Update on my girlfriend{she called today}

[catera]

This morning my girlfriend, who I have not SPOKEN TO FOR A MONTH CALLS. she tells me she called to say Merry Christmas. I do the same. I ask how she is. She says fine. She says she misses me and loves me very much. I tell her I do too. We have a long discussion about our relationship. SHE EXPLAINS THAT THE REASON SHE ACTED SO INSENSITIVE AND INCONSIDERATE TOWARDS ME WAS BECAUSE SHE WANTED TO HURT MY FEEELINGS. sHE WAS HURT. yOU SEE AFTER MY DAD PASSED AWAY , SHE WANTED TO GET MARRIED. i said it was not a good idea at that time. She was deeply hurt. She then thought that i should give her an engagement ring. Then she felyt that before she left ar the airport i should give her an engagement ring. This thought was always on her mind. meanwhile, my dad passed away and latewr my grandmother and then my mom. So i in reality lost 3 prople within 8 months. She keeps thinking that i should have taken off and gone to europe and given her a ring. Now, the reason she was crude and insensitive recently is for the same reason. She had told me she did not want marriage or children. She always expected me to run and bring her a ring. I told her bur you know my situation. yes, but i cant help the way i feel. So i say ok if i cane anf gave a ring now what would you do. she says i do not know. she is happy now she says and could live her life on her own. she now says she maY NOT WANT KIDS. i DO NOT KNOW WHAT I AM SUPPOSED TO THINK. DOES SHE WANT MR TO GIVE A RING. help guys. What is this all about. really. catera

 

[justheretohelp]

Originally posted by catera
This morning my girlfriend, who I have not SPOKEN TO FOR A MONTH CALLS. she tells me she called to say Merry Christmas. I do the same. I ask how she is. She says fine. She says she misses me and loves me very much. I tell her I do too. We have a long discussion about our relationship. SHE EXPLAINS THAT THE REASON SHE ACTED SO INSENSITIVE AND INCONSIDERATE TOWARDS ME WAS BECAUSE SHE WANTED TO HURT MY FEEELINGS. sHE WAS HURT. yOU SEE AFTER MY DAD PASSED AWAY , SHE WANTED TO GET MARRIED. i said it was not a good idea at that time. She was deeply hurt. She then thought that i should give her an engagement ring. Then she felyt that before she left ar the airport i should give her an engagement ring. This thought was always on her mind. meanwhile, my dad passed away and latewr my grandmother and then my mom. So i in reality lost 3 prople within 8 months. She keeps thinking that i should have taken off and gone to europe and given her a ring. Now, the reason she was crude and insensitive recently is for the same reason. She had told me she did not want marriage or children. She always expected me to run and bring her a ring. I told her bur you know my situation. yes, but i cant help the way i feel. So i say ok if i cane anf gave a ring now what would you do. she says i do not know. she is happy now she says and could live her life on her own. she now says she maY NOT WANT KIDS. i DO NOT KNOW WHAT I AM SUPPOSED TO THINK. DOES SHE WANT MR TO GIVE A RING. help guys. What is this all about. really. catera

I think all along she wanted you to run after her. It seems that she was a bit selfish though considering you were going through a difficult time in your life. You lost your dad, then she went away and then you lost your grandma and mom. Is that right? It seems that she should have been more understanding of your situation and not too focused on her feelings. So she wanted to get married with you, but now she's not sure? Why not? She's also saying she may not want kids. How do you feel about that? Do you want kids? Most importantly do you see yourself being with her for the rest of your life? Can you live without her? Or can you see yourself moving on and meeting and finding someone new? How long have you been together?

Was she there for you when you were grieving? Need to know more about that. Also, if you truly love her and don't want to lose her, then propose especially since you know that is what she wanted. At the time she really wanted it you weren't ready. Do you feel that you are ready now? Even if she says she's not sure.

Will she be satisfied with the type of ring you give her? Or will she want something more ? Does she just want the ring?

Why did she go to Europe ? Is she coming back? Why didn't she stay with you and console you in your pain?

From how you described her, she seems really self-centered and dramatic. Did she even stop to think that maybe you were hurting? She shouldn't have pressured you or given you any sort of ultimatum especially since you have lost so many important people in your life in such a short time period.

Why do you still want to be with her?

 

[Big Pappy]

As far as I can tell, this girlfriend of yours is a selfish little brat. You lose your parents in a 3 mont hspan and all she can think of is a ring.

A girlfriend that you haven't spoken to in a month? What kind of relationship is that?

I know you've suffered some losses lately. This young lady is every bit as lost and bewildered as you. She's had plenty of time to realize that marrying you would have been impulsive at best, especially seeing as you never asked her.

