R
Rubato
Guest
There's a girl with a boyfriend I've known since the beginning of the semester and think she may be either a good substitute for the girl I've got oneitis for, or at least a good diversion. The problem is she has a boyfriend... only guy she's ever dated, something like 8 years.
She has plenty of justification to leave the guy and/or cheat. He has cheated on her serially, she's very unhappy with his level of investment in the relationship (and she's not expecting a lot), and says he's just a lazy guy who doesn't know how to be a man.
Enter me. She is constantly throwing IOI's at me. She told me today she had a girl she could set me up with but never would, because she'd be jealous of her. I asked her what she meant (I already knew but wanted her to verbalize it) and she said something like "well you're just incredible! you play music, you sing, you're the smartest guy I know, you're a man, you know how to love a woman... ect".
I would sleep with the girl. But if it was in the context of her cheating, I would not date her. I will not date someone who is untrustworthy enough with one man to cheat on him with me. I would rather have her break up with her current boyfriend and then sleep with her.
I don't know what the best way to go about doing that is. She's coming to see me play an open mic night gig tomorrow night that my onetitis girl said she would let me know if she could come... sigh. In her defense, she has been working back to back 12 hour shifts while taking 16 credits in advanced chemistry. I still find it frustrating and am presuming a low IL until I see some actions that prove otherwise.
Anyways, the girl with the BF knows I have options. She knows about my oneitis. She's seen me with my plates. She sees me with girls all the freaking time. She's usually the pivot I use to start jealously plotlines with other girls. So I don't think I need to worry about her seeing me as a sexual entity, as an AFC, or as a man without options. I also don't think she gets player vibe from me because we've actually talked about that and I've explained to her that I never break relational commitments... but when they aren't there, I keep my options open.
Up until recently, she's just been one of my friends... like a legit friend, obviously from what I've already said. But I think she's interested in me and I can make something happen here. I don't know if my strategy should be to "hang out" with her somewhere and really push the sexual escalation without actually compromising the boundaries of cheating... but making her really want to. Create some sort of situation that gets her really turned on ("caught up in the moment") and wants to cheat. But then "freeze her out" and refuse to cross my cheating boundaries with her because she has a boyfriend. That would essentially put her in a position where she'd have to make a decision. And worse case scenario here, she isn't interested and I use the excuse of being caught up in the moment.
What do you guys think about this and do you have any better ideas?
EDIT: My wing suggested, given that she's said things before to me like "My boyfriend never takes me out on dates... I really wish someone would take me out on a date" that I need to direct the conversation towards her saying things like that. And then make a statement like "well, I'd love to take you out on a date, but I can't because you have a boyfriend". Almost like a reverse qualifier. Bring up a movie that's coming out that I know she'll like and get her to say that she'd love to see it. "Well, I'd like to go with you to see it but I don't feel like I can becuase I wouldn't want to hurt things with you and your boyfriend". He said to just keep reinforcing that as much as possible and see whether or not through those statements I can get her to minimize her boyfriend's importance and act from there.
She has plenty of justification to leave the guy and/or cheat. He has cheated on her serially, she's very unhappy with his level of investment in the relationship (and she's not expecting a lot), and says he's just a lazy guy who doesn't know how to be a man.
Enter me. She is constantly throwing IOI's at me. She told me today she had a girl she could set me up with but never would, because she'd be jealous of her. I asked her what she meant (I already knew but wanted her to verbalize it) and she said something like "well you're just incredible! you play music, you sing, you're the smartest guy I know, you're a man, you know how to love a woman... ect".
I would sleep with the girl. But if it was in the context of her cheating, I would not date her. I will not date someone who is untrustworthy enough with one man to cheat on him with me. I would rather have her break up with her current boyfriend and then sleep with her.
I don't know what the best way to go about doing that is. She's coming to see me play an open mic night gig tomorrow night that my onetitis girl said she would let me know if she could come... sigh. In her defense, she has been working back to back 12 hour shifts while taking 16 credits in advanced chemistry. I still find it frustrating and am presuming a low IL until I see some actions that prove otherwise.
Anyways, the girl with the BF knows I have options. She knows about my oneitis. She's seen me with my plates. She sees me with girls all the freaking time. She's usually the pivot I use to start jealously plotlines with other girls. So I don't think I need to worry about her seeing me as a sexual entity, as an AFC, or as a man without options. I also don't think she gets player vibe from me because we've actually talked about that and I've explained to her that I never break relational commitments... but when they aren't there, I keep my options open.
Up until recently, she's just been one of my friends... like a legit friend, obviously from what I've already said. But I think she's interested in me and I can make something happen here. I don't know if my strategy should be to "hang out" with her somewhere and really push the sexual escalation without actually compromising the boundaries of cheating... but making her really want to. Create some sort of situation that gets her really turned on ("caught up in the moment") and wants to cheat. But then "freeze her out" and refuse to cross my cheating boundaries with her because she has a boyfriend. That would essentially put her in a position where she'd have to make a decision. And worse case scenario here, she isn't interested and I use the excuse of being caught up in the moment.
What do you guys think about this and do you have any better ideas?
EDIT: My wing suggested, given that she's said things before to me like "My boyfriend never takes me out on dates... I really wish someone would take me out on a date" that I need to direct the conversation towards her saying things like that. And then make a statement like "well, I'd love to take you out on a date, but I can't because you have a boyfriend". Almost like a reverse qualifier. Bring up a movie that's coming out that I know she'll like and get her to say that she'd love to see it. "Well, I'd like to go with you to see it but I don't feel like I can becuase I wouldn't want to hurt things with you and your boyfriend". He said to just keep reinforcing that as much as possible and see whether or not through those statements I can get her to minimize her boyfriend's importance and act from there.
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