wants to start out as friends? weird situation I'm in...

[Robert28]

ok guys, sorry to keep bringing my problems on here but i have gotten some great information from reading posts and from responses to my own questions. still trying to get to that DJ status but damn its a long hard road! i'm keeping my nose to the grindstone though

i posted awhile back about a blind date i had and how i hadnt heard from her and what to do. fast forward 3 weeks and heres my problem(s) and i'm looking for advice as to if i'm reading this right or if i've got it all mixed up in my head and if i'm handling it the right way or not. first things first, 3 weeks ago on our blind date some mutual friends set us up on everything went great! she had just gotten out of a relationship a couple weeks before and told my friends she was just looking for friends first and see where it lead. i figured that was just a guard she had up because ive heard that line before. in my experience if a girl really likes you, it doesnt matter if she got out of a relationship 5 min ago, shes going to be with you. am i right? well heres where it gets weird. weve only gone on one date by ourselves since our blind date. the rest of the times weve hungout in the past 3 weeks, its been with my friends(like a double date type crap which ive always despised when trying to get to know someone). i know youre probably thinking "well she doesnt feel comfortable hanging out with you" or something but ive tested this twice. ive intentionally backed out of plans with her and my friends twice and both times i did she ended up not going with them(theyre her friends too remember). so does that mean she doesnt want to be around them unless im around them? ive asked her out on PLENTY of one on one dates and always get some run around excuse(she has plans or something). i asked her to go to the zoo, what does she do, turn around and invites them to go along! wtf? i cant figure out to save my sole what i did to make this chick feel uncomfortable around just me. i havent had any awkward moments or anything like that. remember this is going on 3 damn weeks, its time she felt comfortable to want to hangout with me one on one dont you agree? she also seems to tell our friends everything about us, what we talk about, what we're doing, anything like that. like some high school bs. there are no secrets basically.

i like the girl, and i would love to spend time with JUST her but im losing interest in her fast because of this whole lets be friends first and hangout with our friends bull****. we never talk on the phone hardly because she says she hates talking on the phone, so we do the text thing which is bs too. i havent texted her in the past 3 days acctually and she hasnt texted me. i questioned her interest to my friends but they assure me she likes me and blah blah blah but wants to take things slow and be friends first. its almost like they want us to hangout more then her and i do!! i feel like somewhere in the past 3 weeks she lost interest because im just not feeling with her, but yet my friends tell me she tells them how she feels and all that ****. why wont she tell me??? im tried of trying to figure her out through someone else. tonight we were over there and i was thinking about everything and said f it and left. my phone blew up from her wanting to know what happened and where i was. i just made up some excuse as to why i left. i know that was childish probably but i hope you can see my fristration of all this. my friends keep telling me "you gotta start out as friends, we did blah blah blah". all i can think is i am not wasting anymore time on this girl only to be put in the gd friendzone 6 months down the road(i kinda think im already there but it hasnt been confirmed yet) talks to them way more then she talks to me and i feel like they know her way better then i do and they only knew her a week before they set us up! ive never gotten a kiss from this girl, only hugs which i think is bs too and tells the whole story. yet, if i try to walk away my friends come running to talk me to staying around and giving her more time. this girl also has the reputation of being a maneater and i knew this going in. thats why i havent let myself get attatched to her. any advice? if i next her how do i deal with our friends giving me an ear full? ive tried to walk away twice already only to be roped back into this f'ed up situation.

 

[46and2aheadofme]

Sounds rough.

If she's not giving you what you want you have to play hard ball.

Cut off contact and simply say in a matter of fact sort of tone that you aren't looking for friends at the moment (make sure you don't give off any bitter vibes because that will ruin everything).

If this b1tch has considered having anything besides a platonic relationship with you, she will freak the f*ck out.

Show her you are willing to walk away, and that you start relationships on your terms and not hers. She will at the very least respect you more for it.

If she moves on then its her loss and you've saved yourself a whole lot of time and effort on a girl who wasn't worth it.

Don't take my advice if you are not prepared to do so, but in all honesty that is what I would do in your situation.

 

[Robert28]

Sounds rough.

If she's not giving you what you want you have to play hard ball.

Cut off contact and simply say in a matter of fact sort of tone that you aren't looking for friends at the moment (make sure you don't give off any bitter vibes because that will ruin everything).

If this b1tch has considered having anything besides a platonic relationship with you, she will freak the f*ck out.

Show her you are willing to walk away, and that you start relationships on your terms and not hers. She will at the very least respect you more for it.

If she moves on then its her loss and you've saved yourself a whole lot of time and effort on a girl who wasn't worth it.

Don't take my advice if you are not prepared to do so, but in all honesty that is what I would do in your situation.

you give some great advice, which i agree with 110%!! heres the problem, if i do that(which i acctually did pull back for a few days recently) she texts our friend to ask if theyve talked to me(she didnt text me, oh no, she tesxts THEM) and then they turn around and are like "have you talked to Amy"? and ill say nope, and then they throw her a pity party and tell me shes going through alot and she has alot on her mind and shes not ready for a relationship right now but she likes me sooooooo much. and im like jeezus ok. this girl wont tell me her feelings, when i try to tell her mind she quits responding to me via text!!!! its also hard to talk to her about this crap when the only time i see her in person is when our other two friends are around and we're hanging out at their house!!! aint that some ****? im just sick and tired of someone else telling me how SHE feels. grow a vagina and tell me how you feel for God sakes!!! the girl is 26 years old, shes not a child, its time to grow up. shes hot as hell and we have fun together, but damn this. im just waiting for the time she asks me to have some weird ass partner switch or some freaky crap. im honestly begining to think she has a thing for our friend David(this couple we keep hanging around whos married). i **** you not, i think im the only one who sees them flirting with each other and his wife is too dumb to realize this.

