davelmn2003
Senior Don Juan
- Joined
- Apr 13, 2003
- Messages
- 360
- Reaction score
- 0
As some of you may know, I've been doing a lot of "(re)-assessment" of my recent failure.
I'm thinking: what if it was all a gigantic misunderstanding??? And if it was, wouldn't it be tragic? (note: when I started out with this post, I thought there were only 3 misunderstandings, now it's more like 5!)
What has led me to come to this misunderstanding hypothesis is that on at least FIVE occasions I created reasons for her to suspect my interest in her.
1) about 5 days after our first date (going to restaurant; bar; with her demanding to take me (drunk) back to my place, but no move on my part, bad)--and 1 day before our scheduled second date, we met on campus. The problem is that I did NOT see her. On our second date she said she saw me and she could pinpoint the location.
i. THUS, she had some reason to believe that I ignored her on purpose.
2) after our second date we decided that I'd introduce my friend to my girl's friend in a week (time unspecific, but we settled on Sunday--and of course, I had to ask for my friend's consent!). I screwed up. It was a Sunday and I promised to call the girls on Tuesday. I totally forgot! (I never forgot to ask my friend though, and he agreed to go on a group date). I was thinking in a DJ mode--umm...maybe I should call her on Thursday (since I forgot about my promise). I mean, initially the group date was vague, so her friend demanded "when? one month from now?" so I said next Sunday.
ii. THUS, my girl might think that I was playing phone games with her by not calling.
3) I called on Thursday--no one answered. On Friday night, got her friend, she said I forgot to call (that's when I realized!), so I said sorry (in passing) and she said it was ok, though my girl might have made other plans. So I asked if they're still up for the group date. Her friend said she (friend) was, and my girl probably was also. She said my girl wasn't home and was on "errand". She asked if I wanted my girl to call me. I said yes, but asked her to call me that night or Saturday morning and afternoon (because I was going out with friends that night, and I had/have no cell phone, caller ID or voice message). BUT, I knew full well that my girl had to work on Saturdays morning and afternoon! There's no way that, IF she called me, I could answer her phone!!
iii. THUS, 2 screw-ups: First, I asked her to call me at a time when both of us knew that she couldn't call (well, she could've called me when she took a break at work) so I looked like I was being evasive. Second, if she did call me on Saturday night (one day before a vague group date deal), when she's back from work, no one answered. So she might think I was playing phone game with her for the second time!!
4) On that very Saturday late afternoon, I and my friends met on campus, and Fate arranged for her to pass us by (she got off work in late afternoon). I chickened out! By the time I was sure it was her she was already in front of us, and we had to take a bus to this ball game. I SHOULD HAVE followed her and make plans there and then in person! I didn't. I went with my friends. Later on, when I bumped into her (this time by design), I said I saw her walking but wasn't sure if it was her since I didn't have eye-glasses on. She asked me what time and where. I told her, and she said it must be her then...
iv. THUS, she probably thought to herself: this jerk ignored me on purpose for the second time!
5) It was all downhill at this point, but by bumping into her I got her e-mail (since I couldn't reach her by phone any longer--she did apologize for the group date flake-out, saying she visited grandparents). Also she agreed that we could reschedule the group date next weekend. I sent her an e-mail. The very next day she wrote back, saying that she and her friend were thinking about EITHER Friday or Sunday. I knew my friend couldn't make it on Friday. I e-mailed back and told her that, suggesting that we go out on SATURDAY instead. Why? I was being superbly absent-minded!! I thought she wrote Friday or Saturday!!!!
v. THUS, she probably thought: "I suggested Friday or Sunday and this jerk said no to Friday and suggested Saturday when he knows that I and my friend can't go!! What kind of game is he playing!!? It's over!"
Later on, I managed to "get" another date, one-on-one, with her. A very specific date. I'd pick her up at this time and no phone call beforehand was needed, she said. Got a short e-mail cancelling the date, with apologies but no excuses...
NOW, MY FELLOW DJs, COULD IT BE THAT IT WAS ALL A GIGANTIC MISUNDERSTANDING??? That she thought I was the one who was playing mind games with her and she wouldn't stand it??? Or am I being self-delusional here??? Is my re-assessment not logical or plausible?? I'm putting myself in her shoes and man, I looked like a sick player. I had no bad intentions!
IF it was all a gigantic tragic misunderstanding, is there ANYTHING that I can do to turn this tragedy into a romance? Giving her space and time to cool down? Calling her after 1 month or 2? Trying to reach her friend? Should I reach her friend. Her friend said she (friend) liked my quick wit and personally.
Background assumptions:
Her interest in me I take to be given, and with I think good reasons: 1) we kiss-closed on all 3 dates. The last time was more like make-out. 2) she told me that she liked my kind of guy 3) she asked if I could recommend "a" friend of mine to her friend, thus exhibiting trust in my judgment 4) on our last date we agreed to go on a group date with both of us and her friend and my friend and the 2 girls sounded enthusiastic.
