Weird feeling my girlfriend is going to dump me over my performance anxiety issues

[oldspice891]

Been dating this girl almost 3 months. We haven't made it official with a title but she wanted to drive 6 hrs to meet my parents. We had sex one tIme and it sucked cuz I was lImp. I have bad performance anxiety and I get her off amazingly orally but it seems this is putting a strain on our relationship. Weve gotten into crying arguments a couPle times this past week.

One reason she told me a guy kissed her at a gay club but she felt guilt and I wanted to break it off cuz I didn't believe her but she wouldn't let me break up with her lol. I've told her if she wants to go and be with other people that's cool it's no worries but she doesn't take the offer.
She seems to be patient about my ED issues and it's ******* killing me. I have a doctors appointment and maybe I can get some cialis. I feel like if we had sex it would fix thIngs but I used to be a porn addict and my brain for getting aroused is wired wrong and ive asked her to be patient but it's getting to her. I went to yourbrainonporn.com and realized my problems so now I'm not jacking off or looking at porn cuz I wanna fix this. I'm done with porn.

What do I do? How do I feel? This is the first girl I've had a relationship with and even tho she's called me perfect and all these things, she's not as affectionate and eager to hang with me as much as before. I feel terrible about this because I like her and don't want to lose her or ruin this.

I feel like I've regressed to being an AFC lately because I think I lost that DJ mentality I had when this started and she's been less affectionate recently. I'm just confused and lost and have this weird gut feeling and want it to go away because I can't focus on anything right now. At the beginning I was passionate about my hobbies an my life and she was attracted to that. How do I bring that mentality back when now I have strong feelings for her that I can't help?

 

[mayfair]

The best advice i can give u is just relax dude! worrying about perfomance is only going to make it worse and start a vicious circle in your mind (providing u dont have a medical condition)

Next time u get the chance to get busy, have a beer or 2 (dont over indulge or u could get brewers droop) make sure u have plenty of foreplay and abit of oral if shes game, Relax and focus on the moment and not your performance! maybe even lay off the porn and self amusment to build your sex drive up abit so your raring to go when u get the green light

If shes worth it she'll be patient, if not your wasting your time on someone who wont even help u through a little misfire

If my tips work you will have your confidence back and be ****ing like a boss in no time

Good luck mate

 

[cablecow15]

You if you honestly thin your performance is your problem , try this

"caution mature content lol"

{Link removed by Atom Smasher solely for the purpose of honoring oldspice's effort to stay away from porn.}

you can do many things to a girl that your penis cannot

 

[oldspice891]

The best advice i can give u is just relax dude! worrying about perfomance is only going to make it worse and start a vicious circle in your mind (providing u dont have a medical condition)

Next time u get the chance to get busy, have a beer or 2 (dont over indulge or u could get brewers droop) make sure u have plenty of foreplay and abit of oral if shes game, Relax and focus on the moment and not your performance! maybe even lay off the porn and self amusment to build your sex drive up abit so your raring to go when u get the green light

If shes worth it she'll be patient, if not your wasting your time on someone who wont even help u through a little misfire

If my tips work you will have your confidence back and be ****ing like a boss in no time

Good luck mate

Thanks man. I try to relax and focus on her but were both naked and the fact that I'm not erect is killing me. I'm gonna keep trying again. I just know that if this relationship failed because of this, I'd just feel horrible and be seriously turned away by relationships.

You if you honestly thin your performance is your problem , try this

"caution mature content lol"

{Link removed by Atom Smasher solely for the purpose of honoring oldspice's effort to stay away from porn.}

you can do many things to a girl that your penis cannot

Can't look at that. Stopped looking a porn man gotta fix this.

 

[ka_mate]

Firstly, Cablecow completely inappropriate post mate. OP has clearly stated in the opening post that he is giving up porn because he believes it might be a factor in giving him performance anxiety. Porn has contributed in creating this problem for him and it's not going to solve it.

Oldspice, I'm 217 days without porn and I don't really have that much craving to look at it anymore. Definitely continue to abstain from porn use.

I think this is good way of looking at it.

Think about the number of times you've looked at porn and masturbated to it
E.g approx 5 years at once a week = 52 x 5 = 260

each time you look at it it's trained your brain to expect that many girls and that much stimulus.

Compare this with the number of times you've had sex or a girl has gotten you often.

