Way Forward?!

[Ziggy_Zag]

It's been a few years since i last posted on this forum ... time has come to seek out some advice from the pros.

I seem to have a habit of attracting weird and wild characters ... this particular woman is no exception.

I met he in Tokyo, a few months back. She is an airline flight attendant, in her mid 30's, quite attractive and very well travelled (as you would expect). Last Monday was our fourth date, everything was going well until she started talking about commitment and age. To be honest, i really wasn't expecting much from this date as the previous three had been uneventful.

First lets start with the appearance ... she turned up to impress (compared to previous encounters), for startes this time she had put on a lot more make-up and the dress was superb.

We first went out to an Japanese style pub (Izakaya), after about two hours she suggested we move somewhere more quiet so she suggested we head out to a British style pub (clearly she new these places well, had taken other guys there?!). Whilst we were chatting and having a few drinks she brings up her age, and wondered why i had not asked her about it. I brushed it off as unimportant and moved on in the conversation. Later she brings up how lonely she has been and how much she needs an serious relationship ... yet what puts me off at this point was an off the cuff comment about how she doesn't feel comfortable been touched by strangers. At this point i'm wondering where is this coming from, so far i had not made any attempts to initiate physical contact ... this statement only confused me and the night ended with not much more than a wave good bye.

She continued to email me on a daily basis up until last Friday (out of character not to reply to my message every 1-2 days)). The reason for the silence could be a comment i put at the end of my response. I wrote 'miss you' (in Japanese characters - affectionate form used by couples). This wasn't without merit though as she had started showing more and more affection in her emails and suggested we move to the next stage. I'm currently not in Japan, and suspect she has probably met someone else to quench her desire for loneliness.

Question: should i just ride this out a little longer (it's only been a few days) or do the don Juan thing and give her the cold treatment ?

I think i've shown her too much attention and affection and now she feels in control :-(

There is more to this story but if i went into the whole history it would turn into a novel. We've known each other for a few months, though met only four times in person.

 

[backbreaker]

I don't really see a problem per say

I mean do you like her?

It seems like, she is on the "mission" so to speak and I would be concerned that she is more interested in finding a man to marry her than she is actually into you


my advice would be to provide her a series of **** test if you will; I would pick 4-5 things that you like doing, with no compromise to her whatsoever. if she gives you any slack or wants to do something more traditional i would cut her off as it shows to me that she is not rally into you as much as she is into hitching up with someone.

with that said, if she is actually into you, i don't see the problem with the commit talk; the commit stuff is not really the red flag to me the red flag to me is that she might persist even in the event that you aren't comparable. see most women don't give men that much credit; they assume that as long as tehy can still put on some make up and fit into a dress and put out for you a few times you will commit. so she is prepared to fvck you if need be, but most women don't think men are smart enough to qualify a woman on her actually being into you so she will balk at doing **** that she is not interested in or if she really isn't interested in you

do some things that she cannot fake

I think you are making the big deal out of the wrong issue; i assure you when you want to have sex with her she will; either beucase she really likes you or because she will do what she needs to do to hitch her man, so that to me is not a real issue.

she is trying to ante up so to speak by looking great and showing you that she still has it; that to me is a diversion to the real issue; the real issue is are you compatible. the only way to find that out is to make her do things that you want to do and see her reaction.

 

[Samwild]

Sounds like a women realizing that all the petty BS games she played when she was younger in crushing the men she dated is now biting her in her sweet a$$ as she realizes her sexual market value is going down every day. I also wouldn't discredit her storied past with the whole "strangers touching her" and "in need of a serious relationship" either. I see MAJOR MAJOR red flags and advise a swift ABORT MISSION with the clean break you have been given by showing too much interest, in her logic that she can still play the games of yesteryear. However, if your curious I would contact her knowing full well of what your heading into. Caution is the name of the game and don't get attached until her actions prove otherwise, and than still don't get attached.

Live long and prosper :box: