Very concerned my brother - please help (in LTR)

[Heretolearn]

Hi,

My brother is one of the coolest guys on the planet. Seriously. Works hard, is funny and would die for his family.

He is a LTR with a girl who is very volatile. They rarely have sex but my brother used that as 'it must be love' if he can still be with her. He has a huge libido and has no problem getting girls. (girls will approach him in a club and say 'you are the best looking guy that I have ever seen). Seriously. He just has no respect for girls in general except this girl plays hard to get and stands up for herself hence his interest.

However, he just bought a house with her and they live together (27 and 23). She complains that he works too hard and is not paid enough even saying to his face that she wants to be a stay at home mum and how can he hope to provide for his family this way. He responds saying I had this job when we started so if you do not like it, then leave.

This works short term but the longer the relationship persists, the more he invests jointly eg. house, maybe kids etc.

She hits him and provokes him (once saying you are just like your loser father whom she never met and knows my brother has HUGE issues over as his father died last year from cancer).

My brother just left and did not return until an apology was issued.
She knows how to press the right buttons.

They are always fighting eg. he called last night as she was ripping him about the family not having any money. He worked a 14 hour shift and came home to a 3 hour argument. Then the next day she buys a plate set that they do not need because it was on special!

Is there anything I can do/say to my brother?

He knows the fighting is stupid but he has lost interest in other 'normal' supplicant girls.


THanks

 

[vitor]

Well looks like he is screwed buying a house together can really cause drama. Are they on the note or deed? Tell your bro to get out of this before he makes any more mistakes. One of these days she is going to either
1. Provoke him so much he hits her
2. Hit herself call the cops and say he did it..

He needs to run....

 

[Rollo Tomassi]

http://www.nimh.nih.gov/health/publications/borderline-personality-disorder-fact-sheet/index.shtml

Read this. Sound familiar?

 

[Zunder]

Your brother needs to read "The Drama Queen" chapter in Robert Greene's "The Art of Seduction".
Because this is 100% your brothers woman down to a tee.

Personally, I have had my fill of "Drama Queens". I'd go further than Greene and say that this is the most seriously fvcked up of ALL personality trait types when it comes to women. AVOID!

Sure -we know ALL women have some "Drama Queen" in them - but sounds like your bro's woman is a 100 per center DQ, and knows no other way she can get her rocks off in life ,without starting World War III daily with her man.

 

[Heretolearn]

Thanks guys. I know this. SHould not stereotype but his gf is a paramedic and I have met some REALLY messed up paramedics in my time. AMazing service for the community but it takes a certain kind of person.

ANyway, what do I do. I have told him to be careful but he is really into the girl. He tells me that he misses being single sometimes but he has the house. Also, everytime he calls up crying saying he has to break up with her, he takes her back.

I know prevention is better than any cure but what do I do from here for him?

 

[taiyuu_otoko]

She hits him and provokes him (once saying you are just like your loser father whom she never met and knows my brother has HUGE issues over as his father died last year from cancer).

This in and of itself should be an instant and automatic deal breaker.

Is there anything I can do/say to my brother?

I had a similar situation with a friend. A mutual friend and I were dead set against this girl he wanted to marry. In fact, everybody that knew this couple knew she was bad news. The dudes mom even asked me and my friend to try and talk him out of it.

So we spent a whole drive to vegas, from LA trying to talk this guy out of it. No dice. He married her, and ten years later divorced, and she got well into six figures of settlement.

The only thing I can suggest is have a serious heart to heart with him, and find out what his deeper level criteria are with this girl, and show him he can satisfy that with other girls, no matter how hard they are to find.

Get him to join some divorcee group filled with guys that want to kill themselves over the mistakes they've made or something, or figure out another way to show him what his future will be like and how the pain it holds will be much deeper and long term than the short term sting he feels from separation.

Good luck man.

 

[jophil28]

Have an urgent talk with him about NOT having a child with this woman.
The fact that they are NOt having sex will probably save his azz from being barbequed in Family Court if they broke up .
THis woman has demonstated some of the behaviors and symptoms of BPD and possibly HPD and gawd knows what else.

YOu may not be able to pierce his delusions about her, and you may need to find a male professional who can offer him an objective appraisal of his situation.

 

[Scaramouche]

Dear Here to learn,
Sorry to hear about your Dad....Your Brother sounds almost as though he has a death wish.....what can you do?signing up to buy a House is pretty serious business....encourage him to avoid parenthood if he can,otherwise he is a disaster waiting to happen.