Weird loner girl.

[jmeredi]

I've been hanging with this girl for about a year now. We both agreed we didn't like relationships and decided to just be "buddies". And use each other for sex.

Some info on her. Good looking, smart, funny, and somewhat of a loner. She has a few friends but I've only met one, of which we are both friends with.

She'll buy beer and food for when we hang out, I've never bought anything. We mainly just chill, watch tv, drink, and sometimes make out and fool around. I'll get an occasional BJ from her but we have never slept together even though she offered to one weekend and backed out of going out at the last minute by leaving me an im on yahoo.

It's usually up to me to set things up for us to hang out, which is okay since I like it that way, because she keeps to herself most of the time.

One night we are drinking and talking about relationships and how much we both really think they are becoming less and less meaningful. Then she says she would want an open relationship, one where both could have sex with anyone they wanted but still be together. I thought it was odd, but whatever. I then asked her a few minutes later what her new years resolution would be (it was just before New Year's) and she said she wanted to get into a meaningful relationship, then quickly corrected herself and added "a meaningful open relationship". She hasn't said anything else about this since then.

She's moving away next semester to go to grad school and asked me if she bought me a ticket would I come see her. I told her I would.

Now lately she has gotten more distant and has broken off our last three times to hang out. Not rudely, but still, a ditch is a ditch.

I've pretty much figured she went from using me for messing around to liking me when she mentioned meaningful relationship. And I feel like she went cold because she will be moving away soon. I'm just typing this to see what the rest of you think and get your opinions on this.

 

[kreuz]

Jmeredi,

Well the simple fact is she is beginning to question her decisions with you. As you explained it you went from basically **** buddies, to two peas in a pod, to potential LDR. From the viewpoint of a girl this is some serious mumbo-jumbo worth thinking about.

When I was involved with a girl in the same situation she did the same thing to me. Now you have to ask yourself a simple question, Why do you want to be in a LDR?

Just play it cool with her, be her friend and do not push a serious "open" relationship too much. Maybe she has just lost her desire to be in a relationship, maybe she has realized grad school is a huge time sink (meaning no time for a LDR), and maybe you need to move on!

So basically the rundown is: You are right, and its time to find a new play thing.

 

[jmeredi]

Update:

She asks me to go to Florida with her. We go, we have fun. The last day of the trip she is talking about doing something that weekend. The night we are supposed to hang out she cancels on yahoo with an IM saying "Can't do anything".

I run into her mom the same night and I ask her what her daughter is doing. Her mom tells me that she wouldn't tell her and she doesn't know. A few seconds later she calls her mom and her mom tells her I'm right here. The story soon flips and her mom tells me that she is going to town with her.

I find out that she is staying home for another school year now and is thinking of starting a business at home. She seems to be more shady now, telling me she made a Myspace account and that I couldn't see it right now but that she would show me the next time I come over.

I was thinking of dating her exclusively but was holding off since I thought she was going to move away. But now that I find out she isn't she has started acting distant and aloof. I'm thinking she may be seeing someone else.

In short, I began thinking of her as just an FB. But then the more we hung out the more I started to like her. Now that I find out she's not moving away I wanted to take it to another level (I haven't told her I wanted to) but then she goes all cold and secretive.

We talked about doing something next weekend but I have a feeling she's going to cancel just like last time. I'm on the fence wondering if I should just give her space and try again later or just completely next her.

Whatcha DJ's think?

 

[theunflushables]

My question is there such thing as a serious open relationship? I never thought it was possible.

 

[Interceptor]

Oneitis and scarcity complex.
You're trying to make a good woman out of a Hor.
That's your problem, kid.
She was your FB, you developed "feelings" for her,now you wan ther to be exclusive with you.

It is not likely.
She is out exploring her wild sexuality. You are trying to make her fall in love with you.
You both have totally different agendas.
She probably feels already you're into her.
I don't want to ruin your dreams, but you seriously need to date other women.

Sarge other girls, and find your happiness and have fun in your life.
This is propabbly the most IMPORTANT thing youcan do right NOW.
You are too focused on this one chick.
And not focused enough ion your SELF.