I would try to spend a little more time with her doing something besides talking to see if there is any spark left. Go on an action date, get both of your minds off of all the drama and tragedies that have occurred.

And, don't you dare propose to this girl unless you love her and you know the answer will be yes.

 

[catera]

Please read my previous pisr dealing with my girlfriend

If you read my post from a couple of days ago it will give yopu a better idea. I really appreciate the input.

 

[catera]

Please read my previous pisr dealing with my girlfriend

If you read my post from a couple of days ago it will give you a better idea. I really appreciate the input.

 

[NewMan]

Forget this girl.

She will only give you a world of hurt in the future.

It's all about HER - and what she wants.

It sounds like she doesn't even know what she wants anymore.

On top of that she's in Europe.

Forget it dude. Move on.

 

[CLOONEY]

Originally posted by Big Pappy
As far as I can tell, this girlfriend of yours is a selfish little brat. You lose your parents in a 3 mont hspan and all she can think of is a ring.

A girlfriend that you haven't spoken to in a month? What kind of relationship is that?

I know you've suffered some losses lately. This young lady is every bit as lost and bewildered as you. She's had plenty of time to realize that marrying you would have been impulsive at best, especially seeing as you never asked her.

I would try to spend a little more time with her doing something besides talking to see if there is any spark left. Go on an action date, get both of your minds off of all the drama and tragedies that have occurred.

And, don't you dare propose to this girl unless you love her and you know the answer will be yes.

Good advise mate. You need to just get back to the basics, enough of the talking about the relationship etc. You both feel this is the best thing to do, but sometimes just getting back out there and having those fun times on actions dates, can change everything. It can make her see the fun times once again.

You have been through a LOT, I feel for you, I have also had much loss in my life. You are getting along with it fine, you seem to be one of those people that will not sit down and die, but keep plugging along, living one day at a time. However all this crap with her can be twice as painful as anything else. She does sound VERY confused, infact perhaps she is more concerned with the idea of being married and having a ring than actually truly wanting to marry you.

I wish you all the best champ, and let us know how it goes.....

 

[catera]

Clooney thanks i agree with you. I will Take it slow. TOO much has HAPPENED. with my losses and her being away. Mew man you have excellent advivce. Everyone else you guys are greaT. yOU REALLY UNDERSTAND WHAT I AM GOING THROUGH. Thanks guys and i will keep you posted on how things go. I think I will NOT rush out a get a ring. merry chrissrmas / realman

 

[MickoZ]

- Nice she found a "reason" to call you, but that was to discuss about other thing I guess.

- I am sorry with what happened with your family... however, past is past, you can't change it. Remember that for anything in your life. It is hard (very hard for me too often!), but you should see the advantage of it, or remember the good moment, remember what those people have bring to your life, etc. You won't be able to change it and one day you will need to move on. You know it. There is some people that even celebrate death rather than be sad for it (even if they can’t help it and be somehow sad, they still celebrate it)

- She is of course confused (like most girl... ), but her wanting a ring is childish (and I like being a child or whatever if you know what I mean, I like to have fun, joke around but whine around for stupid thing like this is very lame).

- Sorry if for some marriage is important, I may find part of it important, but see a lot of people are obsessed with some stuff in life, and that is so true about marriage/ring/bf-gf stuff/etc. It is very sad she is obsessed about that, no matter how much I would love the chick, personally I will REALLY laugh at her for her begging for that. Those kind of thing are not made to be asked. You are not forced to marry anyone, you should choose to. Why she is not buying the ring and offering it to you IF SHE WANTS TO MARRY YOU SO BAD? ;-) Suggest her that with a little humour, if she is really into you, she may do it. If she has the guts to ask you out official, then she will have to do it. She has to make effort too.

I could go on and on

The most important is for you to remember:

Be a selfish (you already are a little like that ).

You do it for yourself.

You are not forced to be with someone. You are not forced to have someone. You "have" someone because it brings a PLUS into your life. You CHOOSE TO.

Other can be selfish too, but there is limit.

If all there is between you and her is that marriage/ring stuff, then it could be the same with any other guys. If you marry or not, IT SHOULD NOT REALLY MATTER, it is just a symbol. What really matter is how it is between you both.

If you waste 50%+ time (exemple, even 1% can be considered a waste!) discussion about the relationship rather than living it, there might be a problem... that is what I often said to my chick when she is rambling... hrmmmmmm But that is an error most people do: They evaluate, they talk about their evaluation of the relationship MORE than they actually LIVE IT. That is like you know a lot of theory about something (math, biology, computer, "DJ Technics", etc.) and never use/apply it... in the end does it matter? NO. You have to LIVE IT to ENJOY IT, not just talk about IT. Think is good, but without action it leads to nothing. Let her know that. (Someone suggested a live action date with her, well maybe that is what you guys need.)