was a PUA in training, got engeged and we broke up

[Veritas]

So a few years ago I've been devouring all the PUA books, forums, etc. I learned a lot. I used a lot and closed a lot. I finally got a kick ass gf. She has everything that I want in a mate. We dated for 2 years and then she started nagging me about getting married.

Now, I am the type of person who has to think through things, especially marriage. I concluded that I loved her to deat and would go to Hell and back for her and I wanted her to be the mother of my children.

So I aksed and she said yes.

So now were are about 4 months away from the wedding. Everything is going great. I just want things done a little faster like knowing what our cake will look like months in advance, etc. So that when the day comes we limit the number of catastrophes.

Then about 2 months ago she called off the wedding via text. The next day she broke up via text.

After talking with her and trying to figure out why so suddenly she wants to break up she said she doesn't want to be in a relationship anymore.

How the hell am I supposed to just move on. This is something way more that just a break up. We were engaged to get married in January 2009!

I can understand calling off the wedding, but the break up, c'mon!

So here's my problem. I talked to her today and she said that we can get some coffee this week and chat for a bit. While I was talking with her I could tell she has no idea what to do. And she told me that. She said that her heart says get back together and her mind says no.

So I told her that I will always be her for her. I know the pain she's experiencing. I've been through it enough and I want to help her. She doesn't seem to want help from anyone. Is there something I can do?

Also, she texted me about 10 minutes ago and said she can't do coffee this week because it'll be too hard on her.

I am at a loss and need help!

Veritas

 

[everywomanshero]

Yes, there is something you can do to help her... stop bothering her!!!

 

[Veritas]

Never talk to her again? I was going to be engaged to her and she even said earlier today that she wants to be with me, but she has to get over some stuff.

So by leaving her alone, that will help?

 

[In2theGame]

firstly did u get the ring back? if not u should ask for it back if she doesn't wanna be with u anymore. secondly u should avoid her at all costs because this woman to cut off a wedding like that just because she "doesn't want to be in a relationship anymore" reeks of troubled heartache in ur future. we all know ur hurt and want to keep on with her but consider this a blessing in disguise. her reason for not wanting to marry you was a big time slap in ur face and sadly your after her like a little puppy so ur giving her all power over u. take ur ballz out of ur panties and you tell her EXACTLY like this ......."hey I don't think we should be speaking much anymore because obviously your not ready to be my woman. take care" and u should text that to her and never and I mean ever pick up her calls again. she blew u off in the worst way and now its time to go out and find a truly special girl for u, while spinning plates of course.

 

[J Roc]

canceling the wedding and breaking up with you over TEXT WITH NO EXPLANATION is total disrespect. get the ring back and never talk to that b1tch again!

 

[Solomon]

canceling the wedding and breaking up with you over TEXT WITH NO EXPLANATION is total disrespect. get the ring back and never talk to that b1tch again!

Agreed

I think she got cold feet, however what she did was hurtful and uber-disrespectful. If I was you, I would just cut of contact at least indefinitely for now. You have to get your mind and heart right, another thing I would do is focus on other "postive" aspects of your life

Solo

 

[I'm Charming]

I know the pain she's experiencing.

How do you know she's experiencing any pain at all? You don't even have an explanation for why she bailed on you, if anything you know your own pain and you should identify the cause of it - which in this case is this woman inflicting it.

Get rid of this venom from your life.

 

[brewbaron]

I gotta think you are leaving something out of the story. things don't "go great" for 2 years and then she breaks up with you via text message. there must of been some indicators before it happened, I mean women are erratic, but to this degree?

 

[Veritas]

Thanks guys! I've been out of the game for a while, but started reading Mystery Method and The Game again after this happened. Just reading those books makes me more confident and feel better about all this.

You'll all be happy to know I did get my ring back with no problems.

Brewbaron, I'm not leaving anything out. There were no indicators I ever saw. It seriously hit me like a ton of bricks. In fact what was weird was when I went over there to get my rind/dvds/etc. back and we talked she was so confused about the whole thing. It was really weird. Usually when I've broken up in the past the girl is crying and I'm even crying. But she was twiddling her thumbs and looking around and playing around with her dog. She reminded me of an immature girld, almost a child sitting in class with nothing to do.

I will definately take everyone's advice and move on! I've realized I've become the bit@h in this relationship and that will never happen again.

