what do you do when a woman disrespects you?

[Romjuan]

i was hangin out with a girl im seeing earlier in the day yesterday. we discussed our plans for the nite. she said she had a bday party to go to for dinner then doesnt know. i said i dont know yet either we will text each other when we figure it out.

so i end up goin to the strip club with the guys and she texts me shes going to be at a bar. i texted her ill probably come by to the bar in a couple hours.

i show up with a couple friends and get a drink. as we settle in she comes up with her sis (who hates me for no reason) and gives us hugs. i try and say hi to the sis and she walks away. my girl says "were going to the bathroom well be right back. after 10 minutes my girl comes to me and says "oh my god i just got in a fight with my sis in the bathroom. shes soo drama. ill tell you about it later.. dont leave without me i want you to give me a ride home." i said ok. i dont know what the drama was but im 90% sure it is that the sis is mad at her for me coming because they were having a girl nite.

so another 15min pass and my girl walks towards us with two random girls drunk and says "hey were going to (another bar ) ill call you later."

so i feel disrespected because she told me to come and she leaves. me and this girl have a longtime history so thats why i felt disrespected. i knew she would call me after the bars closed but i wanted to show i was angry so i knew i wasnt going to return her call. ..well she did end up calling me at 3am twice and then texted me "please call me". i didnt do either.

so now its the next morning and im wondering how do i address this issue? i want her to know i felt disrespected but i dont want to lose my frame. should i not even bring it up and act like nothing happend? do i ask about it in an upbeat manner? any suggestions?

 

[cordoncordon]

i was hangin out with a girl im seeing earlier in the day yesterday. we discussed our plans for the nite. she said she had a bday party to go to for dinner then doesnt know. i said i dont know yet either we will text each other when we figure it out.

so i end up goin to the strip club with the guys and she texts me shes going to be at a bar. i texted her ill probably come by to the bar in a couple hours.

i show up with a couple friends and get a drink. as we settle in she comes up with her sis (who hates me for no reason) and gives us hugs. i try and say hi to the sis and she walks away. my girl says "were going to the bathroom well be right back. after 10 minutes my girl comes to me and says "oh my god i just got in a fight with my sis in the bathroom. shes soo drama. ill tell you about it later.. dont leave without me i want you to give me a ride home." i said ok. i dont know what the drama was but im 90% sure it is that the sis is mad at her for me coming because they were having a girl nite.

so another 15min pass and my girl walks towards us with two random girls drunk and says "hey were going to (another bar ) ill call you later."

so i feel disrespected because she told me to come and she leaves. me and this girl have a longtime history so thats why i felt disrespected. i knew she would call me after the bars closed but i wanted to show i was angry so i knew i wasnt going to return her call. ..well she did end up calling me at 3am twice and then texted me "please call me". i didnt do either.

so now its the next morning and im wondering how do i address this issue? i want her to know i felt disrespected but i dont want to lose my frame. should i not even bring it up and act like nothing happend? do i ask about it in an upbeat manner? any suggestions?

I think you 100% positively without a doubt over reacted. You behaved like a girl would. You were with your friends hanging out. She was with hers. You weren't on a date. I mean was it really THAT important that you went home with her THAT second or that she stay and talk to you when you were both with other people and she had already made it clear she wanted to end the night WITH YOU? Earlier she said she was at a bar and YOU said ok I'll meet you there later. She didn't say you "had to come there". I mean you were both with friends having fun. Why the drama? Have fun with your buds, then meet up and bang her later. Thats the best of both worlds. Go to the bars and strip clubs with your buddies, and then while they go home and jack off you meet up with your girl and bang. What am I missing here?

I'm lost. You're lucky if she doesn't call you out for being too needy and emotional and dump your whimpy butt. The only "lesson" you taught her is if you don't get your way you cry/pout, take your ball, and go home.

In EDIT: Oh man i just looked at your age and you're 35? You acted like you are a freshman in high school. Shame.

 

[decades]

this does not sound like a solid relationship to me. I hope you are guarding your heart here. I agree that this little passion play is something for 19 year olds.