Thanks for tolerating my long-winded post...
I'm thinking: what if it was all a gigantic misunderstanding??? And if it was, wouldn't it be tragic? (note: when I started out with this post, I thought there were only 3 misunderstandings, now it's more like 5!)
What has led me to come to this misunderstanding hypothesis is that on at least FIVE occasions I created reasons for her to suspect my interest in her.
1) about 5 days after our first date (going to restaurant; bar; with her demanding to take me (drunk) back to my place, but no move on my part, bad)--and 1 day before our scheduled second date, we met on campus. The problem is that I did NOT see her. On our second date she said she saw me and she could pinpoint the location.
i. THUS, she had some reason to believe that I ignored her on purpose.
2) after our second date we decided that I'd introduce my friend to my girl's friend in a week (time unspecific, but we settled on Sunday--and of course, I had to ask for my friend's consent!). I screwed up. It was a Sunday and I promised to call the girls on Tuesday. I totally forgot! (I never forgot to ask my friend though, and he agreed to go on a group date). I was thinking in a DJ mode--umm...maybe I should call her on Thursday (since I forgot about my promise). I mean, initially the group date was vague, so her friend demanded "when? one month from now?" so I said next Sunday.
ii. THUS, my girl might think that I was playing phone games with her by not calling.
3) I called on Thursday--no one answered. On Friday night, got her friend, she said I forgot to call (that's when I realized!), so I said sorry (in passing) and she said it was ok, though my girl might have made other plans. So I asked if they're still up for the group date. Her friend said she (friend) was, and my girl probably was also. She said my girl wasn't home and was on "errand". She asked if I wanted my girl to call me. I said yes, but asked her to call me that night or Saturday morning and afternoon (because I was going out with friends that night, and I had/have no cell phone, caller ID or voice message). BUT, I knew full well that my girl had to work on Saturdays morning and afternoon! There's no way that, IF she called me, I could answer her phone!!
iii. THUS, 2 screw-ups: First, I asked her to call me at a time when both of us knew that she couldn't call (well, she could've called me when she took a break at work) so I looked like I was being evasive. Second, if she did call me on Saturday night (one day before a vague group date deal), when she's back from work, no one answered. So she might think I was playing phone game with her for the second time!!
4) On that very Saturday late afternoon, I and my friends met on campus, and Fate arranged for her to pass us by (she got off work in late afternoon). I chickened out! By the time I was sure it was her she was already in front of us, and we had to take a bus to this ball game. I SHOULD HAVE followed her and make plans there and then in person! I didn't. I went with my friends. Later on, when I bumped into her (this time by design), I said I saw her walking but wasn't sure if it was her since I didn't have eye-glasses on. She asked me what time and where. I told her, and she said it must be her then...
iv. THUS, she probably thought to herself: this jerk ignored me on purpose for the second time!
5) It was all downhill at this point, but by bumping into her I got her e-mail (since I couldn't reach her by phone any longer--she did apologize for the group date flake-out, saying she visited grandparents). Also she agreed that we could reschedule the group date next weekend. I sent her an e-mail. The very next day she wrote back, saying that she and her friend were thinking about EITHER Friday or Sunday. I knew my friend couldn't make it on Friday. I e-mailed back and told her that, suggesting that we go out on SATURDAY instead. Why? I was being superbly absent-minded!! I thought she wrote Friday or Saturday!!!!
v. THUS, she probably thought: "I suggested Friday or Sunday and this jerk said no to Friday and suggested Saturday when he knows that I and my friend can't go!! What kind of game is he playing!!? It's over!"
Later on, I managed to "get" another date, one-on-one, with her. A very specific date. I'd pick her up at this time and no phone call beforehand was needed, she said. Got a short e-mail cancelling the date, with apologies but no excuses...
NOW, MY FELLOW DJs, COULD IT BE THAT IT WAS ALL A GIGANTIC MISUNDERSTANDING??? That she thought I was the one who was playing mind games with her and she wouldn't stand it??? Or am I being self-delusional here??? Is my re-assessment not logical or plausible?? I'm putting myself in her shoes and man, I looked like a sick player. I had no bad intentions!
IF it was all a gigantic tragic misunderstanding, is there ANYTHING that I can do to turn this tragedy into a romance? Giving her space and time to cool down? Calling her after 1 month or 2? Trying to reach her friend? Should I reach her friend. Her friend said she (friend) liked my quick wit and personally.
Background assumptions:
Her interest in me I take to be given, and with I think good reasons: 1) we kiss-closed on all 3 dates. The last time was more like make-out. 2) she told me that she liked my kind of guy 3) she asked if I could recommend "a" friend of mine to her friend, thus exhibiting trust in my judgment 4) on our last date we agreed to go on a group date with both of us and her friend and my friend and the 2 girls sounded enthusiastic.
Thanks for tolerating my long-winded post...