What have I done?

[Rob]

Alright let's hear a few opinions on this.

Please.

I was dating this woman for over a year when one day she decides to break it off because she 'doesn't like the way [I'm] treating [her]'.

me: 'Whatever. It was fun. Have a good life.'
her: "Wait, maybe be should take a break"
me: 'I don't do breaks babe'

you get the idea. I walked away. I don't change for anyone.

So I run into her two weeks later on my way home and she's looking stunning. She knows my routine, she knows she'd probably run into me in that location, coincidence? She says so.

So I accept her ride home and hear her out (it's the least I can do for her right?) basically we beat around the bush for an hour: it goes from slightly awkward to fun to heavy flirting.

I send her on her way and she calls me later that night and says she needs to talk to me (me: "I thought I already talked to you today... for over an HOUR"). So we agree to meet next week sometime.

More bull****ting until I demand she tells me whatever it is she came over to say. She want's to get back together ("d'uh?").

There's no way I'm doing it though because I'm so happy to be 'back in the game.' She's crying, she's begging, she's rationalizing. She tells me what I told her once that 'if you want something bad enough you're gonna get it, and I want you so bad, I love you so much, I only realized it now." [WHAT THE HELL DID I DO TO THIS GIRL! THIS IS PATHETIC!] After many tears she's on her way.


That's the long story short (or not so short).

I've turned this girl into an obsessive.

Here's the thing. She's probably the best girl I've met in my life (or I wouldn't have been dating her for so long), a real keeper. I mean it, this is the kind of girl most guys would marry.


The thing is, she's just too good. Everyone knows it. And she deserves the best, she deserves a guy that will worship her.
I'M NOT THAT GUY DAMNIT. I know it, and I'm pretty damn sure that she realized that when she dumped me.

So why the hell can't she let go?! She KNOWS I'm not right for her.



Some insight would be great, I can't seem to see the forest for the trees so to speak.

 

[Jariel]

Another example of playing hard to get working so effectively.

She was probably testing you with the suggestion of breaking up and you called her bluff and that's a classic way of increasing interest. What's worse, she knows she made this happen and the regret she feels now is going to be very hard for her to accept.

But why aren't you interested in getting back with her? You could probably do so on your terms now.

 

[comote]

This sounds so much like what happened with me and my last girlfriend(the first girl I dated since being an afc). We broke up in the last couple of months. Like your ex she didn't like the fact that I was not an afc.

She wanted to get back together and I knew by that point I was enjoying being single way too much.

As for the issues you have, you applied the dj principles and so you shouldn't wonder why she is so into you. When she said she wanted a break she was really bluffing and when you went for the break it really got to her.

I don't know how it is for you but sometimes with me I do really miss her and think about calling her up to get back together. It is really hard because I believe I could convince her to get back together and she is an incredible woman.

How I get over it is I tell myself that I am just having a hard day and most days I am happier in being single.

Being single is awesome on saturdays but it can really suck on sundays.

 

[Rob]

I don't want to go back with her partly because I enjoy being single again (read: no daily phone calls, emotional support, etc.) and partly because I know I'm not the kind of guy she's looking for. The good, 'loving', part of me that she thinks she wants was... well, just a little misleading. It was all just a game (sorry babe!). Buy I can't right come out and tell her that all that romantic crap was... well 'crap'... She'd never let herself be played again. I can't do that to my fellow man! lol.

"Being single is awesome on saturdays but it can really suck on sundays"

I know how it is man. Have to get a date for Friday, or Saturday, there's no one there to curl up with at the end of the week, there's no... security? no that's not the right word... comfort?... eh whatever you can probably get the idea. Aw hell... see? I wasn't all coldhearted!!

it's all hustle and bustle now... but that's what makes it fun right?

Can't have your cake and eat it too.

Damn cliches.



Anyway. I think it's better I stay away from her... for her sake?

No more damn lies.

Never tell a girl you love her unless you mean it.

 

[Walden]

Sounds like youre trying to justify not being with her.

I always follow the pizza rule in situations like this.
"If you want to eat the Pizza, eat the Pizza".

