What has growing up meant for you?

[wait_out]

And what new problems has it brought you?

For myself, I find I am calmer, wiser, have better perspective on most things in life, and tend to attract women better though I have much less opportunities to meet them due to either preferring to take it easy or responsibilities in my life.

As for problems, I find that with women there are far less, because as I know myself better, I simply don't accept behavior that makes me unhappy. The new problem is that I see flaws much easier.. not "you're fat", but that despite achieving a lot of trappings of adulthood many women don't find themselves satisfied, don't really know what they want, and seem a little trapped between the honesty of being younger ("I want excitement, sex, adventure...") and trying to present an image of being well-situated when they actually seem a little bored and lonely.

I think it would be hard to find a girl and settle down... the transition towards adulthood seems pretty awkward these days, and as we grow older, we seem a lot less predisposed towards honesty with each other, and much more towards manipulation (even if its not malicious). Youth, beauty, and hormones are all factors in love... as we age, we are more deliberate and clinical, and a lot less likely to be swept away by passionate ideas. For better or worse.

I still wouldn't turn the clock back though.

 

[zekko]

Good post, and I agree with pretty much everything you said except for parts of paragraph four.

For me, growing up has meant being more self-reliant, and taking responsibility for my own life. I'm not sure there have been any new problems, just the challenge of building a situation for myself wher I can be as fully self reliant as possible.

Now, as for your fourth paragraph:

I think it would be hard to find a girl and settle down... the transition towards adulthood seems pretty awkward these days, and as we grow older, we seem a lot less predisposed towards honesty with each other, and much more towards manipulation (even if its not malicious). Youth, beauty, and hormones are all factors in love... as we age, we are more deliberate and clinical, and a lot less likely to be swept away by passionate ideas. For better or worse.

I disagree that we are less honest as we grow older. I may be even more honest in that I am comfortable with presenting myself just as I am, and other people can either appreciate that or not. I will admit I'm probably more skilled at manipulation though.

I think it's easier to find a girl to settle down with, because I find I attract women more now, and when they are attracted they tend to want to settle down with you. I agree we are less likely to be swept away by passion, but that's mostly a good thing.

 

[backbreaker]

you know honestly the biggest difference between me today and me 10 years ago, is that today i just refuse to let any person, place, thing or event control how i feel about myself or life. one lesson i had to swallow the hard way growing is that you, and only you, are responsible for you. no woman, no place, no job, no boss, no parent, no sibling, no wife, no GF, no kid, nothing. nothing today can steal my joy. well i'm not going tog say joy i have ****ty days, but if i have a ****ty day, i know it's beucase i allowed myself to have a ****ty day, i don't let people dictated what type of days i have today


that's the biggest difference between me today and me 10 years ago.

 

[Victory Unlimited]

What has growing up meant for you?

I've found that I care much less about what other people think of me---and that I care far more about what I think of myself.

And what new problems has it brought you?

I've found that I care much less about what other people think of me---and that I care far more about what I think of myself.


I trust that you can see the irony in my SINGULAR answer to your two questions.


V.U.

 

[evan12]

What has growing up meant for you?

it mean ability to take the most correct and realistic decision in the real life .
that is the different between man and kid man has more subjective view of the world

 

[Colossus]

Great post.

I find that---on the whole---I have better self control and am able to approach things from a more reasoned, less emotional standpoint. Finances, relationships, etc. In many ways I'm becoming more like my dad, and his thinking makes more sense to me now as an adult. Like zekko I am acutely interested in self-reliance. That's why the threat of something like losing my job is way more serious to me than it would have been at 21, because I have no one to fall back on but myself. I mean I'm sure if I was homeless my dad would help me out, but I dont WANT to have to reach to my dad or anyone else for that matter for financial and material help. How can I potentially provide for a family if I cant provide for myself?

As far as problems, well, the women are getting older too. And with age in single women comes desperation. So I am approached a lot more by single moms and "retreads"...divorcees, etc. These days I am generally not interested in any woman over 30. I am becoming what BB calls a "number 5 guy".

Also, and this I think is a positive thing, I am not as ruled by my balls and hormones as I used to be. I dont need to have sex with every willing woman. I dont even need to have sex with everyone I date. If I were to meet the right girl who happened to be celibate until marriage, I'd be ok with that. Not saying it'd be easy, but honestly men you can live without sex. In some ways I think it would be better that way---less complicated. Think of how much more clearly you would be able to see a woman when you weren't always looking towards the next time you can rip her panties off. Anyways, bit of a tangent there, just saying that sex is less in the forefront of my mind.

 

[Jitterbug]

1. Control of emotions
2. Having clear priorities in life
3. Having a list of ranked principles / non-negotiables
4. Immense appreciation for time and freedom - two most valuable things a bachelor has

 

[Hexagram]

I've found that I care much less about what other people think of me---and that I care far more about what I think of myself.


I've found that I care much less about what other people think of me---and that I care far more about what I think of myself.


I trust that you can see the irony in my SINGULAR answer to your two questions.


V.U.

Why do you say that this is a problem as well?

 

[Scaramouche]

Dear Wait Out,
"What has growing up meant for you?"Dunno Mate,you'll have to ask someone older here LOL.

 

[Victory Unlimited]

= VICTORY UNLIMITED - I've found that I care much less about what other people think of me---and that I care far more about what I think of myself.

Why do you say that this is a problem as well?

Hexagram,

Here's the reason why this is both a solution AND a potential problem:

Sometimes, when you get older and become more confident in who you are and more comfortable in your own skin, you can also begin to become OVERCONFIDENT and TOO comfortable in your own skin to the point where you go from one extreme to the other.