Obviously, one of this numbers is significantly less.

It's going to take a bit of time for your body to readjust. It's a slow process but that doesn't make it any less important.

My advice would be.

1. Continue abstaining from porn
2. Continue your relationship and being intimate
3. Continue focussing on your hobbies and job and whatever.
4. You are doing everything you can to perform in bed by abstaining from porn and if you're girlfriend leaves you because of this (firstly that's a *****y move) and secondly that's her problem and just means she isn't worth your time

 

[runner83]

My advice would be.

1. Continue abstaining from porn
2. Continue your relationship and being intimate
3. Continue focussing on your hobbies and job and whatever.
4. You are doing everything you can to perform in bed by abstaining from porn and if you're girlfriend leaves you because of this (firstly that's a *****y move) and secondly that's her problem and just means she isn't worth your time

Generally good advice, but fact that you have only had s!x once in 3 months (and it was a fail!) is a major red flag.

Keep away from the porn, and do what you can to improve in this area.

But realise that being a limp d!ck the first time when it counted most may have killed her attraction - women want a man who will dominate her and fvck her brains out.

Don't take it to heart, if it happens learn from it and move on. But hope it works out well.

 

[Atom Smasher]

You if you honestly thin your performance is your problem , try this

"caution mature content lol"

{Link removed by Atom Smasher solely for the purpose of honoring oldspice's effort to stay away from porn.}

you can do many things to a girl that your penis cannot

cablecow, clearly you posted the link in the spirit of helping him out. However, I made an executive decision to delete the link because he's trying to stay away from porn. Nothing personal at all, just removing the temptation as he's making a genuine effort to get away from it.

Atom

 

[Atom Smasher]

Oldspice, post your age in your profile. I don't know whether I'm addressing a wet-behind-the-ears young man or a semi-mature man like myself.

I applaud your efforts to get away from porn, and I'm sure limiting masturbation will help enormously. I'm also sure the doctor will steer you in the right direction. Let us know what he says.

One thing concerns me, though... She said "A guy kissed me at a gay club"? Funny how the guy kissed HER, but of course in her mind she didn't kiss HIM. If you guys settled that issue then fine, let it go. For me, it would be a red flag issue.

Keep us posted.

 

[Mk951]

You just need confidence.
If the girl is good enough, and is patient, she'll wait, and probably one day your problem will solve automatically.
Don't worry to talk with her about this, when you remove all the $hit in your head, you'll see improvements.

 

[Who Dares Win]

I had sex with a girl met in a club last month and my performance was crappy as hell, came the first time after 2 thrusts and needed about a hour to get hard again, the fact that she wasnt exactly a top model didnt help but thats not the point.

That same girl despite that crappy performance kept writing me and asking me for date and other sex, Im not saying this to brag about my charm but to show that if a girl really likes you she will be more than glad not only to give you other chances but also to help fix the problem.

Im afraid the problem is her interest is not as high as we would like it for your own good and not the performance itself.

I suggest you to go heavy on weights to pump your hormones and go pick up other girls to get rid of some anxiety, even if you dont get the girl your brain will be unable to focus on your perfomance anxiety if you force him to multitask on many emotional problems.

 

[cablecow15]

Whoa defiantly did not mean to lead into any temptations , the video itself isn't provocative just informative , but the site its on is prolly not the best to snoop around , If i can find a written instruction on it ill post that instead , sorry

I found a vid on YouTube that describes the same thing , tho ill ask if anyone wants to see it before i post this time

 

[oldspice891]

@ ka_mate thanks for the advice. Yeah once you put it into perspective like that, it is pretty bad for me. I guess I never thought it was an issue til now because I have friends that masturbate to porn yet have sex with their girlfriends. I'm glad you've abstained from it and it's working for you so I'm gonna try it out.

@runner83 your blunt about the truth but you're right. Definitely not attractive
but I'm sure with any girl, a guy that cant pop a boner won't be anyway. It sucks but it's my situation and trust me I'm more frustrated with it than you can believe.
I respect your honesty.

@ Atom Smasher I'm 23 I edited my age. I just went to the dr and she signed me up for some bloodwork and prescribed me Levitra so we'll see how it goes. As far as the kissing guy thing, you're right huge red flag. I tried breaking it off with her because I told her I felt my issue was holding her back and I didn't want to so it would be a 100% cool with me if you dated other guys. I also felt disrespected as well an made that clear to her. Either way she still wants to hang out so I donno. She wouldn't take the keys to leave when I was trying to break it off so I donno. Thanks man.