Thanks guys!
Veritas

 

[everywomanshero]

If we have all the info, then I'd bet a thousand dollars there is another guy lurking out there somewhere. I've seen this one before, some girls really are not cheaters. SO when they meet another guy or sometimes even before anything happens, they will ditch the LTR. You may not know it yet, but don't be surprised if you find out she's dating someone suddenly in the coming weeks. And guess what, when that goes sour she'll start calling you again. I think she is confused, confused whether to stay with the safe and known (you) or go try something new.

 

[Upside]

If I had to guess...

She cheated on you and feels guilty about it but won't own up to her mistake by telling you. If she was nervous like that it is an indicator to me that the m ere s ight of you makes her feel really guilty.

 

[Veritas]

I'm pretty sure she didn't cheat on me, she's just confused about the whole thing. 2 weeks before this happened she moved out of her parents house into her own apartment, got a haircut, and started a new job. I've been throught this before, but only the girl graduated college and we broke up. We got back together a few months later.

So let me ask this...I'm going to cut all ties with her and not contact/text/email her at all. When/if she contacts me should I let by gones be by gones or kick her to the curb?

I sincerely feel she got confused and scared and this was her way of dealing with it.

Veritas

 

[Veritas]

I'm pretty sure she didn't cheat on me, she's just confused about the whole thing. 2 weeks before this happened she moved out of her parents house into her own apartment, got a haircut, and started a new job. I've been throught this before, but only the girl graduated college and we broke up. We got back together a few months later.

So let me ask this...I'm going to cut all ties with her and not contact/text/email her at all. When/if she contacts me should I let by gones be by gones or kick her to the curb?

I sincerely feel she got confused and scared and this was her way of dealing with it.

Veritas

 

[I'm Charming]

I doubt she got "confused", her actions speak like she dropped you because she was too familiar with you, you never retained enough mystery perhaps.

The next stage for her will be to try and keep you as a "friend" - she thinks she knows your hand well enough to control the outcome of your relationship, don't let that happen.

Just ignore her if she tries to contact you, she's not worth your time, no point in getting "friendly" because that was never what you wanted out of her.

When you ignore her, she will initially pretend to be sad, then she might progress to anger, then eventually to acceptance that she has no hold over you and has mistaken your character.

This is a test of your mettle and she will try to break you down, find other things to focus your mind on so you can ignore her games.

 

[Daniel1982]

Ok, let's say she's just confused. If she contacts you, and you take her back, what guarantee do you have that this won't happen again after married? Plus, now that she knows that she can get away with it, the probability of her doing it again increases 10x

Consider yourself lucky that you're dealing with a break up and not a divorce

 

[In2theGame]

Ok, let's say she's just confused. If she contacts you, and you take her back, what guarantee do you have that this won't happen again after married? Plus, now that she knows that she can get away with it, the probability of her doing it again increases 10x

Consider yourself lucky that you're dealing with a break up and not a divorce

wow Daniel brought up a VERY! good point, what if you did get married to her and in 1 year shes decides she wants a divorce because she feels she rushed into marriage??? Dude you avoided a bullet!!

 

[Veritas]

Daniel,

Thanks for that advice! I never looked at it that way. A few months ago I brought up the idea of going to a pre marital class. My thinking was that since my parents and her parents are both divorced we know how a marriage is not supposed to be, but we had no idea how to make a strong, long-lasting marriage.

It was definately a blessing in disguise that this happened.

Thanks guys!
Veritas

 

[Georgey]

no not really. veritas can avoid a 10x and any situation like that with her again.
what should be done is making her feel really sorry and wrong about what she did to the point where she would never ever do that again. how? make it real hard to get veritas back. as 'im charming' said she'll feel really sorry and guilty bout what she did, and she'll try to go back and appologize. the thing here is to make her know how mistaken she was bout veritas, and make her realize things like that cant be done everyday...and actually can never be done to veritas who is a real man that stands his ground. tell her how wrong she was in what she did and that she lost pretty much of ur respect. dont tell her how u heartbroken u felt when she dumped or how much u still love her.. DONT.
instead, try to put her down for this once for the wrong wrong choice that she took... this is how u make her feel she was MISTAKEN bout u and bout what she did. i hope u understand what i mean in the difference between 'being sorry or feeling guilty' and 'BEING MISTAKEN"....this is a big mistake that she did with u...coz ure not just anyone, ure the strong veritas. when she realizes the mistake (which might _or let me say should_ take a few days for her).
meanwhile, live ur life to the fullest, go play tennis with ur mate, get some rest, eat healthy and hang out.

 

[Veritas]

Thanks georgey!

V