What do I do now to keep this girl I'm interested in? (Summary included)

[JCKey618]

This weekend I went to visit Stanford from Thursday to today (Sunday. These are the events that took place:

LONG VERSION


I'm just gonna copy and paste the AIM convo I had with a friend, telling him about it just a few minutes ago. In other words, I'm too lazy to cut out the screenname.

ok, this is what went down
JCKey618: first night, about 10 of us slept in the lounge cus our hosts rooms were too small and we were all 'bonding'

JCKey618: we played mafia and other card games like until 4 or 5 a.m.
JCKey618: i slept with this girl the first night

JCKey618: not what it sounds like. we had been flirting, she said she wanted me to sleep close to her, I took the hint. we ended up making out and she got a little frisky. not too much went down though

JCKey618: anyway, next day I start talking to this other girl. this really really pretty gurl that I didn't think i had a chance with anyway. also, the first girl (her name is Adamma) I was started to lose interest in cus of her personality and flirtaciousness with others

JCKey618: I made out with Adamma again that night after the party and then I went downstairs to the lounge and we were all hanging around playing games in a circle. me and the other girl (Janea) were sitting by the steps

JCKey618: we were both tired and had been kind of flirting throughout the day so we laid back (a lot of people were in the liunge, doing various games/having conversations)

JCKey618: Adamma kept coming over and laying on me (it was funny cus she would lift me arm up for me and put it around her)

JCKey618: so, we were laying on the steps (surprisingly comfortable) and me and Janea just talk and talk

JCKey618: Adamma gts sad about it all and says stuff like "i'm not coming to Stanford cus Justin is being mean to me....blah blah'

JCKey618: anyway, when Janea got up to go to the bathroom, I told Adamma what the deal was. about me being just out of a long relationship and that i kissed her too soon and discovered too late that I didn't like her as much

JCKey618: she went to the other end of the room and went to sleep

JCKey618: Janea came back and we got under the same sleeping bag

JCKey618: we started holding hands and talking and talkin

JCKey618: i know we are both really feeling eachother and I felt bad about Adamma, so I told Janea about it

JCKey618: i told her that I was on the rebound and acted too soon

JCKey618: but that I really like her (Janea) more.

JCKey618: she says she understands and we keep talking and talking

JCKey618: she's such a great person from what we talked about. i told her about my messed relationshp with lauren and we talked the whole night. i'm sleep as hell right now because I didn't sleep a wink that night

JCKey618: after about an hour of talking, i turn to her and look her in her eyes, obviously going for the kiss. i tell her that 'i don't want to feel like a hoe for kissing two girls...."

JCKey618: she cut me off by kissing me before I could finish

JCKey618: I think we really connected and she's so gorgeous

JCKey618: she has great hair....god after being in a relationship with baldie for 18 months, it really is refreshing to see a full head (about as long as christine's) head of hair and it was an unusual coloe (a dark, pretty color) and it felt like silk

JCKey618: anyway, the next day Adamma talks to Janea about me (turns out they had been friends, bummer for me) and I'm like "oh hell!" afterwards I talk to Janea andask if everything is OK and she says yes and we kiss again and I'm relieved

JCKey618: but it was a bad day yesterday cus this other dude started flirting with Janea and they ending up going out to dinner with her dad. she spent a lot of time with him yesterday, but I don't think they did anything

JCKey618: my new friend up there who knows this guy with a phD in psychology said that since the other guy is going to Duke instead of Stanford (Janea is going to Stanford for sure) that she wants to spend more time with him. He put it like "if you have two dogs and one if going to die in a few days, which would you spend more time with?" he said that i should have nothing to worry about cus she likes me more. anyway, it still kinda sucks

JCKey618: but i can't complain cus of what i did. kinda ironic
JCKey618: i guess what goes around comes around

Some stuff I want to add outside the convo. Yesterday, when Janea was all with the other dude, I talked to her from time to time and still flirted with her and made her laugh, but I didn't follow her and bug her and ask her why were weren't spending a lot of time together anymore like Adamma did me (that was pretty annoying). I pretty much left her to do her own thing when I saw what was happening. I did talk to the guy and told her I had hooked up with Janea, but without saying it in a way that meant "i know you like her, stay away!" I was just making conversation.

