The_Reaper
Senior Don Juan
You don't need to read it all, just the opening part. My first reaction was wtf. Who here would even for a moment consider taking back an unfaithful women?
Here it is:
5 Effective Ways To Rebuild A Relationship With A Mate
By Cucan Pemo
Five ways to deal with a partner's infidelity and rebuild the relationship.
It's only natural that, as relationships progress, we start to take each other for granted. You may feel resentful that your wife or girlfriend doesn't pay you compliments the way she used to, and has taken to nagging you about every little thing, or just ignoring you most of the time. So if the situation changes - you suddenly notice that she's buying you gifts, easing up on the nagging and giving you a lot more of that "alone time" you've been craving, your first instinct may be relief. In reality, however, a sudden, drastic change in your partner's behavior - even seemingly positive changes - may be a red flag that she's cheating on you.
Infidelity can plague even seemingly happy relationships, so if you're getting signals that your spouse may be cheating, you should pay attention. It may turn out that your partner is as faithful as the sun, but if you get that sneaking feeling that things are almost too perfect, it's natural to be curious. If there's been a noticeable shift in the dynamics of your relationship - if, say, she spends less time with you, and asks you for less advice than she used to - it may be that she's going to someone else to have those needs met.
If, after doing a little careful detective work, you discover that she's cheating on you, don't immediately fly off the handle. It may be tempting to jump ship and give up on the relationship, but that's not a solution to the problem. It doesn't change the fact that you love this woman and, perhaps, her infidelity is a symptom of problems in the relationship to which you contributed.
If you take time to examine why she strayed, you may find that you aren't the only victim in the relationship. Does she have physical or emotional needs that you've been unable to meet? Has she tried to discuss her feelings with you, but you failed to consider her feelings? If so, it shouldn't be entirely surprising that she found comfort with another. If there have been unresolved problems in your relationship that encouraged her to be unfaithful, you should seriously consider working with her to fix them, fixing them, rather than walking out on her in a fit of anger and causing even more pain to you both.
Here are five effective ways to deal with a cheating mate and help rebuild the relationship.
Approach With Caution
Step carefully when first raising the issue of your partner's infidelity. Don't charge in, full of righteous indignation, throwing around accusations. Your wife or girlfriend will only become defensive, and you may destroy any opportunity to rebuild the relationship later down the road. Instead, ask questions like "I've noticed you've been distant lately - why is this?" If you seem concerned and interested rather than angry, she'll be more likely to open up to you.
Talk It Out
Once you've opened the lines of communication, honesty is of the utmost importance. Carefully examine all aspects of your relationship. Was your cheating mate simply foolish, or was her mistake the result of serious problems in your relationship? Perhaps you devoted too much of your attention to work and neglected your relationship. Honest communication will be tough and time-consuming, but it's the only way to identify the problems between you. Instead of making her feel guilty, consider your own faults first. Is there anything you did to prompt her behavior? If you and your companion can discuss the flaws of your relationship, you have a good chance at correcting them. Small changes can go a long way!
Problem Solve
Actions speak louder than words. It's one thing to have a long conversation about your troubled relationship, but if you're not ready to solve the problems, there's no hope of fixing what's wrong. If she says you didn't seem emotionally available, believe her. Make a special effort to tune into her more from now on. If she says you simply weren't around enough to satisfy her needs, then designate one day a week as a "date night" and go out to dinner or stay in with a movie and some popcorn, just the two of you. If you truly respond to her complaints and requests, it's unlikely that she'll feel the need to cheat again.
Forgive And Forget - if you can
This is probably the most difficult step to rebuilding your relationship. You may be able to say that you understand why your partner cheated, but unless you can truly let go of her past your relationship is doomed. It's possible the relationship isn't salvageable - is she simply a woman who can't be trusted? If so, if you "forgive and forget" and it happens again, you feel like a fool. If, after talking out you problems, it turns out that you gave her no reason to cheat, it may be that her own personal issues led her to be unfaithful.
If that's the case, then nothing you do or say will keep her in your arms and it's best to move on. But if you feel your relationship still has potential and you're willing to do what it takes to make it work, then you'll need to devote all of your compassion and understanding to empathizing with your partner or else there'll always be a wall between the two of you. If you and your wife have children this is even more important, because it's the only hope you have of saving your marriage.
Keep Communication Open
Now that you've had a good, long talk about why she cheated and discussed ways to solve the problems of your relationship, what can you do to keep your partnership intact? The answer's simple - keep talking.
If new problems, even small dissatisfactions, arise then speak up! And don't fall victim to "what's good for the goose is good for the gander" thinking - running away from the relationship and into the arms of somebody new is not a solution. If you're sorely tempted to be unfaithful yourself strictly out of pain or revenge, talk to your partner about it. You may be able to negotiate changes that will help the two of you rebuild your relationship, or you may find you want to seek counseling. Of course, you may end up choosing to separate - but any of these alternatives are better than infidelity.
If your worst fears are confirmed and she's cheating, don't feel sorry for yourself and act like a victim. Relationships take two people to succeed or fail - it's very likely that you made your share of mistakes, too. Nobody's perfect. Weigh the potential of your relationship and decide if it's worth the work involved in saving it. If so, keep these five steps in mind, and get to work. You may find that the two of you become closer than ever before as a result.
