will destroy that quickly, though.

 

[terran2k]

yeah dont be jealous, it'll only make things worse for you. from the emails it looks like she has no sexual interest in him. Just know you have the strenght to drop her a$$ in a heartbeat if she screws around. dont go telling her that though, just know it and she'll sense it.

 

[vatoloco]

Before she left 5 days ago, we had a long discussion and decided to stay committed and not **** around when we're apart.

I'm gonna be honest here. I've never liked the long distance thing. When I tried back in my 20s, it never worked out. Women always need attention and if you're not there to provide it, they'll look for it elsewhere...

I asked her last night if she still feels the same and is there anything I need to know.
She says "I'm only interested in you and nothing is up".

Dude! Why did you do this!? If you asked her right after those e-mail were exchanged, she's gonna get suspicious with the timing. What you should have done is played it cool and see if there were any more e-mails and what kind of response your GF sent. "No thank you, I have a boyfriend back in Pennsylvania that I love very much!" OR "Sure, let's fvck! I'll bring the condoms!"

But the quesion remains. Why did she give him her email?

How do you know he didn't get it another way. Maybe the roommates gave it to him? Maybe he looked it up in the school's directory.

Why is he asking what she's up to? Why does it seem like he's already trying to get with her?

Because he wants to fvck her? If your GF is decent-looking, of course guys are gonna want to get with her. Get used to it. The key here is how your GF reacts to it (see my comment above). All girls like attention so maybe while she's away, she's gonna try to get a little "innocent" flirting going on

Will I be played by this girl?

*shakes Magic 8-Ball*

"Signs point to yes..."

Just kidding man! Well, I don't know. Wait to see if any more e-mails get sent and take it from there...

 

[bukowski_merit]

I see an email from a guy asking what she and her roommates are doing because he's tired of staying in his room.
She replied back saying "going to the store".
He replies back a little later saying "ok I'm in da room".

This isn't that much man.... this is not a smoking gun and not something you should be concerned with... If this is the worst thing you saw in your girlfriends email - you should have closed it and smiled a bit for having a good girlfriend (for now; as eventually they all go bad lol).

If you think this is anything to be alarmed about - maybe someday i show you the email exchanges i've had with guys girlfriends so you see how emotionless this exchange is.

After I saw his first email, I called her to see what's up.
Before she left 5 days ago, we had a long discussion and decided to stay committed and not **** around when we're apart.
I asked her last night if she still feels the same and is there anything I need to know.
She says "I'm only interested in you and nothing is up".

This was foolish. Total lack of experience on your part. 1st - you should not have told her because now she knows you care way too much. 2nd - you should not have had a long discussion about staying committed or not.... 3rd - you seeked her validation....

how can a woman get horny for a man who reeks of such insecurity and betaness???

But the quesion remains. Why did she give him her email? Why is he asking what she's up to? Why does it seem like he's already trying to get with her?

Why are you insecure? Instead of worrying about what the fvck she is doing - you should be out worrying about other women until she gets back.

Was she just being friendly and gave her email to all the interns, or did they have a personal conversation and she gave it to him?

You're an AFC for worrying about this crap. You need to value yourself more than this. If you worry this much about her - dump her and move on to another woman to have a casual relationship with until you can get manhood under control....

Will I be played by this girl?

Most likely.... Mostly because of how you're acting.... You Skyped with her for 2 hours, why???? To make sure she didn't cheat on you....

What you're probably going to do now is crowd her all the time while she's there.... Making sure you talk to her a lot on the phone... skype.... texting constantly, etc..... All of this is going to show her that you need her more than she needs you... That you're way too into her... Stop calling her, texting her, crowding her with your insecurities and get out there and see other women....

let her worry about you.... and you don't worry about her!

Otherwise - she will be sucking some guys c0ck very soon.

 

[thewarrior]

You're right, I am acting AFC. But if I like a chick and in a relationship, I don't want her to be screwing around and I don't screw around.

So she will get closer to me if I'm unavailable and don't give a **** what she does? That goes against what I read about about LDRs. IMO, good communication on a regular basis is necessary.

When we talked before she left, I asked if she wanted us to be free to see other people while we are apart and she denied it.

I'm not a PRO at this...I guess my basic question is...which is better in a long distance relationship and will minimize chances of her cheating? Regular communication, text, phone, webcam OR little communication and the attitude "I'm too busy to care what you're doing or who you're seeing."?

