What do YOU talk about with girls after opening?

[muscleman]

So me and my wing met up with a few friends at this bar tonight (we're still in LA). Of them has some pretty decent game and I saw him "at work" tonight, not too shabby. We got to talking about how to improve our game and things like that, and I mentioned to him that I have a few things going for me right now but also a few things holding me back as far as getting girls at bars.

I'm good at:

-I can, for the most part, easily walk up to a girl, introduce myself, and start talking to her.
-I can, within a few minutes of mindless chatter tell her "we should hang out sometime" and get her number.

I'm bad at:

-Building up attraction long term at a particular bar/club/whatever. It starts off good, I can do the whole kino thing, but after a while it kind of stagnates. Sometimes things just flow, sometimes they don't. Which brings up the next point:

-Talking about "fun stuff". I find myself asking the same questions over and over, like "do you come here often, who are you with, are you from around here", etc. I mentioned this to my friend and he said a lot of guys talk about that stuff. Again, sometimes I pick up on something and lead the conversation somewhere more fun, but sometimes I don't.

-Still not being aggressive enough and isolating, etc.

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While I don't mind hitting up a few bars in a night with my wing and getting some numbers to follow up on during the week, I feel I could really build more attraction there on the spot, and I should. Also, if we do end up staying at a particular bar for a long time, I need to figure out how to keep the girl interested. My friend suggested planting seeds - just talking to her for a while, then saying something like "it was nice meeting you I'll catch you here later" and then walking off to talk to someone else, then reconnecting later on. It does make some sense to go around and introduce yourself to a bunch of people and talk with a bunch of people. What do you think?

 

[Unbridled_Phoenix]

IMO, the bar scene is a very tough way to meet them and build something for during the week. It's like if you don't get them home and screw them that saturday night, forget about it. The light of day just sheds guilt and shame upon the guy she met at the bar, whether you did her or not.

When I pick up chicks at a bar, I just bs with them all night. I can't remember for the life of me what I talk about with them.

As for the logistics of the bar scene, there are many variables to consider. For one, is the one I'm talking to the hottest one here? Where is she? Basically it's an on-the-spot cost/benefit analysis.

Also taken into consideration are the ones where you're just in like Flynn as soon as you meet em, and you know it. Do I give up this certain poonani to risk that hottie I haven't met yet? I've been taking that chance more and more lately, if I've got one in the bag at 10:00 my eye is wandering.

 

[mrRuckus]

I need to figure out how to keep the girl interested.

No, she needs to figure out how to keep YOU interested.

If she'd do that, the talk would flow easily.

There are plenty of women that talking with them is second nature. It's one thing if you just want to lay her tonight, but i'm in no rush and don't care enough to have to TRY to just talk to someone.

You must realize there are girls you talk to that it's just easy as hell to talk to, flirt, and have fun with without any real thought.

I never really have the goal of scoring that night, though. It's just not that important to me, though it happens occasionally through the nature flow of things.

 

[synergy1]

The one troublesome aspect of the bar scene can be the volume of the background, which makes conversation difficult.

When I pick up chicks at a bar, I just bs with them all night. I can't remember for the life of me what I talk about with them.

Wow, glad to know I am not the only one who completely blanks as to what I talk to girls about when I am out at the bars. Guess that means its totally aux-natural at this point!

my basic strategy is to get a girl and all her friends involved into a conversation. After a while it seems that they keep the conversation going and I only need to talk about what I already know. Stories from my life in the city, and travels abroad seem to make entertaining material for when the subjects come up.

1-Building up attraction long term at a particular bar/club/whatever. It starts off good, I can do the whole kino thing, but after a while it kind of stagnates. Sometimes things just flow, sometimes they don't. Which brings up the next point:

2-Talking about "fun stuff". I find myself asking the same questions over and over, like "do you come here often, who are you with, are you from around here", etc. I mentioned this to my friend and he said a lot of guys talk about that stuff. Again, sometimes I pick up on something and lead the conversation somewhere more fun, but sometimes I don't.

3-Still not being aggressive enough and isolating, etc.

1- Developing a long term thing means divulging less at the start. I don't really talk much about what I do, but drop a few hints that seems to keep them interested. For example, I usually drop a hint that I do engineering ( which seems to be a huge turn on), but leave it at that and don't bring it up again.

2- "fun" stuff comes from experience. My friends who traveled more had more 'fun' stuff to talk about it would seem. Expose yourself to new and different things, and the interesting times are bound to follow.

3- Some people are aggressive, some aren't. Why are you trying to play the aggressive role if you aren't?

 

[Fuglydude]

Due to the music at clubs it can be tough to talk effectively. I think non-verbal communication is the best way to "talk" to girls at the bar. If you look good, and are dancing well girls will approach YOU... This used to happen to me all the time at bars when I was single, and happens even now when I go out w/ my gf. I can't remember ever actually trying to pick up a girl at the bar by talking to her... It would always be... hey, whats up, you're hot, lets go dance... or something like that. This only works w/ girls that are interested in you. Again, its up to you to determine which girls are interested and which are not... Going after hot girls that are interested will save a lot of time and effort.