 

[NewMan]

**
The thing is, she's just too good. Everyone knows it. And she deserves the best, she deserves a guy that will worship her.
I'M NOT THAT GUY DAMNIT. I know it, and I'm pretty damn sure that she realized that when she dumped me.

So why the hell can't she let go?! She KNOWS I'm not right for her.
**

I really don't buy this.

What are you hiding here?

You want to let her go because she's to good for you?

That sounds like your hiding something from yourself.

Well - whatever. Good luck finding your HB4

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

Originally posted by NewMan
**
The thing is, she's just too good. Everyone knows it. And she deserves the best, she deserves a guy that will worship her.
I'M NOT THAT GUY DAMNIT. I know it, and I'm pretty damn sure that she realized that when she dumped me.

So why the hell can't she let go?! She KNOWS I'm not right for her.
**

I really don't buy this.

What are you hiding here?

You want to let her go because she's to good for you?

That sounds like your hiding something from yourself.

Well - whatever. Good luck finding your HB4

Hey, you're onto something that I was going to post. There's something underlying here, most definitely. Here's what I see:

1. Rob feels this is the one.
2. Since this is 'the one,' Rob feels she should be worshiped.
3. Rob feels that this is 'the one' and should be worshiped, he would need to change.
4. Rob doesn't want to change.

Now come on guys, doesn't this scream to you that something else is going on here? Isn't it somewhat obvious?

 

[MRomeo99]

Now come on guys, doesn't this scream to you that something else is going on here? Isn't it somewhat obvious?

Something don't smell quite right, I'm with you guys on that one. If I had found "the one" why in the world would I choose that she deserves better?

 

[Omega]

Originally posted by Francisco d'Anconia
Hey, you're onto something that I was going to post. There's something underlying here, most definitely. Here's what I see:

1. Rob feels this is the one.
2. Since this is 'the one,' Rob feels she should be worshiped.
3. Rob feels that this is 'the one' and should be worshiped, he would need to change.
4. Rob doesn't want to change.

Now come on guys, doesn't this scream to you that something else is going on here? Isn't it somewhat obvious?

I didn't notice this until you pointed it out.

Now that I think about it, it seems very logical.

Emotionally, he feels tied to this girl. Metnally, he knows he can't be because it will **** over his game.

He's torn between metaphorical heaven and hell.

 

[Eileen]

Originally posted by Jariel
Another example of playing hard to get working so effectively.

Spare me! That's not it at all. She's having post break up remorse. She just doesn't like feeling so alone all the sudden.

You want to get rid of her? Go obsessive on HER. Start calling everyday saying you made a huge mistake and that you love her, can't live without her.

You guys are so silly. You know being an AFC turns a girl right off. Why not use that knowledge to your advantage?

 

[Omega]

Woman...

He still likes her.

 

[NewMan]

Some people are just afraid to face their own reality.

It could be any number of things - fear of control, fear of opening up, fear fo letting go, fear of being hurt.

Whatever it is, it's there - and that's why he's saying he's not good enough - although I bet that's an excuse. He's using it as an excuse to not open up.

You can run - but it WILL catch up to you one day.

 

[Metaphysikal_Lover]

Rob I enjoyed reading your post. You have your game down!

Except for :



The thing is, she's just too good. Everyone knows it. And she deserves the best, she deserves a guy that will worship her.

NO WOMAN IS TOO GOOD!!! NO WOMAN DESERVES TO BE WORSHIPED LIKE A SLAVE

Fawk that to hell and high water and back again. Oh hell now playa. You got your shyt twisted on this note.

I was thinking dam this cat sounds more cold blooded than I am. I woulda taken her ass back if she is that good. I had 12 on my team until the last few days I've been trimming it down again.

I know how hard it is to tell em to go away.

But when you find that one gem...to me it's worth keeping.

The only thing is I feel you on this issue cause she wanted to break up. To me that destroys any future with me cause you don't know if they may wig out in the future after you've invested your heart.

 

[Rob]

I've been doing some thinking.

what I mean by "she's too good" is not that I don't deserve the best... I mean that she's a good PERSON. She's just genuinely good and she deserves someone who will love her and give her that damn fairy tale ending.

I, on the other hand, make her cry (you cannot argue that it is ok to make a good person cry). I HURT her, because of who I am.

