squirrels
Master Don Juan
- Joined
- Apr 15, 2003
- Messages
- 6,620
- Reaction score
- 182
- Age
- 45
You see the girl. You think, "What kind of guy does she want? Will she be more impressed if I approach now? Does she want to get comfortable with her surroundings first? Does she want to talk to me? Does she want a man who looks like I do? Who is dressed like I am? Will she want me to talk to her now? Does she want to be approached while she's talking to her friends? Is she looking at me because she wants me to talk to her? Does she want me to go away?"
When you finally go talk to her, "Does she want me to tell her stories? Entertain her? Does she want to be touched? Does she want me to buy her a drink? Does she want me to be ****y and/or funny? Does she want me to dominate her? Tell her what to do? Does she want to hang with me? DOes she want me to talk to her friends? Does she want to go home with me? To stay here? DOes she want me to ask for her number now? DOes she want me to get to know her better first? Does that flip of the hair mean she wants to get to know me better? Does she want me to respond to her comments? To her silence? To her 'signs'? Does she want to be kissed?"
When you call her up for the date, "Does she want me to call now? Does she want me to call in a couple days? Does she want more time? Does she want me to call at all? Does she want a text message? Does she want to go out during the week? On the weekend? Is she into just dinner and a movie? Does she want something more fun? More active? Is she into mini-golf? Bowling? Go-Karts? Bungee-Jumping? Is she going to want to go out early? Does she want to stay out late? Should I respond THIS way to her sh!t test? Should I respond THAT way??"
As you start dating more frequently, "Does she want to be taken out every weekend? Should I buy her something for our anniversary? Does she wnat to do the same stuff? Does she want something new? Does she want a lot of sex? A little sex? NO sex? Does she like the way I do this? Dislike the way I do that? DOes she want me to spend less time with my friends? DOes she want the space to go clubbing with her friends? Does she want me to be protective? Should I meet her family? Her ex-boyfriend? Does she want a ring? Does she want kids?"
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These aren't new things. They come up all the time on this forum. The same questions. And yeah, I guess they're valid...we're all here for the same reason...because we find women attractive and want to spend time with them.
But ask yourself this...
All this time that you were sitting by yourself in bed, or by your computer on SoSuave, or anywhere else, contemplating what women WANT, how they want you to BEHAVE, what attitudes they WANT to see out of you, how you can become more to THEIR liking...
All this time you have been planning and scheming how to be the MAN that she wants...
HOW HARD HAS *SHE* BEEN TRYING TO BE THE GIRL THAT *YOU* WANT??
What about what YOU want to do? What about the man that YOU want to be??
--------------
This is the cardinal f*cking rul that everyone forgets. When you engage a woman who has any kind of self-esteem, she is not thinking, "What does this guy WANT me to do??"
She is thinking, "Is this the kind of guy who can give ME what *I* want?"
So the "logical" way to think is, "I will give her what SHE wants, therefore, she will want to be with ME."
But what you THINK she sees and what she REALLY sees are two different things. YOU see yourself as fulfilling the needs and wants she expresses and becoming valuable to her. What she sees is a subservient, supplicating shell of a man who is so desperate for female companionship that he caters to her every whim...not a dominant male but a slave to what SHE wants.
Those of you who may have seen the Eddie Murphy movie "Coming to America" will remember when he met his betrothed bride, who had been raised since birth to give him whatever he wanted. She did everything he said, agreed with whatever he said...when he asked her what her favorite food was, she said, "Whatever food you like." Was he enamored by her? NO, he was repulsed by her subservience. The roles are reversed but the essence is the same. Women do NOT want servants. They want LOVERS.
So what's the answer, then? If doing "what women want" just leads them to mock you and shy away from you in disdain and disgust, should you do exactly the opposite? Do what they DON'T want? That's how the "bad boys" get women, right?
Yeah, lemme know how that works out.
That's just the counter-assumption. Like 311 says:
Rebellion done for it's own sake
Does not a true free thinker make
To go against for it's own sake
You're still controlled by the course that the other WOman takes
My own emphasis added to illustrate the point. You're still acting based on HER wishes. You're acting based on the assumption that, "She will see my attempt to fulfill her wants as supplication, so she WANTS a man who will not GIVE her what she wants. So I will do what she WANTS by NOT giving her what she wants."
That makes my head hurt just to think about it. So now not only are you counter-supplicating, you're also giving yourself a headache.
So if that's not the answer...WHAT THEN? The question remains:
WHAT SHOULD I DO?!
-----------------------
The answer:
DO WHATEVER *YOU* WANT TO DO.
