What does it take to keep a relationship going?

FM 3321

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This is something that's been in the back of my mind for a while, and I believe this is in the back of every man's mind who's ever fallen in love with a women.

Anyway, I've made threads about this girl before. I ended up dating my sisters friend and alot of it was thanks to stuff I've learned from the attitudes and techniques we learn in this DJ community. Learning how to tease, touch, two steps forward one step back and just the other basic things made things more predictable with her.

Well I remember once time we were kissing and making out and at one point she asked "What does this mean?" My first response was "whatever you want it to be", then she was like "No, what does this mean".....I said "It means I really like (her name)". She smiled and we just kept getting more physical.

Then another time we were messing around in bed kissing and talking and I told her "Don't you hate it when we do this and then the next few days all you can do is think about what we did because it felt so good?".......her response was "Yeah, I didn't know you felt the same way." I was suprised by that answer and I told her something like "you're never off my mind" or something like that.

I was just shocked that she thought I didn't really like her that much. So after that was the last time we messed around to be honest and although we still talked alot a month after that night she seemed to get more busy with school and stuff and I matched her on it by being more busy myself.

The thing that shocked me the most is that she ended up falling for some "loser" that has been obsessed over her for 2 years. Now I was told that he invited her over to his house one night, cooked her dinner and told her how much he liked her. That's what my sister told me. But the girl I dated told me this guy was "retarded", when I told her I heard about her liking this guy and her reason for our relationship fizzling out was that she just wanted to have fun and focus on school". So I tried to take it like that.

So anyway, the weirdest thing is that I haven't talked to her for two weeks because we went out to eat one night since I invited her pretty much to "show" her that I was still interested...I never "told" her that I liked her. She once told me she could tell if a guy likes her. It's like my feelings for her from time to time just fluctuate. As I'm typing this I'm feeling "I'm still deeply in love with her" when earlier today I was feeling like "who cares? I should be away from her anyway".

So I'm not sure if this back story helps answer my question "How do you keep a relationship going?" Yes, all these techniques help you get the girl but when you lose a girl to a typical AFC it just screws with your head sometime. To be honest I'm not sure if my ex girl is actually dating this guy but my sister told me that my ex girl is interest in him, or that's what she tells her.

Even before my ex girl and I dated we used to joke about what this guy did because he liked her. He'd bring food to her dorm room, flowers, poems and other **** like that. He'd call her all the time and stuff. Hell we were even leaving a party once and he wanted to walk her home.....she blew him off because she was going home with me. So I'm probably gonna wake up tomorrow wondering why I made this thread but I think it's something I need to get off my chest. I'm honesty too busy and broke to be dating this girl right now. So I'm kinda glad we're not dating anymore and I don't plan to contact her unless she contacts me. By the time she contacts me, if she ever does, I know I'll have my mindset and alot more insecurities under control.

So for the next girl I really like or if this girl ever comes crawling back, how do you keep a relationship going? The last girl I dated (sisters friend) is sort of a party girl so when we were dating I never forced the issue of making us exclusive. I can't tell her she cheated on my for liking someone else.
 

FrankWank

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keep her on her toes. be a man and stick up for yourself in all situations
 

Francisco d'Anconia

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  1. Respect
  2. Affection
  3. Romance
    [/list=1]
 

sfalexi

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If I found out this guy was bringing her flowers, food, whatever else to her dorm room I woulda had a long two-fisted talk with him.

There's a difference between being "over-protective" and allowing some guy to make blatant moves on a girl that YOU are seeing. He needed to learn a lesson. Ten bucks says you could just yelled at him and he woulda went home crying. Probably wouldn't even had needed to come to blows.

Alexi
 

water

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FM3321,

I feel your confusion and thirst to know. Are you trying to hold back and play it cool...the DJ way? It is not really wrong to do that, you know. I would think that is how you hooked up with this gal in the first place. But hey, relationship is dynamic. Even the best DJ (the original DJ himself!!) knows something - you must know how to progress through the stages.

C&F works in the first stage of getting them interested etc. I think you might have even scored full marks on that one :) But many proponents of the C&F doesn't even dare talk abt relationship; why? 'cos it is a different ball game. Don't get me wrong dude. I believe you have to be humorous, daring, have a backbone etc. even after you are married to someone you love but WE CANNOT STAY MYSTERIOUS AND HIDE OUR TRUE FEELINGS FOREVER!

Once you are in a relationship, time to get into 2nd gear. Show more affection, romance the lady, tell her things she love to hear (i.e. charm her), give her encouragement, show concern etc. If we stick to the 'traditional' C&F, we merely come across as a dork. Gals, especially those tired of the bar scene, find it insecure to stick around and invest too much emotions in dorks and weirdos who just like to C&F without the ability to share true feelings.

I made that mistake once and many of my friends did too. We all learnt :). And we all share our experience here. But like all things under the sun - moderation is key. Don't wake up every morning and write her a love poem...get what I mean.

Cheer up. The reason why we lost the last ones is that better ones are on our ways.
 
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