Date other girls.
And keep in contact with your FB.
Be flirtatious with your FB, and strive just to have a good time with her.

Remember, chicks like this like to rationalize the horness with being a "free spirit" and not wanting to be tied down.
You've got to keep that in mind.

And you have got to really, really, and I mean REALLY understand what makes a good , quality woman for a romantic, healthy, and loving LTR.
Bro, my guess is right now....you haven't got a clue.

Get a clue, kid.

And protect that heart.


Read the Book of Pook.

 

[The_Wolf]

Update:

She asks me to go to Florida with her. We go, we have fun. The last day of the trip she is talking about doing something that weekend. The night we are supposed to hang out she cancels on yahoo with an IM saying "Can't do anything".

I run into her mom the same night and I ask her what her daughter is doing. Her mom tells me that she wouldn't tell her and she doesn't know. A few seconds later she calls her mom and her mom tells her I'm right here. The story soon flips and her mom tells me that she is going to town with her.

I find out that she is staying home for another school year now and is thinking of starting a business at home. She seems to be more shady now, telling me she made a Myspace account and that I couldn't see it right now but that she would show me the next time I come over.

I was thinking of dating her exclusively but was holding off since I thought she was going to move away. But now that I find out she isn't she has started acting distant and aloof. I'm thinking she may be seeing someone else.

In short, I began thinking of her as just an FB. But then the more we hung out the more I started to like her. Now that I find out she's not moving away I wanted to take it to another level (I haven't told her I wanted to) but then she goes all cold and secretive.

We talked about doing something next weekend but I have a feeling she's going to cancel just like last time. I'm on the fence wondering if I should just give her space and try again later or just completely next her.

Whatcha DJ's think?

I think this situation should be dealt with "by the book".

Cancel off communications for a few days, and test how she reacts. This "test" is pretty effective to my opinion. If she calls you up, she is obviously not a lost case. But if you don't hear from her...I'm sorry to say this, but she is either not that interested, or she is infact seeing someone else.

Good luck with it, keep the updates coming bro.

 

[jmeredi]

Update:

She'll show up online every once in awhile when I'm logged on. She usually stays invisible but will undo it whenever I'm on. Turns out she isn't moving away now.

I feel resentment and anger towards her when we talk now. Mainly because I was confused about the total drop off we had in communication when we got back from the trip.

It turns out Interceptor was right, I was getting Oneitis for her. I would think alot about her, so much so that it started messing with my day to day life and how I reacted to other people.

And when we talk on occasion I can feel that anger come out. I don't come right out and yell at her, but I'm definitely not my usual self.

But I do see that it is messing with me and I've decided to cut contact with her for awhile and get my head straight before I do push it too far.

Thanks for the comments guys. Any criticism, opinions, assbeatings, b****slappings, or advice you might have is always appreciated.

 

[MDgood]

Dude, just bang her. Bang her long. Bang her hard. Bang her in her parents' bed. Bang her on the altar at church. Just stop talking about your feelings and BANG HER!

 

[CF9]

My question is there such thing as a serious open relationship? I never thought it was possible.

Yeah, it's an oxymoron to me...

 

[On Point]

Nice to see a guy doing the sensible thing for once. Your instincts seem pretty good.

 

[The Sperminator]

So shes using you for sex? Congrats man.

 

[jmeredi]

Thanks Onpoint.

As for the "Meaningful Open Relationship", I think she wanted to actually date and just changed her story up so not to scare me away at the time. Then she thought she was moving away and didn't say anything else about it and I didn't pursue cuz I didn't want an LDR.

That was then though, women's fickleness and all that.

 

[jmeredi]

Update:

So I catch her online after not having talked to her in two months and she's just chatting about things that have happened lately. She asks me if I want to go to New Orleans with her next year. Then she tells me about how this guy asked her out and about how she just wasn't into him at all (sh!t test or a qualifier move to feed her ego?).