This isn't that much man.... this is not a smoking gun and not something you should be concerned with... If this is the worst thing you saw in your girlfriends email - you should have closed it and smiled a bit for having a good girlfriend (for now; as eventually they all go bad lol).

If you think this is anything to be alarmed about - maybe someday i show you the email exchanges i've had with guys girlfriends so you see how emotionless this exchange is.




This was foolish. Total lack of experience on your part. 1st - you should not have told her because now she knows you care way too much. 2nd - you should not have had a long discussion about staying committed or not.... 3rd - you seeked her validation....

how can a woman get horny for a man who reeks of such insecurity and betaness???






Why are you insecure? Instead of worrying about what the fvck she is doing - you should be out worrying about other women until she gets back.





You're an AFC for worrying about this crap. You need to value yourself more than this. If you worry this much about her - dump her and move on to another woman to have a casual relationship with until you can get manhood under control....





Most likely.... Mostly because of how you're acting.... You Skyped with her for 2 hours, why???? To make sure she didn't cheat on you....

What you're probably going to do now is crowd her all the time while she's there.... Making sure you talk to her a lot on the phone... skype.... texting constantly, etc..... All of this is going to show her that you need her more than she needs you... That you're way too into her... Stop calling her, texting her, crowding her with your insecurities and get out there and see other women....

let her worry about you.... and you don't worry about her!

Otherwise - she will be sucking some guys c0ck very soon.

 

[bukowski_merit]

You're right, I am acting AFC. But if I like a chick and in a relationship, I don't want her to be screwing around and I don't screw around.

The bolded part is the problem though.... you're too focused on that and it's causing you to invest way too much in this girl... If you can't handle the possiblity that she may have guys who talk to her - then you probably won't be able to handle serious relationships with ANY women anytime soon. As i said - it's probably better for you to have some casual relationships to gain more experience. Not that you'll listen to that though because you're stuck in a scarcity mentality...

So she will get closer to me if I'm unavailable and don't give a **** what she does? That goes against what I read about about LDRs. IMO, good communication on a regular basis is necessary.

Don't care what you read about LDRs. Don't care about your opinion (because it sounds like something Dr. PHil would say).

Of course she will care more about you if you seem to be losing interest or if she suspects you're intereted in other girls.... Just look what her doing it to you is doing to you.... And women are at least 70 times more territorial. =)

But hey, if you wish to continue to keep her "occupied" to keep her from cheating - go for it... But i can almost promise you - she'll have one of those nights where you doesn't respond to stuff you're saying, your calls, etc... And you'll be vomiting on the bathroom floor... And it won't matter if she cheated on you or not... you'll make a huge AFC scene about it...

When we talked before she left, I asked if she wanted us to be free to see other people while we are apart and she denied it.

Of course she denied it. She does not want you fvcking other people. And i would suspect you asked her that question hoping she would deny it. If she had said: "yes that's a good idea, we should fvck other people" - what would have happened to your heart???

I'm not a PRO at this...I guess my basic question is...which is better in a long distance relationship and will minimize chances of her cheating? Regular communication, text, phone, webcam OR little communication and the attitude "I'm too busy to care what you're doing or who you're seeing."?

Neither are a sure thing. NO ONE has a sure answer to stop a woman from cheating. Understand? (let fools claim they know ways; but they will only prove to the world they are fools.)

But option 2 is 100Xs better than option 1. Not only to lower the risk of her cheating, but to make sure you don't end up a huge crying AFC/Beta heartbroken guy.

 

[Kailex]

You're right, I am acting AFC. But if I like a chick and in a relationship, I don't want her to be screwing around and I don't screw around.

None of us want this to happen, but none of us can make it impossible to happen. You have to start understanding that. If you want to drive her away from you, just keep doing EVERYTHING that you have been doing so far.

If you want to keep her, then do the opposite.

That simple. Start occupying your time, start doing other stuff, talking to people, hanging out with friends, paper mache origami, help the homeless, WHATEVER except sit at home and ponder whether she's out banging dudes.

So she will get closer to me if I'm unavailable and don't give a **** what she does? That goes against what I read about about LDRs. IMO, good communication on a regular basis is necessary.

