Use ROOTING to help solve ALL your problems!

[silverwex]

Rooting - Solve your Problems!

Ok here we go!

We all hear people complaining about their lives, relationships, jobs and so on. Most people complain and hope that this will ease the strains on their lives and, by some magic way, solve all their problems. How WORNG they are!

We also hear people telling the complainers to - quit complaining and start doing something about it! But, the sad fact is that they don't know how or can't think of somewhere to start...

Well, here's where I may be able to help you!

Use my problem solver named 'Rooting' and you will be able to get to the root of any problem and see what you need to do in order to solve it!

Rooting is basically cutting down problems until you are left with the bare bones of what is causing this sadness/pain in your particular situation!

Let's name our subject John. John is afraid to approach/talk to that girl who works in his office. Aswell as that he is worried about his bills and lack of money.

Right: So John has TWO problems in this scenario:

1) For some reason he's scared to approach the girl

and

2) He has a lack of money


Lets look at his first problem...

PROBLEM 1: John's scared to approach/talk to the girl

Why are you scared to approach John?

- I just am!

But why?

- I don't feel confident!

Why?

- Shes gorgeous and I'm just a plain Joe!

Why are you plain?

- Cos my body isn't in good shape and my hair is kinda crap! Oh and my skin problem makes me kinda paranoid!

Ok, so you have three main concerns here:

- You're not in good shape
- Your hair isn't stylish
- You have acne

These are your root problems John!

- Really?

Yes! So now that we know your root problems lets sort them out!

- You're not in good shape
ANSWER: Join a gym! Bulk up/get ripped!

- Your hair isn't stylish
ANSWER: Go to a good hair salon and get some good advice from your hairdresser! Maybe even a gay hairdresser!

- You have acne
ANSWER: Read up about acne on the net and find some answers/or go to a chemist and ask for advice!

Three months later John is in good shape, has a fashionable hairstyle and his acne is clearing up ! He has also approached the girl and gone on a date with her!

SOLVED!


Now let's look at John's other problem:

PROBLEM 2: John's bill payments - lack of money

Why do you lack money John?

- Coz I don't get enough hours work in the current job, and the pay isn't the best!

Why?

- Coz the business isn't doing too well at the moment and the pay is just like that!

Well then change job!

- I can't

Why not?

- I'm nervous about starting somewhere new with new people, new roles and new burdens!

Why?

- Im not a 'people person'

Why?

- I was picked on in school and that made me real shy and withdrawn.

Well then go to a psychiatrist (sp?) and talk to him about it!

- Ok, Ill try that out.

Two months later, John is coming out of his shell more and becoming more relaxed with people.


SUMMARY

Rooting is really very simple. Just take your main concern and break it down asking WHY, each time you do this the problem gets smaller and clearer. Its a very useful technique for any aspect of your life!

Enjoy!


.: SiLvERwEx

 

[Pedro]

So what do you suggest for a friend of mine, who is definitely afraid of CLOSENESS ?

 

[silverwex]

Can you elaborate?

For the rest of the DJs on this board - what do you think of my latest tip? Good or bad?

 

[Pedro]

The guy has definitely guts and so on, but the reason why he doesn't approach is because he has some kind of fear of intimacy.

 

[silverwex]

Why is afraid of intimacy?

 

[Don of Truth]

Good post

Since my career interest is in psychology/therapy I do this alot.

One thing is that many people just DON'T KNOW.
They will give you answers like "I dont' know"

You ask, "why don't you know"
They say "I don know".

LOL

So you have to use also when, how, who, where...etc. and refrace the questions so that you literly EXTRACT the root cause out of them.

 

[Dirtheart]

Ok, I decided to try this exercise for myself. I weighed up the problems I have with myself and could only find one fault, and it's the only fault others have pointed out to me too: lack of confidence. So I decided to break this down to its root, which turns out to be three distinct fears:


1.Rejection: I fear rejection because it will increase self-doubt.

2.Confrontation: I fear disputes because I don’t like to hurt people and don’t want to be hurt as it makes me feel bad about myself.

3.Being perceived negatively: I don't want people to see me as bad, weak or foolish because I might start to feel that way about myself.

Overall: It seems my lack of confidence is no more than a fear of losing more confidence.



Solution

1: If I am happy with myself and my qualities then rejection cannot take anything away from me. If I'm not happy with something, then I can learn from the rejection and put it right.