 

[TheBucketOfTruth]

Don't listen to your stupid friends. I'm guessing a great majority of them are married or in relationships. They see the world through that lens, so their advice is not what you want to listen to. If she likes you so much, then she'd put out some effort. If she truly likes you but still isn't over her ex, then fine. Either way, put her on the back burner and pursue other women. Don't have any more emotional storming out moments either.

You know what you're supposed to do, don't keep getting sucked back in.

 

[Cableguy]

This is classic LJBF. She has very little interest in you if any. Time to walk away. Sure, she may try and suck you back in..for her own selfish reasons.

You mentioned she flirts with your married friend. BINGO! She knows she can have you..but she wants the married friend. Typical.

Stop getting sucked in by this chick and move on already. If possible, be sure and bang one of her friends. Just sayin..

 

[Robert28]

Don't listen to your stupid friends. I'm guessing a great majority of them are married or in relationships. They see the world through that lens, so their advice is not what you want to listen to. If she likes you so much, then she'd put out some effort. If she truly likes you but still isn't over her ex, then fine. Either way, put her on the back burner and pursue other women. Don't have any more emotional storming out moments either.

You know what you're supposed to do, don't keep getting sucked back in.

you're right. most of my friends are married, but they dont give me crappy advice like these two do. i love how they are always telling me their story about how "we were friends for 6 months before we dated" and im thinking yeah and your marrige sucks because your wife is a controlling biotch! whenever i try to tell them i dont want to wait around for some girl to makeup her mind about me that i need to go out and meet other women theyre like "you're 28, its time to settle down blah blah blah" aint that some ****? Amy has never told me she wasnt over her ex, they told me that about her. she did make the comment to them that she is used to guys telling her their life stories within the first 5 min of meeting her but i didnt do that. she said i was mysterious because i didnt tell her anything about me. this is what they told me she said.

 

[RFish]

In any case I just hope you know you have a certain chance to be in the rebound guy. It is not a good position to be in because any emotions you invested in will be wasted.

So please, back down. If you decided to go forward please don't get your emotions invested in and don't get hurt.

You don't have to show that you are pissed or I dont' just want to be friends thing because I do not think she is intentionally leading you on. She still be in contact with her ex which you do not want to be sandwiched inbetween this mess. Chicks in that situation are quite emotionally unstable. And obviously your friends ain't giving you good advise either.

Make the right decision dude.

 

[Robert28]

In any case I just hope you know you have a certain chance to be in the rebound guy. It is not a good position to be in because any emotions you invested in will be wasted.

So please, back down. If you decided to go forward please don't get your emotions invested in and don't get hurt.

You don't have to show that you are pissed or I dont' just want to be friends thing because I do not think she is intentionally leading you on. She still be in contact with her ex which you do not want to be sandwiched inbetween this mess. Chicks in that situation are quite emotionally unstable. And obviously your friends ain't giving you good advise either.

Make the right decision dude.

acctually shes already had her rebound guy since her ex. some dude she dated for a couple months. all i know about her ex is he moved away and thats why they broke up. as a rule that ive read on here, i dont ask about any of her ex's and if she ever brought them up id change the subject. i just know that shes dated a bunch of controlling guys that only wanted one thing and all of them ended up moving in with her. losers basically that still live with mom but think theyve moved up in the world when they move in with their g/f to mooch off of and sit around and smoke weed all day while having no job. oh and shes only dated tall guys too(i'm 5'9"). i have no emotions wrapped up in this girl, id just like to get to know her and hangout with her one on one but that seems like an impossible feat. i mean i would hate to walk away if all of this that im thinking isnt true. but unless she tells me, and soon, im not playing this guessing game anymore. ive made plans with another girl to go out tonight. ive got to think of an excuse incase my friends call me wanting me to come over because Amys coming over. its like our friends set up the dates for us. its the stupidest damn thing ive ever heard of.

 

[Igetit!]

but unless she tells me, and soon, im not playing this guessing game anymore. ive made plans with another girl to go out tonight.

So you've made plans to date someone else. GOOD. I was wondering how long this nonsense was going to go on. I like the fact that although you're interested in this "Amy" girl,you're not going to put your dating life on hold just because she's got some kind of a hangup due to her dating history. Don't let whatever happened to this girl to cause her to be so guarded make you unhappy. I say just move on. She has some rule about how when she first meets a guy that they HAVE TO start off as being friends? Fine. No problem at all. It's her dating life. If that's what she want to do,then have at it. But let her it WITH SOMEONE ELSE.

You got the right idea man. Just move on.

 

[Disco]

my current relationship started off like that, well besides the blind date part. i was playing a club one night and met this really gorgeous girl. she had just gotten out of a relationship so she was up front about wanting to be friends, i lied and said "you thought i wanted more? that's all i want too". so we hung out a lot, made out a lot and just got close. over a year later she is my best friend and girlfriend. i am 30, she is 28.