What happened in this relationship?

[shawn3789]

Hi everyone. I'm new to the don juan game and just got out of a "relationship" with this girl and looking back I've noticed so obvious errors I made. I'll explain how it went down and hopefully get some valuable feedback.

So there was this girl that I first made friends with at work and her and I would hang out at the bar together a lot after work but she was in a relationship (has a kid with him) so I never went there. Over about 3 months the attraction started to build and her relationship with him was never solid so she finally admitted she was attracted to me. I shot her down however and she spent the next month throwing herself at me. I finally slept with her while she was still with him.

A couple of more months went by and her and I were still sleeping together. She even said she wasn't going to leave him but then he kept ****ing up so finally she told him it was over. Her and I then got together for the next couple of months. She went on a summer vacation for a week but when she came back I noticed she was distant. I suspected she was talking to him again so I started withdrawing myself from her and eventually I got the whole "don't have time for a relationship just want to be friends" bit. Then about a week later she was back with him.

Throughout the coarse of our "thing" we had going on I was always very patient with her. I met her kids. I never pressured her to leave him. She even knew I had other options and I even discarded them to be with her and proved to her that I did. She was always telling me that she was "damaged goods" and she takes pills for depression I always felt like this hindered our connection a lot. She always accused me of acting like her exes and the guy she was recently with. Her and I hung out a lot but she lived in a different town (20 min away) and so our time was limited. We'd go on dates but for the most part it seemed like glorified **** buddies.

Anybody ever been in a similar situation like this? Where did this go wrong?

 

[old_skoolr]

Where did it all go wrong??

Easy dude, it went wrong the moment you pursued to have a relationship with a woman that:

1) Had kids

2) Was taking medication

3) Cheated on her partner at the time with you.

Instead of keeping her as a fvck buddy you chose a relationship.

MASSIVE MISTAKE

These kinds of women you stay away from or keep around for a short fling, not get in a serious relationship with.

 

[Bible_Belt]

She even knew I had other options

Good.

and I even discarded them to be with her

not so good.

and proved to her that I did.

Bad, very bad. Attraction-killer. They'll never admit it, but women want to wonder if you're faithful; it makes you much more attractive.

 

[El Payaso]

Low quality trash of a woman. Don't muddle in such dirty waters.

 

[Poon King]

What do you mean: "Where did it go wrong"? A better question is where did it go RIGHT? :crackup:

This woman is the trash I f*ck and chuck. I would never take a woman like that seriously for even half a second. She has kids AND she cheats? What did you expect? A Disney princess?

Your main problem is not knowing the difference between a sex toy and a good companion. Raise your standards. You (and most men) can do better.

This b!tch is not even worth making a thread about.

 

[Harry Wilmington]

I'm new to the don juan game and just got out of a "relationship" with this girl...

For starters, you were never in a relationship with this chick. You were her side dude.

So there was this girl that I first made friends with at work and her and I would hang out at the bar together a lot after work but she was in a relationship (has a kid with him) so I never went there.

But you wanted to go there, which is why you were hanging out with a woman already in a relationship, in the hopes she would dump him. No bueno - it put you in the position of the one having to wait. You would have been better off rejecting her offers to hang out with the words, "But hey, if you ever dump that other guy, hit me up and we'll hang out." Much more powerful, and she would have been more respecting of you later (possibly).

Over about 3 months the attraction started to build and her relationship with him was never solid...

But it was still a relationship. Regardless of the ground she claimed it was on - solid, shaky, etc. - it was still a relationship. The fact that she was willing to step out and see you behind his back shows a girl that lacks loyalty, and thus isn't a good dating candidate.

...so she finally admitted she was attracted to me. I shot her down however and she spent the next month throwing herself at me.

And the response should have been: "Are you still with that other guy? You are? Well, if that ends, hit me up - otherwise, best of luck to you too." Instead...

I finally slept with her while she was still with him.

Which means, if she's willing to cheat on him with you, she's willing to cheat on you with someone else, including him.

...finally she told him it was over. Her and I then got together for the next couple of months. She went on a summer vacation for a week but when she came back I noticed she was distant. I suspected she was talking to him again so I started withdrawing myself from her and eventually I got the whole "don't have time for a relationship just want to be friends" bit. Then about a week later she was back with him.

You had to have seen this coming, right? I mean, she did the same thing to him! Then she gives you the "no time for relationship" speech and then goes back into a relationship - so, she has no loyalty AND she's a liar? What a catch!

She even knew I had other options and I even discarded them to be with her and proved to her that I did.

Somebody already talked about this, so I'll move along to...