 

[sodbuster]

Right now, I'd just say I was asleep and the phoone was in my coat in the hall[so you didn't get the message in time to go bang]. In this situation, I wouldn't be pissed. IF she invited me to a party and it was a "DATE", then I'd be pissed and call her on her diss.

 

[Alexander the Great]

Rom, Rom...

I agree with the other guys here. concordon spelled it out for you, so I haven't much to add. Maybe just a summary.

You were acting needy. She didn't "tell" you to come over, she invited you over with no strings attached. There was no date, no previous agreement to stick together. You were there on your own terms and so was she. That you decided to come was your own neediness at work, nothing else. When she wanted a ride home, you saw that as a definate deal of some sorts. She changed her mind and had every perogative to do so, but you felt slighted because she broke the deal you imagined when in reality it was just a change of plans. Her plans, not yours, or those of the both of you. No big deal.

She didn't disrespect you, you merely projected your neediness on her and when she didn't respect that, you felt disrespected. "I want her, so when she goes her own way I don't like it". Classic neediness.

Tell her you missed the calls and work on that neediness and don't be so readily and eagerly available (spin more plates? have you got any besides her?). Ask if her trouble worked out.

 

[jophil28]

i was hangin out with a girl im seeing earlier in the day yesterday. we discussed our plans for the nite. she said she had a bday party to go to for dinner then doesnt know. i said i dont know yet either we will text each other when we figure it out.

I would have written the whole night off ... do your own thing, and she does hers and make plans for another night when both of you are free.


In the past I have agreed to "meet up" with a woman later in the night. She showed up affected by alcohol and acted badly. Waste of a few hours for me.
THe booze is in control of these late "dates"...not you.

 

[Mr. Me]

she said she had a bday party to go to for dinner then doesnt know. i said i dont know yet either we will text each other when we figure it out.

I know you gents just LOVE to make these short notice plans, but the pitfall is that when doing so, she probably already has plans (as in this case) and you're signaling you don't really and that you're available, and that's the stuff that helps takes the shine off you, Mr. No-Other-Options, if you catch my drift.

But this is what REALLY gets me. Your gal says:

"dont leave without me i want you to give me a ride home." i said ok"

Holy f@ck! You said "okay"? She's telling you to stick around just so that she can get a ride home. She's USING you.

And proof of it is that she thought nothing of then changing plans on you and leaving you.

Actuallty I didn't need that proof, her saying "stick around so you can drive me home" was proof enough. Remember, you didn't bring her there, so how was she gonna get home if you hadn't come there? IOW, she would've gotten home some other way.

And you're concerned about losing a frame? What frame? Actually, this is yet another one of these situations where the guy is trying to correct what's already gone wrong, instead of preventing it from happening in the first place.

 

[cordoncordon]

I know you gents just LOVE to make these short notice plans, but the pitfall is that when doing so, she probably already has plans (as in this case) and you're signaling you don't really and that you're available, and that's the stuff that helps takes the shine off you, Mr. No-Other-Options, if you catch my drift.

But this is what REALLY gets me. Your gal says:

"dont leave without me i want you to give me a ride home." i said ok"

Holy f@ck! You said "okay"? She's telling you to stick around just so that she can get a ride home. She's USING you.

And proof of it is that she thought nothing of then changing plans on you and leaving you.

Actuallty I didn't need that proof, her saying "stick around so you can drive me home" was proof enough. Remember, you didn't bring her there, so how was she gonna get home if you hadn't come there? IOW, she would've gotten home some other way.

And you're concerned about losing a frame? What frame? Actually, this is yet another one of these situations where the guy is trying to correct what's already gone wrong, instead of preventing it from happening in the first place.

I think in this case her saying "I want to get a ride home" is her way of discreetly saying "I want to take you home and fvck you." I dont think she was just looking for a ride. Well she was, just not a car ride haha. I mean cmon you gotta read between the lines here. She obviously likes the OP and was just out having fun with hre friends and then wanted to hook up when the night was over. She got to the bars just fine with her friends I'm sure she could manage to get a ride back with them if she wanted. Then her calling him when he disappeared was her way of saying" wtf dude though we were gonna bang".