@Mk951. I hear you. Definitely have low confidence. It's cuz of being fat for Years which I lost and not having girls. However thanks to this amazing site and forum, I've been able to attract way more women and this girl I'm trying to have sex with is hot with a perfect body. Sometimes I wonder how the hell she likes me but I donno just gotta roll with it. This site and the forum members are cool. No bs just trying to help other guys with women. That's why I like this place.

@Who Dares Win. Cool thanks for that perspective. I guess if they like you'll they'll stick around despite a crappy sex performance. I donno if that's the case with this one, we'll see what happens. But I get what you guys are saying, it is what it is. Can't blame a girl force going for what she wants. Also gotta try not to feel down and somehow try to fix this.

Thanks for all your replies guys. You've been a huge help. Repped.

 

[Bible_Belt]

Does Levitra wear off after a few hours like Viagra? That's what you want. The Cialis crap that does not wear off for days is stupid. Guys get tired of having red ears and a flushed face all the time. And "cialis for daily use" is the ultimate in ridiculousness.

I haven't priced Levitra, but Viagra is $20/pill and half of one pill is a large dose. No one under 90 years old needs an entire pill at once. Dissolve a pill half under your tongue and it starts working in about ten minutes.

 

[oldspice891]

the fact that she kissed a guy is a red flag and probably in the back of your mind and stopping you from performing b/c you care about her. Been there.

If she is a big skank in the "past" and plays this issue up then be sure she is using it to get leverage on you. She should be used to things like this, especially if you were drinking.

Yup everytime I think about it, it irks me the wrong way. Since I made this thread, I've become more acceptant of it that it's goin to be over. I guess her purpose was to make me realize I need to sort these issues so I can get in the game and start having sex with many girls. I was upset with it before but I think mentally I'm cool with it ending now. Yeah.

 

[Mk951]

the fact that she kissed a guy is a red flag and probably in the back of your mind and stopping you from performing b/c you care about her. Been there.

If she is a big skank in the "past" and plays this issue up then be sure she is using it to get leverage on you. She should be used to things like this, especially if you were drinking.

Many girls are pissed when thay suffer this problems. Many others, however, and luckily have the patience enough to aid in solving it.

I speak from experience like PairPlusRoyalFlush (curiosly when I was 23). I try to see it not like a problem, but as a consecuences of caring about a girl (and having not much self steem, btw). You know you are physically ok.

The less you need is to think about it. The more the girl likes you, and keeps trying, the less are you going to think about it. The problem will dissapear as soon as you think less about it.

Think about it.

(And remember all this is experience. It will come better with time.)

 

[r0cky]

Dont you think that maybe, perhaps, your fear of loosing your gf is part of your anxious personality? Maybe the issue is really you and your anxiety problem and not her?

 

[Alex DeLarge]

Your problem lies in your paranoia of your partner's response to your ED it seems. I don't think your ED is a physical problem but more of a psychological problem relevant to the stress of the situation (ex: "I don't want to lose my boner again") Therefore, you do.

I've been reading into buddhism a bit here and there lately, and the author in one book talks about concentration. It is bad to have 100% concentration on something. Think about a time where you try to do something over and over again, begin to become frustrated and just get worse and worse.. (As for me, I'm a musician.. I find that when I'm concentrating on learning a new song or recording, I often fvck up because I have that 100% concentration "don't fvck up" mentality.)

Then when you become completely frustrated with this issue, you take a little break for a couple hours, let the frustration fade, and go back to what you were doing.. Then you accomplish your goal quite easily!

It would probably be best for you to ease the tension in your "performance" by cleansing your mind a bit. Take a break from the sosuave forums or any PUA material you might be looking into. A lot of this crap can really fvck with people and turn them neurotic (especially those with anxiety issues to begin with). I suggest you focus on yourself during that time. Read some books, enjoy the weather, work on a personal project or hobby, participate in some intramural sports league in your area.. Anything really.

I went through the same problem you are going through now. But then I just stopped really caring about my "performance" and decided to feel more relaxed about it. Turn your mind off, and your inner sexual beast will come forth!