What do you DO with your girlfriend?

[CoolRunning]

I'm dating the "you're too nice" girl and I managed to get into her pants, woo. We've been out about 6 times now and I have ****ed her, so the pressure of trying to be super-interesting and fun has worn off.

Let's say a girl you're dating lives 5 minutes from you, so it's feasible for you to get together several times per week. What do you DO with her? Is there a pretense made for getting together, like there is on a day2 or day3, or is it just "come on over" and you sit and watch TV and then ****? Then maybe on a Friday night or a Saturday actually go do something like hiking or what not?

Since I've never had a real girlfriend before, I find myself always wondering what the pretense is for getting together with her, or what we're going to do. Is coming over to my place and just chilling, watching TV, maybe playing a board game, enough?

What do you DO with your girlfriend?

 

[wrender]

As a general rule, you don't want to see your g/f more that a couple of times a week for the first few months. Even if she lives 5 mins away. The idea here is that you should be too busy to spend too much time with her. I don't mean pretend that you're too busy. You should have enough going on in your life that you actually are "booked" at least 5 days out of the week. This means finding hobbies, and interests outside of your g/f. This is stressed throughout this community.

Moving on to answer your question...

It's probably a good idea to actually go somewhere and take her on a "date" the first couple of times you see each other. But if she's truly interested in you, you'll find that you can have just as much fun hanging out. Be it at your place or hers just watching a movie or playing cards, it doesn't matter. Real attraction exists based on communication and building and maintaining desire. None of those require that you go out on the town every weekend. My girl and I spend alot of time at my house. We cook, we play games, watch movies, have conversations, flirt, and have alot of sex. And things are great. But from time to time I do think it's a good idea to take her out.

 

[realsmoothie]

As a general rule, you don't want to see your g/f more that a couple of times a week for the first few months.

Wow, good luck finding a girl who will go along with this...

 

[drmeathead]

you both are right. until a girl comitts to being with you and only you(after three months or sousing Doc Love guidelines). things change after that. you have to be a challenge but most importantly you have to be the leader and the boss. being with her should always be a test for her. seeing how she responds to different things. she what she is like opening gifts, painting easter eggs, lighting fireworks and playing in the leaves so to speak. do that all twice so get an accurate depiction of the next 50 years.

as far as what you do? dont spend alot of money on her. she will grow accustom to it. sitting on the couch and watching dvds isnt the answer either.

just make her feel. happy sad excitied. give her a mixed bag of emotions. everything and anything works well. just keep her guessing. do what you like what she likes and what you both like.

 

[Nighthawk]

Video games and sex mostly.

 

[WaterTiger]

Hikes, pic-nics, concerts, bowling, movies, local tourist attractions there has to be something to do! I remember a while back one DJ took his girl with him while he ran errands (post office, hardware store, grocery) and she loved it! She just liked spending time with him. There's a thread around here somewhere about 100 great dates (or is it a link?) FIND IT! Keep everything FUN!

 

[resilient]

be creative/spontaneous

One thing I like about my LTR is even though she's a geeky smart girl, I can still get her out of her shell and try adventurious things. This weekend I took her far out of town for a mystery ride. She had no idea what we were doing but played along with it. She tried to guess everything under the sun what we were doing, but had no idea. 5 mins from the location I finally told her "I'm jumping out of an airplane today." She had shocked and mixed reactions, but was excited for me after a bit. On the way back home, she told me to turn around because she wanted to do it too.

I strongly recommend getting out of town every 6-8 weeks to break the mundane. It improves the relationship and keeps it fresh. Then after a weekend like that she's cool with just sitting around cooking, cheap wine, and movies in bed.

I can also add that staying busy keeps the relationship alive. I purposely make it a point to not call/see her everyday, but be about my life and DJing. When too available, she takes advantage of the time and sees the man less as the prize and will form resentment from too much familiarity.

Keep em' on their toes guys.

 

[Mind_Body_Soul]

All of the above advice is really great.

The first few weeks (months) in any relationship are very important for laying the groundwork and building interest level. With that in mind, you don't want to see the girl too much initially. You are a busy guy remember? Lots of other tail that you are chasing.

When you do see the girl you want the dates to be action oriented so that all those good neurotransmitters get anchored to you and she thinks happy thoughts when she sees you.

Having said that, after you've seen a girl for a while and you are becoming more of a "couple", it's impossible to expect every time you see her to be action packed. The dates do have to be "exciting" though. You are a really cool guy remember, so that isn't an issue. She should just be happy to get to spend time with you.

"Traditional" things, like watching movies, making dinner together, taking a walk in a park, going to the movies, random drives listening to music and getting lost, getting drunk, hiking, picnics, going to bookstores and reading together, shopping (I like to go to clothing stores and try sh1t on and make an a$$ out of myself with the girl), ANYTHING really can be exciting depending upon your mindset.

Keep it light, keep it unpredictable.

I forget where the idea came from but I'm pretty sure it was David DeAngelo, he basically said that you always have to be unpredictable, and part of that, ironically, is at times being predictable.

 

[Tazman]

Don't fall into the trap of trying to be everything SHE wants you to be. There's no schedule or set of rules you should follow. You should start doing things you enjoy. You can of course ask her about her interests, which I'm sure you've discussed, and go from there. This shouldn't be like a second job for you man.

Getting date ideas is a good thing, but you shouldn't feel an ounce of pressure about any of this. Be comfortable taking the lead and don't worry about what tomorrow will bring. Don't be a shell of man, be who you are because you know you're a great guy (lol, I know that sounds corny but you get the idea).