Anyway, I said to Janea at some time yesterday after seeing her with the dude a lot "so, do you just want to keep in touch from time to time and then see what happens in September?" and she said "yeah, we'll see what happens in september."

SHORT VERSION

First night at Stanford I make out with this one girl, second night I stay up all night and talk and make out and really bond with this other girl that I like better. A lot more. I tell the first girl (Adamma) what the deal is and tell the second (Janea) what I did with Adamma before we (me and Janea) start maiking out.

Next mornign, Adamma talks to Janea, I think thigns are gonna get bad, but I talk to Janea and everything seems ok. We even kiss afterwards. But as the day went on she started talking to this other dude and they spent a lot of the day together. But he's choosing Duke over Stanford. I want to have Janea in September when school starts, need to know how to achieve that (go down to "Question" part for more detailed question).

NOW FOR THE QUESTION

So, basically my question is, now that I am back home (I live in DC and she lives in LA) and I have her number and she has mine, how do I make sure that we hook up again in September. I'm thinking of calling her but not now (cus Adamma called me like 5 hours after she left and that was a little obsessive it seemed). Should I call her at all? Or just wait till September? She's really gorgeous and I really like her.

BTW, I'm not planning on just waiting around till September. I have a date with this other girl this weekend, I just want to have Janea at Stanford.

 

[JCKey618]

Come on people. ANY advice?

I think I handled the whole situation in a non-AFC way. I don't know how I could have intervened in her starting to talk to the other dude without looking lobsessive (cus Adamma tried to do that between me and Janea and it was annoying).

Anyway, I just need advice on whether to contact her before September or not and, more importantly, what to do when I see her in the fall. Also, if by the slim chance this dude picks Stanford, what do I do then?

 

[Qualtran]

I don't see anything wrong with keeping in touch until next september... obviously do not overdo it (ie. dont call her immediately, too frequently, etc.), also make sure not to be the one always contacting her....

I'm actually trying to decide how I'm gonna go about trying to secure things with a girlie I recently started seeing for next semester myself... and I'll be out of the country for a good part of the summer so I think my strategy is going to rely on using postcards from time to time to simply keep in touch. No long convos on the phone bs, just enough contact to keep me on her mind.

 

[JCKey618]

Yeah, sounds good, but when should I first call her. Postcards and stuff sound cool, but all I have now is a number. How long should I wait until I call her, what should I say when I call her, and how long should the convo be?

 

[Qualtran]

You know that this girl is interested in you, and would appreciate hearing from you. I would say give it about a week since you last saw her before you call. That way she wont think you are needy and also wont think you forgot about her. I would reccomend that when you call her, make some small talk: ask her how her week was... etc... Then say something like, "I've enjoyed meeting you and talking with you; lets keep in touch from time to time."

 

[JCKey618]

But how do I know that she is still interested in me. I mean, when I left she was still talking to me and still had some flirting in her, but she had spent the whole day with that one dude....

 

[sexual_intellectual]

JCKey - you're asking for impossibilities here.

There is NO way on earth you can guarantee that Janea will be into you in 4 months time! She's already signalled to you that she finds you attractive by kissing you, and that she wants to play things cool, by saying "we'll see what happens in september."

The best thing you can do now is play it cool and see what happens. Stay in touch if you wanna, but only in a detatched "you're cool, but I've got options" kind of way.

Could your desire to make this work with Janea come done to a lack of confidence? You attracted a girl as hot as her - don't you think you can do it again?

You can, and if Janea doesn't work out, as long as you don't go all AFC on us, you will when College starts

 

[JCKey618]

Well, like I said, I still have a date with another girl this weekend who I find even more attractive with Janea in other ways.

It's just that I really connected with Janea and it would be cool to be with her come September. I'm not desperate and feel like I would die without her, it would just be nice to have her.

And I'm wondering how to do that. Maybe I shouldn't have said 'ensure.' I'm just wondering how/when I should contact her. On one hand I don't want her to think I'm desperate by calling her too soon like Adamma did me but on the other hand when September comes I don't want her to be all mad at me with the "why didn't you call?" mess.

Btw, a few questions about contacting her. Imma call her sometime next week. How long should the phone call be? I know the rule of not staying on the phone forever, but then again do the rules apply here since I won't see her in 4 months?

