Wasted opportunity?

[BigYuyo]

Hello, I'm new to these forums, so I apologize in advance if I fail to follow the forum's rules properly...
Let me tell you, so far I haven't had much success picking up ladies, and had a poor social life too. I'm 28yo now and divorced four months ago. I was depressed until recently, when decided to do everything it takes to change my situation.
I think I'm doing OK. I'm trying new activities, meeting new people... Daring to talk, fighting fear with action. I'm confident I'll improve gradually in interacting with people, making new friends, and so on.
But with girls, I still can't find the way. I don't know what to do when I'm around them. You see, a few days ago I went (alone) to a recital in a theater. 'Easy listening' music. As I was waiting by the gate to enter the seats area, I noticed two girls who had come together to the recital. Both HB7, I think. They were talking to each other, wondering where the seats that correspond to the number in their tickets are. When they said those numbers aloud, I knew from my number that I was going to sit beside one of them. So even before I (and they) sat, I started to think about something to say, to start a conversation. You know, I was alone; they were friends going to a recital a Saturday night, just the two of them. Chances were they didn't have boyfriends.
I could have said them something right then, before sitting. But I didn't know what to say.
Then I went to sit, and a moment later they did so. I got seated beside one of them, as I had previously figured out.
The show started 30 minutes late. During that time they chatted a little, not much. I think they were getting bored. Still, I didn't say a word to any of them. All the time that passed before the show started, I kept thinking how I could start a conversation with them (or at least with the one beside me). Nothing came to my mind.
Then the show started. From then on, there is nothing relevant to this. When the show ended, I left.
I wanted to start a conversation with the girls. I had the opportunity and plenty of time to do it.
I think my problem is that I don't have experience picking up chicks, or even trying to. One could say the way to overcome that is practice. So I wanted to practice, but I froze. It would have been enough for me if I just could have had a conversation with the girl(s). Of course it would have been great to get a number. But it would have been fine just to be able to talk. To practice.
I couldn't even do that.
Well, I wanted to tell you this experience to know what you think about it. What could I have done? Do I need to learn some 'openers', or the problem is with something else?
What would you have said/done in a situation like this?
I'd love to see your opinions, which surely would help me improve at this.
Sorry for the long post...

Thanks,

 

[Gangster Of Love]

They were probably wondering why you didn't talk at all. Not as in tyring to pick them up, but as in just talking because they were next to you.

The opener depends on the situation. At a performance, you can ask stuff like, "have you seen them before?" "Do you know what time they go onstage?", etc. Anything.

You don't have to treat every single opportunity as a pick up; that is when you over-think, and start having the dialogue in your head that prevents you from starting a conversation. Putting too much emphazis on the pick up will almost always lead to hesitation; and he who hesitates, masturbates.

Keep doing and going to places, and events that you enjoy. That is where people are more open to talk to strangers, specially since they feel like you share something in common, so you can't go wrong, as long as you just start conversations.

Everytime I am at an unfamiliar place, I always think how the other people there must be feeling. Yes, most of the people are feeling the same way you do. So don't think you are the only one. Most of them have fears and things that hold them back. Be aware, and know that 9 times out of 10, you will get a good response. Tell me, if you were gambling and won 9 out of 10 times, guaranteed, how often would you do it? Exactly.

Congratulations on doing something about your situation, it will just continue to get easier and more confortable. Pretty soon you will realize that you are just a much social person than when you first started.

 

[flexion_]

Well you froze out of fear - it happens.

Next time you in a similar situation you just have to say "what the heck.." or "sieze the day" and just try saying "hello".

The key here is that you are worrying too much about what people will think of you - just say what the heck and go for it. Worse thing that happens is nothing.

 

[parisaga]

Think of what you would say to a random guy sitting down. Probably something innocuous like "Hey". Use that as a starting point.

Don't try to pick them up, just think of making idle chit-chat. The less important you think it is, the better you'll sound, more confident, etc, naturally.

 

[BigYuyo]

Well, thanks for your replies, I appreciate. I feel you just understood my situation precisely, along with my dilemma. And gave me good advice. Next time I'll try to think less and just say something, without caring too much. Just to chat.
One thing I was thinking while in that situation was how to continue the conversation once I had started it and when there isn't much more to say about the initial subject. I was thinking “it's not OK if I start the conversation and then shut up”.
Now I'll do as you told me, “what the heck” and say something, and see where that leads. Just to chat. Perhaps if she/they like me and there is a silence, they would break the silence somehow, am I right? But if that's the end of the conversation, well, at least I chatted a little, practiced and left without worrying that I froze.

Thanks again, bye...

 

[DoubleD]

Hey.. join us in the Mature Man boot camp.. it will make you answer your own questions!

 

[parisaga]

Originally posted by BigYuyo
One thing I was thinking while in that situation was how to continue the conversation once I had started it and when there isn't much more to say about the initial subject.

My experience is the opposite is true... girls want to talk. Alot. If you shut up, they'll think, "What, am I not interesting enough?" and find a way to carry it on somehow.

If they don't, then it's a surefire way to tell 100% that they're not interested... or interesting...

Either way it's a win-win.

 

[BigYuyo]

My experience is the opposite is true... girls want to talk. Alot. If you shut up, they'll think, "What, am I not interesting enough?" and find a way to carry it on somehow.

If they don't, then it's a surefire way to tell 100% that they're not interested... or interesting...

Hey, I never thought of this that way! It's an interesting concept. One more that I'll take into account. Thanks!