Update on relationship....

[JCKey618]

As I have said earlier, me and my girlfriend broke up a week ago after 6.5 months. She said she needed to focus on school.
Well, today I saw her and she came up to me and gave me a big hug and we started flirting playfully like we would always do. Before going to class I kissed her on her forehead and then she kissed me on my lips and we told eachother we loved eachother.

Fast-forward to lunch. I pass her in the hallway and she gives me another big hug and holds on for a long time and then the convo goes a little something like this:

Her: I've missed this.
I then ask her, "What's up with us?"
She replies,"I don't know"
Pause
She says: "I love you soo damn muc and I want to be with you but right now I can't"
Me: Why not?
Her: Because whenever I'm around you I only think of you and right now I need to only focus on English (she has an F, oops, my bad, she brought it up to a D+ recently)
Me: So what are we going to do?
Her: I think what we have right now is the solution until I get my grades right
Me: Is school the only reason you want time apart? (I asked this twice to be sure)
Her: Yes

At this point I'm wondering if she's still committed to me, but I don't really know how to ask it, so I say:

Me: You're still mine, right?
Her: Of course I am
*After a little more playful conversation I ask this just to be sure we on the same page*
Me: You still want to be my girl?
Her: You know I do

Then we kiss and she goes off to class. Mind you, the whole convo wasn't this serious, we have a lot of playful moments, I just pulled out the important parts of the convo. And all things that I posted were said in a serious and passionate manner.

I'm guessing after finals (which is like 2 weeks away) is when her school worries will be over. Do you think I should wait for her to be ready (I so want to wait and be with her) or do you think she doesn't have intentions of getting back with me despite her actions?

 

[Pimp-sicle]

Sounds like she wants to get back with you for sure. But in the mean time I'd meet more girls just in case. You never want to put all your eggs in one basket because if you drop that basket you've got nothing.

Just wait it out and see what happens. Also don't ask about "us" so much, it makes you look insecure. You must have mentioned that about 5x at least.



PIMP

 

[JCKey618]

Well, I have been so confused lately on where I stand with the girl that I just had to ask.

 

[NewMan]

I then ask her, "What's up with us?"

Me: Why not?

Me: So what are we going to do?

Me: Is school the only reason you want time apart? (I asked this twice to be sure)

At this point I'm wondering if she's still committed to me, but I don't really know how to ask it, so I say:

Ok...

here is my take on this situation.

When your in this situation with a GF you want to be with and she wants time apart, it's a mind fvck. It's war. It's an emotional battle - and you just lost.


Yeah - your giving her everything she wants to hear. Your basically telling her, that she can go ahead and have her cake - have her time apart - and you'll be like her puppy dog waiting patiently for her to come back to you.

Your asking her wanting reassurences from HER that she still WANTS YOU.

You've got to reverse this around - so it's her that wondering if she still has YOU.

So - you can be flirty, playfull - hell give her the big hugs and a kiss - and all of that sh#t, but your words need to relay to her several things...:-

1) that your having a great time.

2) that your busy and got your sh#t together. Your off to parties, talking to girls - you've got options.

3) that other girls are interested in you.



The idea here is for her to think that you've got other poon lined up. That your banging some other chick.

She needs to feel like she's going to lose you - and if she wants to keep you she'd better step up to the plate.

What you've done in your convosation with her is to give her assurence and piece of mind that your still around for her. You got to reverse that next time.

That's my 2 cents.

 

[fukuy]

You're still mine, right?
You still want to be my girl?

Never ask a girl such things. That shows how lack of confidence and needy you are.
Give her an ultimatum, sth like " fine if you wanna take a break, but just to let you know that i'll be seeing other people during it."

 

[JCKey618]

Well, I didn't say it in a serious question tone. I said it in a way that suggested I knew she would say yes. You know, how you ask a question that you already know the answer to.

Don't know how to explain it, but it didn't come off as needy or suh. You must admit, how you say things can change the meaning/effect totally.

 

[Jay Fiedler]

In a nutshell..you fvcked up.

All of your comments to her gave her the impression that she can get the hell back with you whenever she wants..that its her decision. Hell, I LOVE those kind of situations. Tell a girl we need time apart..knowing that she will be waiting for me like a lapdog if/when I decide she is worthy of my time again.

So now, she has it in her mind that she is in no rush to get back with you, she can do what she wants, and she is in control of the whole situation.

Plus, I have to say, breaking up with a guy because of school? Never heard that one before. Her interest level in you is not very high for her to do that. Think about it..if you were really into a girl, would you tell her you need time away so you can do better in English? Hell no. It doesnt even make sense.