 

[A-Unit]

Re;

1. Gut reaction, if you have to ask about 1 specific girl...she isn't the one to be making a GF. Just date, and reserve plans for the 'best' moments...like bars, sex, dinner, etc.

2. A gf is 2 things....A best friend you fvck. A best friend with benefits. Initially, she might not be this with you, as it takes 2-3 years for someone to be like that, but over time, if she's not...it won't be a very pleasant relationship. My feeling is, you shouldn't have to 'think' of things to do, like you're occupying someone or babysitting them.

Moreover, you must establish RIGHT off the bat how things are going to be will dating. It doesn't have to be said...as that carries very little weight if you don't act, but it must be acted upon. For instance, if you live close, you needn't spend every waking moment together. I couldn't do that with a friend, or even family, how could you do that with a gf? You need your space and time to be you.

A relationship is pleasure, not work. The only one that should require work is the relationship you have with yourself. Many times there you may struggle with positive or negative talk. But...a relationship that requires work, IMO, is way off from where it should be. Also, it can't easily be evaluated until 2 years in or so, because if you think about it, the longer you're together, the longer you get to know someone. I've had friends whom I thought were 1 way over the course 1 year or 2, and then for the next 2 years they were TOTALLY different. I didn't complain that they seemed to change...I realized that the way I THOUGHT they were initially, isn't who they REALLY are or WANT To be...So, they're no longer friends.

Hence, why I don't guys who jump so fast. I'd say MOST women put their BEST foot foward, waiting to unleash all the baggage behind it. A friend of mine's wife is hooking her female friends up with guys. This female friend is playing like she's not into money and expensive trips because the GUY Has money. She ignores and avoids topics on money, and even avoids displaying her 1k bags and expensive shoes, all in the hopes of getting him into something longer, THEN CHANGING him.

Most girls are like Barbie, and they're going to treat men like their personal Ken doll.

3. Only 2 things can happen with any relationship...it goes on forever, or it ends.



A-Unit

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

You need to figure out what you want from this girl. If it was just sex, consider your objective as "achieved" and leave it at that; the two of you will probably drift apart.

If your objective is to have someone as an activity partner (along with sex) you should be sarging someone with similar interests. Makes sense, doesn't it? Why attempt for anything other than FB status with anyone who doesn't have common interests?

 

[Latinoman]

Let’s assume that I don’t want her for a quit moment of sex. Let’s assume that I want to take a chance and see where things might lead because she appears (APPEARS) to have some of the qualities that I look on a woman that I would publicly date.

I NEVER get involved with a woman thinking about marriage or LTR. Because I truly don’t know her. However, I am open minded as to assume the worst/best case scenario. In another words, I have to assume that she could be a psycho and if she is…how to get rid of her. And also assume that she might have the qualities to keep her around for a while or the qualities to be “LTR” material. Those things are impossible to know as only time is the best thing to gauge them (especially with mature women as they are VERY good at hiding defects). So, you better approach things rational too. Collect information, etc.


Well, what do I do?

I would give her LOT of sex. And I mean, lot of it. To the point that she might become sore between her legs. Of course, I might do other activities, such as eating, etc. But sex would be one that I would do quite a bit.

Why would I do that? Why focus so much in sex?

For a number of reasons.

1-I love sex

2-I want to learn and understand her body to the point that over 90% of the times she will reach an orgasm.

3-I want her to understand that I love sex and have the stamina to have that sex. And that would put doubts in her mind such as if she neglects me too much I might end up having GREAT sex with another woman. In another words…she doesn’t take me for granted.

4-I want her to understand that when things (e.g. sex) start slowing down (time, routine, career, other responsibilities), that “slow down” period would still be GREATER than the vast majority of people’s lust period.

5-I want to see if all she is doing is trying to use sex to lure me into a LTR as a woman that does that eventually decreases CONSIDERABLY the amount of sex once she BELIEVES she has the man hook up. This is a way to get women with lower libido (older women also tend to fall into this category).

6-And I want to see if her body is not going to gross me out (you will be surprised how many women look HOT with clothes but naked are uke: )

But another great reason is because when other things might fail in a relationship (and now I’m talking here assuming that this develops into a committed relationship)…the only thing that might keep the relationship running in fumes is SEX. And sometimes all you need is enough time (running in fume) to solve the issue that might be damaging the relationship. Happened to me once in my marriage…and I fixed it and had additional 8 or 9 years added to it (good years too).

 

[thirtyplus]

Wow, good luck finding a girl who will go along with this...

LoL. I've had numerous girls 18, 19 years old, hotties from the country, and they put up with this **** (often sex once or twice a week at most) for 1.5 years +.

 

[Last Man Standing]

"Hors" are NOT ""Nice Girls" -- Wake up kid The Matrix has you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

[MacAvoy]

All depends... how old are you two coolrunning?

 

[hyperactive]

I am begining to think that the old saying "life is business" is pretty true. Downtime is not the greatest place for a relationship to thrive. If all you do with eachother is "freetime" then you will grow bored with eachother. What you should be seeking in an LTR is a partnership. This is where women you work with come in handy. The girl you just met at a club or on the street is not likely partnership material, but girlfriend material.

Not trying to establish a cut and dry dichotomy here but in my experience women that don't have certain commonalities with you are not going to work out long term. Opposites do attract, but LTR-wise I just don't see people with different interests, proffessions, hobbies etc. holding down a successful LTR just based on "hanging out" together. Hanging out and beign goofy and just talking sh1t and having fun is a blast for awhile, but it doesn't last. Find someone to share your dreams with. Someone who is a resource for you.

End rant.

 

[Miss]

Usually you date people because you have things in common with them and you're attracted to them. Some relationships only have sex in common. Choose one.