Update on girl that told me its better to stop 1.5 months ago

[TheGambino]

For all the fine and nice brothers that helped me true the situation of the chick that I was having a fwb/dating with for 8 months. Basically I f8cked up when I told her that I was involved in a big fight 10 years ago that got me in jail for a couple of days and after that it went from dating to fwb only. But we loved eachother. Then you guys advised me to stop playing games and tell her upfront that Im interested in working for a ltr and she declined. She was up for fwb but I went true her phone and found out that she made out with a guy a day earlier. I confronted her in a relaxed way and told her its better to stop. Went over a day later to talk things true, we had cex one last time and agreed to not text eachother anymore and move on.

Everyone here advised me to move on after telling her I wanted to try things seriousley and her declining that she didn't have confidence that would work but that she really likes me and will miss me. So to be clear, she wanted to keep seeing me but not anymore after I confronted her about the new guy and telling her I wanted to try seriousley dating her again.

Ok went fully NC no contact whatsoever for 6 weeks, none. She also didnt contact. I admit I thought about her a lot but listened to you guys advice.

Yesterday I was out with the homies in my favorit bar and she came in with her friends. First time I saw her after our last encounter at her place. She noticed me and started to chat with her friends all looking at me for an hour, I just had fun, danced laughed with my buddies and didnt give her attention. Then after a while I passed her, said ''hey *name, how have you been? She was delighted, enthustiastic and happy to see me, I know her so I know when she gets excited. She says good, she was a bit drunk and hugged me. She hugged me hard, I felt like thats a ''I miss you hugg''. I smiled and bailed.

Later my friends kept saying ''wtf why are those 4 girls watching you every minute and talking about you?'' I told them the story and some of my buddies already know about her and told me ''hey its your girl over there!''. Ok went on my business enjoying my time having fun just with the lads.

Then I pass her again randomly and she waves and puts her hands before my face(looking for attention), I turn smile and bail. Then an hour later, I pass her again randomly because we were both on the dancefloor and she turns and smiles, I smile back but I dont start a convo. Later Ill be on the dancefloor with my buddies and all 4 girls keep watching every move I make and keep talking to her what Im doing and if im looking in her direction. After that my buddies wanted to leave so we left. I also noticed her staring to see where I was the whole evening.

Since our last encounter Ive been on a strict diet working out regime 5 days a week so I lost a lot of bodyfat and gained massive muscles. I feel good, look waaay better and sharp and I just know that her interest also sparked because of that. She is not the most pretty girl also. Shes also on a dating app a friend told me and added several new guys on IG, though I dont follow her anymore I can see.

She didnt text or call, this all was yesterday night.
I know she wants a serious ltr and didn't find me suitable for that after 8 months of fwb so I know she misses me a lot but is afraid that we will get back in the back and forth fwb again that will lead to nothing.

By the way the reason I didn't convo for a long time or hint on seeing eachother because I found out after 12 years of experience is that the girl will only but only respect you and threat you how you want if she chases you, and she contacts you, and she starts that kind of talk. I just kept it short, polite and very very friendly and happy.

Yes I miss her, yes i find her attractive. Not gonna lie.

How did I handle this situation and do you guys think she will reach out? (Yes Im looking around for new women, had two dates but didnt like them so much)

 

[Clockwerk50]

She probably wants to marry you after she saw you in action at the club lol

j/k

Everything that happened at the club is irrelevant. All it did is that it give you another reason to initiate contact at least one more time.

I would wait about a week and contact her. Ask her how the club was, what they were doing there, what they did after, etc. Then ask her if she wants to go out with you or if she wants to go to your place. This will tell you in what bracket of men she has put you in or if you are in the lead of her long suitor’s list.

Hopefully she contacts you first. If she does try to not be so eager.

 

[CAPSLOCK BANDIT]

Your a target bro, be careful what you wish for! Don't let them diffuse your wealth!

 

[BaronOfHair]

How did I handle this situation and do you guys think she will reach out?

If she does, proceed with caution. She's got you wrapped around not just her little finger, but her entire arm

 

[Chow Mein]

If you don’t want an LTR, don’t string her along man.

Wait for her to reach out, don’t break the silence. Let her do it and make it clear you are not looking for a relationship. Whether she accepts or not, the most important thing is keeping your conscious clear.

 

[TheGambino]

You saw in her phone she making out with another guys, you didn't like that which is fine, but you still fvcked her knowing that, you gotta have a standard for yourself first, if you pu don't like that, either don't go through another girl's phone or if you see this then walk away, but don't betray your values for a puzzy for fvcks sake.

After 5 weeks you still miss her and think about a girl who you've been with for 8 months? You gotta things to work on and improve your mindset.

Something tells me she will reach out and try to get you again, not because she wants it, but she wants to know she can have you at any time, all ego on her part.

I agree and I also think it’s best not to reach out because it will lower my value. It’s up to her to Make it up to me it has to be her idea

 

[AmsterdamAssassin]

I agree and I also think it’s best not to reach out because it will lower my value. It’s up to her to Make it up to me it has to be her idea

You'll lose your Man Card anyway, regardless whose idea it was to get together.

