What do you say to someone who is mourning?

[Epic]

My best friend's grandfather just died and he is trying not to show it but I know he is upset about it. I mean the man lived through the Great Depression and he was a World War II veteran, so he was a pretty strong guy, but he was 83 years old and it was just his time. Anyway, I just don't know what to say to him. This is the first person that he is close to that's died. I have lost several older relatives that I was close to growing up, so I'm more prepared for it when something like that happens, but I remember what it was like the first time for me and it was extremely painful. Is there really anything you can say to make someone feel better in times like that?

 

[iqqi]

When a close friend of mine died, the thing that helped the most was when people were just there for me.

You never know how a person feels, some people want to talk, some don't. Some people want you to talk to them, some people will get offended.

But I don't think just being present will ever be the wrong thing to do.

I don't mean crowd them when they need space, but just being available.

Try to pick up on his cues.


If you guys are really close, you can try to bring it up, just to make sure. You can ask him if he wants to talk about it, and tell him you've lost people close to you, and you know its his first time experiencing this loss, and that if he wants to talk about it, he can.

 

[joekerr31]

the right thing is to simply reassure your friend that if they need to talk that you are there for them.

other than that let them grieve in whatever way they want.


now i dont suggest you do this, but ive done it. i've told a friend not to despair too much because we'll be joining the deceased soon enough ourselves!

but to make a statement like that you have to do it in the right way at the right moment.

but ive found that when people remember that we all die and not to get too upset over someone elses death because they didn't suffer a fate that you or any other human being on this planet is not going to suffer also.

something about keeping that in focus encourages people to live life even though ones they have loved are gone.

 

[Epic]

Yeah that's a good idea. I guess maybe that's all I can do is be someone he can vent his emotions to. The thing about him that concerns me the most about this is that he is always one to bottle up emotions like that because his family tends to look to him for strength whenever something bad happens, so he is the one always comforting and never being comforted himself. I mean it's caused him stress before I know, but I'm just wondering how well he will handle this situation because he was really close with his grandfather.

 

[joekerr31]

Yeah that's a good idea. I guess maybe that's all I can do is be someone he can vent his emotions to. The thing about him that concerns me the most about this is that he is always one to bottle up emotions like that because his family tends to look to him for strength whenever something bad happens, so he is the one always comforting and never being comforted himself. I mean it's caused him stress before I know, but I'm just wondering how well he will handle this situation because he was really close with his grandfather.

well part of life is that sometimes we have to crash before we learn how to drive properly. if his coping skills are dysfunctional either he will recognize this and learn new ones, or he will manage with what he has, or he'll crash and burn at some point in life.

we all go through this. you can't save him from whatever trials and tribulations he is destined to endure. all you can do is be a friend who is there if they are needed.

 

[Epic]

Yeah, you're right. It just sucks that there are bad things that can happen to people you care about and there is nothing you can do to stop it. I'm just going to tell him he can talk to me if he needs to. Hopefully, it will will help some.

 

[penkitten]

i think you are mostly just supposed to be there to listen...

 

[KontrollerX]

Having my best friend around worked great for me when my dad died of cancer a few years back.

We would just joke and play videogames and that made me feel tons better.

Really man you should just hang out with him and listen and do fun things if possible.

 

[X-ecution]

just be there for him. that's really all you can do. you never know exactly wat to say, am people dont expect you to be able to.

most times it just feels good when people know someone is there for them and will help them if the need it. try to do things that are fun, take his mind off of it. because it will only hurt if you keep dwelling on it all day long.

 

[killbill]

just be there for your friend cause that has to really suck. if they look sad ask them if they want to talk about something. eventually they will kinda get over it but it might be awhile. so if they talk alot about it try to give your best advice and listen.