Quality communication is necessary.
What you are talking about is talking to her a LOT.
Not the same thing. You just want to talk to her all the time, because if she's talking to you, she's not talking to anyone else. That's not quality communication. If you try to OVER-talk to her, you are gonna push her away from you.

When we talked before she left, I asked if she wanted us to be free to see other people while we are apart and she denied it.

What'd you expect her to say?

I'm not a PRO at this...I guess my basic question is...which is better in a long distance relationship and will minimize chances of her cheating? Regular communication, text, phone, webcam OR little communication and the attitude "I'm too busy to care what you're doing or who you're seeing."?

Okay, I'll give you the #1 solution to avoid her cheating on you. This is fool-proof. GUARANTEED. She will never, logistically speaking, cheat on you if you do just ONE thing.

Break up with her.

Then she won't have a boyfriend to cheat on.





Yeah, I didn't think you'd like that answer, right?
Well, you're going to have to go with Option #2 then:

Just do whatever you did in the beginning to get this girl in a relationship with you.

You're turning into the over-bearing, incredibly jealous, and ridiculously possessive boyfriend. By talking to her all the time, all you are demonstrating to her is that YOUR world revolves around HER and that in turn, your life is incomplete without her in the picture.

Is that what you want? Do you want to be the small yo-yo wrapped around her finger? You are giving her ALL of the power in the relationship by trying to figure out ways of keeping her on a leash when in reality, YOU are on the leash.

What you're supposed to do is to be the one that's creating all of the mystery. She's supposed to be saying: Where the hell is he?
She's the one that's supposed to be saying: You know what, these other douchebags are nowhere even as good in quality as my boyfriend - I can't wait to get back to him in 2 months!!!

But by doing everything you are doing, you are taking away that intrigue, mystery, and excitement from her. You've become a whiney little girl who has become co-dependent on your girlfriend.

And believe me, she's not enjoying it and everytime you whine to her, ask her questions and try to keep her on the phone with another 30 minutes of NOTHING... she's beginning to think that EMAIL GUY is starting to look a lot more attractive.

She'll get pissed at you one day. He'll see her and say: Hey, what's wrong.
She'll reply that her boyfriend is being a massive prick and he'll say: Let's talk about it over drinks.

Is that the situation you want to create???

START GOING OUT MORE.
DO OTHER THINGS.
STOP WORRYING.

If you guys really dig each other that much and you have a strong foundation, then she'll be counting down the days to get to see you again.

Now, reapply your testicles, please.

 

[Real Talk]

^^ Exactly.

I have a girlfriend and I've texted my female neighbors (when im bored and the gf isn't around to hang out) asking the exact same sort of stuff, just because i have nothing to do...

If one of their bf's read my texts, i don't think theres any reason for them to get mad, trust me.

 

[Upside]

A lot of the advice here is solid. If I read the OP correctly, she fell ASLEEP on you during a skype session. Not good. You should have been like "I have other things to do. Nice chatting with ya, talk to you later" before she had to chance to snooze on you. Go cold on her and see how she responds. You will know how interested she really is if you stop hounding her 24/7.

I also have a question related to this though. Imagine the same situation, a temporary LDR, in which the girl complains about a lack of contact and begins to distance herself. You up the contact and turn the girl off, but if you don't do anything at all it will only get worse. I suppose the best way to combat this would be to improve the quality of the interactions drastically. Make sure she doesn't fall asleep on your ass. Some food for thought.

 

[Real Talk]

Also, I would like to say that theres nothing as good for your state of mind in a relationship than staying calm when something like this happens and finding out later that there was nothing to be worried about anyway.

 

[thewarrior]

Alright guys, I'm going to listen to your suggestions. I'm not going to call or text her anymore. When she calls, I will keep the conversation short and even shorter if we're talking about unnecessary crap. I will have a life.

But I still don't understand how this will draw her closer. In my opinion, she'll get pissed I don't have time to talk and begin seeking attention elsewhere. But I know a lot of times the opposite of what you think works with women.

If anybody else have their two cents, throw them in. I'll update this thread if **** changes for the better or for the worse. It may help somebody that's also in a LDR.

 

[Nino-Tk]

jealousy is a very destructive emotion don't let it control you.And you can't stop other guys from trying to tap that, what you gotta do is get a backup or a stand by girl, that way you won't worry about who she givin ha email to.