This is the hallmark of the "Alpha-male". He realizes that the goal of life is not to satisfy those around him, but to find maximum fulfillment out of his OWN life.
Make your decisions based on what YOU want to do.
Beyond the basic rules of common courtesy and social interaction, YOU do what YOU want. You like go-karts and bowling, ask her to JOIN you. If she wants to go get sushi instead and you HATE sushi, DON'T GO. Ask ANOTHER girl if she wants to go go-karting with you. If you like the beach, ask her to go to the beach with you. If she doesn't want to go, ASK SOMEONE ELSE, or GO ALONE. If you want to go see the new Batman movie and she HATES Batman, then GO SEE THE MOVIE and call her up when you're done. Or find something else that YOU want to see that she's somewhat interested in.
Don't go to the chick-flick just because you think it's what SHE wants. Don't change times, dates, locations because you think SHE would like it more. Don't compromise your hobbies and your passions because SHE isn't into them. If you like casually kinoing girls on the shoulder, around the waist, etc, don't stop doing it because SHE may not want it.
Don't worry. RELAX. Just do what YOU WANT to do for a change. Let HER worry about whether she WANTS to be with you or not. YOU should be worried whether or not you want HER in YOUR life.
THE CONFIDENT GUY knows what he wants and isn't afraid to go get it.
THE DOMINANT MALE does what he wants even if it may not satisfy others.
THE SUAVE MAN is laid back and relaxed about what others think.
THE "BAD BOY" refuses to do what others want if it goes against what HE wants to do.
-------------
But what if I WANT to be with women??
Then do it. But do it on YOUR terms.
Women don't want to see you follow the "step-by-step guide to making her love you". Any boy can do that.
To get to know you, she needs to SEE you for who you ARE, not for who SHE wants you to be.
And if you turn out to be not what she wants...THIS IS OKAY!! It's not going to work out with every pretty girl you see. You will even find girls that YOU don't want to spend as much time with.
But don't change yourself because you need companionship. And don't change yourself to comply with a girl's wishes.
If there's anything that women have a sixth-sense for, it's WORRY. When you want to say something, or do something, or be something, and you refrain because you're WORRIED of what she'll think, or you don't want to do something and you do it anyway beacuse you're WORRIED that she won't like you, you think she'll see that you're doing things for her benefit, to make her happy. All she sees is worry.
They're just girls. Seriously, that's all they are. Relax, have fun, and do what you want to do.
That's all for now. The concept is really THAT SIMPLE. I've said too much already. I wish I could keep the flashy verbiage and emphasis going all-post-long like Pook, but really, that's all there is:
Do what you want to do.
Be who you want to be.
When you finally go talk to her, "Does she want me to tell her stories? Entertain her? Does she want to be touched? Does she want me to buy her a drink? Does she want me to be ****y and/or funny? Does she want me to dominate her? Tell her what to do? Does she want to hang with me? DOes she want me to talk to her friends? Does she want to go home with me? To stay here? DOes she want me to ask for her number now? DOes she want me to get to know her better first? Does that flip of the hair mean she wants to get to know me better? Does she want me to respond to her comments? To her silence? To her 'signs'? Does she want to be kissed?"
When you call her up for the date, "Does she want me to call now? Does she want me to call in a couple days? Does she want more time? Does she want me to call at all? Does she want a text message? Does she want to go out during the week? On the weekend? Is she into just dinner and a movie? Does she want something more fun? More active? Is she into mini-golf? Bowling? Go-Karts? Bungee-Jumping? Is she going to want to go out early? Does she want to stay out late? Should I respond THIS way to her sh!t test? Should I respond THAT way??"
As you start dating more frequently, "Does she want to be taken out every weekend? Should I buy her something for our anniversary? Does she wnat to do the same stuff? Does she want something new? Does she want a lot of sex? A little sex? NO sex? Does she like the way I do this? Dislike the way I do that? DOes she want me to spend less time with my friends? DOes she want the space to go clubbing with her friends? Does she want me to be protective? Should I meet her family? Her ex-boyfriend? Does she want a ring? Does she want kids?"
-------------
These aren't new things. They come up all the time on this forum. The same questions. And yeah, I guess they're valid...we're all here for the same reason...because we find women attractive and want to spend time with them.
But ask yourself this...
All this time that you were sitting by yourself in bed, or by your computer on SoSuave, or anywhere else, contemplating what women WANT, how they want you to BEHAVE, what attitudes they WANT to see out of you, how you can become more to THEIR liking...
All this time you have been planning and scheming how to be the MAN that she wants...
HOW HARD HAS *SHE* BEEN TRYING TO BE THE GIRL THAT *YOU* WANT??
What about what YOU want to do? What about the man that YOU want to be??