So I can be selfish and take her back. Sure I can eat the pizza and be happy (I love that motto by the way Walden)... but she's going to get abused (emotionally). Try as I might, she WILL end up crying.

Or I can push her away and save her the heartbreak. (It's that damn Christmas spirit!)


What do you think? Maybe what's best for me is not 'a good person?'

 

[NewMan]

***
So I can be selfish and take her back. Sure I can eat the pizza and be happy (I love that motto by the way Walden)... but she's going to get abused (emotionally). Try as I might, she WILL end up crying.

Or I can push her away and save her the heartbreak. (It's that damn Christmas spirit!)


What do you think? Maybe what's best for me is not 'a good person?'
***

Let me tell you something.

If it's not you it will be someone else.

That's right..... she will find someone else who will do the same thing - because she ALLOWS herself to be in these situations.

If you think about it, you are actually doing her a favor.

Eventually she will understand - and figure out what SHE wants from a man.


And just remember - This same woman will not think twice about fvcking you over. Don't get blind sighted by this NICE Bullsh#t. There are many stories of "NICE" women fvcking over their man.


There is nothing wrong with being selfish.

 

[Eileen]

Originally posted by R3N3GAD3
Woman...

He still likes her.

Don't give me that. If he still liked her, he'd be with her. Simple as that.

Oh, and he wouldn't make her cry. I'll tell ya what, I'm no dating expert but I do know that when a man *really* wants a woman, he'll stop at nothing to get her.

 

[MRomeo99]

Maybe this is contrary to the whole nature of this forum, so ignore the following post if you feel you need to embrace the DJ mentality. If you want to be a DJ, or just continue to get laid as often as possible, and not interested in developing something deeper than who's bed you're sleeping in tomorrow night, stop reading now.


******************** Stop Reading ********************


******************This Means YOU!!! *******************

****************************************************

Still here? Ok if you read this part then I have to ask you a few questions.

1. You feel like she could be "the one" for you.
2. Yet you feel like you're an ******* who doesn't deserve her?

Is that about right?

Dude if she's the one, do you not realize how rare that is(You went out for almost a year, I think you're not technically under that one-itis bullsh1t rule)? Ultimately there are very few people who will frequent this site who don't want to find the "right one" eventually. Doesn't mean we won't go through phases and want to hump everything in sight. But this too passes.

If you're an *******, then you're an *******. But, that doesn't mean you have to be one tomorrow. You're not genetically programmed to be anything other than what you choose to be tomorrow. Who are you trying to protect here, you or her? The nature of a true "mature" relationship is growing and becoming better together. Sure, you have made her cry in the past, and you'll make her cry in the future. But, that doesn't mean that you are incapable of change or of more importantly making her happy, and hopefully being happy yourself.

Do you know what being a DJ is? It's being a man, knowing what you want, and doing what it takes to get what you want. Whether that is getting over your fear of approaching, fear of kissing/screwing, etc. A DJ can also be described by finding what you want and having the knowledge to know it, and the wisdom to do what you must to get it.

If this one is the "one" then be a man. Don't whine about how you're going to hurt her in the long run. Life is pain, get over it. The only thing you can do is to be the best man you can be, and it's up to her to decide if she's willing to live with that.

<----------- Stepping off my soap box ------------------->

Just my opinion, and probably worth less than your own. But just the way I see things.

--Romeo

 

[Omega]

Originally posted by Eileen
Don't give me that. If he still liked her, he'd be with her. Simple as that.

Oh, and he wouldn't make her cry. I'll tell ya what, I'm no dating expert but I do know that when a man *really* wants a woman, he'll stop at nothing to get her.

Not necessarilly. he'd be showing weakness by agreeing to get back together.

Think about it.

 

[Kaine]

Not necessarilly. he'd be showing weakness by agreeing to get back together.

I don't think so. He reversed her sh1t test by agreeing with her and walking away. He took his power with him. She is is now the one working to get him back, when and if HE decides to take her back it will be on his terms and conditions. He has reinforced his take it or leave it frame and she knows she won't be able to use drama like this to control him in the future.

If he trully believes that he doesn't love her then it doesn't matter how loving and giving a girl may be.