What do you guys think?

[Finch]

So I've been with this girl for 1.5yrs. We've been really close, but recently we've had a lot of trouble because she got pregnant and we ended up having an abortion.

I have a close member in my family who has been through one and it's a truly awful experience for some women I'm told. A lot of crazy things go on because their hormones are screwed up and it's like a severe case of PMS.

My girlfriend became withdrawn and distant. We made plans to see each other and she'd flake out and tell me that she wanted space and time alone to deal with this. On top of the abortion she had family issues with her mom getting cancer and her sister hurting herself because she's depressed.

So during this time I'm trying to be understand because that's a hell of a burden for anyone to go through, much less to be going through really messed up and depressed.

So long story short.. things were rough with us. I had given her space and time to sort of some things on her own. Eventually she told me that she was feeling better and that's when we tried to start being with each other, but it never worked out. She kept flaking out on me because according to her she was still really upset and depressed. I told her that I understood, but she has to put SOMETHING into the relationship. She can't completely give up and toss me aside and expect me to stay around.

We broke up a week later after she told me that she was going to work on it, but it was too little too late.

Now she regrets that we broke up and she didn't do anything to stop it. She's been totally back on pursuit with me and knows I'm ready to walk away from this. A few days after breaking up we decided that we weren't going to be together, but we would be more than friends and date and spend time with each other. Basically we would go out on a few dates and try and see how things work. Since she flaked out on me in the past I told her if she does it just once or something doesn't feel right and I'm gone. I love her so much, but I realize that I could never tolerate being in a relationship like this - even if it's with someone I really love.

At this point I'm not sure what's going to happen. Personally I understand that we're broken up and I have nothing else to lose at this point. I know she isn't ready to give up on me. We've been through so much together and she knows that this was a really good relationship. She didn't treat me very well for like a month, but I put up with it because I was foolish mostly.. but was trying to understanding.

I have several classes with her at the university and I'm going to give her this chance because she really fought for it. If it works - it works. But if it doesn't - then oh well...

How should this game be played?

 

[KillaCam]

That's a rough situation dude.

This may not be helpful at all, but all I can say is to play it as it comes man. Treat these "dates" like you would any other, if you deliberately try and move out of your comfort zone because of the past, then these dates are going to go horribly. Take it easy, try and have some fun, and follow your heart on what to do afterwards.

There isn't really much else I can say besides that, and do what you deep down feel is the right thing.

 

[Tomatoes]

Most people on this forum will now give you the WRONG advice imo...

They will all say NEXT and **** like that.

I would norm too. If she was treating you like sh!t for no reason.

However she has reason.....Good reasons....

I had my mum go threw having cancer in the same month i crashed my brand new car I had bought (I loved it more than anything) and I also lost my job. I then also broke up with my girlfriend. (due to all the sh!t i did the same kinda thing your girl is doing, I regretted it greatly after i came out the other side)

Basically what i think your girl is going threw is very hard to deal with. When all the sh!t hits the fan at the same time...Its hard to cope. She will have a "**** it" self destructive attitude.

Shes not flaking on you because she doesnt like you....At least i dont think it sounds that way.
Shes just got enough on her plate.

Give her another chance. How long ago was all the sh!t now?

You aint being a chump if your girl has alot of **** on and is neglecting you abit. What you need to ask yourself is.....Do you really like this girl? If so. Stick with it....its hard...but do it....if not then bail. Next. Cut loose and go after girls.



Sarge On!

 

[Cod3r]

Rough, let me just say one thing... Never had a girl of mine get an abortion, but I've had females I know go through it and the guys told me that the girl resented them for letting her go through with it... that's a rough thing, a living being being inside of you and then you killing it... messes with your head bro....

I do believe this female just has alot on her plate as another poster already mentioned, you're a source of comfort for her, but you've got to be a source of happiness and calming mann... she's in a storm and needs something stable and happy to turn to... she can't be worried about if you're going to leave her or if you're unhappy, she can't be worried about you period right now... you need to worry about HER 100%... relationships are give and takes, but not necessarily simeaoultaneously... right now its time for you to give and for her to take... u'll get repaid in the end but trust me... just give 110% of yourself to this girl right now if you love her and in the end u'll turn out fine...

To be honest, I don't think its healthy for you but I've been through something close to this and its REALLY hard to leave something you love even if its not the best thing for you... I stayed in a LTR for 3 years and me and her both KNEW it wasn't going to work out but we trudged through it and destroyed each other in the process all in the name of love, really one of you is going to have to step up and do whats best for you and her which MIGHT be to part ways....


-Cod3r

 

[lordson]

if you TRULY love her than you would care about her so much more than you are now

so shes making your life hard atm and wrecking your once beautiful relationship and you resent her for it

but if you love her than you have to help her out and stick by her through thick and thin. that what you do for peopel you love. you need to be there for her, tell her your there for her. forget about the sex for the moment. and be her rock in her time of need.

be her shoulder to cry on, don't listen to any of these idiots about not respecting yourself or not letting yourself be an emotional-sponge, thats BS, in the real world, thats what LOVE is and the only thing that will keep you together is true love

and if it ain't that , you just havn't found the right girl

her head is really fvcked up atm and she needs you, the one man who really loves her and whom she really loves in return (presumably, you didn't clarify this).

 

[squirrels]

Cut her loose. The sad fact is that every time she sees you, it reminds her of the child that could have been. That's some powerful stuff for a woman.

Stop being selfish. Tell her that you're going to give her space to sort out her emotions, that you understand how she feels and you don't want to keep hanging around with her if it's just going to remind her of the bad times. Leave the door open for her to come back when she gets her head sorted out.

This is something SHE is gonna need to get over. If she doesn't, it's best the two of you just go separate ways.

 

[Finch]

Thanks for the thoughts so far guys.

Maybe I should clear up what I've been doing during this whole time. I would have earlier, but I didn't want to make the post too long.

I HAVE been supportive - very supportive. She had the abortion about a month and a half ago and during this time I have given her space to sort out her problems and told her that I understood that she was going through a very difficult time.

During this time she was cold, withdrawn, and didn't treat me very well at all... but I let it slide because I do love her and I can only imagine what she's going through. I would text her something sweet telling her I love her and hope she's having a good day and some nights she'd be nice and call me and be sweet to me. Some nights she would text me and say she's going to call and then would never call. About 2 weeks ago she started trying to make plans to see me. EVERYDAY we would make plans and she would end up canceling them because something else came up. I know she's busy, but she could find time to see the one she loves.

We met up on Monday to discuss all these things when she begged to see me. She admitted that she had been doing a lot of things that were unacceptable and understood that. She understood that she wasn't acting right, regardless of being really hurt. The problem was that she wasn't being completely honest about her feelings.

I love her so much, regardless of all the crap she put me through. I'm willing to give her this one chance, but I also feel the need to make it very clear that I'm not going to stick around just to be treated like crap again. I believe she knows this and I know she loves me and wants to keep me in her life.

I just want to know how to play this right so that I do keep her in my life. Because I've already given her a month and a half of time and space. During this month and a half I never hung out with her once. I saw her 3 - 4 times for maybe like 15 - 20 min. She knows I'm leaving now and is obviously making and effort. She wants this chance to prove herself and fight for us, so I'll give ie to her. I've already been fighting the fight to no avail and she understands that she needs to do this now. It was important for her to believe, and me to stay true to my word, that if she flakes out on me once that I up and leave.