Wasted years?

[godofanxiety]

I've seen a couple of guys on this forum who admit never having a girlfriend until 25 or so, and maybe there are more who don't want to admit that. I'm in the same boat, and so we have wasted a good portion of our youth, mainly due to shyness and fear. Lately I have been very depressed about that. I get insanely jealous when, for example, my girlfriend mentions her boyfriend from before 5 years, not because I feel threatened by her memory of him (well, not much), but because her and other normal people have been enjoying love and sex while I was playing D&D pretending to be a badass barbarian.

The question is to those that have the same problem, how do you deal with it, and stay focused on present, and future? I don't want lose some more years obsessing about what could've been, but it haunts me.

 

[Obsidian]

you're not really that old. Just be glad you found this place when you did. A lot of people stay chumps all their lives.

I get kinda jealous myself when I see people who have been pimps since high school (or earlier), but i've never let it bother me all that much. I realize that if I work hard at it, I can probably match/surpass their level eventually.

 

[lookyoung]

Hey man don't worry about it 25 is not that old. I actually know a kid who is a 31 year old virgin so don't worry about it.

Never get too much in the numbers game of how many girls you have had sex with.

The key too being a DJ is finding that special girl to spend the rest of your life with. If I were to find the perfect girl I would trade all my Xfvcks for her.

 

[Master Bates]

I'm in a very similar boat. I wasted all of highschool and college because of shyness, social anxiety, low confidence, at times depression....you name it. It's one of the worst things to live with, knowing that what could have been the best years of your life were completely wasted. It's a huge regret. I guess the only way I can cope with the regret is thinking that the past is just the past, it shouldn't matter what has or hasn't happened. Just focus on what you can experience now and later.

I mean honestly, if you could choose between having lived years of boredom and loneliness and knowing that you have nothing but good new experiences in front of you starting right now, and having already lived a life of fun and excitement and relationships but have nothing ahead of you, which would you choose? I'm going to guess the former, because deep down you know that the here and the now and the down-the-road is much more important than the past. Even if having having squandered what should have been the best years of your life really, really does suck, a lot.

A whole lot...

 

[FurryFriend]

I have two Asian friends in their late 20s who has never even been on a date let alone having a girlfriend. They're not ugly or overly-shy either. They're college graduates with somewhat successful careers.

I know it's hard to believe. But they grew up in an Asian environment where school/family comes before dating. And once you live a life of solitude, solitude becomes the norm. So while they mildly complain about being chronically single, it's not unbearable enough to invoke change.

You might wonder how people can tolerate living in this condition. But this condition is similar to people who can't hold down a job or have alcoholic addition. It's a mental defect that gets programmed into your brain once you've lived it all your life.

 

[apocalypse later]

We all have this feeling of regret. Hell, I'm 18 and a senior in high school, and I regret wasting most of it being too shy and too much of a chump. But with college coming up, I'm confident in my game and I'm sure it'll be much, much better.

 

[BluEyes]

It's a mental defect that gets programmed into your brain once you've lived it all your life.

Why would you call solitude a defect?

I spend most of my time on my own.. I've had a steady string of gfs for several months now, but I only hang out with them a couple times a week, I could chill with them more, but honestly I couldn't be fvcked to drag them out somewhere and make small talk(the one activity I really, really despise) for acouple hours and pretend I like it.

Mabye I'm an introvert, or mabye I have a "mental defect", but I don't feel the pull of other people/socializing the way most people do.

 

[spider_007]

you can't dwell on the past, or you'll miss the future.

can't cry over spilled milk

Is the glass half full or half empty.



.

 

[Falcon]

You know, be glad that you have changed your perspective. For all you know, just by chance, you could still be in that state that you regret being in if you didn't find this community. Some people are in that perspective their whole lives. You have decided to take a different path, to open up and explore something new to you.

If you think about it, in maybe ten or twenty years you might be posting on another forum about how you hate that you wasted so much time chasing girls/sex.

 

[FurryFriend]

Why would you call solitude a defect?

I spend most of my time on my own.. I've had a steady string of gfs for several months now, but I only hang out with them a couple times a week, I could chill with them more, but honestly I couldn't be fvcked to drag them out somewhere and make small talk(the one activity I really, really despise) for acouple hours and pretend I like it.

Mabye I'm an introvert, or mabye I have a "mental defect", but I don't feel the pull of other people/socializing the way most people do.

If you prefer solitiude, it's not a defect. It's only a defect when they're alone but don't want to be alone while not doing anything about it.

 

[Canadien]

Ok let me

give you my perspective on things, I am in the similar boat as you...

I come from South Indian familly, and I was held back because of my familly, fo so long But guess what I'm loving what I'm doing right now, it thrills me to go out everyday and approach new girls..

Let me tell you what I've done in last six months..
1) First time in a life time, learned to make an eye contact
2) I participate in French & English conversation group
3) For the first time started chatting on MSN
4) Got my facebook. com account
5) Started my blog
6) Got my own Cell phone
7) Started talking to people around my neighbourhood, as they wait for bus
8) Learned to accept rejection
9) Approached girls
10) Made a real girl "friend" out of a school, took her to coffeshop every calss
11) Talked to my introverted Cousins about all this
12) Really got serious about career goals
13) Joined meetup.com group, still expanding on that
14) Starting a poker group
15) Ditched all of my own taboos and misconception, I associated with players, now I admire them, before I used to despise them...
16) For me everyday is an opportunity to improve my self growth.
17) Now I try to treat every interaction as special, trying to make that special connection, and never losing cool if it doesn't work out, I want to be positive force and assertive in everything I do.
18) I'm helping other people, along the way
19) Made presentation in classes,
20) Controlled 60% of class discussion, I am extroverted by nature, and this was a great mystery that still puzzles me, how could a person be extravert to a very high level, and still behave as intravert, I guess my familly played huge role in this.. I am the force to be reckoned with in the class environment.. Finally I learned to demonstrate my strong communication skills..Not many people can dominate university class, so I pride myself for doing that..

now, I would be master Don Juan If I had started doing all this thing six years ago, but I don't regret any of it...Because of my choice, Today, I'm more intellectual, understand the world better and know the meanning of responsility and everything else that come with it.


Lot of people have already had their glory days, mine are just beginning and sky is the limit for me..