Anyways, we finally hang out and things are goin' fine, as if we didn't have any time apart. Then she tells me that same guy calls and wanted to hang out but she told him she couldn't cancel cuz she hand'nt seen me in so long.

It's getting later and we're getting a buzz and she starts talking about how it's so cool that we get along so well after her friend introduced us to each other. She brings up the idea of open relationships again, saying that she'd like to have a guy to have a guy to do bf/gf stuff like screwing, talking about important things she couldn't tell anyone else, and the usual stuff. And the open part would be that her and whoever she was with would be able to hang out with anyone they wanted, just not have sex or mess around cuz that's what the "special person" (that's what I call it) is for.

Not too long ater that she starts talking about the size of my d!ck, and how much bigger it is than the other guys she's been with. I tell her if she's nice she'll get to see it. She also goes on to tell me that she is really small in the woman-centric vaginal area.

We drink a little more and she get's on top of me and starts biting my nipples, knowing I can't stand that (so sensitive lol), and saying, "How are we going to have sex if you won't let me bite your nipples?". I say, "Hmmm, this is an interesting question, get off me woman while I ponder this". We haven't had sex btw. Lame I know.

lol, not really, I basically told her we'll think of something.

Then I mess around and begin to put my hands down her pants and she backs off.

This has happened before. I've fingered her on occassion and each time she has said her stuff hurts, like an uncomfortable pain. Not like I'm fisting her or anything. She's also shy about me going down on her since everytime I've tried to she'll say she wants to and then changes the subject (starts blowing me).

So anyway, we mess around on cam ocassionly when we are drunk and we end up doing that until I had to leave cuz I had to work the next morning.

She asks me if I wanna hang out next weekend on Saturday and then go to her Grandma's on Sunday to get in the swimming pool before they cover it up for the year. Sure I says. Cool see ya next weekend she says.

We kiss, nights over, goodbye.

I don't hear anything out of her all week, then on Saturday I get a message aobut how she has had some dental work done and doesn't feel like hanging out cuz her mouth is sore. Then goes on to say that I probably have a bunch of other things to do anyway (weird thing to say I thought).

That's the last thing I've heard out of her since. I'm not looking for answers or anything, but feedback is always nice. Lay it on me fellers.

 

[this_dude_55]

She sounds like she has some self-esteem issues there. If she wants to keep mentioning other guys, maybe you should mention other girls. Jealously is a two way streak

 

[jmeredi]

bump

 

[penkitten]

i think she has self esteem issues too and may not even be aware of the complexity of it.
i think that she does not want an open relationship but she wants a relationship with openess in it.

 

[backbreaker]

okay.... if she is hanging with you for aq year, how is she a loner?

 

[window]

She's inconsistent...which is not a good sign. I think the open relationship question is a test...I reckon you've failed it twice and her inconsistency is a reflection of this. Her mum's probably told her that she shouldn't go steady with a guy who thinks it's ok to sleep around. If she ever brings it up again try something different and say what you believe yourself instead of what she wants to hear. Also I would't be so available for her. Make her work a little bit...

 

[tony-montana]

sounds like a fuked up girl to me pal. just fuk her and look for other girls, why would you care about a girl as tapped as her? you're not even officially dating and already got problems.

 

[jmeredi]

About the open relationship thing, I think Penkitten is right. Everytime me and this girl talk about dating we always mention that we wouldn't cheat but that we would prefer to be able to hang out with other people if we wanted to.

But like I said earlier, she cancels on dates way too much. Like last time we hung out, just before I left she says we should do it again the next weekend and then cancels the day we were supposed to do something. And this happens about half the time.

Just the other day she told me that she would be busy and that she might have time to do something in a few weeks.

A few weeks? What keeps someone busy for a few weeks? A coma?

I'm torn about what I should do about this whole thing. On one hand she shows super interest when we hang out. On the other hand, making plans with her is like pulling teeth, it's getting old and I'm beginning to think I should drop the whole thing cuz it's giving me a headache.

How would any of you handle this? Would it be best to tell her it's pissing me off or try some other approach I'm not aware of?