 

[bukowski_merit]

But I still don't understand how this will draw her closer. In my opinion, she'll get pissed I don't have time to talk and begin seeking attention elsewhere. But I know a lot of times the opposite of what you think works with women.

Jesus man... you just don't understand! YOU CANNOT be concerned with what she's doing! Why? Because you have no control over it, and it's abundantly clear that you have huge insecurity issues.

The less you talk to her; the more you go out and do other fun things/have conversation with other attractive women - the LESS YOU CARE what she's doing.

The less you care what she's doing; the more she believes you may be slipping away - the more attracted to you she will be.

The more attracted to you she is - the less chance she has of cheating...

If she seeks attention elsewhere - that guy is very likely to get LJBF'd... Better him than you, no?

If she does cheat or end up deciding she's against the LDR thing - guess what? you're out there having fun and seeing other women... so you won't care nearly as much as if you lay around all day wondering what she's doing...

I fear that you'll fail all her tests on this stuff though and just be in the same position within a few days (or hours).... you really need to read the DJ Bible and find as much stuff as you can on passing sh!t tests! You've already demonstrated a horrible understanding of basic female psychology by even telling her you were snooping through her email...

It may help somebody that's also in a LDR.

I have experience in two of them (both girls i was dating who went on internships)... Don't discount what we're saying just because you think you should play by different rules...

 

[thewarrior]

I fear that you'll fail all her tests on this stuff though and just be in the same position within a few days (or hours).... you really need to read the DJ Bible and find as much stuff as you can on passing sh!t tests! You've already demonstrated a horrible understanding of basic female psychology by even telling her you were snooping through her email...

I know my thinking is all screwed up. I miss her a lot. But she has no idea that I was snooping through her email. I brought up the subject in an extreme roundabout way.

I don't think she'll do anything. She's really into me. But I know if I continue on the path I'm on now, our relationship will end.

But honestly, I'm pissed because she's off in California and I'm stuck in Pennsylvania. She didn't tell me that she was going away for the summer until 8 weeks into our relationship. Unfortunately, I started to plan in my head all the fun stuff we were going to do together this summer, and my plan didn't work out. She wasn't being dishonest because the internship didn't tell her she was definitely coming until the last minute, but she never said anything about applying to an internship.

She's only been gone a week, I just hope this sh*t becomes easier as the weeks pass. She is coming back to PA in July for a weekend (scholarship program) so I'll see her then.

And I guess that I'm cynical after reading these forums. Girls can be very deceitful. Even though I haven't saw any red flags with this girl, stuff I read about relationships and cheating just keeps flashing back in my head and I imagine her getting tired of studying, roommates invite her out, and something happens.

But there's nothing I can do about what she's doing, so I need to stop driving myself crazy. But hopefully when she comes back, things will be just as strong or stronger.

 

[DonGorgon]

99% of men that interact with your girl will be happy to F her, including the gay guys!!!.. and some will.. FACT

you need to be worrying about having other females around that you girl can worry about.. and who you can F wen need be...

 

[Kailex]

thewarrior, I'll give you a bonus insight, since I'm in such a good mood.

2 years ago when I moved from Puerto Rico to New Jersey, I was in an LTR and us moving to Jersey was seen as a step up for us. We wanted to have a better life with better goals...

Well, she couldn't move til August and it was barely March. I moved first and the whole time I was over in New Jersey trying to start over, I knew she was over there still going out with her friends and MAYBE meeting new people...

But you know what?

I didn't care. Because I knew I was doing what was best for myself and that if she was going to do something... she was going to do it whether I kept a watchful eye or not, whether I tried to keep her from doing it or not... because guess what, I couldn't make her give me status reports 24 hours a day on what she was doing.

So I was the one who became busy. I was going out, discovering this "wonderful" state, meeting new people, getting a job, doing ANYTHING else because that's what I wanted to do.

Whether she ever did cheat on me or not, I don't know, but all signs point towards NO. Because I wasn't worried about her the whole time or all over her, she was constantly wondering what I was up to... and she kept counting down the days to see me.

Bottom line: There's nothing you CAN do to alleviate her situation.

What you can do is alleviate your mental situation. Enjoy your life. 3 months flies by. Stop worrying so much and trying to think up different scenarios. If you do, you'll look back and realize you wasted your summer. No matter the outcome, don't you want to say you enjoyed YOUR summer.

