What if you can't change? What if you can't be a DJ?

[Jokerlsk]

I've always been a likable person. I have a lot of friends, but i just don't fit the DJ mold. I've tried, i really have, and yeah, it's helped a lot. My popularity has sky rocketed a lot. It's helped my confidence out more than anything, but i'm still not content with who i am. I wouldn't say i'm amazingly popular, but i would consider myself well known. My problem isn't with girls. It's with conflicting values. Don't get me wrong, before i came to this sight i was a door-mat for girls. I really was, but now i'm just an ******* towards them. My friends even notice this. I don't take their ****, and i know i never should, but i feel like i'm always just an ******* to them. Even when they don't deserve it. I take c and F too far. I don't know how to talk to them. To get to know them to the point where i could date them, because that's all i've really ever cared about when it comes with girls. I'm not here for sex, i just want to actually know what it's like to have a relationship with a girl before college. I just don't think i'm not cut out to be a DJ.

My real question is how do you actually get a girl to the point where you can date her? Because being a DJ isn't working out. I probably am doing it wrong, but i'm not a smooth talker. I'm a straight forward guy. I'm not good at being 'fake' or being something not. And i know i'm not a DJ. I have a lot of self conflict with who i am, and i feel like i've begun to resent girls. Can someone actually give me instructions? Someone who's been here before. SOmeone who came here for more than just girl help.

 

[handle]

Try this: Let go of being DJ. Just be a regular dude who works on this, works on that, and tries to work out some kinks in his love life. Once you get rid of this ideal you'll hopefully be able to focus on the relevant, specific pieces of advice here. No big picture for now.

 

[Captain]

You need more practice and more experience.

Not being a doormat is the easy part. You can read something on the internet that says "don't be a b!tch", and put it into play immediately. But you can't read a few things on the internet and suddenly know how to talk to women. You need experience to learn that skill.

 

[Prod]

Just tone it down and practice more. If you have a good circle of friends that goes out with you and provides you with social value, that is a good base to build on.

 

[Allurre]

Your problem is you're trying TOO HARD to be a DJ bro.

Start being more CONSIDERATE, THOUGHTFUL, COURTEOUS, and UNDERSTANDING.

Learn to give more, not take.

Be fun, positive.
Dump your C&F routines -- you can attract women with a myriad more ways that are by folds more effective.

Start rewiring yourself now, and stop counting your blessings on how 'popular' you seem. Your social proof means nothing if carries no REAL VALUE to others.

 

[LinkinParkROX]

Also, pay attention to kino. Maybe read a few articles here and there about the subject. It's very powerful in getting women to the point where they want to date you. Good luck, brother!

 

[Warrior74]

People can tell when you are trying to hard. Calm it down, tone it down.

Use your "DJ" skills for women who show you interest and who you are interested in...otherwise be a normal person.

The whole "DJ" thing gets blown out to ridiculous levels around here. It's like saying 'how can I be a better fighter' and you go around punching everyone you meet in the face. Save it for the ring champ. Save it for the ring. Good luck.

 

[penkitten]

see, the problem here is, that new people on the board think being a dj is equal to being a jerk.
and you know what, it's not.

contrary to the newest discussion threads on the board, being a dj is simply having confidence enough to walk up to a woman, make small talk, see if she is interested in you, continue to talk to her and get to know her enough that you can see if she "qualifies" to see you, and then take it from there.

what happens after that is entirely up to you as an individual.
most guys here think it is all about getting her in bed and then meeting the next gal. and if that is what you want, fine, so be it.
however, if you prefer QUALITY over QUANTITY then be true to thyself!

might i suggest some of these great old posts:

http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?s=&threadid=56293
http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?s=&threadid=16117
http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?s=&threadid=16682
http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?s=&threadid=16923
http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?s=&threadid=16505
http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?s=&threadid=16645

and just for the record, my husband is very much a dj.
being exclusive with someone does not stop him from being who he is.
being exclusive just means that he doesn't charm anyone else but me.