It is very important to have "social/sexual radar" at bars. You should be able to gauge a women's interest level just be feeling the energy in bar and looking for IOIs etc. It becomes an instinct after a while. If you're getting lots of attention at a club, this will affect your social status, and translate to girls approaching you. The social/sexual radar is a great instinct to have not just at clubs, but anywhere where you can meet women.

I agree w/ synergy's point... if you're not the aggressive type, I wouldn't recommend switching up your natural style. If you have high sexual value at clubs, girls will approach you, and you won't need to be aggressive when you approach women. I've NEVER been aggressive about approaching women, and I've never really had problems... You couldn't pay me enough to go out and "sarge" or whatever.... I mean I've done it before, but mostly as a joke w/ my buddy's to see how girls would react, etc.

 

[muscleman]

Well I am the aggressive type. I mean if I walked into a bar and all the girls started coming up to me out of nowhere, awesome, but that doesn't happen (yet) and I'm not going to sit around waiting for it. Honestly my game is not where it needs to be at all. It was only about 2 months ago that I started going out regularly on the weekends and talking to random people/girls. I've been a serial monogamist for far too long.

Regarding the conversation thing, it's not always a problem ... I just feel like the subject matter is boring sometimes (not just what comes out of my mouth, but hers as well). I mean I try to connect and relate and all that, but after a while I just get sick of talking.

Case in point, last night. I went on a date with a girl I met at a bar a couple weeks prior. She had/has pretty high IL. I was a little too aggressive apparently (she moved my hand off her thigh at one point), but I'm ok with that ... I like showing what I'm there for :woo: We ended up chilling at a bar for about an hour, just talking. It was good convo and I did get a nice makeout session in the parking lot with an invitation to join her and her friends later in the week for a bday party .... but .... this is serious work. Maybe that's just how older chicks are, but I miss the days from a couple years back where I did my movie dates and got the girl back to my place that same night ... which worked 4 times in a row. Then again they were all younger, so maybe it's partially an age thing. Still, I need to start doing those again from time to time, though I am trying to branch out.

What I really want to do is 1 date fvck close, then we'll see moving forward. Not having much success with that though. If there's no sex after 3 dates it's obviously no going anywhere, but I don't even want to get to that point. So, I need to get a better game plan for same-night fun

 

[Colossus]

Due to the music at clubs it can be tough to talk effectively. I think non-verbal communication is the best way to "talk" to girls at the bar. If you look good, and are dancing well girls will approach YOU... This used to happen to me all the time at bars when I was single, and happens even now when I go out w/ my gf. I can't remember ever actually trying to pick up a girl at the bar by talking to her... It would always be... hey, whats up, you're hot, lets go dance... or something like that. This only works w/ girls that are interested in you. Again, its up to you to determine which girls are interested and which are not... Going after hot girls that are interested will save a lot of time and effort.

It is very important to have "social/sexual radar" at bars. You should be able to gauge a women's interest level just be feeling the energy in bar and looking for IOIs etc. It becomes an instinct after a while. If you're getting lots of attention at a club, this will affect your social status, and translate to girls approaching you. The social/sexual radar is a great instinct to have not just at clubs, but anywhere where you can meet women.

I agree w/ synergy's point... if you're not the aggressive type, I wouldn't recommend switching up your natural style. If you have high sexual value at clubs, girls will approach you, and you won't need to be aggressive when you approach women. I've NEVER been aggressive about approaching women, and I've never really had problems... You couldn't pay me enough to go out and "sarge" or whatever.... I mean I've done it before, but mostly as a joke w/ my buddy's to see how girls would react, etc.

My thoughts exactly.

Bars/clubs are a target-rich environment. People go to drink, dance, and hook-up; not necessarily to converse. So trying to establish "long-term" rapport at a bar/club is a waste of energy. It's all about vibe. "Vibe" can be broken down into three subgroups: your vibe, the girl's vibe, and the vibe of the place.

Sometimes these three just don't coincide and you should move on to another place. Other times it may be YOUR vibe that is off and you just aren't projecting the right confidence. You may be thinking too much or just in an off mood, etc. Also, your wing could suck and may bring the general vibe down. Wings can make or break you on a night out. Still other times the right girls may just not be showing any interest. I absolutely do NOT believe in "creating" interest in this scenario. Move on.

If you are walking into a place with relaxed confidence and the place is hoppin' you should be able to look around and easily gauge IOI's from women. It's all in the way they look at you. At that point approaching is easy; just walk up and say hi with a smile.

One of my buddies always pressures me to "sarge" when we go out, and I hate it. It's feels forced and he is not very elegant socially so it makes it even worse. He cant just go to a place and relax...and smile. He is always morose about some girl bullsh!t in his life and it brings the evening down. Granted, we haven't been going to the best places to meet girls, but attitude is everything when going out.

 

[Colossus]

What I really want to do is 1 date fvck close, then we'll see moving forward. Not having much success with that though. If there's no sex after 3 dates it's obviously no going anywhere, but I don't even want to get to that point. So, I need to get a better game plan for same-night fun

If you're just looking to 1-date-fvck-close, you better lower your standards a bit. Most decent women arent going to drop panties on night one. If they do they are either slvts, drunk, or just have loose personal ethics. Trust me I've had at least 15 first-date-fvck-closes. None of them were of any durable quality or what I would call classy ladies.

 

[muscleman]

Standards in what? As long as they look good and aren't completely fvcked, I'm ok with the rest