 

[Rescue Mission]

thewarrior - are you ready for 100% brutal truth? I hope you take this seriously, because what I am about to say is guaranteed to be the TRUTH, and the WHOLE TRUTH about YOU, and guys LIKE YOU:

First of all, I know exactly who you are, thewarrior - you are just like every other guy who lucked out on a hot piece of azz, and because you felt like you didn't have enough game to consistently pick up quality chicks, you automatically, by AFC-logic, created a relationship OUT OF THIN AIR. As a result, now you are actually making THE RELATIONSHIP more important than YOURSELF.........as if THE RELATIONSHIP is a play that you are casting, all the tickets are sold, the main roles have been taken, and this play MUST happen, no matter what, THE RELATIONSHIP is something that you and your AFC mindset created out of thin air and made it sound important, so you can feel important.

The bottom line about relationships is, they are 100% GUARANTEED TO FAIL every time that you jump into one with the first chick who shows you high enough interest............the only way a relationship can possibly ever work, is if you were banging tons and tons of girls, and eventually you found one that made you forget about the rest in every way possible - THEN you have a chance.................find the girl first, THEN call it a relationship. This "play" that you are casting, THE RELATIONSHIP, you can have that with any chick, and the end result will always be the same - the play has a beginning and an end.

Now, I have already explained to you why you should not dare to have another relationship until you experience tons and tons of girls, let me explain to you why YOUR relationship is even worse than you think - NO ONE, NOT ANYONE, EVER TELLS THE TRUTH IN A LONG DISTANCE RELATIONSHIP.......she IS cheating, you SHOULD cheat.....mums the word and nobody finds out anything. Otherwise, a long distance relationship is basically another way of being a born-again virgin for a fixed period of time.

I know that you don't have any women interested in you, because you are SO STUCK ON YOUR GIRLFRIEND........so I want you to start improving yourself, start trying to get girls, and after you get a couple of them to hook up, and you start feeling better about yourself when it comes to being good with the ladies, you email your gf and DUMP her. Play over, the end.

 

[thewarrior]

thewarrior - are you ready for 100% brutal truth? I hope you take this seriously, because what I am about to say is guaranteed to be the TRUTH, and the WHOLE TRUTH about YOU, and guys LIKE YOU:

First of all, I know exactly who you are, thewarrior - you are just like every other guy who lucked out on a hot piece of azz, and because you felt like you didn't have enough game to consistently pick up quality chicks, you automatically, by AFC-logic, created a relationship OUT OF THIN AIR. As a result, now you are actually making THE RELATIONSHIP more important than YOURSELF.........as if THE RELATIONSHIP is a play that you are casting, all the tickets are sold, the main roles have been taken, and this play MUST happen, no matter what, THE RELATIONSHIP is something that you and your AFC mindset created out of thin air and made it sound important, so you can feel important.

The bottom line about relationships is, they are 100% GUARANTEED TO FAIL every time that you jump into one with the first chick who shows you high enough interest............the only way a relationship can possibly ever work, is if you were banging tons and tons of girls, and eventually you found one that made you forget about the rest in every way possible - THEN you have a chance.................find the girl first, THEN call it a relationship. This "play" that you are casting, THE RELATIONSHIP, you can have that with any chick, and the end result will always be the same - the play has a beginning and an end.

Now, I have already explained to you why you should not dare to have another relationship until you experience tons and tons of girls, let me explain to you why YOUR relationship is even worse than you think - NO ONE, NOT ANYONE, EVER TELLS THE TRUTH IN A LONG DISTANCE RELATIONSHIP.......she IS cheating, you SHOULD cheat.....mums the word and nobody finds out anything. Otherwise, a long distance relationship is basically another way of being a born-again virgin for a fixed period of time.

I know that you don't have any women interested in you, because you are SO STUCK ON YOUR GIRLFRIEND........so I want you to start improving yourself, start trying to get girls, and after you get a couple of them to hook up, and you start feeling better about yourself when it comes to being good with the ladies, you email your gf and DUMP her. Play over, the end.

That's kind of harsh. But I understand what you are saying. This whole situation just sucks!

 

[Rescue Mission]

That's kind of harsh. But I understand what you are saying. This whole situation just sucks!

It's okay, you are just casting a play, and any other chick can fill the role of "girlfriend", even though I suggest you start taking women less seriously and don't create committments out of thin air, because those don't work 100% of the time as i've said.