You need to call her up in a couple days and tell her, "ya know, I've been thinking, I think maybe we need some more time apart. Since we've broken up, I've had some time alone with myself and my friends, and I'm really enjoying it. Been having a balst. Maybe sometime down the road we can rethink this, but for now, I like where this is heading."


You really need to stop being so afc in this situation and take charge, rather than waiting for her to decide whether you get back together or not. She has control, you need to reastablish it asap.

 

[JCKey618]

The suggestions you people are making seem to lead to a long road to getting back together. I want to get back together ASAP and it seems like telling her I also need time apart is going to delay this.

And, if she fails English, she won't be able to come back to Banneker next year.

 

[Jay Fiedler]

But JC, you're not getting it. There is nothing you can do to get her back more quickly, in fact I'd be surprised if you two ever get back together, or at least until shes dated a couple of other guys. I'm flat out telling you, no one breaks up with someone because theyre afraid of failing a class unless they WANT to break up in the first place and just need a reason to.

THink about it, if she was really into you, couldnt she just say she might not have as much time for you in the next couple of weeks, but she will "make it up" to you after school has ended? Or better yet, wouldnt a person who was totally into you say something like, "ya know JC, I've reallyyyy got to pass this class, do you think instead of going out alot for the next few weeks you could come over and help me with my english? I would so appreciate it." She wants to have time apart dude, and it has nothing to do with English.

What your going through is normal..denial. But..you will learn.

 

[Tkman]

Pfffffff .......

1. you have no control (you gave it to her)
2. the ball is in her court (you gave it to her)
3. you made yourself look desperate

Life is trial and error

 

[JCKey618]

How'd I make myself look desperate? We've been together for 7 months. I'm not trying to win her over. I think the rules change some...

 

[Tkman]

Originally posted by JCKey618
Well, today I saw her and she came up to me and gave me a big hug and we started flirting playfully like we would always do.

Tkman: Hey, hey dont give me a hug ... I am in a more serious relationship right now.

Her: Who? (She would start burning)

Tkman: Someone who is more commited !!!

{She would call me within 24 hours to try to comeback or discuss the relationship}

Originally posted by JCKey618

Her: I've missed this.
I then ask her, "What's up with us?"

Desperate & no control.

Originally posted by JCKey618

She says: "I love you soo damn muc and I want to be with you but right now I can't"
Me: Why not?

Desperate & no control.

Originally posted by JCKey618

Her: Because whenever I'm around you I only think of you and right now I need to only focus on English (she has an F, oops, my bad, she brought it up to a D+ recently)
Me: So what are we going to do?

Desperate & no control.

Originally posted by JCKey618

Her: I think what we have right now is the solution until I get my grades right
Me: Is school the only reason you want time apart? (I asked this twice to be sure)
Her: Yes

You asked twice which even makes you more: Desperate & no control.

Originally posted by JCKey618

Me: You're still mine, right?
Her: Of course I am

Desperate & no control.

Originally posted by JCKey618

Me: You still want to be my girl?
Her: You know I do

Desperate & no control.


You are the man, you give answers not questions.

 

[JCKey618]

Well, how the hell else am I supposed to know what's on her mind? And if someone tells you they can't do something, wouldn't you ask why? ****, I wanted to know.

And if I would have done the "I'm in a committed relationship thing" it would have been harsh and she would have started crying (I know her).

I asked her twice to be sure. You know how people sometimes give quick answers immediately without thought. It's not like I asked it in a whiny, annoying voice. At the time she looked sad and it was more like how you ask someone "are you sure" after you ask them if they are OK the first time.

Oh, and how the hell can I be desperate when talking about a relationship whoich has been on for 7 months??? And she has enough stress in her life and you want me to make it more stressful by making her think I'm with some other girl and she may loose me? I'm sorry, but the girl doesn't deserve that.

I think some of you are playing this conversation in your mind in a way that would make me seem desperate and with no control, but rememberthere are different ways to say things and tone makes a hel of a difference.

 

[fukuy]

ok, ill take back what i said ( lets just say what you meant was true, you were speaking in a C+F plus confident way). Now here's the solutions :
1/ If you're not really into this girl, call her and say sth like " lets get together after you're done with finals" During meantime, you go out and play with other girls ( make sure she knows that fact)
2/ If this is you oneitis ( lol and boys, do we hope not), set up a serious discussion with her, preferably after 2 weeks cause as you said, she's so f*cked up with her own problems right now that she cant even get her head straight.
My preferable method : withdraw and play the jealousy card. She'll be all over you in no time .