wasting oppurtunities

[dtrg]

i dont know how to start. i go to community college and this morning i sat at a computer in the library. the librarian came over to tell me to sign in. i go over to the sheet and this girl is signing in. i didnt say anything, she sat down at a computer in my peripheral(like behind the sign in booth). i go back to my computer and this girl gets up and sits at the computer directly across from me. thats when i just smiled to myself and said "why does this happen on the days im trying to relax?"

this other girl in my ethics class who ive been talking to for a while gave me her phone number unsolicited. idk, i wasnt really planning on trying anything with her, but i guess she got sick of waiting for me to ask for it. with her i just kind of hang around, talk when shes around, look at her a couple seconds too long sometimes, make stupid jokes, you know, just someone whos there. but yeah she wants to hang out somewhere other than on campus man.

i havent internalized yet the realization that these oppurtunities ought not to be wasted. we always say "youll miss it when its gone" or an elder saying "its not going to be there forever." well, theyre right. but why then, do i waste such oppurtunities? we all do it, the guys on their way up do it more often than some, but whats the reason? im not scared of rejection, sometimes i automatically expect it despite the fact i am evidently pretty attractive, despite the fact that i have been charming in the past therefore it can be done again, despite the fact that i can be fun and funny if you get to know me first. i have trouble letting people get to know me. im not good at knowing the right pattern of building a relationship. in other words i often dont know what to say in the right order to acheive closeness. like building a house, you need to lay foundation and work up from that. its almost like my relationship building process is mixed up or backwards so that my house is not built with confidence.

 

[Tha Realnezz]

I think you expect women to come after you or at least give you clear signals immediatley but when it does happen you're all like..."aw,,man you shoulda caught me yesterday" and you sorta lose interest.

I know what you mean.The only cure is to keep on grinding I suppose.

 

[dtrg]

no one has had a similar situation?

 

[Georgey]

ive had smilars, well i was younger, haha, i couldnt realize this and that r intrested in me, i thought we were friends..heh the actually liked me, wanted me and o i had this one still admitting she had a bf when she was doing everything to get me.
anyway, laugh about these stuff now coz u enjoyed being noticed.
fortunately, for me, i didnt really like any of those, well maybe one or two but i dont care bout the past (n sumtimes i was not feeling like it, other times i couldnt cheat on a gf).
today, i still see girlz with their eyes open brillant staring at me, but well i dont really like or care for any so i dont try with these.
u do wut u want here... im telling its about urself: if u like her then go get her , if not then just smile with confidence and charm

 

[Snow Plowman]

You have the wrong mindset if you expect rejection. An also yes you are scared of rejection because if you didn't you'd realize there was nothing to be afraid of and just approach.

Trust me I was similar to you with making excuses, but now that I got to where I am, I realized I was always scared of rejection. But now its different I see every approach as a challenge. I've gone as far as chasing a girl a few blocks just to open her. (It was actually pretty funny) I could've made so many excuses on that approach and all my others. But at the end of the day I'm glad I pushed myself to do it. An you have to do the same.

Logically you can say anything but internally is where the truth lies. If internally your still afraid of rejection it, then you'll be scared until you come to the point hwere internally your not scared.

 

[decadentdestruction]

actually i kinda had that thing happened to me i even posted something about it and got back with some interesting results you might want to check out my post.

 

[Poison Dart]

I've had a lot of missed opportunities. I still let quite a few pass me by.

I have a thing for this girl at the weight loss clinic I go to. The day I checked in she was working by herself during lunch break. I could have possibly flirted with her some and seen how things were, but I played it close. I joked with her about her scrubs (she wears some pretty cute, funny scrubs), never could "pull the trigger" on asking for a phone number or getting farther.

I guess I am programmed like that. I was rejected all through high school and beyond. I'm working on deprogramming myself right now, and am making progress, but I still have my "moments".

 

[Bonez]

dtrg tha realnezz the first guy who responded had the same experience thats why he knows what you're talking about and thats why he gave you the reasoning behind your clouded mind.

I was out at the bar tonight, and I had the exact same idea going through my head several times. When I lined up to get in a girl with loing black hair, size 3 with a star shaped "stick holder" in her hair was smiling at me as was a girl with long eyelashes about size 1.5. I kept my face dead straight and kept bobbing my head to the music from my music player. When I got inside I went straight for the pool tables and both girls came by and said NOTHING, but from my peripheral they were standing about two fet from me watching me play my game, every time I said something to the person I was challenging they'd look right at me. I could have eye ****ed them any chance I wanted. They were both watching my game and they were both watching me.

Girl 1 with the star, I ignored her for now and tracked her down later "you were watching me play pool" was my opener and I played her to a kiss close. Girl 2, white blondy size 1.5 short HB was later in my night, I only got her number since I was already playing a classmate and her friend(yeah I had a twosome tonight but you better not say anything my classmates think I'm lying about sleeping with one of their friends).

It took me about 3 hours before I talked to the first girl, and 5 hours before the second, Just be "confident" would be my advice if I hadn't just said "thats not enough" in another thread. Be persistent, and take mental notes, always think of something to talk about with people around you. "hey your from out of town aren't you" is a popular one I used to use a few months ago, now everything I talk about is related to somebody wasting somebody's time. So just take notes, think about what you want to think about, and ask people questions that might actually lead to something that they can discuss. That means no talking about tying shoelaces or wiping your bum after getting off the john.

My absolute advice for you... "pick up the phone" even if its 3 in the morning when you read this pick up the phone and call the girl from your ethics class. "Is this a bad time to call?"(multiple emphasis on the word "bad"). Play from their, but try to lead her towards realizing you're talking about having fun AND talking about ethics class at the same time. To me every woman out there has a hidden motive, and having fun is usually what it is. If you ever find a motive different, milk it for everytiing its worth, you need expetrience experience experience.

 

[Obsidian]

imo, just seeing an attractive girl isn't really an opportunity. Thinking like this is tormenting yourself needlessly. You don't have any obligation to ask out every good-looking girl you come across. Cold approaching doesn't work all that well so calling it an "opportunity" is pretty silly.

Any time you do get an opportunity to flirt with a girl, go for it, but don't feel like you have to start a real convo with or # close everyone. Try to do it in the times that feel natural or when you come across someone you might have a significant connection with. Either that, or wait until you're in a really masculine, sexual mood and just start cold approaching people; it's not something you need to do all the time, tho.

Just focus on your priorities (and if your goals in life suck, get better ones).