Valentine's Day Dilemma

[wake_me]

Hey Gentlemen,

I've been seeing this girl I really like for about a month now and things have been going great. We slept together for the first time recently and have been alluding to the possibility of a relationship by saying things such as "I don't want to share you" etc.

It seems like the general consensus is to wait for the girl to say she wants to be exclusive. Although it hasn't been said directly it seems clear we both want it so I will most likely bring up the topic unless there are some convincing objections here.

That may happen before Valentine's day, on, or after, but regardless I know I can't ignore the day regardless if we officially dating. Any ideas on what would be an appropriate way to handle the day with such a new relationship that hasn't been cemented yet or is still new?

Also, I had considered waiting until Valentine's Day to bring it up May seem cliche or expected though. What do you guys think? From a rational male point of view I also considered if this ended up being a LTR it would allow a '2 birds, 1 stone" anniversary/Valentine's Day. Although I would hate for her to think that was my primary motivation for doing so.

thanks a lot for your time and help.

 

[ApolloCreed]

Hah! I was gonna ask the exact same question.

5 dates in with a girl, slept together, things are starting to look like it might go 'that way'.

What the **** do I do about Valentine's Day?

Can't help you bro but I'll watch this thread.

 

[J Roc]

What the **** do I do about Valentine's Day?

Dont buy her anything!

 

[Htienvu]

Dont buy her anything!

Why not! V.day is important for a girl, if it's going in the "relationship" way then should buy her flowers or gift. It gives her something to brag about with her "girlfriends". Watch her interest level to determine how much you should spend.

 

[Iceberg]

Hey Gentlemen,

I've been seeing this girl I really like for about a month now and things have been going great. We slept together for the first time recently and have been alluding to the possibility of a relationship by saying things such as "I don't want to share you" etc.

It seems like the general consensus is to wait for the girl to say she wants to be exclusive. Although it hasn't been said directly it seems clear we both want it so I will most likely bring up the topic unless there are some convincing objections here.

Here's the convincing objection: Why?

Is she treating you well? Are you enjoying her company? The sex is great. The conversation is great.

What purpose does the title serve? You're a man; you live in a world of logic. You're supposed to know that no matter what we CALL something, reality is what actually determines what something is. The woman is the person who seeks the emotional validation of a title. So let her continue seeking it. Women want to chase goals just like we do. Things get boring once you just start throwing hand-outs to her. You KNOW she's gonna ask you about it one day...so let her. Trust me, letting a woman EARN the relationship is more of a gift to her than just handing it over to her.

As long as you're treating her well, she's not going to go running off. I've never heard a woman say, "(Man) is treating me great. He's mindblowing in bed, and he's success, funny, and ambitious. But he never asked me to be his girlfriend, so I'm gonna run off with the next sucker who does."

Why not! V.day is important for a girl, if it's going in the "relationship" way then should buy her flowers or gift. It gives her something to brag about with her "girlfriends". Watch her interest level to determine how much you should spend.

Or better than buying something, maybe just do something together. Drinks and dinner. It doesn't even have to fall under the "Valentine's Day" umbrella. Just the fact that you're spending time together on V-Day says more than any hallmark card or bouquet.

 

[Htienvu]

Spending time together, gifts, flowers all the same. It's an important day for women so let them have their day. Just as long as you're a man and not acting AFC normally.

 

[wake_me]

thanks for the advice guys.

Iceberg, I really see where you are coming from in regards to the validation through the title for women and it not mattering what we call it, it still is what it is. However, as it stands I have no right to be jealous or anything if she is seeing other guys, and I really do like her. I'm not someone to jump into a relationship lightly, its been a few years; had a FWB for the last couple.

I try to evaluate things with risk vs. reward. So by leaving things open I risk her freely being receptive to other guys when I would rather not have that and I have the benefit of seeing other women. I have options and I'm sure she does too, but she is definitely a preference. Very kind, sweet, intelligent. We get into conversations where its literally like time flies by and I find her absolutely beautiful

Let me ask you this. With previous gf's years ago before my FWB situation I was more afc and asked girls to be exclusive. How exactly do girls bring it up? Will they do so directly? Like I said the topic has been lightly danced around.

I'm thinking maybe some flowers and a card with a personal message and out for a drink or two.

thanks again guys.

 

[J Roc]

There is nothing romantic about Valentine's Day. 97% of women couldnt even tell you the story of Saint Valentine. Keep your money in your pockets boys and stop celebrating this faux holiday.

 

[Htienvu]

thanks for the advice guys.

Iceberg, I really see where you are coming from in regards to the validation through the title for women and it not mattering what we call it, it still is what it is. However, as it stands I have no right to be jealous or anything if she is seeing other guys, and I really do like her. I'm not someone to jump into a relationship lightly, its been a few years; had a FWB for the last couple.

I try to evaluate things with risk vs. reward. So by leaving things open I risk her freely being receptive to other guys when I would rather not have that and I have the benefit of seeing other women. I have options and I'm sure she does too, but she is definitely a preference. Very kind, sweet, intelligent. We get into conversations where its literally like time flies by and I find her absolutely beautiful

Let me ask you this. With previous gf's years ago before my FWB situation I was more afc and asked girls to be exclusive. How exactly do girls bring it up? Will they do so directly? Like I said the topic has been lightly danced around.

I'm thinking maybe some flowers and a card with a personal message and out for a drink or two.

thanks again guys.

Mate, you need to stop worrying about losing this girl, if you go on like this it will likely to happen. My advice is do what's been working so far and concentrate on having fun with your girl. Do everything that a couple would do but don't be the one who verbalise the relationship issue. She will bring it up at some point or another, either by talking to you directly about it or introducing you to others as her boyfriend.

My girl never talked to me directly about it but whoever she introduce me to she introduce me as her boyfriend. It's enough validation for me, even though I don't need it.

 

[wake_me]

OK thanks again. I'm leaning towards acting like we are in a relationship, but not verbalizing it.

 

[Iceberg]

thanks for the advice guys.

Iceberg, I really see where you are coming from in regards to the validation through the title for women and it not mattering what we call it, it still is what it is. However, as it stands I have no right to be jealous or anything if she is seeing other guys, and I really do like her. I'm not someone to jump into a relationship lightly, its been a few years; had a FWB for the last couple.

If she REALLY likes you, then in her mind, you're already better than other male options.

And if she DOESN'T like you, then calling her "girlfriend" isn't going to stop her from dating another guy.

Attraction is not a title. It's not a verbal contract. Either she wants to be with you or she doesn't. The name "girlfriend" or "relationship" would not stop a woman from finding another man if she wants to.

So, my point is - the name will not stop a girl from exploring options. Either she wants you or she doesn't. And from the sound of things, she wants you. So why bother asking her how she feels when she's showing you?

Actions speak louder than words, and right now her actions are speaking VERY favorably.

Let me ask you this. With previous gf's years ago before my FWB situation I was more afc and asked girls to be exclusive. How exactly do girls bring it up? Will they do so directly? Like I said the topic has been lightly danced around.

Girls tend to do it directly. They'll flat out ask you, "What are we?"

 

[wake_me]

thanks Iceberg. I understand what you're saying.