The world is full of men who have fallen HARD------who have crashed and burned, because they crossed the line from confidence over into FOOLISH pride. Every man who doesn't balance his independence with interdependence runs the risk of finding out the hard way that self-help/self-reliance actually have a limited meaning.

Or for a more elaborate/dramatic take on the subject, I would recommend you listen to the following show as your time permits:

Where Eagles Dare: How to be a Good Man in a Storm


V.U.

 

[synergy1]

the biggest irony of growing up is that one starts to realize that no one ACTUALLY has grown up. What I mean is that everyone is just a big baby. Look at politics - its nothing but name calling, lack of compromise, and trying to get their way. As a society, we make a big deal about things like who kissed who, who did what, and generally have nothing nice to say about anyone. Its like kids in elementary school.

Once I realized everyone is just an overgrown kid, it made navigating the world a bit easier. In regards to women, you realize they like to lie a little bit, and that they still go for the guy that makes them hot despite all of what they say.

Once you learn that people never say what they believe, and believe what they say, you learn how to judge actions over words. One also learns how to pick out the confident people from the insecure people because it seems the later 'talk louder' and more frequently than the former. As a result, i'd rather associate with confident people as they are better co workers/ business partners and the like

 

[zekko]

Now that I'm older time flies by A LOT faster, when I was in my teens and 20's summers used to last forever now three of them go by and I don't even notice.

That's the truth. Although right now, I'm looking forward to retirement, and that seems to make the time drag a little more.

I'm more calm and smooth with women then I used to be, but I don't get to meet as many of them as I did when I was in college.

I was so busy studying and working full time, I rarely got to take advantage of all the women in college. I pretty much had to wait until each summer to start dating again. That's the sacrifice of building yourself up though - I chose to drop my social life. I know other guys decided to sacrifice sleep, but I don't function well without sleep.

I'm also not as idealistic as I once was. When I was a kid, I used to want to defend the rights of poor people and the disadvantaged against the tyranny of governments and corporations, yet now due to school debts and other responsibilities I find myself working for those very some corporations.

Yeah, you get more practical as you get older. Which is a good thing, because it's more realistic.

The women I deal with are getting prettier, but they're starting to come with more problems too

I haven't noticed that.

Also, I have a greater sense of appreciation for things like time, money, respect, and (above all) peace and quiet.

Thumbs up on the peace and quiet. But all those things are important.

 

[Wingedsig]

Growing up for me has meant evolving in my career and as a person.More money to do the things I enjoy, although the caveat is more responsibility.I feel like I have more knowledge of women and playing the game, albeit more baggage as a result of employing said tactics.I also find that the roles have kind of switched with women.They held the cards in the 20's, now that they are hitting 30 and looking for a breadwinner, I hold the cards.That's why I don't put up with $hit.My politics have evolved from Texas raised right winger, to someone who is a bit more middle of the road and balanced.(independent)Unfortunately, although I have more experience/knowledge with women, I have enough experience to have a strong distaste for their entitlement.Cannot seem to decipher who is after my bank information and doing mental math of what kind of wardrobe I can provide, and who wants to get to know me deeply as a person and my character.Who am I kidding.We know what they want.The deepest pockets they can find.We live in a society now where we are commodities, no longer people.We commoditize women for poon, and they in turn take us to the bank for it.The only difference w prostitution is they are paid to go away.Charlie Sheen may not be as dumb as we think.

 

[sharkbeat]

Growing up to me means this:

1. I understand more about myself. I understand my limitations, and my talents, and my goals. After I have come to peace with myself, things starting to come together naturally. All the stuff that I used to struggle with, now just naturally happens.

2. I see things "outside" of myself now. I remember back in my early twenties, I'd look "in", worry about my self and image. Reading ****s on SS actually made it worse. What to wear, how to act, how to say, and all that alpha-BS stuff. After your perception is focused outside of you, you don't think about that anymore. You focus on real stuff now: careers, life, things that matter.

3. I choose, not chosen. I choose what I want to do in life, and handle the consequences. I no longer seek "the right way to live", but rather make my own way -- whether that's right or wrong, that's not for me, or other people, to decide.

4. Don't give a fvck about women.

 

[muscleman]

I think it would be hard to find a girl and settle down... the transition towards adulthood seems pretty awkward these days, and as we grow older, we seem a lot less predisposed towards honesty with each other, and much more towards manipulation (even if its not malicious). Youth, beauty, and hormones are all factors in love... as we age, we are more deliberate and clinical, and a lot less likely to be swept away by passionate ideas. For better or worse.

I still wouldn't turn the clock back though.

I think what you're seeing is the biological machine working in the background and everything else for the facade that it really is. As you noted, once you experience enough manipulation and give out enough yourself, you start seeing it in others - everywhere, all the time. At first it's disheartening, but it is what it is and while deep emotions exist, it's hard for people to accept that a lot of these emotions arise for biomechanical reasons, not some higher level of consciousness. Ex: we get mad when someone cheats on us not because of some moral feeling of betrayal but because of the underlying cuckolding it presents. Just a different outlook I suppose.

As for 'new problems' that is has brought, right now I only have 1: I don't feel I'm anywhere near where I should be in my personal (and specifically financial) development. I've tried a lot of jobs and fields, I have my own place but I just feel average, knowing full well that I can be more, that I have a lot of catching up to do, that I'm not good enough for MYSELF, and that I need to be a lot more efficient and effective with my time. It's kind of like when I first wanted to sleep with 20 girls to see what it felt like - my mind was bent on it. Now I want to make 6 figures consistently and my mind is bent on it.