Also, after I call her the first time, should I let her be the one to contact me the second time? I was thinking of saying something like this at the end of the convo "yeah, i had a good time at stanford hanging out and getting to know you, so we should keep in touch. you have my number, so contact me sometime."

 

[sexual_intellectual]

JCKey - sorry man - read the whole long thing and missed the last paragraph! Can you tell I should be in bed?

Sounds like you're playing it nicely. Personally I wouldn't call Janea for the whole 4 months, unless she called me, then I'd reciprocate, but we all have different styles. The way I see it, she isn't going to forget you, right now you're one of her few friends at Stanford. She'll look forward to seeing you again.

As far as talking on the phone goes - I'm not even half as fun on the phone as I am in person, so I limit myself on the phone. If you're like me, no more than 10 minutes. If girls love talking to you on the phone, then go for it!

Feel free to make an effort, and make sure that she is too. If she doesn't, then like you said - life goes on - and college is full of beautiful women. (as well as some ugly ones - at least in countries where they don't practice "aesthetic cleansing" - Alpine: that will always be a classic!!)

 

[JCKey618]

I think Imma call her. Just because i'm not fully sure that she has my number. This is because she had lost her cell phone until the last night and I had gotten her number before then.

I don't remember if I gave her my number before she lost her cell phone, but when I woke her up to say bye when I left sunday morning (6 am) i asked if she had my number and she said yeah while she was looking through her cell phone. I think she was just sleepy and assumed she did.

Anyway, no one has mentioned anything about the other dude.... Do you all agree with my friend that she just wanted to spend time with him because he's not coming back....or what?

 

[Pimp-sicle]

STOP STRESSING!!!!! FOR THE LOVE OF GOD!!!!! WHY OH WHY do we get these so called "players" on this board who set up everything PERFECTLY, then get so AFC it makes everyone's mind spin!!!

Look bro, you did great, you bagged two byatches. However the distance between you two for now, means she's off limits so to speak. Don't call her anytime soon. I wouldn't call her period until you move out there. If she calls you, then that's a different story. Enjoy your last few months in your home town, bang more girls and stop stressing on this one chick. You keep saying you didn't "act" AFC, but your thinking has been completely AFC. You said it yourself, "you didn't think she'd be into you" because she so pretty. Blah!!!! Just chill bro, trust me, if you want to increase her attraction level, lay low for a while. BTW, your reason you gave for wanting to call her is lame!! WTF are you going to say, "Oh I'm just calling to make sure you have my #." That will make her think of you, the way you think of girl #2.



PIMP

 

[JCKey618]

Hmm, I just don't want to get there in the fall and discover that she's one of those girls that gets really mad if you don't call.

Besides, others have my number. If she wants to contact me, she could ask around.

But, yeah, I think like an AFC. It's because up until the age of 13 I was fat and I've worked hard and now I'm in shape and according to a lot of girls, really handsome. But it's natural for me to still feel a little self-aware.

And while I'm trying to stop the mindset of an AFC (getting all these girls is helping a lot) I must say that I am pretty damn good at covering it up, which is what this site helps you with right? To act the part and eventually you will be the part.

Anyway, yeah, I know the non-AFC way to think would be to just naturally half-forget about the girl and really forget to call her, but I don't think like that yet and needed guidance.

 

[Pimp-sicle]

Originally posted by JCKey618
Hmm, I just don't want to get there in the fall and discover that she's one of those girls that gets really mad if you don't call.

Besides, others have my number. If she wants to contact me, she could ask around.

But, yeah, I think like an AFC. It's because up until the age of 13 I was fat and I've worked hard and now I'm in shape and according to a lot of girls, really handsome. But it's natural for me to still feel a little self-aware.

And while I'm trying to stop the mindset of an AFC (getting all these girls is helping a lot) I must say that I am pretty damn good at covering it up, which is what this site helps you with right? To act the part and eventually you will be the part.

Anyway, yeah, I know the non-AFC way to think would be to just naturally half-forget about the girl and really forget to call her, but I don't think like that yet and needed guidance.

Well I'm here to guide you....

Trust me, just lay low for about a month, then give her a call to see what she's been up to. If she really "really" wants to, she'll find a way to get a hold of you. Congrats on transforming your body, now let your mind follow.



PIMP

 

[JCKey618]

Haha, in a month I might have forgotten about her....