Here it is:
5 Effective Ways To Rebuild A Relationship With A Mate
By Cucan Pemo
Five ways to deal with a partner's infidelity and rebuild the relationship.
It's only natural that, as relationships progress, we start to take each other for granted. You may feel resentful that your wife or girlfriend doesn't pay you compliments the way she used to, and has taken to nagging you about every little thing, or just ignoring you most of the time. So if the situation changes - you suddenly notice that she's buying you gifts, easing up on the nagging and giving you a lot more of that "alone time" you've been craving, your first instinct may be relief. In reality, however, a sudden, drastic change in your partner's behavior - even seemingly positive changes - may be a red flag that she's cheating on you.
Infidelity can plague even seemingly happy relationships, so if you're getting signals that your spouse may be cheating, you should pay attention. It may turn out that your partner is as faithful as the sun, but if you get that sneaking feeling that things are almost too perfect, it's natural to be curious. If there's been a noticeable shift in the dynamics of your relationship - if, say, she spends less time with you, and asks you for less advice than she used to - it may be that she's going to someone else to have those needs met.
If, after doing a little careful detective work, you discover that she's cheating on you, don't immediately fly off the handle. It may be tempting to jump ship and give up on the relationship, but that's not a solution to the problem. It doesn't change the fact that you love this woman and, perhaps, her infidelity is a symptom of problems in the relationship to which you contributed.
If you take time to examine why she strayed, you may find that you aren't the only victim in the relationship. Does she have physical or emotional needs that you've been unable to meet? Has she tried to discuss her feelings with you, but you failed to consider her feelings? If so, it shouldn't be entirely surprising that she found comfort with another. If there have been unresolved problems in your relationship that encouraged her to be unfaithful, you should seriously consider working with her to fix them, fixing them, rather than walking out on her in a fit of anger and causing even more pain to you both.
Here are five effective ways to deal with a cheating mate and help rebuild the relationship.
Approach With Caution
Step carefully when first raising the issue of your partner's infidelity. Don't charge in, full of righteous indignation, throwing around accusations. Your wife or girlfriend will only become defensive, and you may destroy any opportunity to rebuild the relationship later down the road. Instead, ask questions like "I've noticed you've been distant lately - why is this?" If you seem concerned and interested rather than angry, she'll be more likely to open up to you.
Talk It Out
Once you've opened the lines of communication, honesty is of the utmost importance. Carefully examine all aspects of your relationship. Was your cheating mate simply foolish, or was her mistake the result of serious problems in your relationship? Perhaps you devoted too much of your attention to work and neglected your relationship. Honest communication will be tough and time-consuming, but it's the only way to identify the problems between you. Instead of making her feel guilty, consider your own faults first. Is there anything you did to prompt her behavior? If you and your companion can discuss the flaws of your relationship, you have a good chance at correcting them. Small changes can go a long way!
Problem Solve
Actions speak louder than words. It's one thing to have a long conversation about your troubled relationship, but if you're not ready to solve the problems, there's no hope of fixing what's wrong. If she says you didn't seem emotionally available, believe her. Make a special effort to tune into her more from now on. If she says you simply weren't around enough to satisfy her needs, then designate one day a week as a "date night" and go out to dinner or stay in with a movie and some popcorn, just the two of you. If you truly respond to her complaints and requests, it's unlikely that she'll feel the need to cheat again.
Forgive And Forget - if you can
This is probably the most difficult step to rebuilding your relationship. You may be able to say that you understand why your partner cheated, but unless you can truly let go of her past your relationship is doomed. It's possible the relationship isn't salvageable - is she simply a woman who can't be trusted? If so, if you "forgive and forget" and it happens again, you feel like a fool. If, after talking out you problems, it turns out that you gave her no reason to cheat, it may be that her own personal issues led her to be unfaithful.
If that's the case, then nothing you do or say will keep her in your arms and it's best to move on. But if you feel your relationship still has potential and you're willing to do what it takes to make it work, then you'll need to devote all of your compassion and understanding to empathizing with your partner or else there'll always be a wall between the two of you. If you and your wife have children this is even more important, because it's the only hope you have of saving your marriage.
Keep Communication Open
Now that you've had a good, long talk about why she cheated and discussed ways to solve the problems of your relationship, what can you do to keep your partnership intact? The answer's simple - keep talking.
If new problems, even small dissatisfactions, arise then speak up! And don't fall victim to "what's good for the goose is good for the gander" thinking - running away from the relationship and into the arms of somebody new is not a solution. If you're sorely tempted to be unfaithful yourself strictly out of pain or revenge, talk to your partner about it. You may be able to negotiate changes that will help the two of you rebuild your relationship, or you may find you want to seek counseling. Of course, you may end up choosing to separate - but any of these alternatives are better than infidelity.
If your worst fears are confirmed and she's cheating, don't feel sorry for yourself and act like a victim. Relationships take two people to succeed or fail - it's very likely that you made your share of mistakes, too. Nobody's perfect. Weigh the potential of your relationship and decide if it's worth the work involved in saving it. If so, keep these five steps in mind, and get to work. You may find that the two of you become closer than ever before as a result.