--------------
This is the cardinal f*cking rul that everyone forgets. When you engage a woman who has any kind of self-esteem, she is not thinking, "What does this guy WANT me to do??"
She is thinking, "Is this the kind of guy who can give ME what *I* want?"
So the "logical" way to think is, "I will give her what SHE wants, therefore, she will want to be with ME."
But what you THINK she sees and what she REALLY sees are two different things. YOU see yourself as fulfilling the needs and wants she expresses and becoming valuable to her. What she sees is a subservient, supplicating shell of a man who is so desperate for female companionship that he caters to her every whim...not a dominant male but a slave to what SHE wants.
Those of you who may have seen the Eddie Murphy movie "Coming to America" will remember when he met his betrothed bride, who had been raised since birth to give him whatever he wanted. She did everything he said, agreed with whatever he said...when he asked her what her favorite food was, she said, "Whatever food you like." Was he enamored by her? NO, he was repulsed by her subservience. The roles are reversed but the essence is the same. Women do NOT want servants. They want LOVERS.
So what's the answer, then? If doing "what women want" just leads them to mock you and shy away from you in disdain and disgust, should you do exactly the opposite? Do what they DON'T want? That's how the "bad boys" get women, right?
Yeah, lemme know how that works out.
That's just the counter-assumption. Like 311 says:Rebellion done for it's own sake
Does not a true free thinker make
To go against for it's own sake
You're still controlled by the course that the other WOman takes
My own emphasis added to illustrate the point. You're still acting based on HER wishes. You're acting based on the assumption that, "She will see my attempt to fulfill her wants as supplication, so she WANTS a man who will not GIVE her what she wants. So I will do what she WANTS by NOT giving her what she wants."
That makes my head hurt just to think about it. So now not only are you counter-supplicating, you're also giving yourself a headache.
So if that's not the answer...WHAT THEN? The question remains:
WHAT SHOULD I DO?!
-----------------------
The answer:
DO WHATEVER *YOU* WANT TO DO.
This is the hallmark of the "Alpha-male". He realizes that the goal of life is not to satisfy those around him, but to find maximum fulfillment out of his OWN life.
Make your decisions based on what YOU want to do.
Beyond the basic rules of common courtesy and social interaction, YOU do what YOU want. You like go-karts and bowling, ask her to JOIN you. If she wants to go get sushi instead and you HATE sushi, DON'T GO. Ask ANOTHER girl if she wants to go go-karting with you. If you like the beach, ask her to go to the beach with you. If she doesn't want to go, ASK SOMEONE ELSE, or GO ALONE. If you want to go see the new Batman movie and she HATES Batman, then GO SEE THE MOVIE and call her up when you're done. Or find something else that YOU want to see that she's somewhat interested in.
Don't go to the chick-flick just because you think it's what SHE wants. Don't change times, dates, locations because you think SHE would like it more. Don't compromise your hobbies and your passions because SHE isn't into them. If you like casually kinoing girls on the shoulder, around the waist, etc, don't stop doing it because SHE may not want it.
Don't worry. RELAX. Just do what YOU WANT to do for a change. Let HER worry about whether she WANTS to be with you or not. YOU should be worried whether or not you want HER in YOUR life.
THE CONFIDENT GUY knows what he wants and isn't afraid to go get it.
THE DOMINANT MALE does what he wants even if it may not satisfy others.
THE SUAVE MAN is laid back and relaxed about what others think.
THE "BAD BOY" refuses to do what others want if it goes against what HE wants to do.
-------------
But what if I WANT to be with women??
Then do it. But do it on YOUR terms.
Women don't want to see you follow the "step-by-step guide to making her love you". Any boy can do that.
To get to know you, she needs to SEE you for who you ARE, not for who SHE wants you to be.
And if you turn out to be not what she wants...THIS IS OKAY!! It's not going to work out with every pretty girl you see. You will even find girls that YOU don't want to spend as much time with.
But don't change yourself because you need companionship. And don't change yourself to comply with a girl's wishes.
If there's anything that women have a sixth-sense for, it's WORRY. When you want to say something, or do something, or be something, and you refrain because you're WORRIED of what she'll think, or you don't want to do something and you do it anyway beacuse you're WORRIED that she won't like you, you think she'll see that you're doing things for her benefit, to make her happy. All she sees is worry.
They're just girls. Seriously, that's all they are. Relax, have fun, and do what you want to do.
That's all for now. The concept is really THAT SIMPLE. I've said too much already. I wish I could keep the flashy verbiage and emphasis going all-post-long like Pook, but really, that's all there is:
Do what you want to do.
Be who you want to be.