Update and Advice needed

[PlayToWin]

Some of you may remember a rather lengthy thread I started asking for advice on a situation about a month ago. Some of you responded with some good advice and I used some of it and here is the update, just curious as to what everybody thinks now.

Here is the thread I posted before that describes the situation in depth: http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=142191

The Cliff notes to this point are:

Met a girl in class during semester long group project, took her on a date, everything went great. Didn't close like I should have looking back on it. Both of us agreed we should postpone our dating until concluesion of group project to avoid drama in the group. School year is now over and I called her once a week or so trying to set something up. She said she was too busy for arrangements I offered each time, but she seemed interested but just legitamately busy.

Now the new info:

Basically on my 4th and final attempt to secure a 2nd date(kind of a third date), she said yes and there was no flaking or canceling. We went out and had an awesome date. I couldn't have been funnier, and she couldn't have been more interesting. I wish it would have been a bit more physical in the date, but this was our first time seeing each other in person in almost a month, and the date consisted of dinner(of which she offered to pay for her half) and drinks at a sports bar(her suggestion) where we watched her favorite baseball team. I tried to bring her back to my place to watch a movie and have another drink at about 11:30 or so, and she said she couldn't because she had to work the next day, which she had originally mentioned much earlier in the date.

No basically here is my problem and my question. I wanted to make the date more physical and apply more kino, but it was not very situation appropriate considering where we went for the date and the seating arrangements of the dinner. This has always been my problem, and although I did apply some, there were not enough oppurtunities for it to flow, it seemed like it would be slightly forced, not awkward, but slightly forced. So I only tried when it seemed to flow. She did mention she had a great time and said she would come over and watch a movie on another night after declining to come over to my place.

Basically how does the situation look, on one hand she seems to love me when she goes out with me, says how much fun I am and everything and has very similar interests. However she has also mentioned she is horrible at initiating calls and calling people back. She always calls me back quickly or answers, but rarely initiates the calls. Has anyone got turned down when inviting a girl back to your place on the 2nd or 3rd date, and ever recovered from it and either slept with the girl or had a relationship with her. Is the fact that she mentioned she would come over another night, although she didn't mention an actual day enough.

The other thing that I mentioned from the original thread that complicates it is that she is the cousin of a distant friend I have as well as mutual friends with about 20 aquantances(sp). So I could be thinking she is delaying sleeping with me because she is making sure she doesn't seem like a slut. Plus she has little relationship and sexual experience.

So any advice, ideas, tips, or just general observations are greatly appreciated, and I read and try to incorporate them all.

 

[ARrocket]

I don't think you need to worry just yet. It sounds like she had a good time, so take her out again. But MAKE SURE you get more physical this time, otherwise you risk getting LJBF. But I think you're fine for now.

 

[n00bPimp]

So she considers sex a second priority in her life? I dont know dude. If she wanted to get laid its clear that it would've been done when given the chance.
About escalating kino, given that the hardest part is finding the best situations to do so, its better to create situations for kino. For example in your car or while standing next to her. I have this technique which sounds corny but I like to use because it works. I turn the focus to the subject of psychology and hypnotism (im no hypnotist). I tell them that I learnt how to hypnotize people in my psychology class and that I want to show them how its done but that im not going to actually hypnotize them. I put each of my hands in her both shoulders, and to look into my eyes as I hold her half an arm's length from me. Then I go for the kiss. Of course, you have to have some sexual tension built up already or else she wont be even willing to look into your eyes without cracking up.

 

[PlayToWin]

Thanks guys I appreciate the advice.

Great tip noobpimp, I love it and I actually think I am going to use this in the future if the occasion calls for it. Seems like it would work well if I can pull it off when its appropriate.

 

[Nighthawk]

Dinner dates suck, for the reasons you mentioned. Just avoid them, go for a drink or something instead.

 

[PlayToWin]

Good point Nighthawk, I will definiately do that on our next date. It is common sense, but it will definiately be easier to initiate some kino, I should have thought of it before.

 

[Jeffst1980]

I second the advice to avoid dinner dates like the plague. How our society views them as "romantic" I will never know...they feel like job interviews to me.

Declining to come back to your place after 2 dates is normal...not every girl jumps into bed with a guy on the 2nd date, you know!! As long as she says "yes" when you ask her to do something with her, it's all good. She knows things will escalate.

Now, about that...you really need to do some kino-friendly activities NOW. Come up with something silly to do like bowling. Or, better yet, don't do dates at all. Tell her you want her to come with you to pick out a gift for someone, and just take her around a shopping center and goof around, people watch, whatever. She won't get bored as long as you're fun to be around!

Another good activity is to tell her she owes you for something (didn't return phone call, flakes out, etc.) and she can make it up to you by cooking you dinner. Tell her you have a recipe you want her to make, and you'll help out, even if you don't cook (it's more fun that way). The point is NOT the activity, but the time you spend together. When you do everyday things with someone, it creates a pretty strong bond, and it'll be easy to apply kino, etc.

 

[PlayToWin]

Thanks Jeffst for the advice, those are all really good ideas that are simple enough that I should have been incorporating them more often with the girls I date. I do agree with the simple things of spending time together creating a strong bond as I have noticed in the past that I enjoyed girls I did simple "non-typical date" type things with instead of the dinner and movie thing.

My problem in the past has always been that I have been LJBF because I am fun to be around but don't demonstrate my sexual intentions to the girls I am interested in enough. I have recognized that problem and am definiately improving but there is still room for improvement. So using your ideas and advice on ideas for spending time with her instead of typical dinner dates does make it much easier to escalate, as it flow much better and be more situation appropriate.

Your idea of her cooking me dinner and me helping is perfect because I will have oppurtunities to initate kino such as when we are both leading in to read the recipe or are by the stove. Or the people watching will allow me to sit close to her and leaning in to whisper something about someone or me gently turning her shoulders to get her to look at someone.

All awesome ideas that I should be able to use and build upon. Keep em coming if anyone has anymore advice as this will help me with not only this girl but plenty of others in the future.