She was always telling me that she was "damaged goods" and she takes pills for depression I always felt like this hindered our connection a lot.

When people tell you who they are, BELIEVE them. It's not your job to change them, it's just your job to listen to them describing themselves and decide if you can deal with them as they are. You can't let a woman's face/body/sexuality blind you from the facts she's actually SAYING about herself - and most women try to hide stuff like this! She TOLD you and you STILL went along with it?? Baffling...

Anyway... the point was, she wasn't a good choice to begin with. If you had other options - ones that were SINGLE, HOT, and AVAILABLE - you were better off messing with one of them instead.

 

[shawn3789]

I know what you're saying. I know. But as for why I still went there I guess it was cause I thought I could change her. I thought I could FIX her. I thought I could make all her problems go away. There was, and still is, a part of me that feels sorry for her.

 

[Desdinova]

A couple of more months went by and her and I were still sleeping together. She even said she wasn't going to leave him but then he kept ****ing up so finally she told him it was over. Her and I then got together for the next couple of months. She went on a summer vacation for a week but when she came back I noticed she was distant. I suspected she was talking to him again so I started withdrawing myself from her and eventually I got the whole "don't have time for a relationship just want to be friends" bit. Then about a week later she was back with him.

I'm copying and pasting this from the other thread I responded in...

This is why I keep on saying that women (not men) actually do have "soul mates". In other words, their soul mate is the guy who had the biggest effect on her emotionally, usually somewhat early in her dating life (late teens to mid-20s). Overcoming her soul mate's "high score" is difficult to nearly impossible. She will be forever in love with him.

 

[shawn3789]

Well if we do have soul mates then we have to go back to her relationship with her son's father (she has two kids with two different dads). She would constantly talk about how this guy was the original guy who broke her heart (he wants her back now he's getting out of prison).and she has mentioned how she never fully got over him. Who's her soul mate then? The first father or second father?

 

[Harry Wilmington]

I know what you're saying. I know. But as for why I still went there I guess it was cause I thought I could change her. I thought I could FIX her. I thought I could make all her problems go away. There was, and still is, a part of me that feels sorry for her.

I get that - I used to go after women that were "damaged" and felt that by giving them some direction, combined with my positive outlook on life, they'd change for the better. Turns out...

IT NEVER, EEEEEEEVER ENDS UP HAPPENING THAT WAY.

Regardless of how they became damaged, THEY have to be the ones to recognize it and do something about it. Your only job is to see them as they are and decide if you can deal with it. More often than not, HER messed up life is going to influence YOURS in a negative way, not the other way around. Can you feel sorry for her? Yes and no - yes in the sense that you can wish her life wasn't set up to where she is the way she is; but no in the sense that, at some point, we all grow up and can decide what parts of our lives are screwed up and should be fixed. Thus far, she isn't showing signs of WANTING to change; therefore, you can't "fix" her when she's not seeing her life as being problematic.

As for the whole "soul mate" thing? It's bullcrap, plain and simple. It's a made up idea used by women to be able to dump men they don't see as fitting their criteria - "oh, you don't have muscles - er, I mean, I don't think you're my soul mate." Yes, but the guy who made her an unwed mother and went to jail is, right? GTFOH. Plus, "soul mate" indicates only having ONE person that is meant for you, which is a very hard concept to believe. Who you decide to be with depends on a number of factors: your location, your social group, how you grew up, and many, many, MANY other things. Am I to believe, then, that I couldn't make a relationship work with a number of women, especially if I decide to move elsewhere? What if the "soul mate" I'm with dies? By definition, does that mean there are no other women out there that would be right for me, and I should therefore remain single?

:crackup:

 

[Meisterman]

It sounds to me like you weren't the problem and honestly I don't think she's right for you anyway bruh. Keep your head up there are more girls that are BETTER coming your way man and soon you will see all this as a blessing and think man im so glad im done with that dumb br0ad.

 

[Desdinova]

Well if we do have soul mates then we have to go back to her relationship with her son's father (she has two kids with two different dads). She would constantly talk about how this guy was the original guy who broke her heart (he wants her back now he's getting out of prison).and she has mentioned how she never fully got over him. Who's her soul mate then? The first father or second father?

Women can have more than one "soul mate", but it's a bit more rare. My ex-fiance was a great example of this. After we split up, she went back to the first guy she ever fvcked and had a kid with him. After they split up, she went back to pursuing me, and has been doing so for the last 5 years (I was the guy she dated after him). I never took her back.

 

[RangerMIke]

Your biggest problem is that you got yourself in a situation where you were trying to prove yourself to her. You never should have abandoned your other options until she brought up exclusivity.