2:Anybody who tries to undermine me for no reason deserves to be hurt. It will only hurt me if they speak the truth, in which case I can learn from it and put the problem right.

3: People who judge me negatively obviously don't know me or don't recognise my qualities and so their opinion is less significant than those of people who do know me and who praise me in every way. If my friends judge me negatively, I'll learn from their criticism and put it right.

Overall: I need to have conviction in myself and instead of getting upset by criticism, I can use it to identify and repair my faults.

It works for me. Thanks for this tip!!

 

[legolas]

You don't get to the root of a problem by asking nagging "why?" questions....why...why..why. Most of the time people will come up with reasons just to get you to stop asking!!! Sometimes they'll yell at you to stop annoying them.

You don't solve problems like that.

So what do I suggest?

Instead of asking nagging why's, ask a simple question:

"So what is one thing you can do or think you can do to solve this problem?" and follow with "What else?" Then choose from the myriad of options. That way, the person will feel better since they would come up with the solution themselves.

 

[Jimbo2k]

Originally posted by silverwex
Two months later, John is coming out of his shell more and becoming more relaxed with people.

May I ask how "coming out of his shell and becoming more relaxed with people" solved his financial problems?
Other than that, good tip

 

[Pedro]

Silverwex:

I don't know...but I think his love experiences make him think that everybody right near him will abuse his personality and what.

That they will use everything to abuse him.

 

[silverwex]

Why does he fear people will abuse his personality?

Did something happen to him in his childhood to make him feel this way?

 

[Pedro]

Overprotecting mother, that's for sure.

And he was picked on everywhere.

 

[Pedro]

Just to make sure I receive the email notification.

 

[Jariel]

Bump

 

[Blue Phoenix]

Originally posted by Dirtheart
Ok, I decided to try this exercise for myself. I weighed up the problems I have with myself and could only find one fault, and it's the only fault others have pointed out to me too: lack of confidence. So I decided to break this down to its root, which turns out to be three distinct fears:


1.Rejection: I fear rejection because it will increase self-doubt.

2.Confrontation: I fear disputes because I don’t like to hurt people and don’t want to be hurt as it makes me feel bad about myself.

3.Being perceived negatively: I don't want people to see me as bad, weak or foolish because I might start to feel that way about myself.

Overall: It seems my lack of confidence is no more than a fear of losing more confidence.



Solution

1: If I am happy with myself and my qualities then rejection cannot take anything away from me. If I'm not happy with something, then I can learn from the rejection and put it right.

2:Anybody who tries to undermine me for no reason deserves to be hurt. It will only hurt me if they speak the truth, in which case I can learn from it and put the problem right.

3: People who judge me negatively obviously don't know me or don't recognise my qualities and so their opinion is less significant than those of people who do know me and who praise me in every way. If my friends judge me negatively, I'll learn from their criticism and put it right.

Overall: I need to have conviction in myself and instead of getting upset by criticism, I can use it to identify and repair my faults.

It works for me. Thanks for this tip!!

Wow, that was so me man. Especially number two!

 

[Ricky]

Good idea guys I need to try this one with procrastination. Not sure why I do it so much.

Could someone help me with this?

 

[Virtú]

I don't think it would work very well with big and complex internal problems.

Apathy, pessimism/skepticism, inhibition/repression, mental/spiritual weakness, nonexistent self-esteem/confidence, and the like, aren't based on simple things like physique, wages, and social skills.

 

[J-Man]

great tip. i completely agree with you on everything you said.

men are the initiators, men are the aggresive gender, men are people of action. instead of b1tching and crying about everything, how about you do something about it? ive had this mentality for a long time now, and it definitely works.

 

[Desdinova]

There are other ways of finding the roots of problems. One way is to take a look at something that has had a major effect on your life. It may be that you were bullied in high school, you had abusive parents, or you were raised in a cult (like me). I began doing research on things that had a major effect on my life. Taking a look back at exactly how you were programmed the way you were will begin to answer some of your questions.

I ended up finding some very revealing things from doing this by reading books that were used by the cult I was raised in. I was taught to "be a slave" because it was the right thing to do. I was taught to "just walk away and the problem will disappear". This explained the reasons for letting myself get screwed around by other people, and also explained how I just try and avoid any problems I have.

Understanding the roots of your problems is a big part in overcoming them.

 

[Jariel]

Bump!

Great tip and really is helpful for understanding and working on a solution to problems...any problems.