What is it about control?

[slickaz]

Is it me or do relationships gradually change to a give and take of control of each other?
I have seen in myself in previous relationships and my boys now who are dating, they start of being 'the man'! and slowly turn to molds of clay in the hands of their women.

Is that true?
If so, how do you keep that respect and control?
How do you constantly maintain that level of, 'I am in charge of my life and I do as I please.'

In todays world, women dont seem to appreciate that past the first 3 months, when they say things like , wow you are such a man! i love it, you're like my dad!. to, gosh you are such a male chauvinistic pig! its not always about you you know!

I have been that guy, and i still am, and i am bringing this up, because over the weekend, I was talking to a chic at a party and she turns out to be part of a feminist movement that hates on men who stand up for themselves. She was giving every guy a hard time at the table, But i fired back and shut her up, to which everyone else laughed. At first i think she found it kinda hot.

an hour later she approaches me and we talk about the usual, what you do? where you from etc etc. Then she starts giving me sh!t again about me not being a gentleman and talking over a lady, and i responded something along the lines off, you're lucky you can speak in this country, you should move to Iran or Iraq and get stoned for running your mouth like that...It was a joke.

but she blew up with the chauvinistic speech and stormed off.

Anyway later on the way back home, MY BOYS, the BOYS i helped hook up with hott women! and be a wingman and rescue them and literally feed gorgeous women to them, turned on me.

Like, Dude, she was a friend of our GFs, she doesnt like you and you know how girls stick together. You should really not speak like that to chics man.

Like WTF!!! Where did your balls go?

They" Slick, you really need to stop constantly acting like THE MAN, like calm down, you just always confident, people cant talk around you man!"

WTF are they on about?

Ever had this?

How do you deal with it?

How do you stay confident in control and be a true man, without having the whole world hate you for it?

How do you stay in control of your woman without her bringing this to light?
eg, going to a dinner place she wants to go vs somewhere YOU want to go, or her having her opinion on politics/ your family issues/etc vs you having opposite politics.

Has anyone mastered the art of having their woman look to you as a trusted advisor whose word is final?

How do you handle male friends who suddenly seem like they are wearing panties?

sorry for all the questions..Im just disappointed over what my friends said about me..

 

[brokenupinside]

I hear you.It is about control as much as losing control,it's almost like an ambush especially when people are in a relationship and care about each other.
Maybe they are not out to gain control but slowly take it when the other person concedes it without even realizing it.

About that chick at the party,forget that and don't use it as a gauge,she's a professional man hater....and that approach after you made her "shut up" at the table was nothing more than trying to "pick your brain and see what makes you tick" .What feminist worth her salt is going to give you crap for not being a gentelman,we are all equals right?...,she's all over the palce.

I also remember one of the last things I said to myself before my LTR exploded in my face was......she lost respect...
Now through this site I have realized my mistake,the minute I tried to make her happy artificially I made myself miserable and lost her respect.
BE happy and she'll jump on your happy wagon.

I went from demi-god like figure in her eyes to the dude shes always second guessing....spells E_N_D.

I admit it sounds like a mind game and it is and probably will keep me/you on our toes but even lions in the jungle if they are sluggish they will become hiena food.

Your boys may have had a momentary lapse of reason but secretly they are going:" that's the MAN slick",you did the right thing.

take care slickaz.

 

[WaterTiger]

Anyway later on the way back home, MY BOYS, the BOYS i helped hook up with hott women! and be a wingman and rescue them and literally feed gorgeous women to them, turned on me.

Like, Dude, she was a friend of our GFs, she doesnt like you and you know how girls stick together. You should really not speak like that to chics man.

Like WTF!!! Where did your balls go?

They" Slick, you really need to stop constantly acting like THE MAN, like calm down, you just always confident, people cant talk around you man!"

WTF are they on about?


How do you handle male friends who suddenly seem like they are wearing panties?

..

They are afraid...SCARED of losing their girlfirends!

SCARED of having to listen to her go "Blah, blah...that Slickaz, he's SO mean! Blah, blaah..."

SCARED to say "WOMAN! He wasn't going to stand there and get disrespected! Now go make me a sandwich!"

Your friends still have AFC demons whispering in the back of their minds.

What you should do is get this fem-nazi's phone number & take her out to dinner....then tell her she's paying half because it's fair!

 

[The Muscle Expert]

Relationships are all about power games. If you don't have the power, then she does. If you do have the power, she will try constantly to take it from you.

