What does she want from me?

[acerazor1]

Okay so me and this chick were in a relationship for about four and a half years. Everything was going great, we were saving for a mortgage to move out together and she was totally crazy about me (shes 19, im 21). Anyway, long story short I go out with the guys and get really drunk, end up having sex with some other chick, mainly because me and my girl werent having regular sex, some sort of problem we were having. So my girl finds out, is completely heartbroken and we break up, this was two weeks ago. Since then we have talked EVERYDAY & this past week we have been having super hot sex every night, we never did it like this during our relationship. I realise my mistake and I want to get back with this girl and have a future together. When I mention getting back together though she says she is still hurting, cant trust me, all this ****, and that she needs time to decide. The thing is were basically still in a relationship, do everything together like a couple would (diner, watch movies etc) just now were having awesome sex too. I have real strong feeling for this girl and I believe she does for me too but she wont commit, what do I do? Is she using me for sex?, in which case I want to cut her off. Or should I give her time and she will come round?
Sorry for the essay I just dont know why shes doing this :S
Thanks guys

 

[rhythmic]

What she wants? **** trying to figure that out. Too many layers/variables/considerations. As for what you should do... Try some NC (no contact) and throw yourself into the other important things in your life. She'll likely come running before too long.

And if you're serious about her, quit fvcking other girls when you get back together.

 

[acerazor1]

What she wants? **** trying to figure that out. Too many layers/variables/considerations. As for what you should do... Try some NC (no contact) and throw yourself into the other important things in your life. She'll likely come running before too long.

And if you're serious about her, quit fvcking other girls when you get back together.

Yeh wont be cheating again, learnt my lesson. If I go no contact, what do I say to intiate, 'I want a commited relationship, figured out what you want', something along those lines?

 

[rhythmic]

Naw, it's all about the mystery IMO, that's the magic of NC. It's not really an easy thing in your situation (still seeing each other) but I'd recommend being a lot less communicative, responding to a very small amount of her calls and texts, being vague as hell when you do. OR, maybe even turn it around and tell her you need some time.

 

[dap]

Definitely would not go NC. You are having awesome sexx with this girl. Judge a girl by her actions, not by what she says. Her actions are telling you that she wants you now more than ever. Don't even bring up the "relationship" BS. If she acts like she's in a relationship with you, then she is. If she starts acting cold in her actions, then you want to briefly go NC. You use short term NC to raise interest levels, not when they are high already.

 

[rhythmic]

^If the girl is responding to relationship talks with anything other than HELL YEAH!, she needs her interest levels raised, IMO. Maybe she's just playing a weird little game, and fully intends on getting back with you, but it couldn't hurt to make sure. I'd be interested to hear how this turns out.

 

[acerazor1]

^If the girl is responding to relationship talks with anything other than HELL YEAH!, she needs her interest levels raised, IMO. Maybe she's just playing a weird little game, and fully intends on getting back with you, but it couldn't hurt to make sure. I'd be interested to hear how this turns out.

Yeah its a confusing one, I know she really loved me and I crushed her big by cheating on her so part of me feels like she is just scared I would hurt her again. But then another part of me thinks maybe she is just keeping me around because shes worried about being alone and as soon as she finds someone else she will ditch me :S. It just seems strange how we never really has sex before, now its a massive part of us, btw im the only guy shes ever had sex with if this makes any difference, maybe shes using me as practice :S. Confused!!

 

[acerazor1]

Also anyone got any ideas why shes become so sexual since we broke up? She never initiated sex before, now she cant get enough!

 

[rhythmic]

Could be that she feels she needs to step her game up in that department, since you felt the need to look elsewhere.

 

[dap]

^If the girl is responding to relationship talks with anything other than HELL YEAH!, she needs her interest levels raised, IMO.

She's playing a game. The fact that the OP is asking about the "relationship" gives her a chance to see how bad he wants it. She can just say "Meh" and gauge his reaction. He shouldn't even be talking about this BS, it looks needy. She is having great sexx with him because her IL is through the roof, probably in part because she knows that he has options (although I'm not trying to justify cheating). Going NC at this point is completly backwards.