Seriously guys how do some of you ever get with women being this sensitive?

 

[Mr. Me]

think in this case her saying "I want to get a ride home" is her way of discreetly saying "I want to take you home and fvck you."

I mean cmon you gotta read between the lines here.

Well, judging by how a few minutes later she tells him 'never mind, I'm leaving with my friends', I'd say I read it just right.

But speaking about reading between the lines, what I get is that he's not dealing with a girl that's really into him. She says, for example, 'I'm going to a dinner and after that, I dunno'. What do you mean, you don't know? Make a plan! She could say, "and after, let's meet at XXX place." But she didn't. And he didn't. The whole thing is botched from the start.

And when she says 'stick around so you can drive me home', "Nah, I had enough. I'm going" is what I would've said. If she wanted to f@ck me, maybe she'd stick her tongue in my ear at that point and breathe into it saying "stay..." to which I'd say, "let's leave now." instead of being in "maybe" type situations that only get worse.

 

[cordoncordon]

Well, judging by how a few minutes later she tells him 'never mind, I'm leaving with my friends', I'd say I read it just right.

Thats not what she said. She said..."I'm going over to xxx bar with some friends, I'll call you later on (and THEN we can hook up)". And guess what...she did call. From the sound of it a few times. She was out just having fun with her friends. She thought the OP was with his as well. Then end of night they meet up and bang. There was never any date. She was just playing it by ear. Good times. No drama.

Wow guys I'm just mystified. Some of you are so jaded by women that you refuse to ever see their side of things.

 

[cordoncordon]

But speaking about reading between the lines, what I get is that he's not dealing with a girl that's really into him. She says, for example, 'I'm going to a dinner and after that, I dunno'. What do you mean, you don't know? Make a plan! She could say, "and after, let's meet at XXX place." But she didn't. And he didn't. The whole thing is botched from the start.

And when she says 'stick around so you can drive me home', "Nah, I had enough. I'm going" is what I would've said.

Thats exactly the kind of attitude that drives women away and gives men the stigma of being controlling and a wuss.

Read this again. THEY WERENT ON A DATE. She was with her friends. He was with his. She thought it was just a night of being with them, and then you play things by ear and hook up at the end of the night. What is so hard to understand about this?

You guys give men such bad reps by being this controlling, overly sensitive, wussy way. Damn. Ever heard of just going with the flow?

 

[Mr. Me]

Thats not what she said. She said..."I'm going over to xxx bar with some friends, I'll call you later on (and THEN we can hook up)".

That's what she told him AFTER she had asked him to stick around in order to drive her home. IOW, she flaked.

 

[cordoncordon]

That's what she told him AFTER she had asked him to stick around in order to drive her home. IOW, she flaked.

She made one comment because at that point she thought the night might be wrapping up. Then.....she changed her mind about WHEN she wanted to hook up, but she STILL wanted to hook up. The OP wasnt there by himself and he didnt come with her. She thought it was a fun night at the bars and when things wrapped then they could hang.

Mr. Me....just a question. Have ever been told by your previous relationships that you are controlling, overly sensitive, and too rigid in how you treat your gf's?

Just asking because if I was a girl and dated you, I would tell you exactly that.

 

[DJDamage]

Has something similar happen with this girl before? or is this the first time?!

The reason I ask its because I do recall in my AFC days, how a girl used to do pull this sort of crap with me and it frustrated the hell out of me yet I didn't say anything and just took it, which never really corrected the behaviour.

Its as if you are the "emergency backup" and if something better comes along then who gives a sh1t about you or your agreement.

Make sure she makes its up to you.

 

[Mr. Me]

Thats exactly the kind of attitude that drives women away and gives men the stigma of being controlling and a wuss.

