What are signs of appearing needy?

[MisterMike]

I'm somewhat curious about what constitutes neediness. Because I saw in another post that it's the ultimate attraction killer, but I don't understand what constitutes neediness in a texting society other than blowing up someone's phone and pressing for a get together.

 

[kenpiffyjr]

It's not as much actions as it is frame. Is she in your frame or are you in hers? That's more or less a gut feeling and you always know.

 

[TheProspect]

I'm somewhat curious about what constitutes neediness. Because I saw in another post that it's the ultimate attraction killer, but I don't understand what constitutes neediness in a texting society other than blowing up someone's phone and pressing for a get together.

Neediness = obsession. (Constant thoughts revolving around a particular girl)

In regards to texting/e-mailing/phone calls, you could potentially appear needy to a girl if you:
- go out of your way to message her everyday or often
- message her again after she doesn't reply to your first one
- attempt to prolong a conversation that is going nowhere or she is clearly not responding with interest (such as short answers or close-end responses)
- ask her often for an opinion or advice on things, i.e. Seeking approval
- asking where she is or who's she with

In regards to your apparent lifestyle and in-person interaction with her, she could perceive neediness by you:
- being too nice, catering to her
- trying to impress her with an over display of kindness and generosity
- willingly ditching your friends to hang out with her
- always asking to hang out or extend a date or your time together
- you don't appear to have a social life or social circle beyond her
- being clingy physically or following her
- you're too agreeable and share her opinion on everything

In regards to using introspection to recognize your neediness, the following are indicators you are probably in a state of obsession (neediness):
- a particular girl is on your mind often
- you constantly have an urge to contact this girl while ignoring others (or alternatively, you have a urge to mass message a bunch of girls, then proceed to display the signs of texting neediness listed above)
- you keep up-to-date on a girl (or girls) by checking what's happening on a her/their social media daily, overanalyzing it
- you get anxiety or restlessness when a girl doesn't respond immediately to a message, you check often to see if she has replied or read your message
- you're willing to change your schedule for her
- you limit yourself to online dating out of comfort



100% of these symptoms of neediness can be eliminated through the practice of emotional intelligence and mindfulness, believe it or not. But if you want a more Don Juan-like style to manage your symptoms of neediness, you can mitigate your obsession by spinning multiple plates, at all times, in addition to regularly approaching and talking to new women. Think abundance. Neediness is often a mental and emotional reaction to scarcity.

 

[MisterMike]

Thankfully, I do very few of those things, I just always wonder how things look from the perspective of others.

 

[Glassguy]

Over texting and not going silent/walking away when you should is one of the most needy things people do.....men and women.

Between that and bringing up exclusive talks early on are the biggest forms of neediness IMO.

 

[BeExcellent]

I agree fully with @TheProspect on this. Keep in mind that neediness is at it's core a form of self absorption. Self absorbed people require external validation and have a skewed sense of reality in which they are always the center of attention. It simply doesn't occur to them that other people have other priorities besides them, and so they take being ignored (which is always their perception of any delay in communication) as a personal affront. This is a habit we all must manage. WE are NOT someone else's overriding concern. To assume we are is where neediness arises. A needy person NEEDS that external validation that they ARE in fact, important. Self absorption is an enormous turn off. It reeks of immaturity and insecurity. The biggest general indicators of neediness I see (although to be honest I don't date needy men) are the following behaviors, either live or via electronic communications which are huge put off to me:

1. Over contact via any medium that includes APPROVAL SEEKING.

Approval seeking can be overt (do you still like me?) or subtle (What do you think of XYZ or Did you have a good time?). Remember that in text communications in particular you are better off making statements rather than asking questions. Something about the question mark punctuation itself begs an answer. You don't want to appear as though you are begging for anything in any way shape or form ever.

2. Repeated contact without waiting for a response from the person you have contacted.

Keep in mind that you never know what the person you are communicating with has going on in her life. She might be in the air on a several hour flight, she might be in an area with crap reception like a hospital, an office building or remote rural area, she might be at a family function, she might be forbidden to use her cellphone at work and she might be ignoring you. Don't automatically assume she must be ignoring you. See self-absorption above.

3. Rude follow ups to non-responses, such as "HELLO????"

This just makes you look like an ass, pure and simple. I got one of these from a tenant the other day. I was on the phone with a patient for about an hour discussing the patient's condition and the tenant texted several times and then sent the "Hello????" text. Needless to say when I was able to call the tenant back I firmly and directly let her know that I was a.) busy on a medical call, b.) not at her beck and call period, and c.) Such an attitude does not create desire to help her, quite the opposite. I am routinely shocked at the self-absorption of people.

4. Grabby or unnatural physical contact on a date.

In the manosphere everybody knows about kino and going for the kiss. You still have to be smooth enough to get there naturally and organically. Build comfort and get out of your own (I have to kiss her, I have to kiss her) head for a moment and be in the actual moment. Let physical contact develop naturally. Otherwise you are going to come off like an over eager chode.

Also one of my personal pet peeves is if I happen to go alone to a venue and meet a random man there, who then wants to walk me out to my car. I hate this for several reasons (and I have started refusing men who want to do this as a result) 1. It gives the appearance to those remaining in the venue that I am leaving WITH the guy (Yuck!) and 2. The men think they are going to walk me to my car and kiss me (Seriously? I just met you!!). 3. The guy could actually be dangerous. None of these are good in my mind because they are a detriment to my reputation and both scream scripted and needy. So I now politely refuse such offers and valet my car whenever possible so there is no question at the venue who I left with.