 

[Daniel1982]

I hear you man,

I've had the exact same problems as you. First, my friends who I tried to help to unplug from the matrix, turned on me once they got girlfriends, and now they replugged themselves, I hate to say it, but they are AFC beyond repair,

So, what did I do? Let them be, I will help them if they ask for my help, but I'm not gonna be wasting my time and energy if they simply won't listen.

About the respect thing, exactly yesterday, I had this fight with my girl, after telling her that the next time she's not ready by the hour we agreed I would leave, I actually left, needless to say she was p1ssed. She asked me to talk yesterday, and guess what? she wanted an apology, I said, "I got nothing to say". I told you that I'd do it, and the next time you're late, I'm gonna do it again. She didn't like it, but gave me the reason, although I'm sure she's still p1ssed at me cuz she wasn't all sugary like always, still, you gotta stick to your word, or else, bigger problems will arise, mark my words.

Sometimes, in the end, you gotta stand alone, and be your own man.

 

[Unbridled_Phoenix]

To be your own man entails usually standing alone. The Matrix is powerful and seductive, it invades the minds of men from all angles. I've learned it's pointless to try to help guys unplug themselves, most lack enough vision to even see something is wrong. That's what makes all SS men unique; we represent a tiny faction of men who had the depth to see that something is wrong and the determination to do something about it.

 

[slickaz]

Thanks guys..

I have decided to them dudes be, as they b!tch and moan about the way I act like a reflection of what their women are saying.

What im thinking about is:
e.g: Daniel1982, WaterTiger, etc.

Have all mentioned how YOU the man stays in control.

Women nowadays dont seem to appreciate that and want a guy that slowly turns to a wimp to them.

e.g, I went on a date with a fly young lady, who only 2 days prior to this event said what a gentleman I was n how it was nice to know real men still existed and she'd love to take me home to her mum. Then on the day or the date, I opened the door for her and continued to hold it open for two other older ladies that were walking out through the doors...she went into a rage about how I should open the doors only for her, suffice to say my response was something along the lines of, thatll be the day when your mouth shuts when i tell it to.

I n ever asked her out and she never contacted me back, as the date ended shortly after.

Thing is, ive noticed in every relationship I know of, the parties have tried to keep or take control from the other. assert their ability to be independent etc.

How do you over come this?
How do you stand and let her run her mouth, playing mind games trying to take the power and yet keep it at all times?

I can only say what I have done in the past, is to stick to what i believe in, if i feel she is crossing the line, I tell her that, in a cool calm manner that if she goes further itll get serious, and when and if she does, then I show her what the implications are.

FORMULA AHEAD:
(A)However, the worst thing you CAN do to them, is ignore them.
+I try to date only the FINEST 7.5 to 8 and upwards of women.
= There are a hundred other guys that she can call for the night to get that attention.

(B) Result of (A) + It doesnt phase me, eventually I just call up another girl to replace her too + I dont find females that play that game attractive at all = Me and girl from (A) are over.


Result of (B) = I am out again finding another chic

Which is cool at this stage, when im young, single and ready to play and mingle.

But eventually, im gonna want to settle down with a good chic. and every chic comes pre-installed with the MindGame application.

So how do you keep the mind games out of her and enjoy everything else about the girl?

How do you always stay the man!

I know its possible because i look at my parents, my external family, grandparents etc. All of the men there are always in control, the women talk and run mind games but it ends when the men say it does.

In conversation many times i have picked up older women say things like "he's my husband and im going to stand by his decision.." etc.

WTF Changed?

 

[jophil28]

About the respect thing, exactly yesterday, I had this fight with my girl, after telling her that the next time she's not ready by the hour we agreed I would leave, I actually left, needless to say she was p1ssed. She asked me to talk yesterday, and guess what? she wanted an apology, I said, "I got nothing to say". I told you that I'd do it, and the next time you're late, I'm gonna do it again. She didn't like it, but gave me the reason, although I'm sure she's still p1ssed at me cuz she wasn't all sugary like always, still, you gotta stick to your word, or else, bigger problems will arise, mark my words.

Sometimes, in the end, you gotta stand alone, and be your own man.

Yes indeed, keeping men waiting is an age old convention which ONLY serves a womans' needs for power, control and frame ownership. It is also, in fact, an intolerable display of rudeness and disrespect.

I have a "ten minute rule" - If I have arranged to meet her out somewhere and she is going to be more that ten minutes late , I EXPECT a call or a text. If I do not get either by the eleven minute mark, I am walking back to my car.
I make this rule clear OVERTLY very early in the piece.

You did just fine Daniel. Stick to your guns.

