What advice would you give to someone coming out of a relationship?

[parkthebus]

I think I can guess majority of answers and most of those would be on google but I'm sure there will be someone on the forum that will tell me something I hadn't thought of already or be precise with their advice and isn't on Lifehack or some rubbish site like that alongside generic advice such as "Spend time with friends" and "Enjoy your freedom".

 

[parkthebus]

I'm not sure why people in relationships wouldn't enjoy spending time with their friends and enjoying their freedom. Freedom is exactly what you create and / or destroy in your life. You are as free being in a relationship as you are spinning plates with a dozen different women.

That said, here's what I think: most people fear freedom, and very few make a decision to be truly free. it is easier for most people to wear the mask and carry around the chains. So it's very likely that you will inevitably look for another woman with which to link yourself. I would suggest spending specific amounts of time being purely devoted to doing whatever the f*** that you want to do. Make no excuses. Just do it. But this doesn't have to include or exclude any particular person or people from your life.

challenge yourself constantly. Every day, think about something that you really don't want to do, then do it. If there are any limitations, remind yourself that they are self imposed and that you're going to emerge a stronger better man because you're willing to outwork outthink and outperform those who try to stand in your way.

I'm not saying they wouldn't, just that it's a very simple and easy response to give where as you the response you gave was detailed and un-generic. Appreciate the feedback

 

[dustmuffin]

I would make sure that I had deleted all forms of contact. I had a manic episode combined with ambian and was emailing my x my love non stop. Made me look crazy..maybe I am but everyone doesn't have to know.

 

[resilient]

I'm in the same boat parkthebus. Wife is divorcing after seven years together and nine total dating. She moves out of our home that we're selling in two weeks. I've spent nearly a third of my life with this woman and had been planning to start a family after delaying for years so we could travel the world together and stay with extended family. She was an alpha career woman and comes from a family where all the women are high achievers and leaders of their homes with stay-at-home dads. I didn't realize until much later that I was living my life in her shadows, while my career flat-lined. I dragged my feet for three years in indecision, but I took the initiative to go back to college to start my second career in an unrelated field while remaining to work full time.

I don't know about you, but I look at this time, post-relationship as an opportune time for self-rediscovery. It's a time you get to reinvent yourself. Personally, I could go back to the AFC guy I was before my wife and do cold approaches all the time like I did with DJ bootcamp, sit around playing video games, watching anime or tons of shows on the DVR.

At 34 now, I want something better for myself. I want a new identity that isn't wrapped around in being in a relationship or the husband role. I'm talking about passion and pursuits that evolve my character and life's experiences. Joining various social groups to become more well rounded. Taking up martial arts again, joined a divorce support group, rockclimbing and might try a fun backpacking trip that I never got around to next year. Point is, life can be anything you want it to be now. The world's your oyster. You don't have to answer to your relationship any longer. You are your own man. You can do whatever you set your mind out to do if you want to accomplish some goals.

I was fearful of being alone when my wife dropped the d-card a month ago since I became very co-dependent in my marriage, yet now I'm excited and hopeful at the future. I think building my independence will help me with my confidence and inner game when I feel I'm ready to date again. Good luck, man. You got this.

 

[Lozboss]

Avoid going out to meet women until you are ready to have a decent chance at success...take baby steps talking to women, now is not the time to be rejected over and over.

Dating immediately is good for temporarily postponing the pain...if you are functional right now then avoid doing it but if you are distracted then go for it. Online dating is good for this although not good for finding a good gf.

No No No!

You say avoid rejection and then you say go on OLD? OLD isn't what you need to do post relationship. It's full of flakes and time wasters and you'll get turned down by women who you'd normally not even be that crazy about looks wise (inflated egos caused by OLD).

Agree with the rest. Take a break for 3 months and focus on you. Then when you don't think about her anymore- dive back in!

 

[exhausted]

Devalue them in your mind, focus on the negatuves.

Build yourself up.

Read Sosuave breakup threads and post in the No Contact Challenge thread.

Get back into your old hobbies.

Lift weights.

Read PlayHer_Man threads.

Avoid going out to meet women until you are ready to have a decent chance at success...take baby steps talking to women, now is not the time to be rejected over and over.

Dating immediately is good for temporarily postponing the pain...if you are functional right now then avoid doing it but if you are distracted then go for it. Online dating is good for this although not good for finding a good gf.

Eventually go NoFap for added motivation to hunt women.

Excellent ideas, I am out of a ltr post 6 days no contact and what has helped me has been focusing on the negative and taken offense to being mistreated and disrespected. I have many ex's that will always be my friends who I care for, but this girl has crossed the line and for that I will never forget it therefore I am pissed instead of hurt over the nonsense..btw she tried contacting me 3x last night, a fake oops fb message, then asking how i was then a long message because I did not respond to any...F her

 

[resilient]

btw she tried contacting me 3x last night, a fake oops fb message, then asking how i was then a long message because I did not respond to any...F her

Sounds like your typical ASD that activates after a breakup. They don't want to feel ill will as a female or not be judged by others by not being amicable towards you after the breakup. They like the attention post-breakup without reciprocation of getting back together or anything getting physical. I think that's their way to confirm/self-validate that they made the right call to break things off depending how you're handling it post-split. I've had ex's that liked to keep their ex's around as orbiters or self-esteem boosts when re-initiating contact. If she was toxic to you exhausted, then you're doing the right thing by ghosting...

 

[Reykhel]

Cut contact
Accept the situation and let go of false hope
Forgive quickly (her "wrongs" your "mistakes", doesn't mean condoning but letting go....)
If you were dumped...your ego was delt a blow....build your ego back up: gym, new clothes/shoes, haircut, massage
Vow to stay single.......going into a rebound is like driving drunk....your all over the shop
Vow to stay single......kill any "replacement mentality"
Avoid alcohol..........plays with emotions, temptation to break NC.
Find the opportunity: in every situation (perceived negative situation) there is an opportunity....it's your job to find it...
Read, read, read..........personal development/dj bible/corey wayne.....for knowledge is power...
Be ruthless.......for this is war

 

[exhausted]

Sounds like your typical ASD that activates after a breakup. They don't want to feel ill will as a female or not be judged by others by not being amicable towards you after the breakup. They like the attention post-breakup without reciprocation of getting back together or anything getting physical. I think that's their way to confirm/self-validate that they made the right call to break things off dthanepending how you're handling it post-split. I've had ex's that liked to keep their ex's around as orbiters or self-esteem boosts when re-initiating contact. If she was toxic to you exhausted, then you're doing the right thing by ghosting...

thanks yes she was way toxic. diagnosed bipolar and anxiety a few months ago. just mean and hateful, not even nice anymore..i wasnt ready to move in so she has been mistreating me ever since, months now. I broke it off last week, we agreed not to talk. then those messages last night just looking for a reply, then one tonight confused why i wont respond to her in any way and then immediately another response of anger and hate saying she will never forgive me and now has taken all the love she had for me and it is now hate....all this because i have not responded to her.