No sir, that's not a controlling attitude and I'm certainly not a wuss. There's nothing controlling is not accepting that she's was setting him up to be her personal chauffeur.

In fact saying "what's so hard to understand?" is more of a control tactic. As is the shaming tactic, "You guys give men such bad reps".

Truth of the matter is, I just simply see more to this then you do. But then, I'm got 20 years on you, and in that time, I've seen this situation happen to lots of guys and odds are, she wasn't looking to get laid. And everything her posted suggests the same. You're getting an inference out of her words and actions that is not based on anything solid.

 

[cordoncordon]

Wow I gotta be in the twilight zone, no wonder women think they can control men nowadays with this kind of wuss azz attitude. She was under no obligation to leave with him that second. They were both out having a night of fun with their friends. When the night was over, then they could meet up. Who the F cares what time it is when they do or if one person said they wanted to leave and then changed their mind. All that matters is they end up together at the end of the night. This was not a date for the 10000000000th time.

You guys are being big time pussies.

 

[cordoncordon]

No sir, that's not a controlling attitude and I'm certainly not a wuss. There's nothing controlling is not accepting that she's was setting him up to be her personal chauffeur.

In fact saying "what's so hard to understand?" is more of a control tactic. As is the shaming tactic, "You guys give men such bad reps".

Truth of the matter is, I just simply see more to this then you do. But then, I'm got 20 years on you, and in that time, I've seen this situation happen to lots of guys and odds are, she wasn't looking to get laid. And everything her posted suggests the same. You're getting an inference out of her words and actions that is not based on anything solid.

You're 54.....I would expect you to be that way. You're old school. Nothing wrong with that, but todays women are a little different. Trust me when I say that girl was not looking for just a ride home. She wanted to bang.

 

[Mr. Me]

She made one comment because at that point she thought the night might be wrapping up. Then.....she changed her mind about WHEN she wanted to hook up, but she STILL wanted to hook up. The OP wasnt there by himself and he didnt come with her. She thought it was a fun night at the bars and when things wrapped then they could hang.

Now you're reading her mind?

You realize that's all assumption?

Mr. Me....just a question. Have ever been told by your previous relationships that you are controlling, overly sensitive, and too rigid in how you treat your gf's?

It's a great question.

No.

Because I'm not. I'm fair, I don't attempt to control what others do at ALL (I can only control myself), but I do have reasonable boundaries.

Just asking because if I was a girl and dated you, I would tell you exactly that.

So you're saying, that if you were a woman, one attractive enough to catch my eye... and I met up with you at the bar, and you said to me, "stick around, I need a ride home", that if I were to reply, "Nah. I've had enough, I'm leaving", you would see that as me being controlling and me being overly sensitive and me being very rigid? Is that right?

See, I would think it would be perfectly acceptable for someone to decline her offer, if they wished to. Maybe I'm tired. Maybe I don't feel like hanging out. Whatever. It's my prerogative. It's not for her to decide.

And if that chick sees my decline of her offer as controlling or overly sensitive or rigid, I would have to wonder what's up with her that she sees it that way? What does that say about HER?

You're 54.....I would expect you to be that way.

Oh you little kids say the darndest things!
(I suspect you're confusing "old school" with wisdom and experience.)

 

[Jitterbug]

Trust me when I say that girl was not looking for just a ride home. She wanted to bang.

That depends on what the OP meant by having a long history with this chick and is "seeing" her.

She could be using him as a free cabbie ride, you know.

Wow I gotta be in the twilight zone, no wonder women think they can control men nowadays with this kind of wuss azz attitude.

Which twilight zone? You mean the one where a woman can tell the guy "hey dude, I want you to give me a ride home, but wait around coz I'm bar-hopping with my GFs first and I can change the plan anytime I want coz I dunno!!!" and the guy is supposed to be cool with that? Of course women could easily control men in that twilight zone when they can so easily turn men into their chauffeurs without a signed contract nor upfront payment nor any degree of certainty of payment at all!

 

[donif871]

no disrespect here..just be less friendly to her for a week, or until she does something really nice to you..