 

[TheGambino]

You'll lose your Man Card anyway, regardless whose idea it was to get together.

kinda agree damage has been done already

 

[Gamisch]

Accept she will keep coming back whilst still straying to slep with other men OR throw the fish back into the ocean. No matter what you prefer MAKE SURE you are in the driver seat.

It's actually a testimony of your doneness while simultaneously a sign there's shyte you're lacking and gotta work on.

Walking away is difficult when she's holding the wheel. Take control and lead her appropriately.

 

[TheGambino]

Accept she will keep coming back whilst still straying to slep with other men OR throw the fish back into the ocean. No matter what you prefer MAKE SURE you are in the driver seat.

It's actually a testimony of your doneness while simultaneously a sign there's shyte you're lacking and gotta work on.

Walking away is difficult when she's holding the wheel. Take control and lead her appropriately.

lets first see if she reaches out. I’m not going to do that

 

[Divorced w 3]

You want to capture frame, try this next time, in an alternative universe: should have made out with her last night, brought her home, and then sent her home. Instead she thinks you’re afraid of her, and going to play cat and mouse. I would still call her now and talk for 5-15 and see if you can parlay it now into sex today. Capitalize on whatever mood is left. Otherwise you need to let it go. She’s going to think you have mental issues.

 

[Gamisch]

lets first see if she reaches out. I’m not going to do that

Ofcourse not. Don't ever do that.

 

[TheGambino]

You want to capture frame, try this next time, in an alternative universe: should have made out with her last night, brought her home, and then sent her home. Instead she thinks you’re afraid of her, and going to play cat and mouse. I would still call her now and talk for 5-15 and see if you can parlay it now into sex today. Capitalize on whatever mood is left. Otherwise you need to let it go. She’s going to think you have mental issues.

cant chase she has to text me first. I’m not texting her that’s weak

 

[BaronOfHair]

cant chase she has to text me first. I’m not texting her that’s weak

Does this girl also have a dragon tattoo?

 

[TheGambino]

Does this girl also have a dragon tattoo?

No bro no tattoos

 

[BackInTheGame78]

The point of no contact isn't to hope she comes back and play some sort of game to get her to come back, it's for you to move on and stop looking in the rearview mirror.

Clearly you haven't done that, and so your "no contact" is simply a ploy hoping she comes back which means you don't have the right mindset for why you are doing this in the first place, which means even if it "works" it will likely be short lived since you haven't fixed your mental game. She will quickly realize it and then it will be over again shortly after and this time permanently.

Can't drive forward while constantly looking in the rearview mirror. With women or in life

 

[BaronOfHair]

The point of no contact isn't to hope she comes back and play some sort of game to get her to come back, it's for you to move on and stop looking in the rearview mirror

It's been nearly 4 decades since Don Henley urged us all to not do exactly what you're describing

Yet, we all continue to do so, from time to time. Doesn't seem likely that we'll stop completely any time soon

 

[Divorced w 3]

cant chase she has to text me first. I’m not texting her that’s weak

You want a long term relationship with her, so your plan here is to….not Pursue her in the hope that she has an epiphany and comes back to you while she’s on some other guy’s ****? Why would you even want that?

The only way she sees you right now is sex. So why not take the olive branch (great olive branch btw) and slowly start playing pull push with her over a series of weeks. Invite her over, order in when she comes over after a couple times, send her butt packing each evening but keep it professional like you have to work or whatever. By all means do not be cold. She will develop feelings and ask you to be exclusive. Just stop being so needy. I mean it when I say I know it’s hard but realize that it’s human psychology and you have to accept it.

 

[TheGambino]

You want a long term relationship with her, so your plan here is to….not Pursue her in the hope that she has an epiphany and comes back to you while she’s on some other guy’s ****? Why would you even want that?

The only way she sees you right now is sex. So why not take the olive branch (great olive branch btw) and slowly start playing pull push with her over a series of weeks. Invite her over, order in when she comes over after a couple times, send her butt packing each evening but keep it professional like you have to work or whatever. By all means do not be cold. She will develop feelings and ask you to be exclusive. Just stop being so needy. I mean it when I say I know it’s hard but realize that it’s human psychology and you have to accept it.

@Divorced w 3
I understand and it will prolly work to lure her back in with some work. But it’s better that she reaches out first, she send me packing in the utter end and it’s just weak to text first even though she fought for attention in the bar Friday.

I kinda like my position right now. She saw that I look sharper and fit, she saw me happy, I was friendly polite warm and nice we even hugged so that’s her last experience and memory of me now. That will leave her hamster running crazy if I like her, if I want her and she knows I don’t hate her now. So that hamster could lead to a text. I like to leave her wondering, in the meantime I pursue new women and learn from past mistakes. I just think my value will be lower if I text her.

I agree with you with all you said if she initiates first text

 

[BackInTheGame78]

Since our last encounter Ive been on a strict diet working out regime 5 days a week so I lost a lot of bodyfat and gained massive muscles.

So it's been 6 weeks according to the post?

You can definitely lose some bodyfat in that time and gain some muscle(I've dropped 30lbs in that timeframe before), but if you lost a lot of weight you likely are carrying less muscle now than you were...that's just how the body works.

Yes, you may have gained some definition from losing fat, but your overall muscle mass has decreased unless you are taking some sort of steroid cycle, so gaining "massive muscles" just doesn't really add up. Unless of course you are on a cycle.