Was this a jerk move?

[the_stig]

My girlfriend is having her birthday party tonight with a group of people at a popular restaurant/bar. Due to work I can't make it till after midnight, so I'm going to be her DD. She asked if I could also give one of her sisters a ride home since it was on the way.

I said no and stood my ground for the following reasons:

- Her sister has talked smack about me, our relationship.
- I'm not a taxi service, don't want to inherit other drunks to drive home, and don't want this girl (who is obese and gross) squeezing in and out of the back of my car
- After working all day, I just want to drive to the bar, have a drink or two, and drive the two us back to her place. Nothing more.

The sister was pissed but easily found another ride. I'm sure I'll get the shaming treatment and made to feel like a prick. Just curious...

 

[sighsigh]

All of your reasons sound very effeminate and b*tchy. What is to be gained by not taking the sister?

The advantages of doing it: You show your gf that you are not needy and don't need to please her.

The disadvantages of doing it: You show your un-neediness in a way that offends your gf. By saying no, she now thinks you are an assh*le. Plus if you explained your reasons for saying no, she now thinks you are less of a man (as the reasons are a combination of b*tchiness and laziness). And yet there are plenty of ways of showing un-neediness without these setbacks.

So disadvantages > advantages. Bad move. Not justified.

It's also a jerk move, of course. But jerk moves can sometimes gain you something. This one doesn't.

 

[thebluntguy]

I think you did exactly the right thing. Many times during relationships, especially with femail family members, they think they can act anyway they want towards you and get away with it. You're supposed to kiss their ass, even though no matter how much ass kissing you do, they'll never like you anyway.

Another thing, there's nothing effeminate about what you did. Why is it that if a guy has an opinion or disagrees with a female he's acting *****y? Bull****, you had every right to do what you did and don't listen to guys who think the way the previous poster does.

 

[f283000]

All of your reasons sound very effeminate and b*tchy. What is to be gained by not taking the sister?

Wait a minute, how are his reasons effeminate?

So if I go around talking smack behind your back making you look like an idiot to everyone it would be effeminate if you refused to give me a ride somewhere? Please explain how is it effeminate to refuse to give a ride to someone that has demeaned you and damaged your reputation I really want to know...

HOWEVER, the other side of me does see a positive in giving the sister a ride home. Maybe it will help her warm up to you a bit the_stig. It's never a good thing to have your gf's sister as your enemy.

From what you say she sounds like one of those noisy fat b|tches with an attitude and if that's the case then you refusing to give her a ride because of her bad mouthing you IS A RIGHTEOUS THING, but it wouldn't be bad if you gave her a ride also. In cases like this the best tactic is not war but to win them over to your side most of the time. Having your gf's family against you is never a good thing.

 

[backbreaker]

personally and this is just me.. I think you are just being a douche.


even worse, i think you are trying to convince yourself that you did the right thing and deep down I think you know it was pretty douche.

look.. it's your girls BD. who the F cares about what her sister has to say. why would you unnecessarily add uncalled for drama to your girls BD by making this stupid ass stand? it just doesn't make sense?

in grown people relationships sometimes you do things for people you don't like. you think you are the first guy who has a sister/sister in law who is undermining or has her girls parents don't care for you.. but it's HER sister.

I mean.. hell.. I don't.. i'm not going to say I don't LIKE my wife's older brother but I mean... we aren't best friends by any means. we just don't particularly get along. but if she asks me to do something for him I do it without any questions if it's something I can do because it's HER brother. Fix a computer, let his family crash at our place when they are in town and eat up all our food, hell last year we even drove her car down to arizona and i drove her back in my car so he could borrow her car becuase he totaled his and didn't have insurance and had to get to work and back. you think i liked doing that ****? if you have a good woman, who does what she is supposed to do and asked you to do little **** like that, just fvcking do it. stop being so god damn selfish. that's just part of being in a big boy relationship.


and now look what is going to happen. you thought her sister didn't like you before. she's about to crank that **** up. now the parents are going to think you are a douche as well. and, I could understand if, you made like a battle of bunker hill esque stand for something but.. a freaking ride for your GF's sister on your GF's birthday? get that out of here

you pick your battles. there are times when you DO need to make a stand. this was not one of those times IMHO.


Added:.. honeslty... if a girl i was dating didn't like my little brother and wouldn't pick him up on my birthday if i asked i'd probably break up with her. it's my fvcking brother. i love that little mofo more than i Love myself. if she is going going to act like a freakign douche than get out of here over some corny **** like that. lol why would you make her "chose sides". beucase i assure you i know what side she is going to side with and it's not you even if you are right. stupid stupid stupid.

 

[sighsigh]

Wait a minute, how are his reasons effeminate?

So if I go around talking smack behind your back making you look like an idiot to everyone it would be effeminate if you refused to give me a ride somewhere? Please explain how is it effeminate to refuse to give a ride to someone that has demeaned you and damaged your reputation I really want to know...

You're correct, in the sense you're referring to.

If someone has been horrible to you, you should not do something nice for them. That would make you a pushover, and less of a man. That is how you are looking at it, and it is correct.

But consider this advice: If someone has been horrible to you, you should be an as*hole to your girlfriend. Does this seem right? Because this is the case at stake here. I would say that does not seem right and makes you less of a man.

 

[runner83]

It would have been different if it was out of your way.

But personally I think you made a mistake not doing it if it was on your way anyway.

If the little sister didn't like you before, imagine what she thinks now. And she will likely spread it to all of your gf's relatives and friends that she can.

Always best to pick your battles wisely.