 

[acerazor1]

Could be that she feels she needs to step her game up in that department, since you felt the need to look elsewhere.

That makes sense, but then surely if she thinks its worth the effort of stepping up her game for me, she would want to be back in a committed relationship with me?

 

[acerazor1]

She's playing a game. The fact that the OP is asking about the "relationship" gives her a chance to see how bad he wants it. She can just say "Meh" and gauge his reaction. He shouldn't even be talking about this BS, it looks needy. She is having great sexx with him because her IL is through the roof, probably in part because she knows that he has options (although I'm not trying to justify cheating). Going NC at this point is completly backwards.

Okay so how do I play this? Just carry on with how we are, dont mention a relationship but keep acting like im in one with her? & what do I do when she blatently makes a point of saying were not actually together? (I.e. Earlier she was suggesting a hot weekend away together on our anniversary, then backpeddled and said its not an anniversary anymore so just around that date). How do I react, like im not bothered?

 

[dap]

Okay so how do I play this? Just carry on with how we are, dont mention a relationship but keep acting like im in one with her? & what do I do when she blatently makes a point of saying were not actually together? (I.e. Earlier she was suggesting a hot weekend away together on our anniversary, then backpeddled and said its not an anniversary anymore so just around that date). How do I react, like im not bothered?

I would laugh it off and keep doing what youre doing. "Yeah, we're just celebrating because it's December 12th" with a wink and smile should suffice.

This is all about holding frame. If she is not going to make an issue of this (as judged by her actions), then stay the course and remain unaffected and she will quit bringing it up.

If she is going to make this an issue (she still may at some point), she will start acting cold, etc. At this point I would consider NC and the rest.

 

[acerazor1]

Okay wicked Ill just keep it how it is, play it cool and let her initiate relationship talks. Thanks for all the help guys, Ill let you know how it plays out

 

[betheman]

Okay so me and this chick were in a relationship for about four and a half years. Everything was going great, we were saving for a mortgage to move out together and she was totally crazy about me (shes 19, im 21). Anyway, long story short I go out with the guys and get really drunk, end up having sex with some other chick, mainly because me and my girl werent having regular sex, some sort of problem we were having. So my girl finds out, is completely heartbroken and we break up, this was two weeks ago. Since then we have talked EVERYDAY & this past week we have been having super hot sex every night, we never did it like this during our relationship. I realise my mistake and I want to get back with this girl and have a future together. When I mention getting back together though she says she is still hurting, cant trust me, all this ****, and that she needs time to decide. The thing is were basically still in a relationship, do everything together like a couple would (diner, watch movies etc) just now were having awesome sex too. I have real strong feeling for this girl and I believe she does for me too but she wont commit, what do I do? Is she using me for sex?, in which case I want to cut her off. Or should I give her time and she will come round?
Sorry for the essay I just dont know why shes doing this :S
Thanks guys

You are 21 fgs, you have been seeing her since you were 16? you should not be thinking mortgages and marriage for years yet. you have shocked this girl to the core, she thought she owned you, you have proved that wrong. you have actually done yourself a wonderful favour, the wonderfula amazing sex you are getting, thats comeptition sex, you werent getting that before were you? now she realises she needs to be a porn star to keep you. you didnt make a mistake, far from it, dont get so driven by the relationship and make her subtely aware you are capable of doing the same thing again if she slips up or starts slacking

 

[TopGun2000]

You are 21 fgs, you have been seeing her since you were 16? you should not be thinking mortgages and marriage for years yet. you have shocked this girl to the core, she thought she owned you, you have proved that wrong. you have actually done yourself a wonderful favour, the wonderfula amazing sex you are getting, thats comeptition sex, you werent getting that before were you? now she realises she needs to be a porn star to keep you. you didnt make a mistake, far from it, dont get so driven by the relationship and make her subtely aware you are capable of doing the same thing again if she slips up or starts slacking

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