What Do You Make of This?

[jafyk]

Ok, I was reading a thread about AWs and it kind of got me thinking about a current situation with a girl. I don't know if this is actually a case of AWism. So, please don't let this mention distract from your real thoughts on the situation.
My friend Mark who has been away recently came in from Cali and we hung out and he told me he had this girl Veronica (who is engaged to a bad boy type guy) texting and stalking her on FB. He also said that she was supposed to come down to my city to come and visit him along with her friend(s) who like black guys (which I am). Anyway, Veronica is a mix between Italian and Spanish as she would later tell me.
- Anyway, about a day later Veronica adds me as a friend on FB and I accept. She then initiates the first IM session. We talk about this and that. I told her I normally get curious about ppl i don't know who just add me. So, I asked her why. She said because she knew my friend and I was cute. Anyway, I had asked for her # and she said she didn't want to give it and we could chat on FB for now.
I later told Mark she added me and we had chatted (didn't give him details)
Today, she initiates contact again and I made a remark in reference to her no taking her sister's advice and changing her FB profile pic. To which she responded that she didn't like taking order. Then I said to her that it looks like she would be a problem and then she said it's quite the contrary that she takes orders in that situation. To which I joked "When are you free so I can book the next session" she laughed at that (anyway, I'm mentioning this so you can have something in mind when you read what's coming up)
The things she said that kind of have me thinking are
1) She wanted to know what Mark had said to me about her. She told me she can keep secrets. I told her he said she liked and her friends liked black guys and they were supposed to come down and see us.(I didn't mention the stalker thing incase she went to talk to him). After I told her she asked if that was all he said? (it seemed to me she was wanting more info)So, I asked her why she didn't come down with her friends to which she told me her Fiance Mahesh (who is Indian) wasn't being cool and that Mark had turned her off too.
2) She also mentioned that she liked blacks secretly but that her fiance and parents don't know.
3) She also wanted to know if I knew her fiance (she had also mentioned not leaving him unless it was for someone like brad pitt can't exactly remember why she said this) Well, I said I just knew what ppl said about him being a player and with diff girls (to which she admitted she was aware of that about him)
4) Then she said that Mark didn't want her talking to me and that made her feel like she was cheating on him (Mark) since they don't even have that relationship. I think that's the reason she mentioned the Brad Pitt comment above. Which I think is odd because the only reason she knew about me in the first place was because he told must have said something to her about me. When I also told him that she added me and we chatted he didn't seem to mind.
5) She also said that she was responding slowly to me because she didn't want her Fiance to find out she was chatting with me cos he thinks she's doing a report.

So, I guess what you are asking yourself if what is the point to this thread. Well, I'm just wondering what this girl wants with me? She lives in another city (about 2 hours away), she has a fiance and she didn't give me her #. Any ideas what you think is happening here

 

[jtlancer]

girl wants to cheat on fiance with you but wants
you to initiate it so she can remain blameless (in her mind).
If you are ok with that then proceed.

 

[jafyk]

Lol, really? Hmmm...I had a feeling I'd get this sort of response (maybe I'm just being in denial). She hasn't asked me to too many want to get to know you personal questions either. What can you do with someone without a phone # to maintain communication. I guess it's safe to say I'm in the early stages of this plot (which I'm kinda curious to see how it unfolds if what you are saying is really true). So, How does my friend Mark fit into all this? Anyway, she IMed me again while I was writing this I asked her this and this was what she had to say...
me: ok,so what what do you like about black guys?.7:14p
her: mummm they look hot.7:14pmlol.7:14pm
her: they act hotlol.Me:u know...the traits that make black guys hot as opposed to the others?at least from ur POV.7:16pm
Her: ummm not sure, just the skin....the color of their skinagainst mineit just turns me onrighthey i need to leave right now, but will be back soon.

I think it's silly but hey that's what she told me. So, who knows JTlance maybe you are right. I thought I was going to get something more meaningful in terms of behavior but it seems like it's all looks, lol.

 

[jafyk]

Lol, really? Hmmm...I had a feeling I'd get this sort of response (maybe I'm just being in denial). She hasn't asked me to too many want to get to know you personal questions either. What can you do with someone without a phone # to maintain communication. I guess it's safe to say I'm in the early stages of this plot (which I'm kinda curious to see how it unfolds if what you are saying is really true). So, How does my friend Mark fit into all this? Anyway, she IMed me again while I was writing this I asked her this and this was what she had to say...
me: ok,so what what do you like about black guys?.7:14p
her: mummm they look hot.7:14pmlol.7:14pm
her: they act hotlol.Me:u know...the traits that make black guys hot as opposed to the others?at least from ur POV.7:16pm
Her: ummm not sure, just the skin....the color of their skinagainst mineit just turns me onrighthey i need to leave right now, but will be back soon.

