What do you guys think of my situation? Friends?

[silence360]

Sup everyone, this is my first time posting on here and I figure if anyone can shed some light on my situtation it's gotta be someone on here lol. Well anyways, dated this girl for about a month, everything going great, but then last night she asked me if we could be just friends right now. She said it had nothing to do with me, but the fact she's got a lot on her plate right now. I kinda felt more like extra baggage when she said that. Well the thing is, she just got out of a relationship about 2 months ago, and now she is getting kicked out of her house. Well her parents have decided it would be best if she moved out, and well she is going to. So I can kinda understand where she is coming from, but from my standpoint it seemed like I was something positive in her life, but she chose to just let me go. So I am not sure exactly what to do, I told her I didn't really wanna stick around. I'm sorry, but I don't really wanna find out if her emotional plate was just a excuse to get rid of me lol. Maybe I was just infactuated with her and I should leave it at that. I really do like her, and I really do feel that she likes me, but right now I am just blinded by my emotions and I can't really think clearly. So what do you guys think I should do next. Should I stick around and be her friend? or should I just stick with not hangin around and give up on any hope of startin to date her again? I really feel my timing just sucked on this whole thing. I really think I can get her to date me again, but it may take some time. But you know what, I may just be kiddin myself. Who knows. She did have a priceless look on her face when after she asked me if we could be just friends I said no without any hesitation. I felt that she was a little disappointed, but you know what she's probably over me already or maybe I am just assuming. If any of you need any more information just post, and if you got some advice..I'm all ears. Thanks!

 

[RKTek]

Wow, congratulations on handling this very well. You have the traits of a good DJ.

Several things struck me as I read your post:

1) Her parents are kicking her out. Whew, does this seem normal to you? Unless her parents are drug dealers and she's a straigh-A honor student girl scout whose presence bugs them (doubtful!), what kind of parents want to kick out their own daughter?

2) She got out of a relationship 2 months ago, then dated you for 1 month and she says she not over it? Even if she said she's not over it, the fact that she mentions it tells me it still weighs on her mind. I'd let her go just on that comment alone. Flaky.

Whether you were or not, maybe she was thinking you were coming on strong, but it doesn't matter right now. What matters is that you are attracted to an emotional train wreck. You need to examine whether or not you are a 'rescuer', which is a bad thing to be. You used the word "infatuation" for a reason, and you need to examine why you feel that way about this obvious problem woman so that you can learn what motivates you.

If part of you felt sorry for her and you wanted to be a bastion of hope in her turbulent life, then you need to be very aware that you need to change YOU.

 

[Sir Shags Alot]

The same damn thing happened to me monday....I played it cool, and actually turned it around on her to make it sound like it was my idea in the first place. Since then I stopped calling her, and just let it go. I went out that same night, met a couple chicks and set up more dates. Wasn't really hard for me becuase I wasn't really emotionally attached. This girl has been calling my roomate for the past two nights to see what we were doing. She asked us to come over the other night, but I declined. I nexted her. I have a really strong feeling that she is going to show up again. Honestly I could care less though, since I got about 5 other options. My advice let it go, if she comes back only accept her on your terms.

 

[silence360]

Well thanks, it's nice to know I have some traits of becoming a good DJ.

Her parents are really religious and right now feel that her relationship with god is not great. So I am not sure really what is going on with them. All I know is that she was late for curfue a couple times in the past few weeks and that really upset her parents so they suggested that she move out. If she can't follow the rules under there roof then they feel it would be best that she move out so she won't have any rules.

As for her other relationship, she actually has really never mentioned that at all. I am just assuming that it is just part of her LOT ON HER PLATE DEAL. She basically just told me that she doesn't wanna date anyone right now, and she's got a lot on her plate right now and she doesn't need the extra emotion right now. So I am not quite sure if that's a good or bad thing or both. I can't read her mind, damn if we could be would all be DJ's lol.

You know you may be right about the whole coming on too strong, but I don't think I was. She always complemented me on how perfect the placement of my hands where. Her other bf's always wanted to just get up her shirt and what not. But she always told me how she liked how I always knew how to hold her and where to put my hands or arms. I don't mean that in a sexual way, but if we ever cuddled my hands would always be in the right place where she was comfortable. I understood that she just got out of a relationship and I was taking things slow on her pace. I didn't wanna really push the envelope and she's a straight shooter. I know if she wanted more of this ass she's get it lol.

I'm not sure exactly how I feel right now. I am upset about the whole thing, and I don't think I really wanted to rescue her. I just felt that she was worth a risk. Usually I would not really have any emotion involved. I told her last night that if she was just some girl I kissed or made out with at a club then it wouldn't be soo hard to be her friend. But after cuddling, deep conversations, and just being around each other it changed from just another girl to a girl that mattered. The only reason I believe I got involved with her is because for the first time in awhile I found a girl that actually had qualities that was worth keeping around.

I'm a drama free guy, I didn't wanna get together with her because I wanted to be part of a emotional rollercoaster. I just wanted to be with her because I liked her and I felt she was worth more than just being another girl I date or have sex with. There was a part of me that actually didn't mind if this actually became a relationship. When I say infactured, the only reason I say that is because maybe I was. It seems like she can get over us hanging out and that it was more important to me than her. So I am just assuming that I was infactuated with her because my time with her seemed a lot more special to me. Who knows maybe she did like spendin time with me, but like I said I can't read her mind.

 

[silence360]

I'm from the Vancouver/Portland Area.

 

[RKTek]

Okay, stop right there. One of the DJ guidelines is "Feeling confused is in itself a RED FLAG." Understand? In other words, a true friend, or someone who is really interested in an honest relationship with you WILL HELP YOU LIKE HIM/HER.