 

[Jokerlsk]

The real problem is that I really don't try at all. Out of all my friends, I'm the only one who doesn't make an ass out of himself. I'm the only one who thinks of more important things than just girls. I just have trouble opening up to people. Even my friends. Don't get me wrong, i have a ton of friends, and i'm really thankful to have them, but no one really knows me.
Most people ask me how I hang out with the guys i do. Because most of them are more popular than me, but they still are my friends. I guess I'm more of the 'hall moniter' type, and my friends are all class clowns. I mean, i do know how to have a good time. I'm always having fun, and laughing, and cracking jokes with them, but I'm just different from most of them.

I don't know how to be fake. I don't know how to be someone I'm not, and it's obvious I don't have to because i have friends who like me for who I am. I've just never met a girl like that before. I've never encountered a girl who I've been attracted enough to. Like penkitten said, I'm really looking for quality not quantity. I don't want to be a player, pimp, or man*****. If I date someone, I want it to be someone who genuinely likes me.

 

[Warrior74]

The real problem is that I really don't try at all.Out of all my friends, I'm the only one who doesn't make an ass out of himself. I'm the only one who thinks of more important things than just girls.

You know what your problem is. What are you gonna do about it?

Out of all my friends, I'm the only one who doesn't make an ass out of himself. I'm the only one who thinks of more important things than just girls.

Don't diss your friends because they are having fun doing what they do. Meeting women is NOT making an ass of yourself. Search your words for your true mentality. You are afraid of making a fool of yourself. Your words betray your fear. The game teaches you how to meet women without making a fool of yourself, if you apply it. Who thinks about girls all day long? Right now I'm thinking of this grand I'm making, doing work for a client. Tonight I'll think about girls. Get off your high horse, you are not fooling us.

There is nothing wrong with you. If there was you wouldn't have friends. Men don't have to fvcking open up to everyone. That's what women do with each other. If you enjoy your friends company and they enjoy yours that's good enough. Stop looking so deep into it. At the end of the day we are always alone in our head, so stop looking for people to completely "get you". That screams of needing validation. They are your friends, that's all the validation you need. A woman goes out with you, that's all the proof you need that she is interested. You are making this harder than it is with all of this over thinking. I know...I been there.

Like penkitten said, I'm really looking for quality not quantity. I don't want to be a player, pimp, or man*****. If I date someone, I want it to be someone who genuinely likes me.

Firstly. penkitten is a woman. And remember what they say about taking advice from a woman. Her advice isn't bad, but don't use it as an excuse to not get better and to not understand what you are doing when you meet a woman you are attracted to.

Second. Do you think women who date players, pimps or manhores don't really like them? Do you think every douchebag with a hot chic is with a girl who doesn't really like them? The women like something so that's why they are there. Don't hate the player, hate the game. You NEVER know how people are behind close doors. The way I treat my woman in the street and they way we are alone would probably surprise you. You don't wear your heart on your sleeve, especially in public.

You can have game and be a good person, its not an "either/or situation. Plenty of normal guys with game have girlfriends. You are just a normal guy with no game.

Third. How is a woman suppose to get to know you enough to like you? This is what the game is for. It's about attracting the woman so you can date her and see if you like her and she really likes you. She can't just look at you and decide she likes you. That's called wishing. You have to make a move, no move, no mate. What are you afraid of?

Fourth. Playing the mating game is not being something you're not. It's doing the same thing animals do to mate. What do they do? They go through the mating ritual. Do they constantly, all day every day put on mating ritual displays? Or do they do it when it's time to mate? Think about that. Is a lion or peacock always looking for poon and doing mating dances all day long? No. Of course not. They got other shiit to do.

Fix your mindset. Cause right now you are on the edge of sliding back to sleep and doing nothing and just whining about it. If you see a girl you find attractive, go say hi and start a conversation. It's your choice. Sideline or winning touchdown, pick your place in the game and play it.

 

[Jokerlsk]

You guys are right. I do have to fix my mindset, but it's something i've never done before, so I'll probably go through growing pains

 

[Unbridled_Phoenix]

Jokerlsk, you don't have to suffer to reach the right mindset, I think it is a self defeating belief and hence a lie.

Just be in relax mode, don't try to impress, or bragg, or prove yourself...

You don't have to say something you don't want to say you know just be cool.

Don't feel like you are an audition with girl and that they evaluate you.

Well, maybe they do , but the mindset is to not be focused on the outcome too much

just get rid of any kind of mental disturbances.

In short, don't try to sell yourself to women.