I think it's silly but hey that's what she told me. So, who knows JTlance maybe you are right. I thought I was going to get something more meaningful in terms of behavior but it seems like it's all looks, lol.

 

[EA Gold]

hah

I another humanoid girl product of the media.

 

[jafyk]

EA Gold. What are you on about? and what does your name even mean? Give me a real reponse will ya. Thanks.

 

[Igetit!]

Ok, It would've been better if you had responded to this in that thread so that this thread doesn't feel like it's being hijacked and so that the thoughts would make more sense.

I was thinking the same thing. Alright,off to your thread in Anything Else.

Well, If I'm to be honest if I had the chance to do her I would but I haven't made up my mind. She came to to begin with so, the way I see it if I find out what she wants then I can decide if I want to give it to her.

Although I understand what you mean,it's BAD for you to just sit back and wait until you discover whatever it is she wants. You're the man. It's your job to be pro-active.


That's a good way to fall into the friendzone. I just let the girl know what I WANT and what I'm interested in,if she's down,then cool. If not,I move on. And it doesn't take weeks of talking,texting,or phonecalls for her to find out either.



I ask her out. If she says yes,we go out. If she says no,we don't. If she says maybe,might,"I don't know" or something indecisive like that,I move on.



It's a bad idea for you to "wait" until you discover whatever it is she wants before you make a move. You'll likely fall into the friendzone trying to find that out.

I told her I'd have to start charging her for my time and she said she's willing to pay with her BF's card and it will be like her BF paying me to stimulate her.

That's weird. That makes my spider sense tingle.

Why should you "stimulate" her? What do you get out of it? So let's see.....she comes to you,you "stimulate" her,then she goes and uses that stimuation to get busy with her boyfriend?



Well it's a sweet deal for her and her boyfriend. The boyfriend gets sex without having to do any of the emotional work,the girl gets sex and sexual attraction with her boyfriend,while having you take care of all of the emotional stuff,and you get......ummmm.......well......well what was it you get out of this again?

she asked me what I think about her and then went specifically to ask about her looks.

UH OH.

She asked you what you thought about her and her looks?


AW dude. AW,AW,AW. This is EXACTLY what I said in that AW thread.
I'll paste mean from that other thread here.......

All you have to do is interact with them in a way that DOESN'T INFLATE THEIR EGO. That's it. It's not giving them attention that's the problem,it's attention that BOOST THEIR EGOS.

See what I said about inflating a girl's ego?


That's what she's trying to get you to do. She asked you about her looks and what you think of her,and YOU TOLD HER what qualities liked about her. So she's got saying good things about her (prasing her),or like I said,BOOSTING HER EGO


I also said this.....

it all boosts her ego because she sees that you're EMOTIONALLY INVESTED in her WITHOUT HER DOING ANYTHING

She's got you prasing her without her having to lift a finger.

No dates,nothing sexual,no touching or kissing,or anything from her side,but from your side,she gets listen to you say good things about her when she's done nothing to deserve them.



And also like I said in that other thread,all she has to do to get praises is simply EXIST.

I know there's a trap in there but I don't know how to avoid it lol.

EASY!!!!! I'll paste what I said from the other thread......

All you have to do is interact with them in a way that DOESN'T INFLATE THEIR EGO. That's it. It's not giving them attention that's the problem,it's attention that BOOST THEIR EGOS.

STOP BOOSTING HER EGO. It's just that simple. You may have to use this info for the next girl,because unless I'm mistaken,you've already been making this mistake for a while.


There's NO PAUSE BUTTON ON ATTRACTION. So unless you plan to go for her,even if you do stop boosting her ego,it won't matter.

I just wanted to know if this is an AW situation or if she's looking for something else.

It's an AW situation,but it's kinda your fault because you just sat there waiting to discover what she wanted,INSTEAD OF just letting her know what YOU WANTED.

When you did that,she BAITED YOU INTO boosting her ego/prasing her,and you fell for it.




Don't praise girls man. This girl hasn't done a single thing to deserve it.

You haven't even met her yet,and she's got you pedistaling her.