Confusion is your intuition screaming at you saying "Get out of this situation right now!" but your brain is busy trying to figure out a way to make this work. Your brain sometimes can be wrong. Your intuition is always right. You're feeling confused. LEAVE THE SITUATION IMMEDIATELY.

I still don't buy her explanation that her parents are very religious, so she broke a few curfews and so their only answer is to kick her out? WTF??? Who told you this...her?

Yes you are infatuated and it is clouding your mind. But you had enough sense to say "No, I don't want to be just friends", which most AFC's wouldn't have the sense to do. But just because you did make that one correct move, don't think you're out of the woods. The tone of your post tells me you're still emotionally gone over this disturbed and problematic girl.

You don't want to hear this, but let her go. It might take awhile and in the lonely times you'll want to drag her back into your life, but so far you're doing the right thing. Be cool and a new and better girl will come along. They always do.

 

[HuuBinh]

hey silence360, according to your posts, I think that you should give her some time to cool everything down. Your situation is conflicted in my mind, if shes having family problems and emotional instability, then she should need someone to comfort her instead of pushing you away don't u think? When she said she has a lot on her plate & doesn't need any extra emotions, that kinda threw me off a bit. She probably doesn't need any problems about her family or moving out, but I think that her emotional needs are important to her. I don't think any girl can get enough of romantic emotional rollercoaster. Think about it! Let her cool off for a little while, after that if she still wants to be friend then tell her that you can't be friend with someone you feel this way.

-----------
"Women only use Love as an excuse for Sex."

 

[Turalyon999]

I know exactly where your're coming from.

About 2 years ago, I was in a serious relationship, I had dated this girl for almost a year and a half. She ended up dumping me but still wanted to "be friends." "Let's just be friends" means something completely different when a woman says it. In short it means I don't want to hang out with you, but if I bump into you randomly I probably won't be a complete b**** to you.

My point is, yes, she basically LJBF you, you did the right thing and said that wouldn't work. Whether you agreed or not didn't matter, she still didn't want to actually be friends. LJBF is just a girls polite way of saying get the f*** out of my life. That doesn't mean that she'll always feel that way, just most of the time.

As for the "I've got a lot on my plate" crap, that's complete and utter bs, if you like somebody, you make things work, you don't try, you just do it.

On a side note, I can understand her parents kicking her out for missing curfew. the exact same thing happened to me. What you have to remember is she probably missed curfew more than once or twice, more importantly, her parents probably continually told her not to do it, and her response was probably something along the lines of "I know, I'm not a child anymore, etc." ending in a promise not to do it again.

But even then, if I just got a whole bunch of freedom that I didn't have before, I'd be doing MORE not less, so once again, her using that as an excuse is bs.

don't worry you did good, get out there and start getting more ladies. If anything, if later she decides she made a mistake, make her come crawling back to you on your terms. If you take her back at all(I wouldn't)

 

[Batman407]

tell her you're not looking to be her friend and to get in touch when her plate is cleared.

my guess is that you probably put alot of pressure on her... this is how she absolves herself of it. she's not attracted to you anymore... otherwise she'd cling to you like saranwrap despite her "parents kicking her out cause she's unholy"

 

[thejuice]

Let it go for now. if you stick around waiting for her to decide that shes ready is wasting your time.

Learn to be patient and just go out and meet other girls. Besides, its best if you date a girl who isnt as messed up as her anyway. Do you really want to be around someone with a lot of problems? I wouldnt thinks so either. Its best if you are friends...if she wants yu back, its her problem because youll be too busy dating other girls to mind her.

Im telling you this because i once commited the mistake of waiting for a girl to get over some of her issues. I got tired quickly soon moved on, she was begging me to take her back. I told her that its best if we were friends...

Its magic when you dont care about them aymore. I think that they just need their ego stroked by having a guy they can reject and keep him at their side for constant assurance. Have some repect for your self and do what YOU want.

the juice

 

[trevjr]

Man, I know exactly what you are going through. Read my post named 'Classic situation' from a few days ago if you want.
What I learned from this site and others was that you have to let go. I got along great with my woman too and could not understand why she would just stop responding to me. It seemed like she was having a good time for two weeks and things progressed just right. Rather than tell me she wanted to be friends, she started telling me she was tired and busy. It has taken all my strength to not call her but I realize it is the only thing I can do if I do not want to be her emotional tampon.
I detect by your long posts that you care and you want the perfect answer on what to do. You will not find the answer to relieve your heartbreak. I thought my woman was great too, nice figure, classy dresser, common interests, same politics, etc. It wasn't until she ignored me that I started searching on the web for answers and found a few sites for men. Now I realize that all of that emotional baggage makes her just as ugly as if she was physically ugly. I have to see her once a week in a class so I spend the time telling myself that she is ugly and fat. It seems to help a little. Something in me wants to go to her and tell her that I can help her through all of her problems. I have to resist that urge and it is hard. I have been flirting and checking out every chick I see. I have been saying 'hi' when I get eye contact on the street and it has really boosted my confidence.
You would do well to move on. This girl is too soon out of a relationship for her to be any good to you. Be strong, there is a good looking chick right around the corner. Good luck!
p.s. what does AFC mean?

 

[silence360]

Well I guess I did the right thing by telling her I do not wanna be friends. Who knows maybe she will come around and realize how great of a guy I am. But I'm not going to sweat it and keep my hopes up. I'll just move on and accept what happened. Obviously our month of dating and fooling around didn't really phase her soo much. So if it didn't mean much to her, why should it mean much to me. I just need to realize that I lived my life without her, and go back to what I was doing. That was enjoyin life, and meetin the ladies lol.