 

[Warrior74]

I was chopping up game with a client of mine tonight and he said this.

Men and Women are yin and yang man. Men have to take risk, women seek security. When you get with a woman, she is gonna pull hard for her side, she doesn't want you out there risking the security she worked so hard to secure. You can't get with a woman on a serious level until you know you are not gonna be taking any big risk with your life. Women take you off your goal, and if you are a man with big goals, its gonna take big risk to get there, you can't give up your goals for her.

 

[ThunderMaverick]

Telling a girl to shut her mouth when you've been on one date is laughable, because if you seriously expect her to take you seriously after that, you're mistaken.

I mean I understand if she was being serious about her saying you should only open doors for her and you made that comment. Actually, was she joking? Was your comment a joke? It's all about context.

Coming off like like you're God's gift to a girl you just met is obnoxious and a front. Coming off like you're God's gift to a feminist b!tch is funny. I like to justify my crassness when they make the first move. I'm usually not a d!ck like that until they say something sexist or stereotypical about men. I haven't had encounters like that lately because I just don't want to be around it.

I think the moral of the story is: don't act like a victim if you think you'll offend people by what you say. Just take it for what it is. Ask yourself how do people USUALLY take what you say instead of how YOU think they SHOULD take it. You'll be a lot happier with yourself and more understanding of the world around you.

 

[slickaz]

dude, she was dead serious.like visibly upset and made a scene that everyone in the vicinity turned around and looked at me like I had done something wrong.

PS: I didnt say i had JUST MET her, infact I mentioned how 2 days PRIOR to the event she had mentioned wanting to intro me to her mum because im such a gentleman. I knew this girl about 4 months and had been on dates prior.
She was serious, I was joking but was trying to get a point across that she needs to calm down because from the perspective of a person with COMMON SENSE, holding the door open an extra 2 seconds, so older ladies to get past you is well..COMMON SENSE...

I understand where you are coming from in that you are saying what Jesus said, with 'Do unto others as you would like them to do unto you."

But please use that advice in context, because I need for you to explain to me how what i did (holding door open for 2 older ladies to walk by) was wrong, and how I should have reacted to her explosive behaviour, or how my reaction portrayed that i am " a gift to women from God" ..

cheers for the advice anyway

 

[jophil28]

.. holding the door open an extra 2 seconds, so older ladies to get past you is well..COMMON SENSE...

NO..Holding that door open for a few extra seconds was chivalrous and just ole' fashioned good manners. Good job, Slick.
I wonder whether your 'date' would have launched her tirade if those two women had been her own mother and her sister ?
If a woman chewed on me like that for being considerate to others, she would be taking a taxi home in as long a time as it took me to hail a cab, and of course I would hold the car door open for her !

 

[DavenJuan]

Originally posted by Slickaz
How do you deal with it?

How do you stay confident in control and be a true man, without having the whole world hate you for it?

..when you realize, that the worlds perception of you is completely irrelevant.

that itself is confidence.

if you have NO naysayers..everyone agrees with you and likes what you do, then you are not doing it right.

Originally posted by Slickaz
If so, how do you keep that respect and control?

How do you constantly maintain that level of, 'I am in charge of my life and I do as I please.'

by maintaining the confidence you spoke about. When you are confident in YOURSELF and know what you stand for, you realize that any person who doesnt like you, or something about you, its THEIR problem. not yours.

this in itself will create the "respect & control" that you mention.

 

[radiodude]

if you have NO naysayers..everyone agrees with you and likes what you do, then you are not doing it right.

Yes, absolutely, this is the comment of the day!!!

 

[ThunderMaverick]

dude, she was dead serious.like visibly upset and made a scene that everyone in the vicinity turned around and looked at me like I had done something wrong.

PS: I didnt say i had JUST MET her, infact I mentioned how 2 days PRIOR to the event she had mentioned wanting to intro me to her mum because im such a gentleman. I knew this girl about 4 months and had been on dates prior.
She was serious, I was joking but was trying to get a point across that she needs to calm down because from the perspective of a person with COMMON SENSE, holding the door open an extra 2 seconds, so older ladies to get past you is well..COMMON SENSE...

I understand where you are coming from in that you are saying what Jesus said, with 'Do unto others as you would like them to do unto you."

But please use that advice in context, because I need for you to explain to me how what i did (holding door open for 2 older ladies to walk by) was wrong, and how I should have reacted to her explosive behaviour, or how my reaction portrayed that i am " a gift to women from God" ..

cheers for the advice anyway

Ignore my post. I'm way too lazy to explain myself.