Wow,lol.

 

[jafyk]

Iget it, lol. You are funny I just get the sense you were waiting for me to trip up so you could say I told you so, lol. Anyway...
1) When she asked me about her looks I told her that from talking to her and what she told me about herself that I think she's got a good sense of humor and seems like she would be an interesting person esp because she had passion for certain things. I don't see how this is a big deal if from my point of view it's true and I was also building rapport. I did tell her that I'm sure she gets it all the time that she's good looking and what not. That I'm not that shallow and totally into just looks and that I'd like to think I have a good taste in women.

2) She started telling me that my friend isn't really her type. So, I think I figured that she used him to meet me. She told me she likes secrets and found it exhilarating partying with her fiance's friend, my friend that is (she also later said they aren't friends anymore) without him finding out about it.

3) She asked me what expectations I had of her and for me to be honest about it. I told her I don't know her that well so I don't really have much expectations but for us to be cool and have fun (and that I'm open to anything). She told me she liked partying and clubbing and asked if I had any ethical issues with partying with her (which I'm guessing is insinuating about her relationship). She said she pleases her men unless it's her fiance then"lol" about it. So, from our chat it seemed from time to time she'd take subtle cheap shots at the guy. I've looked at her FB pics there's none that includes him but maybe that's not strange but I think it's odd. I told her talk is cheap and we'd have to wait till we meet in person to see if she can live up to that talk because I have high expectations of my women, lol.

4) If she friendzones me it's fine with me. It's not like I expected her to pop into my life. She's not the last woman out there and this to me is another learning experience. If something fun comes out of it then great. The good thing is that I can say I've narrowed her intentions to 2 things. She wants to have fun or she's an AW.With that in mind I have a perspective to keep. I'm glad you posted that AW post. It's one thing to read about something, it's another to experience it, and learn how to handle it. It will become much clearer. This incident is just one teeny aspect of my life. So, however it turns out it's ok by me.

I don't believe I've just merely sat back and waited for her to call the shots I've in some ways told her my intentions. Some girls are turned off when a guy comes on too strong. I figured my convos with her was giving me a feel for who she is. So, what do I want from her you ask...well, to tap it. if I finally fig she's just in there for AW I will next her. I do appreciate your input and will update this as things unfold.

 

[56andre]

FOR FVCK SAKE

Honestly man are you a newbie here???

I can’t believe I just read all of that, I must be going soft

CANT U SEE THAT SHE IS COMING ON TO U

I can’t believe how many hints you missed

I’m not going to go through them all but I’ll tell u what she wants

She’s engaged right, she told u she can keep secrets right, (she want u as a side plate)

I mean think about it, u’r her type, u’r 2 hours away in another city, too far for any1 she know to know u, but not too far for a dirty little secret.

U mentioned she’s with a bad boy type & ur worried you might say something to offend her, for fvck sake u’r black & she likes bad boys, this girl likes it ruff, u should just treat her as the slvt she is, that’s what she wants!

Do not settle for anything else, trust me treat a slvt as a slvt, you don’t want to be in a relationship with a girl that’s willing to fvck behind her fiancés back (be it friends or anything), if you’re not fvcking a slvt then it’s a liability, slvts are only good for one thing

FVCK, all the answers are in your own posts, consider this a slap in the face.

 

[56andre]

I think you may be confused because this girl is engaged & you just can’t believe what she’s doing, am I correct???

 

[jafyk]

56Andre! Wow! wow! You know what I don't understand is people like you thinking that just because they wanna give an opinion mean they have to be rude about it. Is it really necessary?
Anyway, thanks for the points that you've pointed out. If you read my post from the beginning you'd have seen me leaving room for a possibility of her being an AW. Some girls just talk the talk and lead a guy on. So, that is why I am feeling her out. Forgive me if that's such a crime. I do believed I've played along with her letting her know I'm down for a good time. At the same time I don't want to come across as desperate just because she's declared her intentions. So, why hasn't she offered up her # then since she wants me that bad? I did ask for it at the end of our first chat and she said something like lets talk here for now. Which kinda put the AW doubt in my mind but I talked it over with my friend and he said she may just be playing it safe. Anyway, I messaged her my # and told her to give me a call when she is in the city. She hasn't responded to that message yet.
Yes, the fact she also engaged me like that took me back a lil bit which made me sorta cautious of making assumptions. Well, in theory I'm agreeing with you being right on her intentions (and I'm not looking for anything serious with her either) but until her actions prove otherwise she could be an AW trying to play me. So,Andre you gotta realize that not all of us have the same kinds of experience. I'd go as far as telling you that I lost my V at 24. So, lol. There you have it.

