Weird eye contact (lack of) dynamic that is hard to break

[BobbDobbs]

Okay, this happens to me occasionally and I haven't figure out how to break it. It is usually someone I've been introduced to previously, but don't really know them very well. It could actually be a man or woman, but the latest case which happened yesterday was a woman.

We'll be in a group setting and I see them coming into the room or area and they're headed my general direction. So I start looking at their face for signs of recognition and I am naturally getting my goofy "Hi how are ya" smile so as soon as they recognize me we'll exchange hellos. That would be it, and that's usually the end of the interaction.

But sometimes they never look at my eyes. They are looking everywhere but at my eyes. Since I barely know them I'm sure it is just not someone they are primed to acknowledge right away. But then that critical moment slips away and it will linger in purgatory for the rest of the evening. They've seen me but not acknowledged me. And I missed the moment I was waiting for to acknowledge them.

Now the dynamic is a deadlock. For the rest of the evening there is an ackwardness whenever you catch their glance -- since you've never acknowledged each other's existance.

It's disconcerting when it happens, since it is fairly rare -- but still it happens too often. I need to come up with a way to either prevent it from happening, or quickly break the deadlock.

Does this every happen to anyone else?

 

[I-am-someone]

She's probably just not attracted to your appearance.
Everybody has a different picture of the guy or girl they want, you do as well.
But like everybody, you can also deviate from that picture if the girl's personality shines. For women, this actually happens a lot quicker, so it's easy to get past that first barrier.
Go talk to her and show her what kind of a great personality you've got. If she's still ignoring you, she's probably not attracted to your personality either. Still, no harm done

 

[Kaizen]

So let me get this straight. Some girl you've met before walks in the room and ignores you.

I would just walk over to her and give her a C&F smile and attitude and say something like "aaahhh... I see how it is. Someone thinks they're too cool to say hi to me. I see how how it is!" And slowly start walking away. Usually they call you back so they can explain why they didnt. "oh, I didnt see you... I didnt recognize you... You were with your friends and I didnt want to bother you... I didnt think you'd remember me..." At that point, you can strike up a light convo, and head back to your group.

 

[blinkwatt]

She's probably just not attracted to your appearance.

I know a chick who has problems with keeping eye contact,she is 28 and its just what she does. She looks around the person talking to her,not at the person talking to her. I know she does this to people she likes because she always talks about my ccock and kids sexually(she is known to get around). So dont take it as way of her not "liking" you,just keep on sarging,you will find out in time.

 

[I-am-someone]

blinkwatt, girls that absolutely can't keep eyecontact are really big exceptions. Sure, there have been girls like that with me too but when they aren't able to keep eyecontact they should still be giving off some other signals.

I think this situation actually has a lot more to do with attraction than you think.
Just think about it... how do we, men, react to a girl we're not attracted to at first sight? I personally just ignore her and move on to the girl that I do feel attracted to. This is exactly what this girl did to Bobb.
But, a lot of girls with a less than perfect exterior can still become attractive to me, based on their personality. The opposite is also true. You can become very attractive to women, based on your personality. How Kaizen would do it, is showing her your personality. Kaizen apparently has a certain kind of C/F personality, which tends to work quite well with women. For Bobb it is probably going to be an entirely different response, but that's something he has to work out for himself.

The same is the deal with why men also can't keep eyecontact with Bobb. I know it may sound strange, but men are also attracted to eachother in one way or another. It's not a sexual attraction, but it's still a form of attraction. You choose your friends according to a certain standard you have developed, just like you choose your women to a certain standard you develop.

 

[blinkwatt]

blinkwatt, girls that absolutely can't keep eyecontact are really big exceptions. Sure, there have been girls like that with me too but when they aren't able to keep eyecontact they should still be giving off some other signals.

True,she is always physical with me to. Meh let him take another shot or two,it cant hurt. Besides who cares,if she is that concerned with physical looks then she is a btich.

 

[BobbDobbs]

Yes, it's probably true that people will be much more eager to acknowledge a good looking guy. But again, I'm not talking about total strangers meeting. In these cases we've been introduced in the past. And while they may or may not remember my name they do know they've met me before.

I did consider that maybe I should have done the C/F "Oh okay, ignore me." deal, but that can also come off as a pathetic whine if you don't tone it right.

This is applicable to girls you are trying to hit on too, but as I mentioned it can occur with guys, women half my age (too young to date) as in this case, and even distant relatives.

I've had it happen with distant relatives where you've sort of met them in the past and again when you happen to see them again I do the same wind up "hi how are ya" smile and am ready to acknowledge them when they make eye contact -- but suddently at the critical distance they look every which way but at my eyes, never acknowledge I'm there.

Anyhow, am still looking for a standard method to break the stalemate.

Perhaps waiting for them to may eye contact is too passive. Maybe I should just charge into their space in the first place. Though that's hard to do in an arriving crowd when you are trying to acknowledge several people in a few seconds.

 

[I-am-someone]

Well, what's always worked for me is to be superior over others somehow.
I don't mean that I just act superior, because if you act superior and know you're not, you're actually inferior.
I mean that you need to feel like an alpha-male, a leader, a strong man, an honorable man, etc. It's not something you can put into one word or expression, it's an attitude that you bring across.

Being C/F is a good way to bring that feeling across. However, if you're not having the attitude I just described, everything you do and say while being C/F doesn't have the same load.
If you're really in that attitude, you don't even need to be consciously busy with C/F. You just do it automatically...

 

[Tazman]

I come across this from time to time. Some people just aren't comfortable interacting with people they barely know, even if you've been introduced they still feel apprehensive until after they've talked with you for a while. Sometimes it's because they're attracted to you and they become a bit shy. In most cases just act normal and say hello anyway. If they don't respond at all then you can write them off as being rude and unworthy of your courtesy. I used to get annoyed and offended when women especially did this, little did I know that a lot of the time it was because they actually liked me or atleast it seemed so because when I persisted I got a totally unexpected "positive" response.