 

[Igetit!]

Iget it, lol. You are funny I just get the sense you were waiting for me to trip up so you could say I told you so, lol.

Naw man,you got me bent. I'm not the "I told you so" type. You asked me to have a look at your thread,so I did. I only replied what I saw was going on.




I still think she's an AW......with YOU. It's EASY spot an AW. You know how? Because everything they do is to "get". They never give,or if they do,they give THE LEAST POSSIBLE trying to get the most out of you.



I do think there WAS INTEREST on her part.....AT THE BEGINNING,but you waiting so you could "feel her out" most likely stalled it out.



Now it appears that almost every interaction she has with you is her trying to "get" something out of you. Look at this....

1) When she asked me about her looks....

Why is she asking YOU about her looks? Isn't she already in a relationship? Why can't she go to her boyfriend/fiancee and ask him about her looks?
Why is she asking you?



You ALREADY KNOW the answer to that.

I told her that from talking to her and what she told me about herself that I think she's got a good sense of humor and seems like she would be an interesting person esp because she had passion for certain things.I don't see how this is a big deal if from my point of view it's true and I was also building rapport.

Well it was a big deal. You said that you were building rapport,and that may be true,but rapport MINUS ATTRACTION equals LJBF.


And the way women think,if a guy is going to be around her or be in constant contact and there's no attraction there,she might as well get something out of him. And thus,an AW is born. If she can't use you for attraction,she'll use you to boost her ego.

2) She started telling me that my friend isn't really her type. So, I think I figured that she used him to meet me.

So she used him to get to you,then when you tried to get her number,she turns you down? Naw.....that just doesn't add up.



I see NO INTEREST from her. If someone likes you,they'll willingly,GLADLY give of themselves to you,like you willingly offered your phone number to her.

She wouldn't even do that.

3) She asked me what expectations I had of her and for me to be honest about it.

Again....why is she asking YOU this question?

I can see her asking her fiancee that,but why you? Again,you know the answer. I would have thrown the question back in her face. I would have been like,"Well what are your expectations of me? I was minding my own business,then all of the sudden,YOU added me to your facebook. What was that all about?"

But instead of doing this,you fell into HER FRAME. All your "be cool and have fun" remark and your "I'm open to anything" reply did was boost her ego even more.


IT DID.

I don't believe I've just merely sat back and waited for her to call the shots

Well you did. Look at what you said here from that other thread.......

She came to me begin with so, the way I see it if I find out what she wants then I can decide if I want to give it to her.

You shouldn't be waiting to find out what she wants,you should just be upfront about what YOU WANT. If she's ok with what you say,cool. If not,you move on.

I've in some ways told her my intentions.

In "some ways"? What ways would those be? You know how I reveal my intentions? I just ask the girl out. After a little bit of fluff talk and flirting,I just go for it. Click on my name and check the last 2 threads I made where I approached a girl. Look at what I said to them. That's how I roll,lol.

Some girls are turned off when a guy comes on too strong.

Come on too strong? You haven't "came on" at all.

Or you've come on to her so soft that it hasn't registered to her yet.



There are only THREE WAYS that a girl responds to a guy who shows sexual interest in her.......



1:She shows sexual interest back.
2:She rejects you. Or....
3:She friendzones you (which is another form of rejection).



One of those three things should have ALREADY HAPPENED by now. And if they haven't,that means YOU'VE screwed up somewhere in your interactions with her.




That's why she's taken the AW route with you. If there's no attraction present,then what else do you have to offer that SHE FINDS of value?


Praising her and boosting her ego,of course.

 

[jafyk]

Anyway read my response to 56Andre and this before responding again.Well, Igetit I really don't know what to say to you. You are good with words. What should I have said to her to show my intentions? "I wanna fvck call me"? The # thing was the first time we chatted and maybe you are right she should've given it to me anyway even though we weren't that well acquainted then. I asked her when she was coming to my city (if this isn't an IOI on my part I don't know what is) I made sexual comments to her and she responded well. Sometimes you guys sound like everything is a magic formula that when this is done that happens exactly. So, by the 3rd convo she should've been F'ing me even though we've never met? Anyway, maybe you are right about all you've said and if you are oh Well.